Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Don’t want to get a girl pregnant? Just bang dudes!

 

[AZDryHeat]

Make sure your girlfriend has your wife's cell number.

 

[tolyk]

Make sure your girlfriend has your wife's cell number.

Actually, that's a really GOOD life tip. Just saying. My girlfriend has my wife's cell.

 

[LostGirlTink]

Actually, that's a really GOOD life tip. Just saying. My girlfriend has my wife's cell.

I do. And vice-versa. And addresses.

Speaking of which I still need to mail her card.

 

[lanceGibs]

I do. And vice-versa. And addresses.

Speaking of which I still need to mail her card.

With a new pass code

 

[mnbreastluver]

Ladies PM Lance. You won’t be creeped out.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When your boss goes to watch you work assert your dominance by following them and watching them work.

 

[HotBrand]

Need to intervene to save the mauled victim of a bear or shark attack?

Don't worry about blood loss or suturing. Rely on patience and alternative herbal medicine.

Thyme heals all wounds.

 

[HotBrand]

Get yourself a cockerel so your neighbours can enjoy the rural sounds of a rustic alarm clock every morning.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When ever you ride a motorcycle, always wear a pair of roller skates. That way if you fall off, you can land on your feet and keep racing towards your destination so you don't end up late.

 

[Jordan90]

No need to warm up before working out. You'll be fine....

 

[HotBrand]

Go to the police and confess to a crime that you have not committed and which has not been reported.

They'll tell you to stop wasting their time.

Now go and commit that crime.

If they DO find out and arrest you, you can prosecute them for originally failing to pursue a lawful inquiry.

You're rich, mate!

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you see people playing billiards, grab the cue ball and hide it when they're not looking to make the game extra exciting.

 

[stickygirl]

Alligators can't see the colour red so to catch one, dress up as Santa.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Buy a new car, remove engine wire harnesses, surrender your car with bank, buy back the car at auction for 90% less and get title.

 

[Crankbait88]

Sticking with the car theme, when coming up on a bunch of traffic, always use the shoulders to bypass the traffic. They wouldn't have paved it if they didn't want you to use it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Miss the feeling of being a kid excited for Christmas but also have a drug habit too? Buy your favorite drug and wait to do it in the morning. It's like waiting for Santa to give you your gifts and gives you a reason to live another day.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you feel depressed, complain about it online so strangers will offer to help you. They will either make you feel better or kill you so it’s win win.

 

[HotBrand]

Smart stock investing is about bucking the trend.

BUY HIGH, SELL LOW!

 

[mickyp123]

Next time your on a plane shout out youve had enough of life and all you lot are coming with me to swim with the fishes.

 

[HotBrand]

Seat belts are for people who think they might crash.

That's planning for failure.

Tear out the seat belts in your vehicle and show the world you truly believe in your motoring skills.

 

[HotBrand]

Is there someone in the workplace who steals some of your lunch from the fridge?

Lace your sandwich with anthrax.

If someone drops down dead, you've found the culprit. It's elementary, dear Watson!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Put speedbumps on the freeway to prevent speeding.

 

[HotBrand]

Don't let the lack of specialist education hold you back from being a chemical engineer.

It's easy!

Start by filling a bathtub with hydrochloric acid and just jump right in!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your dog is suffering from intestinal blockage due to eating a rope toy, feed it drāno. The drāno will dissolve the rope clog, allowing food from the stomach to pass to the intestines, similarly to how it clears clogs in a sink or shower drain.