Assistance and Advice

[Bloodroot]

Greetings honorable members of this BDSM forum.

I come to you seeking advice.

I have wished this lifestyle since i was 16. But there is a problem. I am unnaturally shy and nervous. I am horrible at verbal and written communication. And i can barely even go through a personals site without getting nerves.

Now i am not some kid who only does the «My fetishes are this and this lets play sometime», (I think you call them asshatt).

Errrm it is sort of hard to explain but i really only wish to serve. I have a zero pain threshold (No painslut i suppose). I have a dysfunctional penis in the sense that it does not provide any pleasure, physically it works fine (So no fuck-toy either i think). I am nervous and i can barely hold a coherent conversation going without either:
A: Making myself sound like i have a much lover intelligence then i actually do.
B: Ridicule myself and then no longer dare speak to that person ever again.

So basically i am hopeless yes? I suppose with long training and such i could make a pet to be proud of but what Mistress would go through that when they can choose from hundreds of pre-trained slaves with none of the hassle.

I really have only one desire and that is to be an animal, not sure of the correct term for it.(And one day to make myself worthy of the brand mark of my owner). I really see this merely as a bonus. (Servitude is it's own reward in my mind).

All this is in the future however. As i have 2 years as a trainee as a railway mechanic still to go. And in my country it is impossible to get anything. I have talked to people in the lifestyle here a little and they said that for me to get what i want i need to go abroad. So i accept that. But not until i have a profession to earn money from (And i would not like to be a minimum wage living off my owner).

So i figured i would start a bit early try to get the ball rolling so to speak and maybe make some contacts that could help me, maybe even get a personal add going (Gonna need BIG help on that so i do not screw up).

So what do you suggest? Give up and work without serving? Post a few personal perhaps. Or maybe just chat around and get to know people (For me a really big issue, even online i am an anti-social, nervous, boring male).


Any replies and advice are truly welcome. Who knows maybe i do not need to give up and merely need to get a bit active (even writing this was a tad tough on my nerves. Yes i am that bad).

As you can see i am not overly good with communication...... I am sure that post could have been written in half the time and 1/3 of the length.

PS: Please notify me of any grammatical and/or spelling errors you think should be addressed.

 

[FurryFury]

Greetings honorable members of this BDSM forum.

I come to you seeking advice.

I have wished this lifestyle since i was 16. But there is a problem. I am unnaturally shy and nervous. 1.) I am horrible at verbal and written communication. And i can barely even go through a personals site without getting nerves.

2.) Now i am not some kid who only does the «My fetishes are this and this lets play sometime», (I think you call them asshatt).

Errrm it is sort of hard to explain but i really only wish to serve. I have a zero pain threshold (No painslut i suppose). 3.) I have a dysfunctional penis in the sense that it does not provide any pleasure, physically it works fine (So no fuck-toy either i think). 4.) I am nervous and i can barely hold a coherent conversation going without either:
A: Making myself sound like i have a much lover intelligence then i actually do.
B: Ridicule myself and then no longer dare speak to that person ever again.

So basically i am hopeless yes? I suppose with long training and such i could make a pet to be proud of but what Mistress would go through that when they can choose from hundreds of pre-trained slaves with none of the hassle.

I really have only one desire and that is to be an animal, not sure of the correct term for it.(And one day to make myself worthy of the brand mark of my owner). 5.) I really see this merely as a bonus. (Servitude is it's own reward in my mind).

All this is in the future however. As i have 2 years as a trainee as a railway mechanic still to go. And in my country it is impossible to get anything. 6.) I have talked to people in the lifestyle here a little and they said that for me to get what i want i need to go abroad. So i accept that. But not until i have a profession to earn money from (And i would not like to be a minimum wage living off my owner).

So i figured i would start a bit early try to get the ball rolling so to speak and maybe make some contacts that could help me, maybe even get a personal add going (Gonna need BIG help on that so i do not screw up).

7.) So what do you suggest? Give up and work without serving? Post a few personal perhaps. Or maybe just chat around and get to know people (For me a really big issue, even online i am an anti-social, nervous, boring male).


Any replies and advice are truly welcome. Who knows maybe i do not need to give up and merely need to get a bit active (even writing this was a tad tough on my nerves. Yes i am that bad).

As you can see i am not overly good with communication...... I am sure that post could have been written in half the time and 1/3 of the length.

8.) PS: Please notify me of any grammatical and/or spelling errors you think should be addressed.[/QUOTE]

1.) You are NOT horrible at written communication as clearly evidenced by your post.

2.) I don't think you have your asshat definition correct. To me, an asshat is a person who doesn't act respectfully, who doesn't know WTF s/he is talking about but tries to act like it and who doesn't take other people's interests or limits as real, but rather ignores them.

3.) So, you believe your penis is dysfunction because to date you can derive absolutely no pleasure with, or from it? That does not preclude you being a "fuck toy" for someone else since you say it does work. Just saying. A relationship of whatever kind should be a two way street after all.

4.) This is your biggest hurdle to jump. People who constantly put themselves down are not fun or pleasant to be with IMO. I went out on a date with a guy like that exactly ONCE because I couldn't stand listening to him put himself down. I really wouldn't have gone out with him at all but I needed to be at that concert to see the girl that the guy I was fucking at the time was "in love" with.

So this is what you need to work on. Your social anxiety. This should be one of your priorities in your life, along with your career.

Take it from me, a (still) extremely shy person, you can get past that if you truly want to. It's vital IMO that you work on this, little steps every day.

5.) I think you are saying you want to be a pet? As for the "merely a bonus" part, I do hope you mean the brand. I suspect you are heavily into a sub frenzy / fantasy mind set right now.

I'm not saying that some people aren't pets and that some people don't get branded but the two are not automatically things that go together although they could.

The reality of a relationship as a pet to an owner, might be very different from whatever you have that seems so compelling in your mind though. Every relationship is different, with different boundaries because each one involved different people.

I suspect that if you mean you only want to be a pet constantly being trained with no sex that won't fly with many people.

6.) I'm not sure why people in the lifestyle there would tell you that you must go abroad to get what you want. That makes no sense to me. Perhaps you've given them more details that you have posted but regardless I don't see why you can't find someone in your own country that is interested in some of the same things.

7.) Work, don't give up, post an add, get to know people, chat online or off that's what I'd suggest. Yes, it may be difficult for you but that's what I suspect would be helpful to you, given the information you've put out there and my own experiences and/or observations of life.

8.) I didn't see anything terrible but regardless I'm not in the mood to edit right now.

Good luck in your search and your life!

 

[intothewoods]

Do some research into puppy play. Figure out what kind of play you're looking for (e.g., cutesy cuddly stuff, humilation, training, etc.). Write an ad and post it on collarme.com.

Problem solved! Am I good or what?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Maybe what you need to do is look at the aspects of you need refining or improving and approach it as a sort of assignment for a future Mistress. It might work. Apart from that, my advice is if you really want something, the worst thing you can do is give up on having it or talk your way through a million reasons why you probably can never get there...only you can make it happen. I would keep working, research more into what you want in a relationship, talk with like minded people in RL or online, and begin answering and placing personal ads defining what you are looking for...and above all, begin believing in yourself more as most PYL's will want someone who is happy with themselves...after all, what would be the attraction in them taking on somone who was or believed they were second rate? What would that say about what the PYL was worthy of?

Catalina

 

[Homburg]

You do come across as nervous and having some self-confidence issues, but you're writing is clear and communicative. Maybe you could take heart in the fact that your command of the english language is better than many of my fellow Americans, and start from there.

As to being boring and uninteresting, I once told someone that the first step toward becoming interesting (aside from deciding that you want to be interesting), is to become honestly, passionately interested in something yourself. Immerse yourself passionately into something that excites you. People that can hold conversations about something are going to be more interesting. And if you become honestly conversant on some topic, you may well find the confidence to discuss it. Sure, your interest in early 20cen Tijuana Bibles might only be worthwhile to fellow collectors, but at least you will be in conversations with them. Much like anything else, the more you do it, the more comfortable you will become doing it.

 

[Bloodroot]

Well maybe i should try to think positive.

lessee i can cook quite well (My sister says she cannot live without my chocolate cake volcano). I can calm a horse down during a lightning storm (Doubt that has any relevance). People say i have a calming voice and demeanor. I am quite good with mechanical contraptions (As Long as it ain't a car, i hate cars). I am eager and hard working (But usually overshadowed by my nervousness and high degree of fear).

And i do think that for a mistress wanting a pet to own that just required a tad bit extra training and challenge i am a decent choice.

hmmm maybe i am not so negative as i first thought.


As for interests and fetishes. I am pretty all eating. As long as it doesn't contain Scat or puke or feeding (I do not mind large females but it's supposed to be natural).

Although i guess i would prefer doggy play, training, servitude and maybe a bit of the cuddly stuff in the weekends (I cannot help it, i think my mistress sitting in the couch a glass of wine in one hand and a book in the other relaxing in front of a fireplace while i lie on the carpet with her feet on top of me just relaxing, one of my most romantic fantasies known).

Maybe i should write a bio or something while i am in this positive "feel good" mood. Oh heck why not, off i go. (Sure can't end up worse then screwing up completely and then never daring to show myself in any form of BDSM setting ever again right eh?).

 

[BiBunny]

A man who's worried about his grammar and cooks? I think I'm in love already!

Seriously, though, we all have our issues and problems that we need to work through. My advice to you is to work on yourself before you start worrying about entering a relationship. This actually changed my life. Take a look around the site when you have some free time.

You seem quite earnest, and I wish you the best.

 

[FurryFury]

Well maybe i should try to think positive.

lessee i can cook quite well (My sister says she cannot live without my chocolate cake volcano). I can calm a horse down during a lightning storm (Doubt that has any relevance). People say i have a calming voice and demeanor. I am quite good with mechanical contraptions (As Long as it ain't a car, i hate cars). I am eager and hard working (But usually overshadowed by my nervousness and high degree of fear).

And i do think that for a mistress wanting a pet to own that just required a tad bit extra training and challenge i am a decent choice.

hmmm maybe i am not so negative as i first thought.


As for interests and fetishes. I am pretty all eating. As long as it doesn't contain Scat or puke or feeding (I do not mind large females but it's supposed to be natural).

Although i guess i would prefer doggy play, training, servitude and maybe a bit of the cuddly stuff in the weekends (I cannot help it, i think my mistress sitting in the couch a glass of wine in one hand and a book in the other relaxing in front of a fireplace while i lie on the carpet with her feet on top of me just relaxing, one of my most romantic fantasies known).

Maybe i should write a bio or something while i am in this positive "feel good" mood. Oh heck why not, off i go. (Sure can't end up worse then screwing up completely and then never daring to show myself in any form of BDSM setting ever again right eh?).

Wow! This post is like day to the night of your first one. Good job!

 

[Homburg]

Wow! This post is like day to the night of your first one. Good job!

I was thinking the same thing. Good on ya, Bloodroot!

 

[rosco rathbone]

Research Bob Flanagan, aka Supermasochist. I met him before he died....cool guy.

 

[m wisdom]

If you don't mind me asking, where in Scandinavia do you live? Perhaps there is a local munch you can attend. It might help your shyness to meet some people in a non-play setting.

You can PM me if you want.

 

[Bloodroot]

Oh yes i can be positive. Was even positive today in fact. (two days of happiness aren't overly common for me). I bloody love it.

Now to go kidnap someone so they can be forced to adopt me and my life is complete

 

[FurryFury]

Oh yes i can be positive. Was even positive today in fact. (two days of happiness aren't overly common for me). I bloody love it.

Now to go kidnap someone so they can be forced to adopt me and my life is complete

LOL!

Does not compute, error, error, does not compute.

Glad you have a having some good days though.

Yay you!

 

[Toa_lin]

Okay, most here have allready attested the truth to much of what you have described. All i wish to add is simply this.

You stated

"what Mistress would go through that when they can choose from hundreds of pre-trained slaves with none of the hassle."

Well the answer, IMHO, is many. I for one am a Master who finds the act of training a sub from scratch, a perfect way of bonding.

I see the blank slate as a bonus, there's nothing another PYL has taught them that you need to un-teach them. I'm an artist, and i see a blank canvass as the greatest master-piece yet to be unveiled.

And the act of that training, that first training, can be a powerfull bond.

Besides for that, good-luck my friend, and if ever you need help, there are plenty of us here, I'm sure you can find one or two who you can talk to on a base level.