Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Leave your keys in the ignition and your car windows open over night, then your car would probably be stolen, meaning the dead body in the trunk in no longer your problem.

 

[stickygirl]

If you've murdered someone, leave the body in a cemetery. If anyone sees it, they'll just think the diggers finished early

 

[stickygirl]

If you decide to donate a kidney, only donate two at the same hospital

 

[Jake069258]

When talking to an online crush, make sure to talk loud, so that your SO can hear how romantic you can be.

 

[mnbreastluver]

A leaf blower is a great tool to make your leaves problem your neighbors.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Sell your kidney to open your own business then buy it back when you make enough money.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

You try to calm an angry, snarling dog by giving him scratches behind his left ear.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Instead of cleaning your dirty dishes put food on them and give them to your neighbor. They will return it clean.

 

[Sweet_b19]

Go to college, bonus points if you don't even know what you want to do with your life yet

 

[mnbreastluver]

When cooking brown rice it’s important to have unprotected sex as soon as you start cooking it, so in nine months you will have a reminder that your rice is almost ready.

 

[VoraciousValue]

That neat abandoned house in the woods is the perfect place to take your girlfriend. Bend her over and fuck her against that table next to the painting on the wall that looks like its eyes are moving!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to get a breathalyzer to see how drunk you get at parties but don’t want to pay for one. Drive home and you’ll get get one installed in your car..

 

[VoraciousValue]

Dull weekend? No plans? Drop by Taylor Swift's house with a pitcher of sangria and hope for the best!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Leave your emotional baggage unintended at the airport. They will take it away even maybe destroy it free of charge.

 

[cubbyfire04]

It doesn't matter which way you install that new toilet paper roll.

 

[stickygirl]

Most people recover from Covid, so really, there's no need to get vaccinated

 

[stickygirl]

If your phone displays Private Caller at 5.30pm, it is always a long-lost friend reaching out to say hello.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you keep putting in weight because of a thyroid problem stop eating thyroids. They’re really high calorie

 

[VoraciousValue]

Having unprotected sex with multiple goats is always safe.

 

[stickygirl]

If you see a parent holding their toddler at the roadside to take a pee, pull over and stand close to them to help provide some privacy.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you have high blood pressure donate half your blood. It will be very hard for it to mats in at half volume.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Walk into a biker bar and yell: "HARLEY DAVIDSON SUCKS!"

 

[mnbreastluver]

Need money this holiday season? Sell pine trees around your neighborhood. Once you get the cash and they start cutting. Take off.

 

[fisherfella]

Sure,,go ahead and light that cigarette while holding your coffee in the other hand while driving and blabbing on your phone..

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re going to rob a bank then rob a sperm bank. Security isn’t nearly as high.