aussies

[australwind]

here is a test if ur game(gay) haha
http://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/G/gayometer/gayometer.html
geee and i thought i was completely straight i got 45%..i been single to long

Its just your feminine side coming out, honey!



I must try it....I'm presuming it works for girls too?

 

[m.j.h]

A grand day thank you.

Have just come home from a glorious day spent out in the sun at a bbq at Point
Walter. Now it's time to shower and change as girlfriend is on her way over for a Chrissy drink.

Take care eveyone... and keep the jokes rolling!

Well have a ggod night if you aren't here and have a drink for me.

As for my day, it was spent with the family for sister in laws and niece's birthaday.

 

[australwind]

A grand day thank you.

Have just come home from a glorious day spent out in the sun at a bbq at Point
Walter. Now it's time to shower and change as girlfriend is on her way over for a Chrissy drink.

Take care eveyone... and keep the jokes rolling!

LB

Point Walter is a beautiful spot...I like it there.......have fun tonight!

 

[m.j.h]

Its just your feminine side coming out, honey!



I must try it....I'm presuming it works for girls too?

Let us know your results.

As for me i scored 46%, Is that just my feminine side as well?

 

[australwind]

Let us know your results.

As for me i scored 46%, Is that just my feminine side as well?

All I can say is we must be perfectly matched as I scored 46% as well...

 

[davoo]

All I can say is we must be perfectly matched as I scored 46% as well...

gee we all in the same category...so if thats my feminme side ..must have been that question about being a cat or dog....i choose cat..they smarter

 

[australwind]

gee we all in the same category...so if thats my feminme side ..must have been that question about being a cat or dog....i choose cat..they smarter

They didn't have that question on my test???

Mine had something about changing oil in the car and flirting with men to get the last parking spot!

 

[davoo]

Subject: A blonde's Year in Review

must have diff questions for gender


January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box
said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water
won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other
swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my JEEP in rain storm.....car swamped because
soft-top was open..

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per
pound and I weigh 108 !!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on
the stupid phone!!!

What a year!

 

[davoo]

AFL season in doubt for 2006

as u can prob tell i been bored..here is another joke hope u like


Prior Notice.

It is likely that the AFL competition for 2006 will
have to be cancelled.
Under the new Anti Terrorism Laws, the Bombers are
banned.
The new Industrial Relations legislation rules out the
Dockers and the Asian flu epidemic is wreaking havoc
with the Crows, Eagles, Hawks, Magpies and Swans.
Any transfers to the Kangaroos, Cats, Lions, Dogs and
Tigers must now be quarantined for at least 12 months.


Religious vilification laws mean that no one can
legally barrack for the Demons or the Saints.
This only leaves the Power and the Blues who no one
wants to barrack for anyway

 

[Huggles]

<waves feebly>

Was feeling a little depressed today..

So I did some theraputic gardening...

So I did all the hedges, sweeped up all the leaves, did a lot of the weeding,
tilled the fallow beds, and planted :-

Green abd Purple climbing beans,
Carrots,
Two kinds of Watermelons,
Brown and white onions,
Beetroots,
Celery,
Lemon Grass,
All year lettuce,
And a chocolate Mint plant!!! (it's really cool)

Im stuffed..

my kingdom for a backrub...

 

[m.j.h]

gee we all in the same category...so if thats my feminme side ..must have been that question about being a cat or dog....i choose cat..they smarter

Plus thay have it so much easier than dogs.
Who else but a cat can eat, sleep, sun itself and spend hours chasing its tail or playing with a ball and everyone goes "awww isn't it cute"

 

[davoo]

gee huggles got tired just readin wot u did today

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow
goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns
to her
and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know
you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow,
I'm in room 221."

 

[m.j.h]

One fine day mister rabbit goes running around the forest and he sees a giraffe rolling a big fat juicy joint and says "giraffe giraffe! why do you smoke puff? come run with me and get fit instead" so the giraffe stops rolling his reefer and runs with the rabbit . Then they come across an elephant doing big fat lines of charlie on a mirror . The rabbit says "elephant elephant. why do you do drugs? come run with us instead and get fit ." so the elephant stops and goes running with the two then they come across a lion preparing a syringe of smack "lion lion" cries the rabbit, "why do you do drugs? come run with us instead." The lion with a mighty roar squashes the little rabbit to smithereens. "no!" the giraffe and the elephant cry "why did you do that? all he was trying to do was to help you out!" The Lion says "Fucking rabbit always makes me run around this wanky forest when he's done a few pills."

 

[m.j.h]

2 blondes walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it. "That's quite nice innit, don't you fink Trace" "Yeah what's it called?" "Viens a moi" "Viens a moi, what the fack does that mean?" At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me'" Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again saying..... "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?"

 

[m.j.h]

A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him. The Nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the bus driver says to the hippie,if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you. The hippie of course says that he'd love to know so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,said the bus driver guy, you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you. Well the Hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. And right on schedule the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun. After the Hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, Ha ha, I'm the hippie!! The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting,Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!!

 

[m.j.h]

Okay this is the last one from me tonight.
I wouldn't want to get another smack in the head with a shovel.


This one is appparently a true story...

This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to: thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. He wanted to thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything , he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding. After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "F--- you," he turned to the bride and said Fuck you," and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm out of here." He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it as if nothing was wrong. His revenge: making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for the 300 guest wedding and reception. Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. And best of all, trashing the bride and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their entire families, i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc. This guy has balls the size of church bells. This is his world, we just live in it. Love ya work, mate!

 

[m.j.h]

<waves feebly>

Was feeling a little depressed today..

So I did some theraputic gardening...

So I did all the hedges, sweeped up all the leaves, did a lot of the weeding,
tilled the fallow beds, and planted :-

Green abd Purple climbing beans,
Carrots,
Two kinds of Watermelons,
Brown and white onions,
Beetroots,
Celery,
Lemon Grass,
All year lettuce,
And a chocolate Mint plant!!! (it's really cool)

Im stuffed..

my kingdom for a backrub...

I'm tired just from reading that, let alone atcually doing it all.

I'm sure one of the fine women will be along shortly to give you your back rub.

 

[davoo]

liked the hippie one mjh

 

[m.j.h]

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?" The Fairy Godmother replied "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish: "I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear. Cinderella said "Oh thank you, Fairy God Mother".

The Fairy Godmother replied "It is the least I can do. What does your heart wish for your second wish?" Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: "I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again". At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul.

Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke "You have one more wish, what shall you have?" Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said, "I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful, and handsome young man". Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a young man, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.

The Fairy Godmother again spoke: "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life." And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone. For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.

Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect young man she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms. He leant in close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, "I bet you regret having me de-sexed now, don't you?"




Couldn't resist, just had to post that one for you all.

 

[m.j.h]

liked the hippie one mjh

Thanks.

 

[davoo]

well my last one i going to get me some diner

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts
rubbing
his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've
got
a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls
back over
and
taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

 

[australwind]

<waves feebly>

Was feeling a little depressed today..

So I did some theraputic gardening...

So I did all the hedges, sweeped up all the leaves, did a lot of the weeding,
tilled the fallow beds, and planted :-

Green abd Purple climbing beans,
Carrots,
Two kinds of Watermelons,
Brown and white onions,
Beetroots,
Celery,
Lemon Grass,
All year lettuce,
And a chocolate Mint plant!!! (it's really cool)

Im stuffed..

my kingdom for a backrub...

Itys been twenty years since I have had a garden that would be big enough to do that.....but I can certainly rub your back!

 

[australwind]

well my last one i going to get me some diner

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts
rubbing
his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've
got
a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls
back over
and
taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Must remember to tell my dentist that one..........
Enjoy your dinner......

 

[Ladybird]

2 blondes walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it. "That's quite nice innit, don't you fink Trace" "Yeah what's it called?" "Viens a moi" "Viens a moi, what the fack does that mean?" At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me'" Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again saying..... "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?"

Popping in quickly (my girlfriend is running late) I had to laugh at this one mjh.

Can you guess the r/l name of this blonde? Yep... I'm Sharon. And my friend Tracey, can you guess her hair colour? Yep... she's a blonde.

Tis a very funny joke mister, and I'll be sure to send it on to Tracey.

 

[m.j.h]

Popping in quickly (my girlfriend is running late) I had to laugh at this one mjh.

Can you guess the r/l name of this blonde? Yep... I'm Sharon. And my friend Tracey, can you guess her hair colour? Yep... she's a blonde.

Tis a very funny joke mister, and I'll be sure to send it on to Tracey.

You are kidding me aren't you?
*can't believe the coincedence*

Sure they didn't write this after seeing you two shopping?
Just kidding i still love ya.