Bad Random Life Tips.

Hey, no one can argue that smoking is sexy, and sex is sexy.

Combine the two for some sexy, sexy cunnilingus.
 
Reading Masturbation For Dummies and thinking using the angry hamster sounds like a good idea.
 
Always wipe your ass with your hand.

That way, you do your part for the environment, by saving toilet paper.
 
If both teams worked together they would score so many more points.
 
Hang around hen parties until you hear the to-be-groom's name.

Approach the bride-to-be and whisper: "[Husband's name] sent me here to give you one last night of sexual freedom".

If it works, you've done a good thing by exposing a rocky relationship on the eve of their erroneous marriage. You're a Saint!
 
To steal an idea from George Carlin: Got stuck with counterfeit money? Put it in the collection plate at church!
 
While introducing someone, use air quotations when you announce their job title. It will make them feel very important.
 
If you're ever having trouble sleeping, exhale all the air in your lungs and stop breathing in. This will allow you to use a technique known as "fainting", and guarantees a good night's rest. If you wake up, just do it again.
 
Crash weddings with a pillow stuffed under your dress and cast dirty looks all night at the groom from the bar while getting shitfaced on free booze.
 
If you are in a restaurant, and someone starts choking, stand up and announce you're a doctor.

When they ask you to help, remark that you actually have a doctorate in Film Studies, but you can use the title Dr nonetheless.

That'll show all the haters who say you're not a real doctor.

Ignore the choking and the booing.
 
Tired of bugs hibernating in your house? Make your house as cold as it is outside, giving them no incentive to come in.
 
The opposite of flammable is inflammable.

It stands to reason ... why would two dissimilar words mean the exact same thing?

Armed with this new confidence, spark up a cigarette next to a can of inflammable gasoline.
 
If on a plane the captain shouts 'Brace brace brace' any dentists are required to volunteer their services
 
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