Ask the opposite gender.

[AlexBailey]

I’ve had long hair for my adult life except for once about twelve years ago when I completely shaved my head. There was a noticeable difference in how some people interacted with me. I’ve also experienced a wide spectrum of reactions depending on how masculine or femme I present.


I’m wondering how women feel (guys too if you feel this applies to you) about the different ways they’re treated or respected depending on their style or appearance.

I understand how different jobs or special events require different presentations, I’m asking more in terms of casual environments.

Do you ‘dress down’ for some casual situations and ‘dress up’ for others? What are your thoughts and considerations?

 

[Kumquatqueen]

This question is for the ladies and straight ladies only, please. As a straight man I love watching two girls kiss, it’s very arousing for me. Do you ladies also get aroused by watching two guys kiss?

Are bisexuals not allowed an opinion?

 

[Volk359]

Are bisexuals not allowed an opinion?

Nothing against bisexuals at all, but as a straight heterosexual man I’d like opinions from straight heterosexual women.

 

[Athalia]

General remark. Let’s assume for the sake of argument that women don’t, as a rule, occupy adjacent cubicles when showering. Does that happen so rigorously that any story mentioning two female characters in adjacent cubicles will ring so false to women readers that they stop reading the otherwise I’m sure riveting story? I’m voting “no”.

Em

It wouldn't ring false to me. It would depend on how crowded those showers might be, and whether there were dividers between the shower heads. And whether the women knew each other. I've written a story about this very situation, where a woman is watching another woman and marvellng how unconcerned the latter was about exposing her body, washing her breasts and crotch without shame. The woman wished that she was so comfortable in her skin. There were no comments on it, and the story rated pretty high.

 

[EmilyMiller]

It wouldn't ring false to me. It would depend on how crowded those showers might be, and whether there were dividers between the shower heads. And whether the women knew each other. I've written a story about this very situation, where a woman is watching another woman and marvellng how unconcerned the latter was about exposing her body, washing her breasts and crotch without shame. The woman wished that she was so comfortable in her skin. There were no comments on it, and the story rated pretty high.

YMMV

Em

 

[IsabellaEmily]

Meanwhile, back to our normally scheduled program…

This question is for the ladies and straight ladies only, please. As a straight man I love watching two girls kiss, it’s very arousing for me. Do you ladies also get aroused by watching two guys kiss?

I will answer, but I am not straight, so up front that probably affects the quality of my answer as far as the purposes of your question.

For me it would be situational.

Just seeing two guys kissing (or even making out) wouldn't do much for me.

However if I knew them and knew that there was genuine passion and affection and lust and desire between them, then that could emotionally inform my reaction to watching them, if that makes any sense?

 

[Volk359]

I will answer, but I am not straight, so up front that probably affects the quality of my answer as far as the purposes of your question.

For me it would be situational.

Just seeing two guys kissing (or even making out) wouldn't do much for me.

However if I knew them and knew that there was genuine passion and affection and lust and desire between them, then that could emotionally inform my reaction to watching them, if that makes any sense?

I suppose so. Guys are such visual creatures so watching two girls kiss would be erotic whether I knew them or not or whether there was lust and desire between them.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I suppose so. Guys are such visual creatures so watching two girls kiss would be erotic whether I knew them or not or whether there was lust and desire between them.

I'm not sure 'aroused' really describes how women feel on seeing attractive people getting it on. Interested, appreciative, enjoyable - then save the image and thoughts for later when wanting to get aroused, might be more like it.

For me it has to be guys who at least look like they're into it. Kumquatconsort is approx 99.8% straight but has been known to be kissed by guys. He and my boyfriend decided to make out once because they thought I'd appreciate it. I thought I would too. Except they couldn't act into it and it was just silly. Same with another chap all over him, though at least the other guy was well up for it. Sadly I never got to see much of him with the one man he's ever fallen for.

I've watched a bit of gay male porn with straight female friends, and however hot the guys are, it doesn't work because porn aimed at men is obsessed with zooming in on genitals. Women (let's over-generalise here...) are often fine with raunchy but want to step back and see the shapes of the people getting it on, the muscle in their ass, the curve of a hip or shoulder, their hair getting messed up, etc, not interested in body fluids.

I'd argue women are better at visualising without picture prompts, but often are just as aroused by the concept of two of their desired sex kissing, if they're people they know a little about. The *huge* amount of fanfic about boybands and Harry Potter's male characters is testament to that. Once girls grow up they at least don't inflict their m/m fantasies on other people (oh wait...)

 

[Alitaptap]

I’ve had long hair for my adult life except for once about twelve years ago when I completely shaved my head. There was a noticeable difference in how some people interacted with me. I’ve also experienced a wide spectrum of reactions depending on how masculine or femme I present.


I’m wondering how women feel (guys too if you feel this applies to you) about the different ways they’re treated or respected depending on their style or appearance.

I understand how different jobs or special events require different presentations, I’m asking more in terms of casual environments.

Do you ‘dress down’ for some casual situations and ‘dress up’ for others? What are your thoughts and considerations?

Answering your question, I’ve looked differently depending on what period in life I’ve been in, which I assume some here have done as well. And yes, I’ve had the same experience as you.

When looking more masculine (no hair, spiked hair, red hair, while wearing more masculine clothes), strangers seem to just leave me alone, respecting that I can do things well on my own, which is great. One time though at a wedding, I chose to wear a fitted suit sans tie with my cropped hair and an acquaintance asked if I was a lesbian now hahahahaha. I said no, I just found the suit gorgeous.

Moving on, when I look more femme (long hair, layered hair, bangs, dresses, etc.) strangers seem to do extra things for me, tying my bought items more thoroughly, helping me get a cart from the grocery, bringing me to my destination if I ask for directions, things like that.

My close friends treat me the same, they’re used to me changing “my look” as they put it, caring more about how I am on the inside, rather than on the outside.

But retrospectively, I’ve been treated kindly no matter what I present myself as - I think if you smile and are kind to others, they usually respond the same way no matter how you look. Apart from the odd comment here or there when I shaved my hair totally off (someone thought we were on a hidden camera show at a bus stop haha), or when I had spiked hair plus leather boots etc., it really depended on whether I treated people well or not.

So simple answer is yes, depending on how feminine or masculine I presented myself, how I was treated by people who didn’t know me changed. I think they just followed the master narrative as Toni Morrison puts it. Many assume that more feminine needed more help and have a higher status in life, and more masculine was seen as more independent and wanted to be left alone.

How do I feel about it? I’m pretty ambivalent about it TBH, like most people I like feeling beautiful, but my idea of beauty has changed over the years, so how I look reflects that. Like any other person, an ego stroke is flattering, but I’ve seen that I look and feel my best when who I am inside at that moment reflects who I am on the outside, and that changes with time.

 

[AlexBailey]

Answering your question, I’ve looked differently depending on what period in life I’ve been in, which I assume some here have done as well. And yes, I’ve had the same experience as you.

When looking more masculine (no hair, spiked hair, red hair, while wearing more masculine clothes), strangers seem to just leave me alone, respecting that I can do things well on my own, which is great. One time though at a wedding, I chose to wear a fitted suit sans tie with my cropped hair and an acquaintance asked if I was a lesbian now hahahahaha. I said no, I just found the suit gorgeous.

Moving on, when I look more femme (long hair, layered hair, bangs, dresses, etc.) strangers seem to do extra things for me, tying my bought items more thoroughly, helping me get a cart from the grocery, bringing me to my destination if I ask for directions, things like that.

My close friends treat me the same, they’re used to me changing “my look” as they put it, caring more about how I am on the inside, rather than on the outside.

But retrospectively, I’ve been treated kindly no matter what I present myself as - I think if you smile and are kind to others, they usually respond the same way no matter how you look. Apart from the odd comment here or there when I shaved my hair totally off (someone thought we were on a hidden camera show at a bus stop haha), or when I had spiked hair plus leather boots etc., it really depended on whether I treated people well or not.

So simple answer is yes, depending on how feminine or masculine I presented myself, how I was treated by people who didn’t know me changed. I think they just followed the master narrative as Toni Morrison puts it. Many assume that more feminine needed more help and have a higher status in life, and more masculine was seen as more independent and wanted to be left alone.

How do I feel about it? I’m pretty ambivalent about it TBH, like most people I like feeling beautiful, but my idea of beauty has changed over the years, so how I look reflects that. Like any other person, an ego stroke is flattering, but I’ve seen that I look and feel my best when who I am inside at that moment reflects who I am on the outside, and that changes with time.

Thanks for your wonderfully detailed response.

My mother and my first wife were of the mind that they simply must present their ‘best’ in a very stereotypically feminine fashion sort of way whenever in public, while my sweet wife and nearly every other partner I’ve had seem to share your perspective.

I far prefer the company of the latter.

 

[YDB95]

Regarding men kissing, I definitely recall when the movie Brokeback Mountain was out, I heard a number of women say they understood for the first time why guys got off on watching women get busy with each other.

 

[Volk359]

A question for the ladies who can suck their own nipples, do you really enjoy it and get off on it or is that just a porn thing? Do you suck your nipples when you masturbate?

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Suprised this thread doesn't already exist. (At least I don't remember seeing it and a search didn't turn anything up.)

This thread is not for big philosophical questions or deep discussion on the nature of gender and its expression through sexuality.

Instead it's for those little details that only men or women would know.

I'll get the ball rolling.






Since this is Lit, it will surprise absolutely no-one that I want my two protags to end up in neighbouring showers. I'm just not sure to what extent this requires extra writing.

Well this is easy.

The shy one goes in the shower first.

The bolder one surprises her and picks the shower next to her.

Ta-Da!

 

[Athalia]

YMMV

Em

Indeed. Part of it is, I think, age. I grew up at a time when girls in school and at the swim clubs showered together, and we became quite comfortable with seeing each other nude. My understanding is that coed communal showers went out of fashion about thirty--five to forty years ago, and separate stalls and a general reluctance to shower together came into vogue. (Yes, I am in my sixties, and I"m guessing that you are at least twenty years younger than I.)

But that doesn't translate to a general acceptance of nudity. I have been asked by friends to accompany them to nude beaches and nude resorts, and I always decline. It's not that I thing that the nude male (or female) body is ugly, but that I feel very, very vulnerable due to the fact that guys are likely to weigh half again as much as I do, and because I have had bad associations with male nudity in situations I could not completely control.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Resurrecting this thread for a very simple question.

Can you buy lipstick which is deliberately designed to smudge.

Say you really really want to make sure you leave your mark on someone - is there a special brand you can buy.

Google isn't being very helpful - it seems to think women's sole goal in life is to find a lipstick that *doesn't* smudge. It hasn't fully grasped my question.

 

[Oniafox]

Resurrecting this thread for a very simple question.

Can you buy lipstick which is deliberately designed to smudge.

Say you really really want to make sure you leave your mark on someone - is there a special brand you can buy.

Google isn't being very helpful - it seems to think women's sole goal in life is to find a lipstick that *doesn't* smudge. It hasn't fully grasped my question.

Buy cheap

 

[TheRedChamber]

Buy cheap

ok, that makes sense. Superdrug generic or something?

 

[Oniafox]

ok, that makes sense. Superdrug generic or something?

I can’t remember the brand name, but Savers do one that smudges well. (Or did, I haven’t needed to buy any for years)

 

[Erozetta]

Do you want the color to be pigmented or sheer?

Like barely noticeable smudging or deep red print across the lips/cheek?

Well, either way, I suppose:
justpureminerals dot com has some of the nicest, creamiest lipsticks with good pigmentation but isn't long lasting and transfers easily. I love them.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Do you want the color to be pigmented or sheer?

Like barely noticeable smudging or deep red print across the lips/cheek?

Well, either way, I suppose:
justpureminerals dot com has some of the nicest, creamiest lipsticks with good pigmentation but isn't long lasting and transfers easily. I love them.

As close to a full set of lips imprinted on skin as possible.

 

[Ms_Macabre]

I've got one for the lads:

Men are touch-starved for affection to a degree that truly breaks my heart, and I like to write in these details, so my stories can be just as enjoyable for men. So, here's my question: What are your favorite types of touch or ways of being shown physical affection from your partner that just melt you?

It can be sexual, sensual, or just affectionate. What are you craving? Shoulder kisses? Hands through your hair/beard? My husband is a sucker for random kisses on his neck, even if it's just in passing. Or if I massage his hands when we're just watching a movie. I think this is a spot in writing that really isn't paid much attention to since, traditionally, men are expected to be the ones who supply this type of romantic interaction, but they aren't the recipients nearly enough.

 

[subdudeme13]

I've got one for the lads:

Men are touch-starved for affection to a degree that truly breaks my heart, and I like to write in these details, so my stories can be just as enjoyable for men. So, here's my question: What are your favorite types of touch or ways of being shown physical affection from your partner that just melt you?

It can be sexual, sensual, or just affectionate. What are you craving? Shoulder kisses? Hands through your hair/beard? My husband is a sucker for random kisses on his neck, even if it's just in passing. Or if I massage his hands when we're just watching a movie. I think this is a spot in writing that really isn't paid much attention to since, traditionally, men are expected to be the ones who supply this type of romantic interaction, but they aren't the recipients nearly enough.

Soft whispers with the lips brushing the ear. Soft nibbles. Nails running over me, anywhere.

 

[Erozetta]

As close to a full set of lips imprinted on skin as possible.

Bordeaux by just pure minerals will give a great imprint. Sometimes it can stain the skin if not wiped away from paler flesh quickly. I've had it stain my lips after wearing it (kinda looks like a dark red cherry tint on my lips when it stains) and my husband's skin, lol.

La Mure, too, but it's more purple than red. Pinks and nudes don't leave as good of an imprint as deep reds.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I've got one for the lads:

Men are touch-starved for affection to a degree that truly breaks my heart, and I like to write in these details, so my stories can be just as enjoyable for men. So, here's my question: What are your favorite types of touch or ways of being shown physical affection from your partner that just melt you?

I've often written, "When a woman touches a man on the shoulder, he remembers. I'm remembering now."

There's a little vignette at the end of this one that captures that feeling:

https://www.literotica.com/s/valentines-for-suzie

 

[Ms_Macabre]

I've often written, "When a woman touches a man on the shoulder, he remembers. I'm remembering now."

There's a little vignette at the end of this one that captures that feeling:

https://www.literotica.com/s/valentines-for-suzie

That's a really great piece! I love that quote too.