Bad Random Life Tips.

[kurrginatorX]

Speaking of "self clean" …

Women, continue to not douche periodically. Men just love the acrid smell a pussy can harbor.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Parent of a young child that can’t sleep unless you are in bed with them? Buy a real life sex doll, and put it in bed next to them. They won’t be able to tell the difference.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Invite yourself to your friends' family outings. I'm sure they like nothing better than to have a confident everyman there to explain all life has to offer.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If going on vacation, take printer toner and scatter it all over your floor. If someone breaks in, you can follow their foot tracks back to their house and get your stuff back.

 

[Billsexpot]

Always pay sticker price on a new car.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Take the batteries out of your Carbon Monoxide Detectors. Dying in your sleep is the best way to go.

 

[Sexybritches69]

Take 66. How bad could it be this time of day?

 

[mnbreastluver]

Put flex tape on your urethra and anus so you never have to use the bathroom again.

 

[Polranny]

Remember that the yellow snow is really thirsty quenching

 

[Illnevertell79]

Never let your blinker fluid run completely out...

 

[Illnevertell79]

And then fuck it with a handleless screwdriver....

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your crush puts you in the friendzone and refers to you as bro, just ask her to have incest with you, you're basically guaranteed to get out of the friendzone!

 

[kurrginatorX]

Today, say to everyone you speak with, "See you next year." Everyone, and I mean everyone, believes this is a cute and clever device used to end a conversation.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you have illegal drugs in your system and find yourself in the hospital, share the remainder of the drugs with your doctor. They are overworked and will appreciate the gesture.

 

[MsLead]

Always leave the toilet seat up....its their fault for not looking!

 

[kurrginatorX]

If you are Hispanic, every two weeks tell your English speaking boss that you need time off for "La celebracion de la pantalones" or "Los Fuegos de magnifico de la Zapatos." Tell him or her that these are very important holidays for your people, and missing one would be sacrilegious.

 

[DarkrSide]

That squirrel outside just wants you to go pet it

 

[mnbreastluver]

To be eco friendly, use a small paper bag instead of condoms whenever you have sex.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When ordering sex toys online, if you’re worried your kids will open the package when it arrives, have it delivered to your place of employment instead.

 

[KarenB59]

Don't forget to change the air in your tires as a part of your winter maintenance routine. Winter air is heavier than summer air and the added weight to your vehicle is crucial in snowy or icy conditions.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Woke up with a cowlick in your hair? Lick the cow back.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Next time you're checking out at Walmart, lick the entire checkout counter and the PIN pad. After about 30 days when any infections have run their course you should be immune to a whole bunch of stuff.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you don't want to pay for something at the store tell them to stop peer pressuring you into spending money and then walk away with your goods.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Criminals are nature's way of saying you have too much stuff.

 

[Bjerget]

If life gives you lemons, stuff them up your butt!