Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

If you ask a woman if she’s pregnant and she says no act really disappointed. Then ask every other woman regardless of size If they’re pregnant and chat up any that say yes. This way the original lady will think you just have some fetish and won’t feel bad.

 

[Taegul]

Bouncers at night clubs are named "bouncers" because they love it when people bear hug and bounce them up and down. Give it a try!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Road conditions bad? Just drive as fast as possible, the faster you go, the less time you spend on the road and therefore decrease your chances of crashing.

 

[JerseyJade]

Don't freak out when you get a flat tire. It's only flat on the bottom of the wheel, so just keep driving and you'll be fine.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Q-Tips are very bad for your ears. They push back wax and cause blockages. You should use a small, sharp object instead.

 

[JerseyJade]

Q-Tips are very bad for your ears. They push back wax and cause blockages. You should use a small, sharp object instead.

Lmao!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you accidentally dial the wrong number and feel bad about hanging up on them, when they answer just say "hello... We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty policy" then they'll hang up on you.

 

[HotBrand]

If it feels hot and stuffy on your air flight, break open a window, and let that cooling air in.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re having a bad time, adjust the clock so that it's a different time, therefore giving you more of a chance. If you're still having a bad time, dont give up! Keep adjusting the clock until you feel better.

 

[stickygirl]

Stress is a killer but we all gotta die so don't stress

 

[HotBrand]

Want to advertise yourself as a personal brand for your local community?

Put your photo on every milk carton being delivered.

Everyone will be looking out for you!

 

[sally_sparrow]

Do you suffer from year round sinus issues? Take up smoking! Cigarette smoke will clear it right out.

 

[HotBrand]

Don't be that person who dies on the toilet.

From now on, crap on the floor.

If you do die, they'll assume you were walking, and your bowels relaxed on death.

#lifehack

 

[Crankbait88]

Never wear your seat belt when driving. If you get into a roll over accident, you want to be thrown clear of the vehicle so you are not injured.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Have a dog lick your open wounds clean. You don't need antiseptic, a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Bad at remembering names? Whenever someone introduces themself to you, just say "What a coincidence, that's my name, too!" The next time they see you and greet you by name, you'll automatically know what theirs is.

 

[lanceGibs]

Bad at remembering names? Whenever someone introduces themself to you, just say "What a coincidence, that's my name, too!" The next time they see you and greet you by name, you'll automatically know what theirs is.

It's the case of a paratrooper carrying an umbrella

 

[stickygirl]

Neighbour's cat crapping in your garden? It's a territorial issue with animals. Crap on your neighbour's lawn to assert your dominance and the problem will disappear

 

[mnbreastluver]

Need to give someone bad news? Make up even worse news, first. That will make the bad news not that bad.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Scared to make a bad first impression during a job interview? Don't show up, and leave no impression instead.

 

[HotBrand]

Make sure your friends are in happy, committed, and safe relationships.

Create a dossier of photoshopped pornographic images of each friend then post them to their partners.

If they break up, you did them a favour. You're a true friend.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Bad at dieting? Deliberately give yourself food poisoning once a week and watch the pounds flush away.

 

[Jordan90]

Eat the slightly warm gas station sushi. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Are you having a bad day? Do you see everyone else having more fun than you. Well don’t worry because with a Tupperware of hornets your pain will now be their pain. Just release those evil fuckers and watch them ruin everyone else’s day. Just make sure to shake that container up real good before releasing them! Did you ever have someone pick on you? Whether it be highschool or after. well worry no more with the Tupperware of hornets you’ll be able to repay their kindness in full fucking swarm. Just let them loose and don’t worry they hate bullies just as much as you do! Is your rent due this month but you don’t have the cash? Just wait for the landlord to arrive and unleash hell upon thee. your landlord will flee in terror and buy you an extra week of time.

 

[HotBrand]

You are what you eat.

EAT A REAL MAN.

This disclaimer informs readers that the views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely in the realm of satire, and do not reflect the author's, author's friends, author's hairdresser, or any other rational group of individual. Cannibalism is only acceptable in times of dire necessity, such as famine, starvation, and method acting. Thank you.