BlueSugar
Faceted Sensualist
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2003
- Posts
- 7,608
Hello Everyone,
Hope everyone is having a good day, and has kicked off the new year in a positive direction. If not, hang in there, you're not alone, relax and try to stay positive.
I apologise for being a little MIA since Aug. Life, the universe and everything is completely upside down for me and I'm a long way from getting to 42. (Obvious hat tip to Douglas Addam's.) In other words:
M, my boyfriend and dominant of 4+ years and I went through a nasty break up and I still don't feel normal. I'm starting to see a silver ligning but I'm still very hurt.
I've had to work two jobs to try and make ends meet, they're still not coming together, so I am still busting my ass; but at least I'm a few pennies closer, right?
Ontop of the two jobs, I'm still in "the system" ie, education/college with a full schedule to worry about and ballance.
My family was hit really rough financially, they had to close the store they own, my step father squandered too much money away (he is manic, and a drunk) and my mother is trying to give her children (all four of us; including my brother who just got married) a normal life, and is literally breaking herself trying to do so.
I was asked to moderate the Munch group for my area of vermont (munch: meeting of BDSMers to be ourselves, relax, eat, share stories, sometimes including play, play garb, garb swap etc...) Which is an honor, and is very rewarding to me because I get to give back to the community I so cherish, but it is time consuming, and a little heart breaking while living a single life.
Last, but not least, in December I became an LLC (limited liability company) and was very hand selected/highered going through the process of becoming a sex toy distributer/sex educator, I was in the final stages of dotting I's and crossing T's when they caught on to how powerful an LLC was instead of coming in as an independant - and after spending a great deal of time and money trying to set myself up - they dropped my application.
At this point, knowing so much, I might get an investor or two and start up my own company - and I'm serious.
I went and told my family about what I wanted to do with my life (and I honestly thank Lit for helping me along to realize I don't have to take some shitty second choice because my first choice may not be socially acceptable). My family is calling it couple's therapy and wont look me in the eye; for now I don't care, whatever helps them sleep at night...
Saying all that, I have still been storing threads and updating here and there on the main topics. Switching threads out and moving things around and trying to read along and stay updated on the HT board's activity.
You are all very wonderful people, and through the years everyone has appreciated this board and what it can do for a person. The Blank Manual has become quite an incredable resource, and I could not have done it if it wasn't for all of you.
But
Alot of the threads that I really want to add, turn snarky and sarcastic fairly quickly and it is mainly new comers and oldies cracking jokes together about questions that are commonly asked or worded incorectly.
I do not appreciate seeing this happen after a handful serious posts in every thread.
This is a reason why the Cafe was created, amongst many other reasons.
Snarkyness is a little disrespectful in my eyes to the newer people who don't understand board dynamics. It is one thing if they are trying to cushion themselves by cracking a joke - but remember back when you were a newbie trying to ask an honest question.
Everyone in the world seems to really need to know the same 10 things about their bodies, their partner and sex; a reason why TBM was created; and every other person is snarked after 5 posts... I'm sure they don't appreciate it, and I've seen in some cases they feel stupid for asking.
Not everyone knows about their bodies, not everyone grew up with the resources or understanding partners as we did. Infact, my newlywed brother and his wife and I were talking last week and his wife not only thought the Gspot was a myth but she also pulled me aside later that night to ask me if she was calling the parts of her vagina the correct things.
I learned in "the business" and from being here:
- NO negative reactions; just because you don't agree doesn't make you absolutely correct. So answer honestly without making them feel stupid or below you - it take courage to post and let yourself be at the mercy of a whole 'porn' board and/or public setting of strangers or friends.
- Be polite, factual, back yourself up with a personal story. Do not quickly rolleyes at a size question or shoot off quick advice to a virgin that could confuse them.
- Need to poke fun, or can't hold back a comment to make light of the situation and still make a new poster feel welcome? Try another color font (grey, white), say you are kidding but add something of a disclaimer like "yes, you're normal, relax and have fun" but of course cater it to the situation at hand.
- All else fails, go to the cafe and make an "official blurt thread" and have a ball there. We're all at different levels of knowledge and no one needs to feel stupid or inexperienced just because between all of us we can put the karma sutra (and a dozen other sex guides) to shame.
On top of it being disrespectful when it is inappropriate, snarkyness makes perfectly wonderful threads unuseable to The Blank Manual.
Also, and this isn't too much of a problem from the regulars, but please incourage people where possible to be more clear in thread titles. I have had to subtitle a fair amount of threads with great questions asked because just by looking at the thread title people have NO IDEA what someone could want. I partly blame this on the mouse over function Lit has.
So, PLEASE PLEASE more discriptive titles to threads, it helps TBM look uniform. (I will eventually subtitle everything because after this update it will look too uneven.)
Not everything needs to go into TBM, but it isn't everyday someone asks a new question, or an old standard differently (ex, anal) and gets approached without snark, has links posted in the thread which makes it better then an older post put into TBM - I like to switch and replace as long as the info is better then the previous thread.
I love you all to death, and even giggled at the funny comments after you have taken care of the poster, so don't get me wrong, I just wanted to point out a few things and send out a reminder to watch your 'tongue' sometimes because I'm still collecting and watching
Stay sane, stay consentual, stay happy, always look on the bright side of life!
,
Yours Truely
Hope everyone is having a good day, and has kicked off the new year in a positive direction. If not, hang in there, you're not alone, relax and try to stay positive.
I apologise for being a little MIA since Aug. Life, the universe and everything is completely upside down for me and I'm a long way from getting to 42. (Obvious hat tip to Douglas Addam's.) In other words:
M, my boyfriend and dominant of 4+ years and I went through a nasty break up and I still don't feel normal. I'm starting to see a silver ligning but I'm still very hurt.
I've had to work two jobs to try and make ends meet, they're still not coming together, so I am still busting my ass; but at least I'm a few pennies closer, right?
Ontop of the two jobs, I'm still in "the system" ie, education/college with a full schedule to worry about and ballance.
My family was hit really rough financially, they had to close the store they own, my step father squandered too much money away (he is manic, and a drunk) and my mother is trying to give her children (all four of us; including my brother who just got married) a normal life, and is literally breaking herself trying to do so.
I was asked to moderate the Munch group for my area of vermont (munch: meeting of BDSMers to be ourselves, relax, eat, share stories, sometimes including play, play garb, garb swap etc...) Which is an honor, and is very rewarding to me because I get to give back to the community I so cherish, but it is time consuming, and a little heart breaking while living a single life.
Last, but not least, in December I became an LLC (limited liability company) and was very hand selected/highered going through the process of becoming a sex toy distributer/sex educator, I was in the final stages of dotting I's and crossing T's when they caught on to how powerful an LLC was instead of coming in as an independant - and after spending a great deal of time and money trying to set myself up - they dropped my application.
At this point, knowing so much, I might get an investor or two and start up my own company - and I'm serious.
I went and told my family about what I wanted to do with my life (and I honestly thank Lit for helping me along to realize I don't have to take some shitty second choice because my first choice may not be socially acceptable). My family is calling it couple's therapy and wont look me in the eye; for now I don't care, whatever helps them sleep at night...
Saying all that, I have still been storing threads and updating here and there on the main topics. Switching threads out and moving things around and trying to read along and stay updated on the HT board's activity.
You are all very wonderful people, and through the years everyone has appreciated this board and what it can do for a person. The Blank Manual has become quite an incredable resource, and I could not have done it if it wasn't for all of you.
But
Alot of the threads that I really want to add, turn snarky and sarcastic fairly quickly and it is mainly new comers and oldies cracking jokes together about questions that are commonly asked or worded incorectly.
I do not appreciate seeing this happen after a handful serious posts in every thread.
This is a reason why the Cafe was created, amongst many other reasons.
Snarkyness is a little disrespectful in my eyes to the newer people who don't understand board dynamics. It is one thing if they are trying to cushion themselves by cracking a joke - but remember back when you were a newbie trying to ask an honest question.
Everyone in the world seems to really need to know the same 10 things about their bodies, their partner and sex; a reason why TBM was created; and every other person is snarked after 5 posts... I'm sure they don't appreciate it, and I've seen in some cases they feel stupid for asking.
Not everyone knows about their bodies, not everyone grew up with the resources or understanding partners as we did. Infact, my newlywed brother and his wife and I were talking last week and his wife not only thought the Gspot was a myth but she also pulled me aside later that night to ask me if she was calling the parts of her vagina the correct things.
I learned in "the business" and from being here:
- NO negative reactions; just because you don't agree doesn't make you absolutely correct. So answer honestly without making them feel stupid or below you - it take courage to post and let yourself be at the mercy of a whole 'porn' board and/or public setting of strangers or friends.
- Be polite, factual, back yourself up with a personal story. Do not quickly rolleyes at a size question or shoot off quick advice to a virgin that could confuse them.
- Need to poke fun, or can't hold back a comment to make light of the situation and still make a new poster feel welcome? Try another color font (grey, white), say you are kidding but add something of a disclaimer like "yes, you're normal, relax and have fun" but of course cater it to the situation at hand.
- All else fails, go to the cafe and make an "official blurt thread" and have a ball there. We're all at different levels of knowledge and no one needs to feel stupid or inexperienced just because between all of us we can put the karma sutra (and a dozen other sex guides) to shame.
On top of it being disrespectful when it is inappropriate, snarkyness makes perfectly wonderful threads unuseable to The Blank Manual.
Also, and this isn't too much of a problem from the regulars, but please incourage people where possible to be more clear in thread titles. I have had to subtitle a fair amount of threads with great questions asked because just by looking at the thread title people have NO IDEA what someone could want. I partly blame this on the mouse over function Lit has.
So, PLEASE PLEASE more discriptive titles to threads, it helps TBM look uniform. (I will eventually subtitle everything because after this update it will look too uneven.)
Not everything needs to go into TBM, but it isn't everyday someone asks a new question, or an old standard differently (ex, anal) and gets approached without snark, has links posted in the thread which makes it better then an older post put into TBM - I like to switch and replace as long as the info is better then the previous thread.
I love you all to death, and even giggled at the funny comments after you have taken care of the poster, so don't get me wrong, I just wanted to point out a few things and send out a reminder to watch your 'tongue' sometimes because I'm still collecting and watching
Stay sane, stay consentual, stay happy, always look on the bright side of life!
,Yours Truely
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