Bad Random Life Tips.

[kurrginatorX]

Has your SO's vagina spat out so many kids that she's just too loose for you to enjoy sex with? Simply insert a fleshlight inside her. Problem solved.

 

[mnbreastluver]

At funeral take the bouquet off the casket and throw it in the crowd to see who’s next.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Licking a plug outlet to see if it is actually active.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The next time you are preparing to have a sexy evening with your SO wait until you're sick. Green snot is the best lubricant for a romantic evening.

 

[blade_rocknut]

Trust the home depot commercials. You can totally do it. They can totally help.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

You want to be alone for Christmas? Send lewd Christmas cards saying fuck you and Merry Christmas.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you're having trouble seeing while driving into the sun, just look down at your phone instead.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

For your handcuff fetish, continuously grope a police officer.

 

[BadAmy]

At funeral take the bouquet off the casket and throw it in the crowd to see who’s next.

Omfg!
https://media3.giphy.com/media/1kfhoNWKY94uLGX2kO/giphy.gif?cid=19f5b51a6c3daebd363ee79e19be57cfe4f0915885549c0e&rid=giphy.gif

I pee'd a little....

 

[mnbreastluver]

Dildo your asshole every once in a while so your farts don't make as much sound.

 

[kurrginatorX]

At funeral take the bouquet off the casket and throw it in the crowd to see who’s next

Hilarious

You want to be alone for Christmas? Send lewd Christmas cards saying fuck you and Merry Christmas.

I used to have some that read, "Times are tough, things are hard, here's your fucking Christmas card."

Telling people about the woman you just had sex with will aid in her popularity rating, of which she will be eternally grateful.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Husbands, can’t find a perfect holiday gift for your wife? Buy her a Peloton workout bike and post her progress on social media.

 

[Polranny]

Run out of baubles?. Hang your used condoms on the xmas tree

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you need breadcrumbs for a recipe and don't have any, empty the bottom tray of your toaster for free breadcrumbs.

 

[kurrginatorX]

If you need breadcrumbs for a recipe and don't have any, empty the bottom tray of your toaster for free breadcrumbs.

Got the holiday blues? Hire hookers; lots and lots of hookers. They know just how to make you feel jolly again.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Run out of wrapping paper with just one gift remaining? Wrap it with Duct Tape. Imagine little Johnny or Susie's surprise when they finally get it open.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your food is wrapped in aluminum foil it will heat up much faster in the microwave.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Petition now to have Baseball become a full-contact sport.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re a male that’s at the top of his game but always comes in second place, have a sex change.

 

[Dangerous_Curves27]

Dry your hair while taking a bath

 

[mnbreastluver]

You don’t have to wait til next Halloween to go to someone’s house in a scary mask and demand free things.

 

[cliteatingman]

Exchange bodily fluids with random strangers

 

[mnbreastluver]

Add 1 cup of windex to your aquarium water to keep the glass clean and clear

 

[HoosierGuy1979]

After you install your new TV, put the empty box in your neighbor’s trash to deter thieves.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Make easy money by scalping low numbers at the deli on Christmas Eve.