Asking a favour from the Volunteer Editors

[RogueLurker]

Now that the Halloween Contest is over, I'd like to ask a favour of those that post in and lurk about the Editor's Forum.

I submitted two stories and I'd appreciate any feedback that you would be willing to give on either one (or both? ). I'm posting this request here rather than in other forums as this is sort of my "home" and I am interested in the opinions that you might provide.

I know that some of you have already read and commented on them and I would like to say thank you for that. The point of entering the contest for me was to see if I could write a story and to see if I could write a good story. I proved the fist one by finishing two stories before the deadline ... the second one, I think I succeeded at, but there is always room for improvement.

I'm looking for feedback on the overall feel of the story, the plot, the characters, the flow, etc. I already know that I have an issue with passive voice - eventually it will be beaten out of me.

I'm happy with both the stories as they stand - I feel I did the best with them that I could and the editing/advice that I recieved while working on them was invaluable and made a positive difference in the final product.

Trick or Tryst: The Dildo of Doom - Hell hath no fury like a lesbian scorned

Paths Less Travelled - A walk in the woods turns into more than they expected

Private feedback via PM or email is cool ...

Thanks,

RL

 

[snooper]

... I already know that I have an issue with passive voice - eventually it will be beaten out of me. ...

A perfect example of correct use of the passive voice. Any attempt to turn the second clause into the active would be much less elegant.

There is nothing wrong with using the passive voice where it is appropriate.

<ducks to avoid the hate mail>

 

[CopyCarver]

As much as I hate passive voice--probably from editing way too much academicese—you’ve reminded me that it does have a raison d’ être. You made the perfect choice of voice and used it well. No worries on that front.

Writing comic book horror is easy but it takes considerable talent to effectively meld terror with realistic characterization and setting as you’ve done. I also like the way the suspense builds almost organically, forcing readers to keep going without blatant or artificial “cliffhangers.”

My only complaints about “Paths Less Traveled” are:
1. I somehow failed to discover the story until now (Do you accept ex post
2. You’ve probably scared Bill Bryson so badly that he’ll spend the rest of his life in midtown Manhattan, avoiding all forests larger than bonsai.

 

[CopyCarver]

Oops--redundancy almost ruled

 

[RogueLurker]

Thank you, Snooper and CopyCarver ... I may copy and paste those comments and hang them on the wall. Passive voice good (sometimes)

 

[Toa_lin]

yeah, I also generally don't like a passive voice. BUT, when used correctly, like you did, it can be a powerful tool in the end. I commend you on your ecellent work. so, Cheers.