Bad Random Life Tips.

[DarkSimian]

Want to get the best seats for the new Star Wars movie? Camp out in the theater now; only 30 days til it opens...

 

[mnbreastluver]

Scared to fart because you might shit? Do a handstand before risking it. Gravity will keep the poop down while allowing the fart to rise.

 

[DarkSimian]

Don't want to go to that boring work party? Get arrested, and spend the night in jail. Bonus: it will give you a cool story to tell around the water cooler

 

[mnbreastluver]

Having a hard time making your wife cum? No problem. With this 1 simple trick she'll be fucking you till morning. Just put some itching powder at the tip of your cock while fucking.

 

[DarkSimian]

Want to really drive your wife crazy after sex? Wipe your dick off on the curtains....

 

[mnbreastluver]

Dress up as a cop and randomly stop and control people on the street. If you find drugs, keep them and use/sell them. Profit.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Forget brushing your teeth. If Milkbone dog treats can brush your dog's teeth, they'll do wonders for yours.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want to prevent your kids from doing drugs? Become a drug addict yourself so they can see how drugs affect people.

 

[Xerxes82]

Bears are friendly and sociable creatures. They also love hats. You should be sure to plop your favorite hat atop the furry noggin' of the next one you meet.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Looking to exact a little revenge against your parents? Next time they come over for dinner say to them, "No, you're not leaving the table till you've cleaned your plate."

 

[mnbreastluver]

Forgot to buy a condom? Just seal your pee hole shut with a clothing iron!

 

[Jada59]

Can't pay for those groceries? No problem. Just bolt right out the door like you own the place!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Save money this Christmas by talking politics at Thanksgiving!

 

[kurrginatorX]

Money a little tight but you want to take the family out to eat? Just remember that a thirteen year old can pass for ten years old just because you say so.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Do you have a big decision to make, but can't think straight? Masturbate! It will clear your head, and help you to decide if you do want fries with that.

 

[Jada59]

Can't afford a phone? Try two soup cans and a string.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re running low on deodorant stop wearing it. Eventually, someone will gift you some.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Saran wrap and a rubber band works when condoms aren't available.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Fill your condom up with water before using it to check for holes.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Discounted condoms because the "used by" date passed 3 months ago is still usable...save that $1.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Teach your cellphone how to fly by setting it to 'airplane mode' and throwing it as high into the air as you can. Don't give up, it might take a few dozen tries.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Who needs to get pedicures? Let your toenails grow like talons and make good use of that toenail polish.

 

[gentold]

Who needs to get pedicures? Let your toenails grow like talons and make good use of that toenail polish.

Can you gouge at a mans eyes with these well polished toenails ?

 

[Jada59]

Try mating a cat with a dog and see if you get a catdog!

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Try mating a cat with a dog and see if you get a catdog!

The thought of the female being a mastiff and the male one of those cats with no hair. That would be sure to work out fine.