Bad Random Life Tips.

[HotBrand]

Hey, no one can argue that smoking is sexy, and sex is sexy.

Combine the two for some sexy, sexy cunnilingus.

 

[HotChef1970]

Tinder is for beginners. Go to Facebook marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.

This did genuinely make me laugh out loud

 

[mnbreastluver]

Reading Masturbation For Dummies and thinking using the angry hamster sounds like a good idea.

 

[HotBrand]

Always wipe your ass with your hand.

That way, you do your part for the environment, by saving toilet paper.

 

[sally_sparrow]

If both teams worked together they would score so many more points.

 

[HotBrand]

Next time you're driving, lean back, close your eyes, and relax.

Let Jesus take the wheel.

 

[HotBrand]

Hang around hen parties until you hear the to-be-groom's name.

Approach the bride-to-be and whisper: "[Husband's name] sent me here to give you one last night of sexual freedom".

If it works, you've done a good thing by exposing a rocky relationship on the eve of their erroneous marriage. You're a Saint!

 

[VoraciousValue]

To steal an idea from George Carlin: Got stuck with counterfeit money? Put it in the collection plate at church!

 

[sally_sparrow]

While introducing someone, use air quotations when you announce their job title. It will make them feel very important.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Spice up your relationship by using ghost pepper juice right before you enter her.

 

[Boots_and_Bourbon]

While introducing someone, use air quotations when you announce their job title. It will make them feel very important.

Wait. What???

I do this when I announce MY job title!

 

[sally_sparrow]

If you're ever having trouble sleeping, exhale all the air in your lungs and stop breathing in. This will allow you to use a technique known as "fainting", and guarantees a good night's rest. If you wake up, just do it again.

 

[LizVegas79]

Crash weddings with a pillow stuffed under your dress and cast dirty looks all night at the groom from the bar while getting shitfaced on free booze.

 

[HotBrand]

If you are in a restaurant, and someone starts choking, stand up and announce you're a doctor.

When they ask you to help, remark that you actually have a doctorate in Film Studies, but you can use the title Dr nonetheless.

That'll show all the haters who say you're not a real doctor.

Ignore the choking and the booing.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Tired of bugs hibernating in your house? Make your house as cold as it is outside, giving them no incentive to come in.

 

[MrPractical]

Tim your beard...

 

[HotBrand]

The opposite of flammable is inflammable.

It stands to reason ... why would two dissimilar words mean the exact same thing?

Armed with this new confidence, spark up a cigarette next to a can of inflammable gasoline.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Use Preporation - H as a tooth paste alternative

 

[stickygirl]

If you're short-sighted, stand closer to things and the problem will go away

 

[mnbreastluver]

Marry a rich man with foot on a banana peel and the other over an open manhole.

 

[stickygirl]

If on a plane the captain shouts 'Brace brace brace' any dentists are required to volunteer their services

 

[Lady2020]

Do not give your man a bj in his father's house.

 

[Hosebloke]

Don’t go to dad’s house until
Well forever at the moment

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball then you can see the future.

 

[Animaul]

Best way to clean out dust from your electrical outlets is with a fork.