Bad Random Life Tips.

[kurrginatorX]

Cat got your tongue? Stop eating pussy. Oh, who am I kidding? That one will never fly.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Boring Thanksgiving? Say to the family out of the blue, “How about that impeachment?”

 

[kurrginatorX]

Not sure if you made the "Nice" list this year? Ask Santa for coal and switches, that way he'll have to bring you what you want regardless.

 

[MrPractical]

Wash your socks before the Maid arrives

 

[kurrginatorX]

Wash your socks before the Maid arrives

I have an aunt who will clean her house before the maid arrives so the maid won't think she is filthy.

Jar won't open? Six or eight well-placed firecrackers should loosen the lid sufficiently enough.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Store your dirty dishes in the fridge to stop them from growing mold.

 

[Xerxes82]

Twinkies for breakfast. With whipped cream and chocolate syrup. At least three times a week.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you're ever arrested, use your phone call to call the police station, pretending to be the chief of police and demand they let you go.

 

[Kat73]

Eat the red peppers in Chinese food. Heat gives you character.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Cops love guns, so if you get pulled over always pull out a gun so you can bond w/ them over a shared interest.

 

[Xerxes82]

When shopping for the holidays, it is traditional to sneak one item into your pants, pockets, or bag for every 3 items you intend to actually pay for.

You'll know you did it right when the bell or buzzer serenades you at the exit.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Ease your guilty conscience by viewing a prostitute as a service provider, much like you have with cable or internet.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your family is a bit quiet at Thanksgiving and you want to get everyone talking, mention how the cranberry sauce reminds you of Planned Parenthood.

 

[Xerxes82]

The best night of sleep you will ever have? Try sleeping on a bed of angry scorpions. There's nothing more soothing under the sun.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Next 4th of July, while watching fireworks, put pop rocks on your dick when having sex with your girlfriend for an extra dose of patriotism.

 

[DarkSimian]

Chunky milk is good for you; it has all those chunks of nutrients

 

[kurrginatorX]

Neighbor's barking dog kept you up all night? The following night stand outside the neighbor's window and yell, "Hey! Hey! Hey!" When he asks what the fuck you think you're doing, just say, "Now you know how I feel."

 

[sally_sparrow]

When cutting bagels in half, put your finger through the stabilization hole to keep it steady.

 

[kurrginatorX]

When cutting bagels in half, put your finger through the stabilization hole to keep it steady.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Don’t use your turn signal. It’s nobody else’s business where you are going

 

[kurrginatorX]

Don’t use your turn signal. It’s nobody else’s business where you are going

Damn girl. You're on point today.

Remember, you can get any tattoo you wish so long as you put "MOM" underneath it. Believe me, she will appreciate it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

To warm up your car faster in the winter, be sure to start it in a closed garage and wait at least 20 minutes before opening the garage door to leave.

 

[TTawhere]

Be sure to put your thumb on the head of the nail to steady it before driving it with the hammer.

 

[kurrginatorX]

To warm up your car faster in the winter, be sure to start it in a closed garage and wait at least 20 minutes before opening the garage door to leave.

How to steal without getting caught: Peel off the security band from the item and place it on a random person, then follow that person through the doors. The buzzer will catch them, leaving you free to make your getaway.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Damn girl. You're on point today.

Remember, you can get any tattoo you wish so long as you put "MOM" underneath it. Believe me, she will appreciate it.

I have my moments... This is a fun thread!

Nothing wakes you up in the morning more than a dose of melatonin.