Ask a Mistress

[Vacheron58]

Thanks for the laugh . . . . .

Clock1 although I do have to admit that all the posts, except miss fiona's, are temendously entertaining and funny, yours hit the top of the charts. "Could we please go back to discussing grammar? I now have a smoke filled kitchen, melted boots and no dessert".
Actually, I do have to appreciate miss fiona for given all of you the opportunity to entertain us with such smart jokes and comments. Of course the English grammar discussions have been fan-fucking-tastic.
And of course, you all forget that miss fiona is from the UK and their English there is defective.
tah, tah, now pass the tea and the crumpets . . . . . thank you,

 

[Etoile]

I wish Miss Fiona would come back.

 

[Netzach]

I wish Miss Fiona would come back.

Someone bought you a new pet in the other thread.

 

[Etoile]

Someone bought you a new pet in the other thread.

What other thread?! I don't see anything in the chef thread.

 

[Netzach]

What other thread?! I don't see anything in the chef thread.

That's what I meant.

 

[Etoile]

That's what I meant.

*cracks up*

It took me a long time to get that, my night meds are kicking in and I'm fading.

 

[SweetGigi]

damn, how can i pass that up?!?!?!




Unfortunately this requires a complex formula, and, there is still considerable debate within the BDSM scientific community as to the last portion of the calculation. First, you take the age that you were at when you had your first real life BDSM scene. Then, add the number of times that you claimed to be a true sub/slave. Subtract that number from the number of seconds wasted chatting with HNGs and multiply that by the number of PrincessGoddess-like folks you have met online. Subtract that number from the total weight of your toy bag (metric system kilos, not those pesky US pounds). Take this number and stuff it into the left thigh-high PVC boot of a Des Moines based bisexual dominatirx, and, fill the rest of the boot with Key lime pie made with real limes. Now, here is where there is some debate. While most agree to cook this concoction at 375 degrees F (350 if more than 10,000 feet above sea level), some say that one should use a conventional oven for 35 minutes, but, others claim it is better to use a convection oven for just 25 minutes. In either case, opening the oven door should cause smoke to rise to the ceiling, and, the smoke will form the number of the correct age for you.

*giggles in a way that is MOST needed right now*

Thank you.

I think I'm in love

me too... my non existent panties are moist now.

 

[minx1]

Clock1 although I do have to admit that all the posts, except miss fiona's, are temendously entertaining and funny, yours hit the top of the charts. "Could we please go back to discussing grammar? I now have a smoke filled kitchen, melted boots and no dessert".
Actually, I do have to appreciate miss fiona for given all of you the opportunity to entertain us with such smart jokes and comments. Of course the English grammar discussions have been fan-fucking-tastic.
And of course, you all forget that miss fiona is from the UK and their English there is defective.
tah, tah, now pass the tea and the crumpets . . . . . thank you,

You may find that some of the English on here, take exception to that comment! lol

 

[Primalex]

It's called ask a Mistress...is there something you're not telling us?

Something? A lot.

 

[Primalex]

No, I meant too old.

Not within an established relationship. But when a submissive is un-partnered and looking ... at what age she/he should better give up and perhaps swing the Dominant way to better her/his odds to stay in the lifestyle?

This sounds like you would believe that Jimi Hendrix in a hotel without a guitar wouldn't be a guitarist.

You know, if you just want a BDSM nookie, you can give me your number. Oh wait, I'm in love with CutieMouse, sorry rida.

shhhh ... don't get him to check the OP ... otherwise he will realize that he was not supposed to answer questions from greedy subs ...

Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition.

 

[rida]

This sounds like you would believe that Jimi Hendrix in a hotel without a guitar wouldn't be a guitarist.

You know, if you just want a BDSM nookie, you can give me your number. Oh wait, I'm in love with CutieMouse, sorry rida.

I'm crushed .... but than again I understand: I'm in love with CutieMouse too

Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition.

Are they still around?

 

[Vacheron58]

Minx1

Minx, remember that the USA and UK are two countries separated by a common language . . .

 

[rida]

Minx, remember that the USA and UK are two countries separated by a common language . . .

Add Australia to the mix ... 3 country separated by a common language

 

[Primalex]

Add Australia to the mix ... 3 country separated by a common language

Australia is a country now and no longer a prison? Damned, how time flies.

 

[bluebell]

No, I just play one on the Internet to lure pretty young things into my office after hours.

I did, however, spend an inordinately long time in school studying the workings of language. And I cheerfully admit that I was the only member of my junior high class who enjoyed learning the Reed-Kellogg system of diagramming sentences.

This week I decided that heaven, if it exists, will possess an entrance requirement based solely on how good of a tipper you were when you were alive.
Conversely, I decided upon reading your post that, absolutely and without fail, hell (if it exists) will be an eternity of sentence diagramming punctuated by periodic visits from Richard Simmons. He will bounce in (with the shorts) and make you exercise, all the while shouting encouragements ("Those flaming spandex thongs will look super on you in no time!"), and then you'll be glad to go back to the diagramming. But, not for long.
Unless you like the diagramming. Because then, you know, you're just freakish.

Sigh. I wish my revelations were more topical.

 

[DVS]

My heart is seriously sinking now. Because in my mind, CutieMouse and I go off together to share life, bondage and sexual service, and a nice smelly hunk of cheese.

And here I find out I have competition? Life can be so terribly cruel, sometimes.


While I pick myself up off the floor and wipe the tears from my eyes, could someone please tell me how you know Miss_Fiona is an alt?


Oh, and a noun used as an adjective is an adjectival noun. Or, perhaps it's a present participle. And, maybe we should get a little geeky and say the adjective functions as a noun? But, then it depends on how you understand the meaning of "function".

Or, was the question "can an adjective be used as a noun?" OK, then never mind.

...Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition.

In this case, wouldn't that be English inquisition?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Oh my, 28, knows no-one here, and can help all of us to find all the answers?!! What makes these people think we are sitting here waiting for a stranger to wander in and save us? What makes anyone think they have all the answers at 28, 48, even 68? Clear indication to me they have a long way to go in terms of any type experience.

Catalina

Hey, you left out 58 (my age)! I'm wounded.

... My view of subs are that of a slave....

The construction of this sentence... oh, my. First, as you've written it, a slave's view of subs is yours. Second, the object of a preposition ("of subs") cannot be the subject of a sentence. "View" is the subject and therefore requires a singular verb, i.e., "My view of subs is...."

4) or another adjective

Sorry, an adjective cannot modify an adjective. That is one of the functions of an adverb.

... Oh wait, I'm in love with CutieMouse, sorry rida.

I'm crushed .... but than again I understand: I'm in love with CutieMouse too

My heart is seriously sinking now. Because in my mind, CutieMouse and I go off together to share life, bondage and sexual service, and a nice smelly hunk of cheese.

I thought it was well-known and accepted that almost everyone in this forum was in love with CutieMouse. Are there those here who didn't understand that?

 

[Netzach]

This week I decided that heaven, if it exists, will possess an entrance requirement based solely on how good of a tipper you were when you were alive.
Conversely, I decided upon reading your post that, absolutely and without fail, hell (if it exists) will be an eternity of sentence diagramming punctuated by periodic visits from Richard Simmons. He will bounce in (with the shorts) and make you exercise, all the while shouting encouragements ("Those flaming spandex thongs will look super on you in no time!"), and then you'll be glad to go back to the diagramming. But, not for long.
Unless you like the diagramming. Because then, you know, you're just freakish.

Sigh. I wish my revelations were more topical.

This is my new cosmology.

 

[Etoile]

Wait, nobody said Fiona was an alt, did they? I know Dominant_Chef is an alt but I don't think this one is. Just...charitable.

 

[Dominant_Chef]

Question 2

Are you an Alt? Do we get 18 more questions at this point?

You really do have such an unhealthy obsession with Alts...

 

[Dominant_Chef]

Wait, nobody said Fiona was an alt, did they? I know Dominant_Chef is an alt but I don't think this one is. Just...charitable.

And you Ms Pillsbury, have such as unhealthy obsession with me.

 

[Etoile]

And you Ms Pillsbury, have such as unhealthy obsession with me.

No, I have an unhealthy obsession with Civilization 4.

 

[bluebell]

This is my new cosmology.

Good, good. As long as you don't inform me of a hidden caveat- that the universe actually developed out of Richard Simmons' shorts, I think we'll all be okay. Ish.

Wait, nobody said Fiona was an alt, did they? I know Dominant_Chef is an alt but I don't think this one is. Just...charitable.

But! We got no advice.
Item #2,486 on my Shit I Gotta Do Before I Keel list is "Obtain sound advice from Miss_Fiona in September of 2008 about how to advance from fledgling mistress to lifestyle dominatrix, regardless of whether or not it will be useful to me." I feel robbed.
And not entirely lucid.

 

[Etoile]

ROFL at the last bit. It was beautifully said regardless!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Wait, nobody said Fiona was an alt, did they? I know Dominant_Chef is an alt but I don't think this one is. Just...charitable.

Oh damn. I miss all the inside goss. Who's DC's alt then? Please tell me it's not PG.