Asperger's and coping

[Tarkael]

Hey all, been lurking for a while, figured I might as well throw this topic out, and see what kind of responses I can get.

I did a quick search, but I didn't want to totally derail the existing threads in the results with the subject of AS.

So I'm not so much asking a question, as wondering if there are any other people here with Asperger's, or experience with people who have it, and working around it while still managing a normal life.

Some of the biggest problems I have with it are not being able to keep eye contact (I'm not even sure why, I just can't) for more than a couple seconds, and, not surprisingly, being extremely shy (Doubly so for people I am attracted to, which has lead to zero successful relationships at the age of 20.)

Any... comments, suggestions, anything?

If nothing else it feels good to get this off my chest. Thanks ahead of time.

 

[Retrieval]

What Is Asperger Syndrome?
By Barbara L. Kirby
Founder of the OASIS Web site (www.aspergersyndrome.org)
Co-author of THE OASIS GUIDE TO ASPERGER SYNDROME (Crown, 2001, Revised 2005)

Asperger Syndrome or (Asperger's Disorder) is a neurobiological disorder named for a Viennese physician, Hans Asperger, who in 1944 published a paper which described a pattern of behaviors in several young boys who had normal intelligence and language development, but who also exhibited autistic-like behaviors and marked deficiencies in social and communication skills. In spite of the publication of his paper in the 1940's, it wasn't until 1994 that Asperger Syndrome was added to the DSM IV and only in the past few years has AS been recognized by professionals and parents.

Individuals with AS can exhibit a variety of characteristics and the disorder can range from mild to severe. Persons with AS show marked deficiencies in social skills, have difficulties with transitions or changes and prefer sameness. They often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest. They have a great deal of difficulty reading nonverbal cues (body language) and very often the individual with AS has difficulty determining proper body space. Often overly sensitive to sounds, tastes, smells, and sights, the person with AS may prefer soft clothing, certain foods, and be bothered by sounds or lights no one else seems to hear or see. It's important to remember that the person with AS perceives the world very differently. Therefore, many behaviors that seem odd or unusual are due to those neurological differences and not the result of intentional rudeness or bad behavior, and most certainly not the result of "improper parenting".

By definition, those with AS have a normal IQ and many individuals (although not all), exhibit exceptional skill or talent in a specific area. Because of their high degree of functionality and their naiveté, those with AS are often viewed as eccentric or odd and can easily become victims of teasing and bullying. While language development seems, on the surface, normal, individuals with AS often have deficits in pragmatics and prosody. Vocabularies may be extraordinarily rich and some children sound like "little professors." However, persons with AS can be extremely literal and have difficulty using language in a social context.

At this time there is a great deal of debate as to exactly where AS fits. It is presently described as an autism spectrum disorder and Uta Frith, in her book AUTISM AND ASPERGER'S SYNDROME, described AS individuals as "having a dash of Autism". Some professionals feel that AS is the same as High Functioning Autism, while others feel that it is better described as a Nonverbal Learning Disability. AS shares many of the characteristics of PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder; Not otherwise specified), HFA, and NLD and because it was virtually unknown until a few years ago, many individuals either received an incorrect diagnosis or remained undiagnosed. For example, it is not at all uncommon for a child who was initially diagnosed with ADD or ADHD be re-diagnosed with AS. In addition, some individuals who were originally diagnosed with HFA or PDD-NOS are now being given the AS diagnosis and many individuals have a dual diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome and High Functioning Autism.

For your information, I've included below a copy of the DSM IV Description. In addition, I've also added a more down-to-earth description that was originally posted to the autism listserv.

Just out of curiousity, do you excell at anything in particular? Languages? Maths? Science?

 

[Tarkael]

I am good with math, yes.

I've read that article before, not too long ago. Interesting read, but... I don't really like it because it gives me a label, seems to strip me of all personality and just call me another statistic.

 

[snowy ciara]

A cloxe friend of mine has similar issues and she's found an online community that's actually run by people WITH AS. She says that there's a treasure trove of info for coping and stuff. Click me--->>> Wrong Planet . Be warned, while there are several boards that are for mature posters only, there are a lot of kids there (the founders were 17 or 18 when they started the site) so keep it clean.

 

[Retrieval]

A cloxe friend of mine has similar issues and she's found an online community that's actually run by people WITH AS. She says that there's a treasure trove of info for coping and stuff. Click me--->>> Wrong Planet . Be warned, while there are several boards that are for mature posters only, there are a lot of kids there (the founders were 17 or 18 when they started the site) so keep it clean.

Good enough to become an accountant or a auditor? That’s really good money if your good enough. I'm useless at math.

 

[snowy ciara]

LOL Ironically enough, math is my buddy's "thing". She does Calculus and such to relax.

 

[Tarkael]

Good enough to become an accountant or a auditor? That’s really good money if your good enough. I'm useless at math.

Well, part of the problem is that I don't ENJOY math at all. I'm good at it, I just.. hate doing it.

I'm also good with computers though, specifically on the artistic side, so I'm not TOO worried about making a living.

 

[Retrieval]

Well, part of the problem is that I don't ENJOY math at all. I'm good at it, I just.. hate doing it.

I'm also good with computers though, specifically on the artistic side, so I'm not TOO worried about making a living.

Tarkael let me tell you something, when you want a relationship I don’t know how easy/hard its going to be with your syndrome.
If it’s just a good time with a woman then a big wallet and a nice car can go a long way.
Now I’ve said this there will be some woman coming in here saying otherwise, but look at it like this... how many ugly actors/singers with stinking personalities have you seen with a good looking woman? loads right? especially rock stars, like I said...a big wallet and a nice car can go a long way.

Concentrate on making the money first and worry about everything else later.

 

[SouthernDom]

In addition to the wealth of information on the web i would suggest anyone who has or cares for a child or young adult with AS read the following book.

Autism Asperbergers: Solving the Relationship Puzzle. By Steven E. Gutstein

A quick search on the author listed above at Barnes and Noble reveals more bokks he has written or co-authored. I have found him to be dead on target in his observations and treatmentment suggestions.

 

[Malaria]

my 15 yr old brother has aspergers (and ADHD, dyspraxia and dyslexia) so i know what it's like to live with the condition. Although i'm never sure which behaviour to attribute to which syndrome. For example he has no understanding of consequences or ownership (unless it's his). It's very difficult to live with and one of the main reasons i can't wait to move out of this hell hole!

 

[AboutFace]

I don't currently know any adults with that "diagnosis" - but I have a few friends whose children have it.
It is hard for them to cope - but they are growing into being pretty great people.

Here is a *hugs* for you - that is if you would take it. (all of my friends kids with it HATE personal touch - hence the qualification)

 

[Mary Hall]

being extremely shy (Doubly so for people I am attracted to, which has lead to zero successful relationships at the age of 20.

Finding someone who understands the condition and has patience is difficult.

 

[M's girl]

as wondering if there are any other people here with Asperger's

I am wondering if you are actually diagnosed as having Aspargers, or if you THINK you might have this syndrome, based on certain types of behavior and such?

 

[Tarkael]

I am wondering if you are actually diagnosed as having Aspargers, or if you THINK you might have this syndrome, based on certain types of behavior and such?

I have not been officially diagnosed as having it, I am going in for a PET scan soon to find out for sure. But everything I have ever read about Asperger's has been dead on with me.

And AboutFace: I have no aversion to personal touches - so thank you

 

[Mary Hall]

I have it, been diagnosed for 5 years now.

 

[Retrieval]

I have it, been diagnosed for 5 years now.

Did you have an inkling before you was actually diagnosed? and if so then why did you have that inkling?

 

[eXplorer63]

Finding someone who understands the condition and has patience is difficult.

Although you got me and I'm patient, hell you said once I may have it once.

 

[jerseyman1963]

Hey all, been lurking for a while, figured I might as well throw this topic out, and see what kind of responses I can get.

I did a quick search, but I didn't want to totally derail the existing threads in the results with the subject of AS.

So I'm not so much asking a question, as wondering if there are any other people here with Asperger's, or experience with people who have it, and working around it while still managing a normal life.

Some of the biggest problems I have with it are not being able to keep eye contact (I'm not even sure why, I just can't) for more than a couple seconds, and, not surprisingly, being extremely shy (Doubly so for people I am attracted to, which has lead to zero successful relationships at the age of 20.)

Any... comments, suggestions, anything?

If nothing else it feels good to get this off my chest. Thanks ahead of time.

I know someone who has Asperger's. It's not a picnic, but on the scale of shitty things, it's far from the worst thing that could happen to you.

For instance, search the Lit threads for a while and you will quickly find out that you are far from the only 20 year old, or far from the only person of any age for that matter, trying to figure out how to be less shy. So some of the things you think you may be struggling with because of your disease are really things we all struggle with at one time or another.

You mentioned that you were not yet diagnosed, and before you go too much further down this road, I would strongly suggest that you go do that. It's possible you are misdiagnosing yourself, so you need a professional assessment. Be careful about that, too. Although Asperger's is more well known than it was 10 years ago, it is still not one of those every day conditions that everyone is familiar with, so make sure you see a doctor or clinician with experience.

There are several good resources on the web, and support groups in a lot of communities, and I'd recommend posting there to get some sense from tose who have gone before you of who in your area is reputable and experienced. There are several good hospitals and institutes too.

 

[deluxe3000]

Tarkael,

I have a son who was diagnosed wtih Asperger's Syndrome about eight years ago. It has been a long and challenging path thus far but the rewards are incredible. I agree with a couple of the previous posts in that it would be best to get a diagnosis (or two, because sometimes two professional opinions might be more helpful in finding out what you actually have).

I feel for you as Asperger's is not picnic. Sure, it's not as bad as other maladies but, having been around people who have it, I know what a difficult challenge it can be.

Hang in there. Get a diagnosis, learn some coping skills and strategies to understand the world and how to navigate it, and life will improve for you.

Be well.

 

[Mary Hall]

Try finding help and support for young adults with AS.....trust me its a nightmare.

 

[sweetgirl666]

Once you have a proper diagnosis join a support group.

It helps greatly with such disorders, as you will be able to find that others had the same problems, and how they coped with them. Also, a great way to get over any of those disorders (Does not matter if it is a LD, ADHD, ODD and so on) is to find something that this person (in this case you) is good at and likes to do. A hobby. Something you can be good at and have fun. And then be active within a community of that hobby. Heck, there are stamp collecting clubs. Chances are that you will meet a nice women there. If not you will gain more social skills and gain some confidence.

I do not know how therapy options are where you live, but having a good therapist, that helps you to reflect your life is MUCH better than just reading stuff on the internet and making up your own mind. That guy or girl is trained to help people just like you.