Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

If you catch deaf people gossiping about you in sign language, just turn off the light.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Sex life lost its spice with the SO? Introduce anal beads and play tug of war.

 

[mnbreastluver]

It’s way more fun lighting off fireworks when you’re drunk than not.

 

[bashfull]

Always fry bacon in the nude so you don't get grease stains on your clothes.

 

[Guyblue82]

Run out of creamer for your guests coffee? You're just a few pumps away from a new supply

 

[Trubbycat]

Bison love tourists

 

[willlph]

Alligators can be house trained

 

[mnbreastluver]

Looking for a poor man’s sex toy? Stick your penis in an angry hornets nest. The vibrations are mind boggling!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Grabbing a rattlesnake by the tail calms them down.

 

[Trubbycat]

Cops have a great sense of humor and appreciate the loving nickname “Pig.”

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re ever getting chased by an angry, hungry grizzly bear just lay in the dirt. The 5 second rule applies to them too.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re driving and a police car pulls up behind you with his lights flashing, it means he wants to race and he’s just giving you a head start. They like chasing from behind.

 

[positiveflirt]

Struggling to get someone's attention? Send them 80 PMs in a four hour period and then show up at their house so they can see you're dedicated

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re not sure whether you have a warrant for your arrest or not. Visit your local police station they can look it up for free.

 

[stickygirl]

If you really enjoyed a meal, vomit it into a bucket so you can enjoy it again

 

[stickygirl]

Regular anal sex will mean later colonoscopies are a cinch

 

[mnbreastluver]

Finish pooping right before midnight on December 31st so you don’t carry old shit into the new year.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to build your self esteem get yourself a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you think I’m sexy” then sit at a green light till you feel better about yourself.

 

[mnbreastluver]

While chatting with people on Lit, when someone says “Size doesn’t matter,” disagree vehemently. This will make them think that you have a huge penis. E-boned guaranteed.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are bored in a grocery store, slip condoms in other shoppers carts when they aren’t looking.

 

[LeSabreur]

Hey, if you feel passionate about a career as a hip hop artist, go for it!

 

[Trubbycat]

Mastering obsolete technologies makes you irresistible to employers

 

[latecomer91364]

Go out, harass and obstruct Federal agents in the lawful commission of their duties.

 

[Shenanigans90]

Don’t waste your time getting to know the ladies here….send a random picture of your butthole to the ones you like and watch your inbox blow up.

 

[LeSabreur]

If you're ever in New Jersey, those girls will drop their panties for you if you say, "My motto is 'kiss her where it smells...kiss her in New Jersey.'"