Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

If you're a guy and really need to pee but you're in a situation where you cannot go right away, just get an erection. That will buy you some time.

 

[mnbreastluver]

While having sex call your partner another name. That will let them know that your old partner was better and motivate them to do better.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Wear not one but TWO condoms during sex for added protection. It’ll be just like using a plastic bag around already wrapped raw meat at the grocery store. Extra bonus: you’ll last even longer!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later!

 

[mnbreastluver]

When testing an electric wire to see if it is live, use the back of your hand. This prevents you from grasping the wire if you get shocked.

 

[mulehead61]

If attacked by a mob of clowns go for the juggler.

 

[PaulieJay]

Want whiter white teeth, chew aluminum foil

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you don’t have time to mix instant coffee in a cup, just pour the powder and boiling water in your mouth and swish it.

 

[stickygirl]

In some culture's it's polite to belch in appreciation after a meal. Try vomiting so you can eat it all over again - now that's appreciation

 

[EFC1878nsno]

...or give more blowjobs?

 

[mnbreastluver]

Throw a scoop of sand in your bed for easy while-you-sleep exfoliation.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever see a person getting mugged by 2 people, always go to help. They will definitely give up their valuables if there is three of you attacking them.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Put things that are about to expire in a different contairiner to make it last forever.

 

[stickygirl]

Gerbils are naturally inquisitive and love to explore. The hose of the vacuum cleaner will give them hours of fun

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want your ex to remember you forever, simply take one item from a set with you when you leave. For example, one dining chair out of a set of eight will guarantee you'll be thought of at every Thanksgiving or Christmas and even the day they try to sell the set for a new one!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Avoid Thanksgiving and Christmas expenses by publicly supporting the opposite Presidential candidate of all your friends and family. Score a quick disinvite and save yourself the hassle.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever drop ice on the floor of your kitchen, just kick it under the fridge! It’ll disappear and you don’t need to bend over to pick it up.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The more you burn your pizza, the fewer calories it has.

 

[Bud_Spencer]

When your toast gets stuck in the toaster, a long metal fork will fish it out perfectly.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Dropped your phone into the toilet? Pour a pound of rice into the bowl to absorb the water.

 

[mnbreastluver]

if you’re too lazy to dig up your own garden- claim there are bodies buried there, to get the FBI to dig it up for you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When a woman says she prefers old fashioned men, attempt to buy her from her parents with livestock.

 

[Lady2020]

When a Dom says he likes x, y, z, wait for xyz to turn into abc.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Never date a girl who can’t respect your wife!!

 

[Ninjasr4real]

It’s okay to run with scissors as long as you face them inward.