Bad Random Life Tips.

[HotBrand]

Use your creativity to beat any road traffic.

Items needed: a mobile phone, a snow globe, a car, and tons of enthusiasm.

Step 1: disassemble snow globe and remove contents, leaving only the globe casing and bottom.
Step 2: obtain a free app on your phone that allows the LED lights to blast out the colour blue at intervals.
Step 3: obtain a free app or audio that plays the sound of sirens.
Step 4: place phone inside snow globe, turn on blue light flashing app, and siren sound effect.
Step 5: ???
Step 6: profit

Congratulations! You are now an undercover police officer in the pursuit of justice. Bystanders, standby, and let this crusader of righteousness through the criminal roads of unrighteousness!

For bonus points, do not use the sound app. Instead, make the siren sounds yourself by sticking your head out of your window, and screaming the siren effect while driving like the defender of law and order that you espouse to be.

In no way will this lead to road accidents, car collisions, arrest for impersonating an officer, and potential death and destruction.

 

[JerseyJade]

Use your creativity to beat any road traffic.

Items needed: a mobile phone, a snow globe, a car, and tons of enthusiasm.

Step 1: disassemble snow globe and remove contents, leaving only the globe casing and bottom.
Step 2: obtain a free app on your phone that allows the LED lights to blast out the colour blue at intervals.
Step 3: obtain a free app or audio that plays the sound of sirens.
Step 4: place phone inside snow globe, turn on blue light flashing app, and siren sound effect.
Step 5: ???
Step 6: profit

Congratulations! You are now an undercover police officer in the pursuit of justice. Bystanders, standby, and let this crusader of righteousness through the criminal roads of unrighteousness!

For bonus points, do not use the sound app. Instead, make the siren sounds yourself by sticking your head out of your window, and screaming the siren effect while driving like the defender of law and order that you espouse to be.

In no way will this lead to road accidents, car collisions, arrest for impersonating an officer, and potential death and destruction.

I'm writing this down!

 

[LikeableMe]

When faced with long TSA lines at the airport, yell out that you have a gun. When people run away, walk straight to the front of the line.

I actually know someone who did something like that in a post office! Held up his parcel and announced loudly “is this where I send off my COVID home test?” And when everyone rushed to get away from him, he walked right up to the window to get served!

 

[Stillrandy]

Speed Up, You Got This...

See attachment.

 

[stickygirl]

If you're bored of your pet baby alligator you can flush it down the toilet. You can do the same with a boyfriend, but not all in one go

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of high blood sugar? Don't eat anything, you'll be able to live like this for the rest of your life.

 

[AZDryHeat]

Be a good Republican. Don't get vaccinated and die.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want to ask the hot woman out at the grocery store? Hold up a cucumber to her and ask her if she’s interested.

 

[Chernosoth]

Porn is a great how-to manual for hooking up with your stepmom.

 

[Crankbait88]

When buying beer at the grocery store, use the self scan line..
Weigh it and scan it using the code for bananas. You get your beer much cheaper that way.

 

[HotBrand]

If you are wrongly held in jail by the police, use your "one free phone call" to dial 911.

Tell them that you've been falsely imprisoned, that your captors are armed, and that they will use force if you try to escape.

If you're lucky, you'll have staged a rescue mission against the police, by the police. It's not like you're lying, right?

 

[HotBrand]

Criminals!

Use wordplay to get out of imprisonment. Double jeopardy is your friend here.

ALWAYS commit the same crime twice.

After all, you can't be tried for the same crime, if twice.

 

[Chernosoth]

Sending dick pics in messages to litsters can get you laid if you make some effort with the pics. Putting your debit card and credit card next to your dick verifies the length and your manners in how to treat a lady.

 

[stickygirl]

If you're a bit constipated, swallow a bottle of senna and offer you bf anal. That'll get things moving for you

 

[HotBrand]

Guys, tell a potential lover that you have measured your penis, and it came in at 10.

Don't tell them you counted in centimetres.

Everyone loves a surprise.

 

[stickygirl]

If you don't know where her clit is, ask her to show you with a finger, then ask her how she masturbates. Pretty soon, she'll have come without you making any effort at all. Result

 

[HotBrand]

If you don't know where her clit is, ask her to show you with a finger, then ask her how she masturbates. Pretty soon, she'll have come without you making any effort at all. Result

Every single one of your posts make me laugh out loud. You just ... you just get me!

---

Have you heard that suppositories get medicine quicker into your body by percolating into your system via your gastrointestinal system?

Try getting your effervescent multivitamins into your system that much quicker by placing two up your anus.

It'll literally make you explode with goodness.

 

[HotBrand]

Look, why do people keep shutting fire doors?

Make sure to open every single one of them. Take the doors off the hinges, if you must.

It's not like fire has hands to open those doors, right? How can the fire exit the building if the doors are closed?

That's just crazy talk.

 

[HotBrand]

Do something original for a stag party or hen do.

Tell the group that "an officer of the law" will be paying a very special visit.

Call your local police station and make a noise complaint about the party.

Film the scene while you see how long it takes for them to work out that their stripper is an ACTUAL police officer.

Everyone will think it's HILARIOUS. Promise.

 

[HotBrand]

Speed dating rarely works because they're not doing it right.

You can do it right.

Take speed and then go dating. That's where the fun is really at.

 

[HotBrand]

When you have that first time sex with that special someone, play the song "Sex on Fire" in the background.

That way, they shouldn't be surprised by your raging chlamydia, and you avoid an awkward conversation.

It's a win-win, really.

 

[HotBrand]

If a machine keeps beeping and showing erratic lines, call IT support.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?" they'll probably ask.

Do it.

Then tell them that, if anything, it's made it worse.

"Now the patient has stopped breathing altogether", you should reply.

That'll teach IT support for not giving you the personalised treatment you deserve.

 

[HotBrand]

Everyone loves a person in uniform.

Enrol as a parking warden now!

 

[WildDaisie]

Everyone loves a person in uniform.

Enrol as a parking warden now!

Send someone you don't know videos of you by accident.

 

[HotBrand]

Watch the movie "Thaw of the Dead".

This is the WORST Life Tip I can give anyone. Ever. No joke. I'm going to stop typing because I can feel the fury building and it's just such a ... agggghhhhhHHHHH!

https://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m73c23jUhN1rr7vay.gif