Avoiding the Size issue

[Cattypuss]

The point here, for me, is that she was attracted enough to him as a person to put her hand on his cock.

If I'm attracted enough to a man to put my hand on his cock, then what I find when I do put my hand there is not going to be a deal-breaker, unless it's something like weeping sores.

 

[StrayKat]

So you'd date someone with a physical feature that really put you off? I couldn't. I don't think colour of eyes quite has the same impact People who say "well, I'd do it anyway..." evidently are not that put off.

And you've no idea what happened on this guy's date, how he came across, what they discussed. One person's deal breaker might not be another's.

Frankly, if I didn't like someone on a first date, I wouldn't be going back for another "just to see." It's not about being shallow but about knowing what you want. A first impression is one thing; an evening together is quite another.

I should add, TC - I might come across as a bit blunt but the point I'm trying to make is that people get rejected for all sorts of reasons - it's part of finding someone you're truly compatible with - and cock size is just one of a long list of those reasons. Everyone likes different things. Case in point: I'm too blunt/opinionated for some men but I found one who quite liked it in the end!

I just cannot imagine 2 inches difference in dick size being a physical feature that really puts me off *shrug*
I have a right to think a person making a big deal out of those 2 inches shallow as well. Especially in the way she did it, without one bit consideration for how someone may feel. Not only shallow but ruthless and inconsiderate as well.
She obviously had enough time during entire evening to back off if there was something she was particularly not attracted with, but she picked to do so when she found out exact size of his penis?

As Cattypuss pointed out, she was attracted enough to him to put a hand in his pants. To find out she is "not attracted" at that particular moment is bit more than being bit blunt

 

[silverwhisper]

FB quoth:
you've no idea what happened on this guy's date, how he came across, what they discussed. one person's deal breaker might not be another's.

the girl put her hand in his pants. whatever happened prior, she was pretty obviously at least moderately receptive to the idea of having sex. i think you're making excuses for her.

let's turn it around, FB: how would you feel if a guy you were interested in boinking saw you remove your bra, saw your breasts, and immediately excused himself and left?

ed

 

[kimbernee]

What you guys are saying is that she was obliged to have sex with him even though she didn't want to anymore. Nice.

I realize women are different but, for me, there's an actual performance issue related to cock size. I'm sorry. I know I'm not supposed to admit that because men are fragile and women must protect their egos at all costs. But for some of us, it's true. Not for all of us and for many of us who do have a different physical reaction to one size vs. another, we'd be willing to overlook/overcome that for a long term relationship. But this was basically a one night stand and I think she had a right to only continue it if she was expecting to enjoy it. Is it "shallow" to prefer to have orgasms during sex?

On top of which, maybe she was really sick. She was drunk enough to be about to have sex with some guy she barely knew. That could be drunk enough to be feel sick for some of us.

Why do we have to lie to these guys and tell them it doesn't matter? They know it does, at least to some people sometimes, so when you act like it never matters they know you're lying. Just because it doesn't matter to *you* doesn't mean it's immaterial to all of us, and especially within the context of a sex-only encounter.

To the OP: not all women care and even fewer will care in the context of a relationship. Just try again and if you're really paranoid about your size, try getting to know a woman better before she gets your pants off.

 

[silverwhisper]

kimbernee quoth:
is it "shallow" to prefer to have orgasms during sex?

if you're one of the 20% of the female population that actually can achieve orgasm through intercourse, perhaps not. the odds suggest otherwise, though.

ed

 

[silverwhisper]

kimbernee quoth:
what you guys are saying is that she was obliged to have sex with him even though she didn't want to anymore. nice.

no, what people are saying is that's fucking rude as hell and unacceptable behavior.

remind me not to ask you ever for a bandage should i ever sever my arm, k?

ed

 

[Firebrain]

I just cannot imagine 2 inches difference in dick size being a physical feature that really puts me off *shrug*
I have a right to think a person making a big deal out of those 2 inches shallow as well. Especially in the way she did it, without one bit consideration for how someone may feel. Not only shallow but ruthless and inconsiderate as well.
She obviously had enough time during entire evening to back off if there was something she was particularly not attracted with, but she picked to do so when she found out exact size of his penis?

As Cattypuss pointed out, she was attracted enough to him to put a hand in his pants. To find out she is "not attracted" at that particular moment is bit more than being bit blunt

I did say that I thought the girl in question had been both tactless and dishonest in her manner of doing things. But what's wrong with not wanting to have sex with a certain type of penis? Plenty of women refuse if a man is too big, for example - in fact a friend of mine broke up with a man over the very issue; sex was just too much of a compromise for those two particular people. It's not about being shallow, it's about finding someone attractive or not. To be fair, if we were all honest about that, a lot of our relationships would be simpler.

I mentioned dealbreakers; the the thing that takes the biscuit, so to speak. Perhaps his cock was it. Who knows.

As kimbernee summed up much better than I; she wasn't obliged to have sex with him. And exactly how was she going to explain? Maybe she can only orgasm with a larger cock, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. She found a smaller one a turn-off; even if that was shallow, how can she help what turns her on and off?

 

[StrayKat]

Why do we have to lie to these guys and tell them it doesn't matter?

I am the first one that said I would never cater male ego when they make big deal out of dick sizes.
I am not going to cater female egos and say its right to act like goddamn princess and hurt a guy like that either.

They had a date, it could have turned into something more than just sex. I never saw him mentioning they met just for one night stand.

So how would you feel if some guy was with you, doing everything to turn you on and then after touching you between the legs suddenly jump out and leave under some silly excuse? You would not be frustrated? You would not feel he was kinda obliged to have sex with you?

No, of course she wasnt obliged to have sex. Just like I am not obliged not to call people who are trying to justify that womans behavior shallow.
If I was in her place I would at least blow him and then leave, but thats just me. I would hate to know that some guy out there got unjustly hurt because I couldnt deal with his dick size.

 

[Firebrain]

the girl put her hand in his pants. whatever happened prior, she was pretty obviously at least moderately receptive to the idea of having sex. i think you're making excuses for her.

let's turn it around, FB: how would you feel if a guy you were interested in boinking saw you remove your bra, saw your breasts, and immediately excused himself and left?

ed

I'd feel rubbish for a good while, I imagine, before the logic permeated that his opinion was not representative of all men; I think that's natural when one gets rejected. TC has my sympathy, as I previously said. But you know, I'd rather he said he felt sick and left than

a) said "your tits are just awful, I don't like them, I can't have sex with you" or
b) finding out that he fucked me when unattracted to me, seeing no other way out.

The situation would be all-round awkward, but if he decides he doesn't want to screw me, seriously, how else is he going to handle it? At that point - and he is allowed to change his mind then, regardless of anything else - how does one get out of it easily, and tactfully? I can't think of a way.

I don't think anyone here is arguing that the way the girl handled this badly; she did. But I take issue with the implication that she should like his penis, whatever the size. You can't help what you are or are not attracted to.

 

[Firebrain]

The point here, for me, is that she was attracted enough to him as a person to put her hand on his cock.

If I'm attracted enough to a man to put my hand on his cock, then what I find when I do put my hand there is not going to be a deal-breaker, unless it's something like weeping sores.

That's down to personal preference though, no?

 

[Firebrain]

I am the first one that said I would never cater male ego when they make big deal out of dick sizes.
I am not going to cater female egos and say its right to act like goddamn princess and hurt a guy like that either.

They had a date, it could have turned into something more than just sex. I never saw him mentioning they met just for one night stand.

So how would you feel if some guy was with you, doing everything to turn you on and then after touching you between the legs suddenly jump out and leave under some silly excuse? You would not be frustrated? You would not feel he was kinda obliged to have sex with you?

No, of course she wasnt obliged to have sex. Just like I am not obliged not to call people who are trying to justify that womans behavior shallow.
If I was in her place I would at least blow him and then leave, but thats just me. I would hate to know that some guy out there got unjustly hurt because I couldnt deal with his dick size.

Surely if you apply that logic, you'd be sucking off men all day?

This guy didn't get "unjustly" hurt. The girl owed him nothing other than an explanation, and as I've mentioned on my other responses, I think that explanation - which we're still all only guessing at, it's worth adding - would have been far worse to hear than what she did. Nobody has to justify not liking something about someone...that's crazy.

What you said sits awkwardly with me, actually; like saying that if a woman goes "far enough" with a guy, she's obliged to put out, regardless. I think that's a really unsavoury assumption.

 

[StrayKat]

Surely if you apply that logic, you'd be sucking off men all day?

I dont put my hands in somebodys pants all day long
If I do, yes, I expect to have sex with him and however unbelievable it may sound he expects to have sex with me as well.
There are tons of possibilities to back off before it gets that far, and if I do get that far I am positive I actually want to have sex with that person.

 

[Firebrain]

I dont put my hands in somebodys pants all day long
If I do, yes, I expect to have sex with him and however unbelievable it may sound he expects to have sex with me as well.
There are tons of possibilities to back off before it gets that far, and if I do get that far I am positive I actually want to have sex with that person.

But expectation and obligation are two very different things. And if you aren't attracted to certain types of cocks, you won't know until you know about the cock. Loads of people get to the bedroom and realise they aren't compatible; you can't pre-empt it. It's all down to personal preference; I just don't see the need to judge here.

 

[StrayKat]

But expectation and obligation are two very different things. And if you aren't attracted to certain types of cocks, you won't know until you know about the cock. Loads of people get to the bedroom and realise they aren't compatible; you can't pre-empt it. It's all down to personal preference; I just don't see the need to judge here.

You are right, I wouldnt know. I get attracted to a person, not cock.
Once I am attracted to person cock matters very little size wise.
I usually realize I am not compatible to someone after I actually try sex with that person, not before I even get to the bed, but I can allow that some women think they can predict how exactly their lover will behave in bed based on one touch of his cock.
When I think about it, I wish I had that capability too

 

[Firebrain]

You are right, I wouldnt know. I get attracted to a person, not cock.
Once I am attracted to person cock matters very little size wise.
I usually realize I am not compatible to someone after I actually try sex with that person, not before I even get to the bed, but I can allow that some women think they can predict how exactly their lover will behave in bed based on one touch of his cock.
When I think about it, I wish I had that capability too

If someone isn't attracted to a smaller cock - and that's not a crime - then they can tell from touching it. And that makes them incompatible with the person they're touching.

Sex is a physical thing as well as an emotional thing, more so for some than others. I don't think I could have a partner with a small penis, but that's my choice and there's nothing wrong with that. There's plenty of women who think otherwise; the guy won't be missing out. It all balances out in the end.

I really can't understand the judgement of people's physical preferences on a sex forum, of all places. She didn't insult the guy or say he was a bad person, she just didn't like his cock.

 

[kaycee217]

If someone isn't attracted to a smaller cock - and that's not a crime - then they can tell from touching it. And that makes them incompatible with the person they're touching.

Sex is a physical thing as well as an emotional thing, more so for some than others. I don't think I could have a partner with a small penis, but that's my choice and there's nothing wrong with that. There's plenty of women who think otherwise; the guy won't be missing out. It all balances out in the end.

I really can't understand the judgement of people's physical preferences on a sex forum, of all places. She didn't insult the guy or say he was a bad person, she just didn't like his cock.

I agree with this.

If a woman wants to have sex with a guy with a certain sized cock, so be it. It's her body, her sex life, and if she wants sex a certain way (as long as it's not illegal or whatever), she has every right to have it.

 

[silverwhisper]

FB quoth:
but you know, i'd rather he said he felt sick and left than

a) said "your tits are just awful, i don't like them, i can't have sex with you" or
b) finding out that he fucked me when unattracted to me, seeing no other way out.

given the chain of events, would the very obvious lie not insult your intelligence? would it not play out as "jeez, he hates my tits and he thinks i'm a fucking idiot"?

FB quoth:
the situation would be all-round awkward, but if he decides he doesn't want to screw me, seriously, how else is he going to handle it? at that point - and he is allowed to change his mind then, regardless of anything else - how does one get out of it easily, and tactfully? i can't think of a way.

it's hard to say, esp b/c in that circumstance, most people don't negotiate difficulties particularly gracefully, so there's a certain amount of armchair general-ing that's unavoidable here.

the only elegant out i'm seeing--and yes, hindsight is 20/20, i'm not in the heat of the moment--is to say, "look, i'm sorry, this really isn't going to work for me." i think this is superior to the bathroom break/escape b/c it isn't lying. you're saying "yeah, this is the problem here and i'm sorry". the truth is OK: outright mockery however is not--more on that below.

FB quoth:
i don't think anyone here is arguing that the way the girl handled this badly; she did. but i take issue with the implication that she should like his penis, whatever the size. you can't help what you are or are not attracted to.

well, for my part, i don't have a problem w/ different preferences. my problem is how the woman in the OP's tale handled it. it wasn't as bad as literally pointing & laughing--but it's kissing cousins to it.

ed

 

[Firebrain]

given the chain of events, would the very obvious lie not insult your intelligence? would it not play out as "jeez, he hates my tits and he thinks i'm a fucking idiot"?


it's hard to say, esp b/c in that circumstance, most people don't negotiate difficulties particularly gracefully, so there's a certain amount of armchair general-ing that's unavoidable here.

the only elegant out i'm seeing--and yes, hindsight is 20/20, i'm not in the heat of the moment--is to say, "look, i'm sorry, this really isn't going to work for me." i think this is superior to the bathroom break/escape b/c it isn't lying. you're saying "yeah, this is the problem here and i'm sorry". the truth is OK: outright mockery however is not--more on that below.


well, for my part, i don't have a problem w/ different preferences. my problem is how the woman in the OP's tale handled it. it wasn't as bad as literally pointing & laughing--but it's kissing cousins to it.

ed

I wouldn't see it as an insult to my intelligence...I'd see it as he panicked, I think (you're going to feel crap regardless, aren't you?). I'm a bit torn on the "it's not going to work for me" thing; it sounds more tactful but I'd hate to be left wondering why it didn't work for him, even though hearing would be hard. I think the wondering would eat me up longer than getting over the comment would - but I'm not TC and can't speak for him, of course.

I don't really agree that what the women did was as bad as pointing and laughing; she didn't ridicule him in any way. I'm trying to think of what I'd have done in her situation and if I'm honest, I'd have probably feigned illness too, rather than tell someone I'm not attracted to them any more. I might have followed it up with a text saying I didn't think we'd work out though, rather than just ignoring - that is rude!

 

[silverwhisper]

FB quoth:
i think the wondering would eat me up longer than getting over the comment would - but i'm not TC and can't speak for him, of course.

well, my thinking was that if it happened in the same sort of sequence as TC mentioned in the OP, i think the context would make it pretty clear, you know? but then again, it's a hypothetical and there's no way of knowing.

FB quoth:
i don't really agree that what the women did was as bad as pointing and laughing; she didn't ridicule him in any way. i'm trying to think of what i'd have done in her situation and if i'm honest, i'd have probably feigned illness too, rather than tell someone i'm not attracted to them any more.

see, one thing that kimbernee said with which i actually do agree is that a lot of women appear to feel that being honest with men re: their non-attractedness is bad.

this is false.

if you say you aren't attracted, i don't think that's all that hard for most men to hear, esp if you aren't in a relationship with 'em.

ed

 

[Firebrain]

I think hearing that someone you really like suddenly doesn't feel the same would be pretty awful actually - few people have that level of confidence (took me near enough twenty five years to build it up). It's not about taking it personally even, it's just a knock and a disappointment. Ending relationships when only you want to is always unpleasant in some fashion.

 

[silverwhisper]

FB quoth:
i think hearing that someone you really like suddenly doesn't feel the same would be pretty awful actually - few people have that level of confidence (took me near enough twenty five years to build it up).

like i said: i think there's a lot of "sparing of feelings" going on here that is likely unwarranted: i think most guys are used to women not being into you, at least not in the way that they'd like.

ed

 

[Firebrain]

like i said: i think there's a lot of "sparing of feelings" going on here that is likely unwarranted: i think most guys are used to women not being into you, at least not in the way that they'd like.

ed

But now I'm confused - this girl didn't spare the guy's feelings. What's wrong with what she did, then?

 

[StrayKat]

We are all different people, with different preferences and different opinions.
My personal opinion is that woman who dumps a guy ruthlessly after few dates because of the size of his dick is shallow. You have every right to have different opinion of course.

 

[curiousgeo62]

OK, so I am about the same size as the OP (actually 5") and have never had an issue with a woman like that. While I think that the woman handled it badly, it was her choice to make. As men, we have the ability to "see" all the sex bits of a woman before removing the clothing. We make our judgment right away. Unfortunately for women, they don't have that option. If she wants a big dick, she should get one. If I were him, I would be thankful that she walked out. It was bound to fail anyway. And, if she had sex with him and then dumped him, he would question his dick size and his performance. We men are very fragile when it comes to those things

 

[kimbernee]

Wow. Some of you really do think she was obliged to have sex with him (or at least blow him). Do you not understand that both of them had the right to call it off at any time? This is how rapists walk free. Since she put her hand down his pants, she lost the right of refusal in your twisted brains. I don't give a damn why she changed her mind, not if it was because he had one nose hair too long. She had every goddamn right to do it.

Maybe she never even intended to fuck him in the first place. Maybe she's a 4th date kind of gal and his whining and moaning when she chose to leave made her realize she'd made the right choice to get the hell out. You're willing to assume the worst possible scenario from actions that we didn't even witness.

They were messing around. She said she didn't feel well. She hasn't contacted him again. Obvious explanation: she's a size queen and shallow and, well, everything horrible you can imagine. She should have said "your dick is too small" even if what she meant was "I'm not sure I want to do this and I want to get out of it without you beating or raping me even though we're alone together in your apartment and I don't know you terribly well." Yes, that would have been a good call on her part. Also, no doubt he'd be feeling better now if she'd only said that.

Genius, all of you. And I hope that every person casting aspersions on how some women get their physical jollies are able to enjoy sex in any position with any person as long as they don't kick puppies and took you out to dinner twice. Here's a news flash: just like all men don't have the same size dicks, not all women enjoy the same thing sexually. But I suppose that's not important, what she might enjoy. What with her putting her hand into his pants and all, she didn't have any right to pleasure, did she?

Curiousgeo62? You're a guy with his head on straight. Thanks.