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SilkeeSmooth said:
I've had (and have) gender 'questions' since being a minor, and while that wasn't something I shared with my parents, I'd like to think if I had (there were some points where I had fully convinced myself that as soon as I turned 18, I'd see a Doc, and begin the transition process.) that they would have understood, but also suggested patience, and talking with a professional to sort out what was going through my mind. I'm fairly certain that I would have needed to be in a very very desperate place before they would have agreed to any meds or surgery.

It's not fair for me to assume my situation was typical, but at the end of the day, I'm nearly always okay with how things turned out for me. You've mentioned that most kids with gender dysphoria grow out of it, that's interesting, and I guess I wouldn't have thought that to be the case.
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I suspect most kids these days find themselves asking 'should I be questioning my gender?' because it's a concept that's out there. Perhaps they might play with the idea for a summer then move on. Others might find the question persists for a year or two, others still reach a compromise where they accept they have a non-binary perception of themselves. There are many ways that people grow into themselves - it's what being a kid is all about.

It's tough persuading a child the meaning of patience when a summer holiday feels like a lifetime. Psychiatrists will often stall for time while addressing their patient's concerns and for many kids having an adult take them seriously is important. As the article mentions - 'watchful waiting' plus allowing for a change of mind without judgement.
 
There's been an interesting, if heated discussion on the Authors Hangout regarding Pronoun usage... it turned into a bitchslapfest when one dude got entrenched with his way was the only way... however.

So I had time to browse some articles about the two spectrums in which I have investment, the Autistic and Gender Spectrums ( Spectra I suppose ). I've already covered this earlier with some links on #1903 but there's always room for more.

Before I get to that, I was shocked how many Googles linked to pieces that suggested Autism was an illness; referring to individuals as patients and suggesting spurious "causes" as well as links to that cesspool AutismSpeaks.org who foster the same attitudes. So be warned - there is loads of bad advice out there but if you see 'patients' 'cures' 'biological causes' and 'treatments' you are in the wrong kind of website.

However, I did find verywellhealth which I think is okay, even if they kept referring to hypermasculine brains and the inability of auties to empathise. They do cover the co-occurrence of dysphoria and autism, which appears higher in that population than in the neurotypical world ( people who not autistic ) 7% v 1.5% but with very small sample groups. Natacha Kennedy delivered a keynote speech back in 2012, where she argued that linking autism and gender dysphoria smacked of discrimination or cisgenderism. She cited these examples
  • The systemic erasure and problematizing of trans people
  • The essentializing of gender
  • The gender binary
  • The immutability of gender
  • The external imposition of gender
Cultural cisgenderism enables and empowers the observer to characterize an individual with gender, without the input of the individual."
I like that point a lot. As soon as you start to examine links between the two you're already many a skewed assumption that the binary male/female is the norm and ignoring the spectrum of gender perception. Assumptions have to be made, psychological profiles need some markers to provide diagnoses but don't be too hasty in imposing out of date binary ideas into the mix.

There was also a new word to me 'Autigender' created to describe people who feel their gender identity is inextricably linked with, and influenced by, their autism. I thought that sounded cool :)

Lots of explanations being offered for the apparent link including
Autistic people being obsessive about interests, including perhaps gender
Auties making false assumptions about their observed social world
'Progressive' influences creeping into schools to brainwash kids...

None of those explain transgender people being diagnosed autistic later in life, long after the playground affects their thinking.

Conclusion?
Nobody knows yet, so please stop try to "fix" us. Therein lies the problem for the experts - we're not broken :D
 
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The gender recognition reform bill has been passed as law in Scotland, which has an independent legislature for most laws, to the rest of the UK.

A children's book author has again been had a food aisle tantrum and I have no wish to discuss it, particularly as the coverage I've seen is the Murdoch press that I avoid. The law is passed - well done Scotland for being rational and compassionate towards the transgender individuals this will help. No cis-women will be harmed by this law.
 
How very cool. The RYA ( Royal Yachting Assoc ) who are the main sailing/training body in the UK are running a trans awareness event with Mermaids, the UK family trans charity, next month. Signed up, thank you.

They're also running awareness events for autism on a separate occasion. I challenged the RYA because when I issue a certificate I have to state the title for women - they are Ms, Mrs, Miss which is so old fashioned and unnecessary :(
 
...and the UK government proves again how anti LGBT it is as a leaked report, on the Transgender day of visibility, sees the government back-tracking on a 4-yr long commitment to ban conversion therapy because it 'might offend some religious groups'.
This comes on top of Boris Fuckwit PM cutting overseas aid, leaving them out of step with an UN commitment, it has made the process of seeking refuge as a Ukrainian almost impossible, and has broken its own laws during lockdown and facing police fines... and then denying everything.
The UK is a fucking disgrace and is due to host an international conference on LGBT in June. I hope everyone stays away
 
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Get this. 3 hours after leaking the news to the press, Boris back-tracked. They're now intending to announce bans on conversion therapy for LGB but not T. We've been left out because it keeps the Cons in line with their 'red meat' voters.

I've already written a letter to my local MP, but in looking into this further I found this 2021 interview with Kemi Badenoch, the equalities minister ...

"In the audio recording, Badenoch said: “It’s no longer about minority rights in terms of race any more or nationality, it’s now, you know like, it’s not even about sexuality now, it’s now like the whole transgender movement, where, OK well we’ve got gay marriage, and civil partnerships, so what are transsexuals looking for?”
She continued: “Even when, you know, so, people hear about, you know like the whole bathroom thing, it’s actually more of an American thing but they have a similar problem, that, right so now it’s not just about being free to marry who you want, you now want to have men using women’s bathrooms.”

Like wtaf? Equalities minster who can't even string a sentence together or be bothered to find out the answer to her own ignorant question, never mind using outdated and insulting terms to describe us.

Then there's
Three of the government’s LGBT advisers have resigned from their posts and criticised the equalities ministers Liz Truss and Kemi Badenoch.
Jayne Ozanne, a member of the LGBT advisory panel, quit on Wednesday, accusing ministers of creating a hostile environment for LGBT people and claiming Truss and Badenoch were ignorant on key issues.

It's a very black day and further adds to stress of living in this shitty right wing plutocracy. I'm certain that this kind of public pressure will sadly lead to more transgender people taking their own lives. That will be the outcome and I know they'll be a lot of tears at our student meeting next week. I don't know what I can say to them.
 
The hits just keep on coming. Today in the UK the EHRC is recommending to service providers to consider why trans people should be included, which is the wrong end of the telescope and against the 2010 Equality Act. Seems like we're moving into Hogwarts land every day.

When I was transitioning I never once got challenged about using the appropriate restroom. I never used a female changing room because I used my own discretion, just like most trans women: we're not looking for a fight because our lives are difficult enough already. Added to which there are already laws to cover matter of privacy and single sex spaces.

This will mean either more trans women and men screwing up their kidneys because they're too frightened to pee, or else more of them getting beaten and arrested if they do. This is a totally disproportionate reaction to a tiny percentage of the population who are themselves vulnerable.
 
Escierto said:
How is it that allegedly “civilized” First World nations like the US and the UK are so fucked up yet places like the Philippines and Thailand are so advanced in their simple humanity. One of the reasons my Filipina girlfriend never wants to leave the Philippines is because while lacking transgender friendly laws, the society itself is far more accepting and tolerant than the haters (most of whom see themselves as Christians!) that populate our wretched countries.

My girlfriend has never encountered hatred because of being transgender and has used the womens bathrooms there for over 30 years!
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I blame the right wing press firstly for sensationalising what is a tiny problem and poodle politicians too terrified of their own shadows to stand up for principle. There's also a temper team of anti-trans women leading this who are objecting, not on principle, but on their personal transphobic itinerary. JK Rowling must be loving it.
 
stickygirl said:
I used my own discretion, just like most trans women: we're not looking for a fight because our lives are difficult enough already.
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An honest but heart-breaking statement. Control freaks put you on defense when you need to something so basic as peeing or changing your clothes.

I had the opportunity to experience another brief glimpse at a very different vision for a loving society last weekend at the Tucson Folk Festival. It was free admission in the downtown area but had to be cordoned off for the purpose of dispensing beer. When you passed those boundary markers, you entered a different world.

Now, imagine this, people of all orientations feeling free enough to openly be themselves for two days! And right in the heart of conservative Arizona!
 
GoldenCompulsion said:
Something I wanted to note as a fellow trans person who has not always "passed" for the purposes of using a gendered space and still doesn't always "pass" now, being fluid/ genderqueer.

Every trans person I have ever met has been extremely conscious of how they look. In fact, too many of them (esp. baby trans) are overly critical of their appearance, to the point of being choosy about how they hold themselves, how they speak, how they walk, and where they go. Trans people are self-aware to a detriment.

To be totally blunt, do these conservatives really think that a totally closeted, not-presenting & not-"passing" (hate this concept) transgender woman is going to decide to enter a women's bathroom? Before she feels confident enough (sigh) to try that?

No! Why would she do that???

[Insert here a conversation for another day about why society needs to change significantly, instead of trans people needing to assimilate to this bullshit.]

Generally speaking, it is pretty obvious when trans people enter a gendered bathroom, they often are already actively performing their social role as women in public. It would most likely not suit them, in their own frame of mind and in frame of mind of many cis onlookers, to enter the men's restroom by that point. They aren't just this fearmongering stereotype of "random men" entering a women's restroom.

Trans people do pick fights carefully. I believe this comes from the liberally-aligned political agenda of the middle-class oriented gay rights movement, the "born this way" belief, etc., which leads one to not want to start shit and just lay low and try to assimilate. Not all trans people are like this or believe the same things, but this is often true, in my experience.

Whether we believe in assimilation or not, we develop a common sense about the world that stubbornly demands to be overly gendered against our best interests. When I am presenting very femininely and yet know that I may not be assumed to be a woman, and that I am not this lady all the time, I don't know where I'm allowed to go. It doesn't offend me to use either restroom, but the prospect of being treated like I don't belong is a level of confrontation I do not want. Do I act like a "fag" and go into the men's? Or risk the ire of cis women and supposedly "invade" their space, even though that's not my feelings?

Tsk tsk tsk. Take a look at Laura Norén's design for a semi-public unisex bathroom that would be safer for transgender people. See the ethnographer's explanation for her design under this article's section "The new multi-user, all-gender template":


The full section is not that much longer of a read, if you want to click through above and read more about Norén's design plan.
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Yups, totally with you there.

The issue of men entering women's spaces is already covered by laws in the UK and I'm sure the US as well. These new measures are targeted at a tiny minority of the population to make them feel outside of society - ie outcasts. I dare say you have a map in your head of safe restrooms and... I seem to recall someone posted an app for that... I think I put a link in the thread ages ago duh!

Pre covid I remember reading about a cis woman being dragged out of a restroom by a guard when another woman thought she "looked like a man". There's a cruel irony in that and maybe butch women could become our allies!

One has to be sensitive to how one presents oneself and even more so if offering advice to another trans person. Most, as you say, are desperate to stay off the radar and get home one day without being harassed. Having said that, I have been blunt with some trans women who do seem to be out to pick a fight and I have questioned where they are coming from and if they are not autogynophile ( sorry - awful anachronism ). Likewise non-bins that dye their hair purple and pink: good for them and I admire their courage, but I could never do that and put a target on my back. That's only my opinion and I would shirk the limelight even if I was cis.
 
GoldenCompulsion said:
This is why I have loftier goals. This reminds me of Sandy Stone's "Posttranssexual Manifesto."


That's what I want. I don't think legal and social assimilation is the answer. It is a temporary, individual "bootstraps" solution that only works for the luckier few trans people that can 1) afford this and/or 2) fit into certain expectations of the current gendered legal and medical system. A more sustainable answer is fundamental systemic change.

Nonbinary or trans people don't even necessarily have to dye their hair a certain way to be targeted. Not medically transitioning, or having your medical transition not be fitted into cis people's standards, is enough to be targeted. And of course you can do everything you can to assimilate and still be targeted if you are "found out." So... what is the point?

It's why I don't try to "hide," or pass, anymore. It's not even possible for me because I present masculine sometimes, and feminine other times. Being feminine is what exposes me, and I choose to be casual with who I am. It is a strategic move to let others around me know what I'm about and, if someone just happens to be curious or closeted, that I'm here.

It is not exactly a sensible idea that one can "pass" as nonbinary when the concept of passing means that one flies under the cis radar of "male" or "female." So it's not an option. That's why I don't find assimilation strategies viable.

Plenty of other reasons but I'll stop there. Dean Spade talks on the socio-legal aspect of it really well. Transgender lawyer.
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I think, I hope, a good deal will change after the boomers have died out because the younger gens are more open-minded and chilled... for the time being... generally... fuck I have to add so many qualifiers.

Without getting into politics too much, the right wing is using transphobic language to fire its base because it's memorable and fantastical. You'd think children being gunned down at school would be important to people in the US, but apparently not, or the chronic low pay of young people, or the lack of basic medical care given as a right in every western country apart from the US.

No one wants to hold those up as something worth fighting for, when religious groups/parents/nazis can burn gay books and ostracise the 'men invading women's sports/lockrooms/restrooms' - that's something they can all get behind with their spittle flecked howls. The present paranoia sounds oddly similar in its hysteria to the 'mile-long caravans of aliens invading from Mexico' a couple of years ago.

I admire your bravery and agree that it's society that has to change, but I've only got my three score years and ten then I'm dead. I honestly don't see society changing any time soon.

ETA because I've been thinking about what you said and I feel on the back foot.
I think there's room for all our different approaches and none are 100% right/wrong. I guess my opinions are skewed towards keeping young kids, who are living away from home for the first time, from doing dumb-fuck things. That isn't my paid job - I just help out with the student union LGBTQ society. That might not be lofty but it is realistic: evolution not revolution.

I'm tired of seeing kids beaten up or spat at or shunned because they are trans or non-bin and I do my best to patch them up so they can get through their studies and live in a city that isn't violent but has bars and clubs that are. Within the bubble of student halls and activities they are pretty safe, not so much outside of that.

So if I limit my advice to how to stay safe then I feel I'm doing something positive. There will always be people who are better public speakers than me, or better at winning arguments and getting actively involved in politics and good for them - we need them too.
 
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stickygirl said:
So if I limit my advice to how to stay safe then I feel I'm doing something positive. There will always be people who are better public speakers than me, or better at winning arguments and getting actively involved in politics and good for them - we need them too.
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Yup. Activists play many different roles. The roles you play are valuable.

Due to circumstances and my desire for change, I was forced to learn about speaking/debating in public, community organizing, and advocating in written documents. I am learning that approach the hard way, by practicing and making mistakes, over and over again.

As for positive change in society, that sometimes comes in big waves, like it did during the 1960s and 70s. It involved a merging of young people with older people in the arts and in various educational institutions who had been waiting for change for a long time. After experiencing that rapid social change, I continue to look for the next social revolution.
 
stickygirl said:
...and the UK government proves again how anti LGBT it is as a leaked report, on the Transgender day of visibility, sees the government back-tracking on a 4-yr long commitment to ban conversion therapy because it 'might offend some religious groups'.
This comes on top of Boris Fuckwit PM cutting overseas aid, leaving them out of step with an UN commitment, it has made the process of seeking refuge as a Ukrainian almost impossible, and has broken its own laws during lockdown and facing police fines... and then denying everything.
The UK is a fucking disgrace and is due to host an international conference on LGBT in June. I hope everyone stays away
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No need for people to stay away from the conference - everyone has withdrawn from participating, given the govt stance on conversion therapy. It's now cancelled
 
Because the big mouthed dudes took the headlines this sneaked passed me. I wondered why the trans charity in the UK were selling t-shirts and mugs with I'm here for all the witches and now finally I know :)

Hint... the ongoing shaming of Putin's friend JKR
 
If these were normal times I wouldn't post a link for crowdfunding but the GoodLawProject is fighting a case against the LGB Alliance, a transphobic pressure group in the UK who are applying for charitable status. These are not normal times - not by a long way and trans folk are finding themselves the punchbag for red-meat conservatives both sides of the Atlantic. Here's a link to Pink News where you read about their application for funding that has just been frozen by the Lottery Funding.
Becoming a registered charity is a big deal in legal terms. Thanks :heart:
If you're an ally and can spare a few pounds, please support this - I gave them £20, which is the price of a new sweatshirt and I've got ones that'll last another year, so.
 
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