Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Establish dominance with a therapist by making them cry first.

 

[stickygirl]

How fast should one go when fucking someone else's girlfriend?

About 70mph and don't stop for halt signs

 

[mnbreastluver]

When having a sleep over with someone you are sexually attractive to, make sure to bring along an old dog and let it sleep in the bed with you. That way, if you’re having horrible gas during the night you have someone to blame it on.

 

[Saltfountain]

Always eat the yellow snow. It's vanilla flavour

 

[mnbreastluver]

Every time you touch an item in a store, quickly put your hand into your pocket so they know you aren’t stealing anything.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Always have sex with your neighbor's spouse, so that way, you never have far to go.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Bored and need some entertainment. Live trap a squirrel and put it in your neighbors car. He’ll enjoy the challenge of getting it out.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Buy a used car and it smells of cigarettes. Put some dead fish under the seats. It won’t smell of cigarettes anymore.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Bored and need some entertainment. Live trap a squirrel and put it in your neighbors car. He’ll enjoy the challenge of getting it out.

Squirrels can provide endless entertainment if used correctly.

 

[VoraciousValue]

If a family member or neighbor angers you, hold off from shitting for a week and give them a BIG surprise!

 

[Saltfountain]

If you're strapped for cash but really want a lava lamp, fill a used condom with water and stick it on top of a radiator.

 

[Saltfountain]

When nailing scrotum to the kitchen table for the purposes of sexual gratification, you can heighten your arousal by leaving your pliers in the tool box in your shed instead of within arm's reach

 

[Trubbycat]

Ben Gay is a good lube substitute

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are considering leaving your job, submit your resignation letter tomorrow morning. If you change your mind you can just say "It was an April fools day prank, bro!" to your boss.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you're pregnant, make some extra money selling positive pregnancy tests for April fools jokes.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Keep batteries from contaminating landfills by flushing them down the toilet instead.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you know you have to say goodbye to someone, make up a "goodbye dance" and dance it in front of them so they know you will see them later.

 

[mnbreastluver]

You can activate someone’s iPhone with Hey Siri and say “turn off all alarms” to ruin their morning.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of seeing those annoying road signs? drive on the other side of the road so they're facing the other way!

This works better if there are other people on the road! that way, you wont get distracted by the signs while there are other people.

 

[VoraciousValue]

When meeting the Pope, be friendly and informal by saying something like, "How's it hangin'??"

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you try to shake someone's hand but they don't reach out, don't quit. Just grab their hand and shake. They'll be pleasantly surprised at your initiative and confidence!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever see a student driver, start driving erratically so they learn proper evasive maneuvers.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Learn French for FREE by joining the French Foreign Legion.

 

[lilmissdarling]

Put on a meat suit and run through Yellowstone National Park it's the best exercise of your life.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Always answer your door holding a fleshlight or toy. Your visitor will think they interrupted your play session. So they will never come unannounced again.