Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

When someone yells at you, just do what they do in the movies. Get closer to them and ask,"Are you as turned on as I am?" Yelling will stop.

 

[HotBrand]

Don't drink milk until it has passed its expiry date.

You wouldn't want to drink it while it was still alive, would you? That's just cruel.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Complete No Nut November easily by cutting your dick off.

 

[Crankbait88]

Women love when a man tells her how great he is in bed right after introducing himself. In fact, they wish more men would start out their introductions that way.

 

[HotBrand]

If you are questioned by a police officer, perform a citizen's arrest on them.

They cannot arrest you if you arrested them first.

 

[Sweet_Lara]

Screw the sex chat. This is some of the best stuff on Lit.
and meant to be read in the positive

 

[Crankbait88]

If you are hiking in the woods and come upon a bear and her cubs, pick up one of the cubs and give it a big hug. That way the momma bear understands you are not a threat.

 

[stickygirl]

If you fart in a Zoom meeting, pull a face and flap your hand around and everyone will know it was someone else

 

[stickygirl]

After a meal, eat toilet paper and you'll wipe your ass later without lifting a finger

 

[HotBrand]

Bee hives, wasp nests, and hornet nests make for an unorthodox but cost-effective batting helmet.

If you're short for cash, grab a fresh one for baseball practice. It'll go just swell!

 

[HotBrand]

There's a reason why people warn from diving in at the deep end. You might hurt yourself.

Instead, learn to swim by diving into the shallow end.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want quick and easy ass. Sign up on Grindr, make a date with a bottom within 30 minutes, then pretend its a woman.

 

[ydahecnot]

Lick the batter. And the pitcher. And the umpire.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of contacts falling out of your eyes? Just Hairspray them in!

 

[JerseyJade]

Tired of contacts falling out of your eyes? Just Hairspray them in!

Don't listen to him! He doesn't know what the hell he's talking about!

Use Gorilla Glue instead.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don't listen to him! He doesn't know what the hell he's talking about!

Use Gorilla Glue instead.

Dried semen works too.

 

[JerseyJade]

Dried semen works too.

Gross!

 

[Dazer3]

Mind your fucking business, bitch.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Smack your date on the ass and say, "Alright! We're having sex tonight!"

 

[HotBrand]

Want to prank a neighbour but the "poo in a bag on fire" routine feels a bit uninspired?

Replace the poo with a bear trap.

You kidder, you.

 

[HotBrand]

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

If you throw several, you might even seriously injure them.

 

[mnbreastluver]

It's better to live in denial than face the truth.

 

[HotBrand]

Everything is good in moderation.

Enjoy your moderate doses of cyanide and polonium.

 

[HotBrand]

Want to celebrate a big occasion?

Don't want all those freeloading neighbours enjoying your firework display for free?

Light the fireworks INSIDE the house and enjoy your private inferno.

 

[Sweet_Lara]

Spray tans too expensive? Ask the guys at the local oil change shop to wipe you down with their dirty rags