Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

If you never ever dust, it eventually just stops accumulating

 

[HotBrand]

Are you a heterosexual man?

Handle fish every day before you leave the apartment and everyone will think you have an incredible sex life just by the SMELL!

 

[JerseyJade]

If you ever have the need to vomit, just read the post above me. If that doesn't make you throw up, nothing will.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re in a hurry or just don’t want to wait, you can pull out in front of many newer cars as they have accident avoidance systems which will automatically engage their brakes.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

Removing the oil filter on you vehicle not only gives an increase in horsepower, but also improves fuel economy. With the rising prices of fuel, this is a vital upgrade anyone can make!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Who needs headlights to drive. Your eyes adjust to the darkness.

 

[Lady2020]

Tell your ex-wife it's her fault you married your current wife.

 

[ShaneoD]

Overshare when you're drunk, what could happen?

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

If you're going to be a porch pirate, do it right. Don't just follow the truck to steal a package off a porch, steal the whole damn truck while he is putting a package on a porch.

 

[default24]

If you're going to be a porch pirate, do it right. Don't just follow the truck to steal a package off a porch, steal the whole damn truck while he is putting a package on a porch.

People can be so narrow-minded. I know who I'm recruiting for my next heist

 

[keatonb]

That report for work can wait instead use the time to surf on Lit to see the latest posts

 

[mnbreastluver]

Always slur your words at work, that way your boss and colleagues will not know when you’re actually drunk.

 

[Shenanigans90]

If you can’t get an erection and don’t have Viagra, stand out in the freezing cold and let Mother Nature give you a stiffy.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

People can be so narrow-minded. I know who I'm recruiting for my next heist

oh, I could be a valuable asset. I am sure you must have heard about the great lipstick heist of 1990. The girls and I decided try out shoplifting. We hatched our master plan and set out for the 99cent store. The 3 of us executed our plan flawlessly, and took them for almost $10 large. Obviously, I am skilled thief up for your next heist.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Planning to cheat on your SO? Do it around their birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's Day. All the disappearing and sneaking around just appears like gift shopping.

 

[HotBrand]

Have you heard how sexy it is for someone to see you looking over across the bar?

It'll only be ever sexier if you keep looking at them.

Don't stop looking.

Don't even blink.

Just keep looking at them. All night.

So sexy.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Free entertainment tip - Go to random funerals and start bawling loudly and say why he/she left you and little billy bubba alone. Then leave and watch the family drama unfold from a safe distance.

 

[HotBrand]

Traffic lights don't actually tell you when to stop and go. That's an urban legend!

They were actually designed by Billy "Gandalf the Fun, Loving Machine" Gunderssen. Highly into his Dungeons & Dragons, Billy decided to inject some fantasy fun into an otherwise-boring situation.

As a result, the lights are actually colour coding for levels of difficulty, if you proceed, dear adventurer!

Green: easy
Yellow: medium
Red: hard, WHOA, look at YOU!

Complete your quests with protagonist flair by always choosing hard mode.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

hate doing taxes? Don't. Eventually the IRS will tell you what you owe anyway.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Watch roller coaster accident videos online before visiting theme parks to make rollercoasters rides more thrilling.

 

[HotBrand]

Plumb your toilet so the pipes form a contained circuit from cistern to waste back to cistern.

It'll cut down massively on your water bills and ... it's not like you wash your hands in that water, right?

 

[mnbreastluver]

Wanna start a business? Forget about trending, emerging businesses. Aim for dying markets

Lesser competition, corner the market and monopolise the industry. You will be the only cassette, videotape rental business in the whole state. You can proudly add the slogan "the one and only".

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want your butter knife to go through butter, like a hot knife through butter, just microwave it first.

 

[HotBrand]

Too many people plan for a possible "zombie apocalypse" with small ideas like "find an island" or "loot the shopping centre". Small fry! No plans can survive such an abrupt catastrophe!

Be in control of your destiny by ensuring that YOU unleash the zombie apocalypse at a time and location of your choosing.

Only then will you feel assured that your apocalypse plan will also work out.

 

[HotBrand]

Slowly encourage yourself to indulge in cannibalism.

After all, cannibals ALWAYS survive being stranded on a frozen mountain with friends. You've not only come to terms with a horrible dilemma; you've embraced it as a way of life. You're a paragon of virtue, if anything!

Even better: you can play the hero by selflessly giving your share of the rations to another person, knowing you'll get those calories back one way or another ...