Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to have twin babies stick a needle in your or your partners penis the needle will split the sperm in half giving you twins.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Lonely? Just send your contact information to residential Solar panel installers.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you receive a bill that says FINAL NOTICE, you can safely ignore it. Since it's your "final notice", you can rest assured that they won't be bothering you anymore.

 

[LAHomedog]

Tell your wife that yes, that expensive new dress makes her ass look fat.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to test if something is too hot to drink without burning your mouth, pour a little bit on your anus - it's composed of the same tissue as your lips.

 

[stickygirl]

If you give someone the finger make sure you get it back

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you tell a pregnant woman congratulations and she tells you she isn’t pregnant, quickly tell her you meant on beating anorexia. This will save you some embarrassment and make the situation less awkward.

 

[HotBrand]

Use your education to make friends. Correct their grammar at every given opportunity.

 

[HotBrand]

If you find that you can't get an erection, reassure your partner.

Tell them this is the first time and it's never happened with anyone else before.

 

[stickygirl]

Staring at a woman's breasts is a compliment, but playing honk-honk with them will show her you have GSOH as well

 

[JerseyJade]

If you find that you can't get an erection, reassure your partner.

Tell them this is the first time and it's never happened with anyone else before.

Lol

When you're going down on a guy, make sure you scrape your teeth pretty hard along the shaft. Trust me. Guys love that.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When cooking brown rice it’s important to have unprotected sex as soon as you start cooking it, so in nine months you will have a reminder that your rice is almost ready.

 

[Crankbait88]

The best way to put out a grease fire is with water.

 

[button_fly]

The best way to put out a grease fire is with water.

Hidden benefit to saving money by not watering your lawn: eventually you don't need to mow it either!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are selling drugs at street corners, do it wearing scrubs. That way, police will think that you are just a doctor handing out free drugs and leave you alone.

 

[HotBrand]

If you need to hide from the police, dress up as a needle, and jump into a haystack.

They'll never find you.

 

[sally_sparrow]

A small amount of methamphetamine in your morning coffee can go a long way.

 

[HotBrand]

Be spontaneous.

Combust.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Use ghost pepper oil for lube. It will give both of you the nicest reddish hue.

 

[HotBrand]

Want to be irresistible to others?

Use a vacuum cleaner to give yourself a dozen hickeys (re: love bites).

It is a bold statement of just how sexually experienced you are ... AND they look hot too!

P.S. Who is the poor soul who ended up on Wikipedia? I bet it's you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Is gas too expensive? Just take your engine out so you no longer have to spend money on gas

 

[HotBrand]

Want to come out to your family with a bold, unapologetic statement?

Star in gay porn and present them with the full, unedited version.

Ain't no confusion there, honey.

 

[button_fly]

Unsightly spots of dirt in your kitchen? Leftover paint in your garage?
Combine the two and throw the paint all over your kitchen.

You're no longer a slob and a hoarder. You're fucking Jackson Pollock.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Guys, stuck in line for a urinal at a busy bar or nightclub? Wash your hands first to save time.

 

[button_fly]

Guys, stuck in line for a urinal at a busy bar or nightclub? Wash your hands first to save time.

Or, just bring an empty water bottle and find a dark corner.