Author's Zoo

[Saucyminx]

I was at a safari park on Wednesday and my children insisted on reading every single animal sign on each individual exhibit. That was a lot of reading. Anyway. . .I was wondering all you authors. If you were on display at an Author's Zoo, what would your little sign say?

Mine is on my location thread, and i'll post it here, probably with additions as i have more time to think about it during aerobics class, later

 

[Recidiva]

Do Not Feed Author Your Thoughts

(with the Not scratched out with my claws)

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

I love zoos!

I'd like to think mine would read:

"Salvor Hardon: Alienus Scriptor

An anamoly of nature, as if a laughing hyena and a panther mated. Known for laughter and at times seemingly surrealistic statements, the Salvor lures its prey in with light banter and witticisms, perhaps even an occassional insight into a profound thought, then envelopes them in dark murky fantasies best left to back rooms at dimly lit pool halls.

Native to South East region of North America, but prefers coastal waterways and riverfronts."

Great Idea Minx

 

[Aurora Black]

"Aurora Black: Aspiring World Dominatrix."

 

[Guest]

"The Sluttiprominata Twatterprominata Muchogracias (com ~ Tatelou)

Highly predatory, she is native to England, and in her natural habitat can often be found prowling the forests and beaches for unwitting victims.
Known for her voracious appetite, no matter how many times she's fed.
An insatiable creature, with the sex drive of one hundred over-sexed chimps.
Keep fingers out of the cage and flies zipped up at all times.

FEED AT YOUR PERIL!"

 

[impressive]

feral pussy

 

[Guest]

Do Not Feed The Surly Beast!!!

 

[rgraham666]

The Anti-Christ.

Do not engage this creature in conversation. It will place your immortal soul in peril and do interesting things to your sex life.

 

[BlackShanglan]

"Petting Zoo."

There would be pay-a-quarter-feed-the-horsey-treats machines too.

 

[English Lady]

"Petting Zoo."

There would be pay-a-quarter-feed-the-horsey-treats machines too.

What about Horsey rides?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

ABSTRUSE
surliness bitchmaximus

Native to N. America.
Lives off of a diet of coffee, cigarettes and chocolate.
Known to have abrupt and unpredictable mood swings. Will bite and spew sarcasm.
Can be domesticated, possiblly paper trained.

Has a soft spot for Dragons.

 

[cloudy]

Cloudy
rutilus tergum

Native to southeastern United States
Diet: grits and assorted corn products, but has been known to be carnivorous occasionally.
Unpredictable temperament; doesn't handle captivity well.

DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS THROUGH THE BARS

 

[FallingToFly]

FallingToFly
flutterbug squishicus

This small, seemingly gentle creature is a native of the Northern regions of Florida, but has been spotted in other locations. Best known for its inability to stay still or remain the same for any prolonged length of time, constantly moving from place to place and subject to subject. Prolonged exposure may result in random explosions of laughter, confusion, disorientation, and befuddlement. Prone to spastic bursts of affection and dark moods communicated in emoesque manners.

Do NOT challenge this creature, she will bite, or pelt you with ridiculous smuttage.

Keep fingers, toes, hair, breasts and crotches away from cage. Flutterbug squishicus is prone to groping and petting fetishes.

 

[Nightbird]

Dangerous Unpredictabolous

- CAUTION This creature is prone to mood swings and changes with no notice.

- Do NOT place fingers inside cage.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Zebadiah Carter,
Captainus Extraordinarous

Hero to the universe, wrong doers worst nightmare...

Retired and turned out to pasture this extraordinary creature was a one of a kind hybird. Created souly to combat those that would use the tunnels of time to effect changes in the future.

Poking with a stick is ill advised.

 

[neonlyte]

Talking about Zoo's

Harriet the tortoise has died, aged 175.
Heart attack apparently, the size of a dining table and weighing 23 stone.
The worlds oldest known animal.

 

[3113]

Species 3113

Interdimensional creature who appears and vanishes at will. Not of this world. Seems to be under the impression that visitors to the Zoo are there for her amusement rather than vice versa.

We've yet to confirm that she is wrong.

 

[Saucyminx]

in the immortal words of my sister

Y'all are sick. I love it. Great everyone.

Here is mine:

Saucy Minx
(minximus hollandaise)

Native to Pennsylvania, but prefers beaches, and migrates South at any given opportunity. Consumes large amounts of chocolate, coffee, and scotch. Very friendly and social, but has been known to bite on occasion, especially if asked nicely. Specific mating rituals unknown but probably down right filthy. Suspected genetic make-up:10% sugar & spice, 90% pure evil.

Stay back unless you want to be pawed.

 

[Remec]

I was at a safari park on Wednesday and my children insisted on reading every single animal sign on each individual exhibit. That was a lot of reading. Anyway. . .I was wondering all you authors. If you were on display at an Author's Zoo, what would your little sign say?

Mine is on my location thread, and i'll post it here, probably with additions as i have more time to think about it during aerobics class, later

Remec
(magisterius azurius)
also referred to as Aldarras, Fax, and various other names

.....The creature known as the Remec is normally a calm and collected individual that can fly off into a virtual frenzy of activity when it comes to things, places, and people that it has established as being among its favorites.
.....A key item known to make that list are intelligent, witty, sexually provocative women of almost any type--although with a distinct preference to rounded bits of anatomy and hair that is either Alice/Dorothy blonde or any shade of red. Zoo visitors fitting this description should approach with care to avoid being swept off their feet, at the very least.

 

[Liar]

The Liar is a twin faced lad,
one face grumpy, one face glad.
Depending on which face you get,
he's either safe, or not, to pet.

 

[neonlyte]

neoncopod lytcentious

Ground hugging vertebrate largely placid but can have occassional wild temperament swings. Usual hidden and may sometimes be seen emerging from the rock another animal has crawled under.

"Do not feed fermented grapes."

 

[English Lady]

Elle
Anglo Femina

This incredibly gentle, playful creature originates from Northern England and eats the varied diet of an omnivore (she is particularly partial to chocolate cake). Almost extinct in the wild due to her trusting, loving nature she thrives in captivity.

Elle displays empathic traits, she will lavish her attention on those visitors who need her the most, she hates to see any animal in pain and will call "hush, hush, shhhhh, hush" until the animal/person is once again well.

Elle appears 3 times daily at the petting zoo as she would become very ill if not stroked, fussed and loved regularly. She loves imaginative role play and often visits the chimps to join in their tea parties.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Scheherazade

(Hussy Maximus)

A solitary creature, native to the deserted Welsh forests. Mostly harmless. Absolutely omnivorous, and partial to M&S food and Dutch herbs. The scheherazade gives the impression of making a good pet, but is too wild ever to be subjected to confinement. An endangered species, renowned for its comfort-loving nature as it is for its reckless behaviour.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Nirvana Dragoness

More Beautiful Than Words

The Nirvana Dragoness is a wild and beautiful creature, who has appeared in countless myths and legends throughout the ages. This is the only one left in the entire world. Although no scientist has ever been able to get to the bottom of the mystical powers, it is rumoured that she can capture the heart of a woman with just one look or one word.
Her knowledge of the female body is unsurpassed, and her touch is said to make women melt. For those who’ve been lucky enough to encounter her, her name is synonymous with love and orgasm.

 

[Guest]