Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Stick your fingers in ice until they're numb with cold, that way you can eat a chocolate bar without it melting in your hands.

 

[TwinkleStars]

Want to get a man's attention? Yank real hard on his dick.

 

[TwinkleStars]

When someone pisses you off in traffic, just chase them down the road honking your horn until you feel better. Or until you ram their vehicle.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When your spouse tells you a story about themselves, only listen to about 6.32% of the stories, so that years later when they tell you the same story it’ll be the first time you’ve heard it.

 

[TwinkleStars]

In order to get a good picture of a tornado you have to be 20 feet from it.

 

[TwinkleStars]

To get really germ free, boil yourself in bleach. Don't forget to get behind those ears!

 

[Justanormalgirl]

Got crabs? Shave and spray raid on those lil critters

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you get married, accidently burn the marriage license after the ceremony and never mail it in to the county clerk. Your new "spouse" will never know and you'll never legally be married, thus saving you a fortune in a few years when you inevitably get divorced!

 

[TwinkleStars]

When committing a major crime, post about it on social media sites.

 

[Sundayschild]

Never tie your shoes in a revolving door.

Actually, scratch that. That's good advice. Er...

Now is a great time to make important life decisions?

 

[stickygirl]

Tie your shoelace in a revolving door

 

[Sundayschild]

Tie your shoelace in a revolving door

*shakes fist from my porch

 

[LikeableMe]

When committing a major crime, post about it on social media sites.

Adding step by step photos to show how much creativity was used to carry out the plan

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Pretending you're a mime in interviews is a definite way of showing creativity.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Paint you nails before masturbating so it looks like a girl is doing it.

 

[barefootgirl69]

If you can find a narcissist, marry them!
That's the one person who will never leave you or let you go.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Wanna know which celebrity you look like? Become a serial killer and wait for Netflix to do a crime drama episode about you.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

YouTube videos on how to clean up after bathroom visits can be instructional and helpful to some.

 

[Jada59]

If cats can use the toilet, dogs can too!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re afraid of statistically swallowing 8 spiders a year while sleeping, just eat 8 spiders at once while awake so you hit your limit for the entire year.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Shit in the litter box. Your cat will be so impressed by the sheer size of your dump that it will instantly recognize you as the superior being.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Whenever transporting drugs, shove the drugs packet in your dog's ass, so when police dogs smell your car they won't find anything but they will instead go and smell the dog's ass. Police will think this as a normal dog behaviour and you'll be free to go.

 

[Jada59]

When you win the lottery, be sure to tell everyone!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are procrastinating taking a shower, set yourself on fire. You will have to get wet in order to put the flames out.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you don’t want to hit a deer, drive in the middle lane of a highway... Because you always see them dead on the sides of the road, hardly ever in the middle.