Bad Random Life Tips.

[HotBrand]

If someone who is paraplegic complains about their lives, share your own difficulties, then remind them that they should try walking a mile in your shoes.

That'll bring them much-needed perspective.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

When in the race to get the desired parking spot, send your child to the spot with a dagger to stand at the beginning of it when it’s one row over to avoid others getting it.

 

[Varykino]

Buy every car warranty offered via robo-calls

 

[mnbreastluver]

If something has a bad after taste then keep eating and you won’t get the after taste.

 

[n8Romantic]

Bad at remembering names? Whenever someone introduces themself to you, just say "What a coincidence, that's my name, too!" The next time they see you and greet you by name, you'll automatically know what theirs is.

Brilliant! I'm using this incredibly simple but effective tip today.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The reason a lot of people have bad experiences with cops is that they never tip them after they respond to a call. How good would your restaurant experience be if you never tipped your waiters?

 

[stickygirl]

Police laser speed traps don't work in the rain. When it's raining, drive as fast as you like

 

[HotBrand]

Do you feel your house is too small and your belongings too few?

Grab a sledgehammer and knock a hole through the wall to the adjoining home.

Congratulations! By right of conquest, you have doubled your living space, and now own all of their things!

 

[HotBrand]

If you are being mugged, shout: "THE FLOOR IS LAVA!"

The mugger will be forced to jump up onto the nearest object while you - you crafty blighter - can run away in perfect safety.

 

[stickygirl]

Trouble with cold callers? Put a Watchtower leaflet dispenser on your door.

 

[ydahecnot]

There’s not enough trust in the world. Chip away at that by giving your credit card information to a stranger

 

[stickygirl]

Transmit more messages into deep space: why would an alien race want to destroy us?

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you get old and inevitably start having medical problems, doctors will advise you to quit your bad habits like smoking or lack of exercise. You should develop these habits at a young age, or you will not have these easy-fix health improvements when you get old.

 

[HotBrand]

Do you have a nervous friend?

Encourage them to overcome their anxiety with harmless japes like:

Jumping out at them from behind doors.
Throwing icy water over their sleeping body at 04:00 in the morning.
Screaming in their ear while they drive the car.
Locking them in small, confined spaces for hours at a time.
Forging "final notice" bills and posting them through the door.
Hiding colonies of spiders in their bed ...
... wasps in the loft/attic ...
... and a snake in the toilet.
Posing as a kidnapper, driving them to a forest, and leaving them there at night.

The spontaneity and adversity will cause your friend to become more composed and confident.

They definitely won't have a nervous breakdown.

 

[bushyTrail]

"Don't you ever, EVER follow advice by randos in an internet forum" in case no one has already said it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you owe money to the IRS, spend as much of it as possible so when the IRS confronts you, they won't have any money to take from you.

 

[Jordan90]

Eat your steak well done. The grayer, the better....

 

[stickygirl]

If you ever find yourself in a frying pan, jump

 

[mr_d_w]

If something's blue, invest in it!

 

[ydahecnot]

Never run with scissors. A hornet’s nest is more fun

 

[Sweet_Lara]

Crave sunshine but your sky is full of clouds? No worries! Stalk ydahecnot on the threads and stare at the bright happy fella

 

[mnbreastluver]

Getting bit by mosquitos? Try staying in your house and never leaving ever. Drop out of community college, quit your job as a baker and never talk to anyone again. Even mosquitos won’t want to hang around you. What a loser!

 

[stickygirl]

Need a plan for life? Offer advice to every stranger you meet, everyone, every day and sure enough, they will give advice back. It's about sharing

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you poop hard enough the splashback is basically a bidet and you don't need to wipe.

 

[keeperofsecrets69]

when driving on a two lane highway take your half right out of the middle