Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Keep a cake moist by eating it all in one sitting.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are procrastinating taking a shower, set yourself on fire. You will have to get wet in order to put the flames out.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don't you have a corkscrew? Forget your wine bottle in the freezer.

 

[stickygirl]

Freezing your semen as a special Xmas gift will win her heart

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you can't stand your girlfriends friend, tell your girlfriend you think said friend is hot.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Need to transport a body this month? Close the trunk on the hand! This is a common Halloween decoration, so if anyone sees any blood or hears any screams coming from your car, they’ll see the fingers and think you’re just really in the spirit!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Prostitutes are cheaper by the hour than licensed therapists, and it's okay just to talk to them.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are in a dark, scary place and you're scared there might be monsters nearby, just say "poopy slapbutt fartface" out loud. If there's anything there secretly watching you, it will laugh out loud, alerting you to its presence so you can flee before it can attack.

 

[Jada59]

Use your air fryer for everything.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever become a musician, just go under disguise and buy one of your songs, so you will earn copyright money with the money you paid to buy your own song.

 

[stickygirl]

Take out a huge loan at 5% and invest the money in a pyramid scheme paying 15%. That's a 10% profit. Use the money to buy more schemes. Also buy bitcoins. Don't tell everyone - not everyone is as smart as you

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you shake up or drop a carbonated beverage open it upside down so it wont explode because the pressure is all at the top.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Keep Business Cards of People you don’t like! People spend good money on cards might as well use them... Hit a parked car? Leave a note with one of their cards. Pick up a skank for a night of fun? Give them “your card” Act like a Karen at any store and leave a note for the manager. The situations in which you can act like an asshole and slide the blame elsewhere are endless and you’re recycling!

 

[stickygirl]

If you bump another car on the street, reverse up and take a much faster run up. That way, people will be sorry for you because you have blood on your face

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are looking for a handjob, mention it to everyone you come in contact with. You never know whose sister’s neighbor’s uncle is whoring.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don't like when your coffee gets cold? Add Tobasco sauce to keep it hot all day.

 

[stickygirl]

If you want to avoid the attention of the police, wearing a hoody. If they can't see your face, you won't look suspicious

 

[Jada59]

Blare Ozzy Osbourne at midnight with the windows open because... Who doesn't like Ozzy?

 

[mnbreastluver]

Need some free wood for a construction project? Check your local craigslist activities section for wood and wood polishing services.

 

[mnbreastluver]

For extra cash consider robbing sex-offenders. Their address is easy to find and they don’t own guns.

 

[Mrtenant]

Use blow up dolls as floatation devices at the swimming pool or beach

 

[mnbreastluver]

Wanna test out your cars top speed but afraid you’ll get pulled over? Do it in the rain. Cops don’t want to get out of their car and get wet writing you a ticket.

 

[Mrtenant]

While riding the subway, massage your sore leg muscles with a large dick shaped massager.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Regain control of your airplane armrests. Tired of people that are seated behind you using your armrests as footrests? Have some kinky fun by grabbing their ankles and pulling hard on their legs while screaming “OH YEAH BABY I WANT TO SUCK YOUR TOES!”. Everyone will have a good laugh and you’ll make a new best friend!

 

[stickygirl]

Tired of the child kicking the back of your seat? Explain to its parent that your colostomy bag is almost full and the kicking might burst it.