Bad Random Life Tips.

[VoraciousValue]

Go to a rubber plantation and stick your dick in a bucket of liquid latex. Instant protection!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Replace your bong water with liquid oxygen!

 

[solardays]

Just as your nose needs unclogging occasionally, so does the inside of your penis. Dip a cotton Q-tip into some rubbing alcohol. Insert the Q-tip into the penis until approximately one half inch of the Q-tip remains visible or the Q-tip cannot be inserted further. Twirl the Q-tip as you slowly remove it. If the Q-tip does not appear clean, repeat the procedure again using a fresh Q-tip.

 

[stickygirl]

If you need to bury a body, plant the surface with endangered plants then no one is allowed to dig them up

 

[mnbreastluver]

Record the sound of a pistol loading on your phone. Police use this sound as a code to let each other know they’re cops in public. When pulled over, open the window and play the sound loudly as the officer approaches. They will greet you and let you go with no ticket.

 

[solardays]

Gorilla glue is the new duct tape. It fixes everything.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Fellas, if you wanna feel like you’re packing some thunder down under after a disappointing Valentines night, try anal with the Mrs. Your 3-inch-thunder-thimble will all of a sudden be “too big for her” and “it’ll hurt” her. You’ll feel good about yourself afterwards, trust me.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Go into a bakery and ask them to bake a cake in the shape of Florida. WHen they ask for a picture, just drop your pants!*



(*-Offer not applicable if you happen to be of the female persuasion.)

 

[mynameisben]

Pour sugar into your gas tank for that sweet, sweet ride.


Ben

 

[solardays]

You probably do know more than your boss. Let him know and he'll treat you like an equal.

 

[Ezeerider]

For some real first-date fun, take an evangelical Republican church lady to a glory hole.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Guys, if you use some form of lube to rub one out, use ghost pepper oil instead. Works just as good and as a bonus it'll make your dick a reddish hue.

 

[sally_sparrow]

If you accidentally put the wrong sauce on your spaghetti just clean it off by running it through the washing machine.

 

[Crankbait88]

Always cross the road before looking both ways.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Drive with a full bladder to get to your destination quicker.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Hard of hearing? Stare at the sun until you are blind so that your sense of hearing is heightened!

 

[Sweet_Lara]

good to see you, mnbreastluver

Go ahead, reach right in and prune that tangle of buckthorn

 

[ydahecnot]

Go ahead and tell your wife you’re having an affair. The hatesex will surely be off the charts

 

[Crankbait88]

Always assume someone else has killed the power.

 

[Dazer3]

If you got a big cock, show it off. Girls love unsolicited dick pics.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Show you’re good at delegating responsibility by sending someone else to your job interview.

 

[Crankbait88]

Never drink and drive. You should drink then drive.

 

[Jasminelit]

Drive with a full bladder to get to your destination quicker.

Lol. You're back! I missed your posts

Smuggle a monkey into the country as a pet. I hear they are very docile.

 

[ydahecnot]

Shock the monkey. If you can’t trust Peter Gabriel, whom can you trust?

 

[WerdNerd]

In an emergency condiments make great sexual lubricants but go easy on the spicy relish