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Ask a Mistress

00Syd said:
Only this usual gang of idiots (Don't get insulted, its a MAD Mag refrence) could turn a thread about domination into a thread about proper grammer and sentence structure.

Love it. :rose:
Click to expand...

Isn't it a beautiful thing when the people of Lit reach out to educate the trolls. :heart:
 
Etoile said:
I have a question.

How long will it take my hypothetical little brother to die if I were to hypothetically sit on his face with my butt?
Click to expand...


:D:D:D:D:D
hi Etoile, how have you been?
 
OK, I have questions:

How old is too old to be a submissive?

Can a submissive, with age, learn to be a Dominant?

Serious and smart-ass answers both welcome :)
 
Etoile said:
I have a question.

How long will it take my hypothetical little brother to die if I were to hypothetically sit on his face with my butt?
Click to expand...

That depends - is your butt hypothetical as well?

If it is not, then, do you wish to also consider the amount of time that it will take your nonhypothetical butt to hit the floor after your hypothetical little brother goes *poof* after his nonhypothetical death?

On the other hand, if your butt is hypothetical *and* the death is hypothetical, then, the answer is 4 minutes and 13.7 seconds, hypothetically. Otherwise, 4 minutes and 45.1 seconds "down under" in Australia (was that too far to go for a nonsexual double entendre?)
 
Primalex said:
You mean too young, right?
Click to expand...

No, I meant too old.

Not within an established relationship. But when a submissive is un-partnered and looking ... at what age she/he should better give up and perhaps swing the Dominant way to better her/his odds to stay in the lifestyle?

Etoile said:
It's called ask a Mistress...is there something you're not telling us?
Click to expand...

shhhh ... don't get him to check the OP ... otherwise he will realize that he was not supposed to answer questions from greedy subs ... :D
 
rida said:
OK, I have questions:

Serious and smart-ass answers both welcome :)
Click to expand...

damn, how can i pass that up?!?!?!


rida said:
OK, I have questions:

How old is too old to be a submissive?
Click to expand...

Unfortunately this requires a complex formula, and, there is still considerable debate within the BDSM scientific community as to the last portion of the calculation. First, you take the age that you were at when you had your first real life BDSM scene. Then, add the number of times that you claimed to be a true sub/slave. Subtract that number from the number of seconds wasted chatting with HNGs and multiply that by the number of PrincessGoddess-like folks you have met online. Subtract that number from the total weight of your toy bag (metric system kilos, not those pesky US pounds). Take this number and stuff it into the left thigh-high PVC boot of a Des Moines based bisexual dominatirx, and, fill the rest of the boot with Key lime pie made with real limes. Now, here is where there is some debate. While most agree to cook this concoction at 375 degrees F (350 if more than 10,000 feet above sea level), some say that one should use a conventional oven for 35 minutes, but, others claim it is better to use a convection oven for just 25 minutes. In either case, opening the oven door should cause smoke to rise to the ceiling, and, the smoke will form the number of the correct age for you.


rida said:
Can a submissive, with age, learn to be a Dominant?
Click to expand...

Yes, but, it requires a vast reduction in IQ, a process that is strongly discouraged by the SSLUTS-R-US (Submissive and Slave Labor Union Touting Serious Recognition of Universal Smarts)
 
subbie_333 said:
Unfortunately this requires a complex formula, and, there is still considerable debate within the BDSM scientific community as to the last portion of the calculation. First, you take the age that you were at when you had your first real life BDSM scene. Then, add the number of times that you claimed to be a true sub/slave. Subtract that number from the number of seconds wasted chatting with HNGs and multiply that by the number of PrincessGoddess-like folks you have met online. Subtract that number from the total weight of your toy bag (metric system kilos, not those pesky US pounds). Take this number and stuff it into the left thigh-high PVC boot of a Des Moines based bisexual dominatirx, and, fill the rest of the boot with Key lime pie made with real limes. Now, here is where there is some debate. While most agree to cook this concoction at 375 degrees F (350 if more than 10,000 feet above sea level), some say that one should use a conventional oven for 35 minutes, but, others claim it is better to use a convection oven for just 25 minutes. In either case, opening the oven door should cause smoke to rise to the ceiling, and, the smoke will form the number of the correct age for you.
Click to expand...

I think I'm in love
 
subbie_333 said:
damn, how can i pass that up?!?!?!
Unfortunately this requires a complex formula, and, there is still considerable debate within the BDSM scientific community as to the last portion of the calculation. First, you take the age that you were at when you had your first real life BDSM scene. Then, add the number of times that you claimed to be a true sub/slave. Subtract that number from the number of seconds wasted chatting with HNGs and multiply that by the number of PrincessGoddess-like folks you have met online. Subtract that number from the total weight of your toy bag (metric system kilos, not those pesky US pounds). Take this number and stuff it into the left thigh-high PVC boot of a Des Moines based bisexual dominatirx, and, fill the rest of the boot with Key lime pie made with real limes. Now, here is where there is some debate. While most agree to cook this concoction at 375 degrees F (350 if more than 10,000 feet above sea level), some say that one should use a conventional oven for 35 minutes, but, others claim it is better to use a convection oven for just 25 minutes. In either case, opening the oven door should cause smoke to rise to the ceiling, and, the smoke will form the number of the correct age for you.
Click to expand...


tsk tsk

I was with you up until you used those pesky Fahrenheit instead of the true measure of temperature that is the Celsius ...

it shows your lack of trueness ... :rolleyes:

:D


Yes, but, it requires a vast reduction in IQ, a process that is strongly discouraged by the SSLUTS-R-US (Submissive and Slave Labor Union Touting Serious Recognition of Universal Smarts)
Click to expand...

darn ... I need to rise my IQ first ...

00Syd said:
I think I'm in love
Click to expand...

I feel like cupid :heart:

:D
 
Could we please go back to discussing grammar? I now have a smoke filled kitchen, melted boots and no dessert.
 
rida said:
tsk tsk

I was with you up until you used those pesky Fahrenheit instead of the true measure of temperature that is the Celsius ...

it shows your lack of trueness ... :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Actually, the Fahrenheit/Celsius issue is part of the debate that i referenced above. The yearly consortium to review the formula is a really interesting get together for the more geeky BDSMers. Originally the use of Fahrenheit was part of the concession to use kilos as opposed to American pounds for the weight of the toy bag. But, the yearly debate involves the inconsistency of not being completely metric.

i am surprised that you did not mention the events of the consortium held this past Spring, cus, i am pretty sure that it hit the major media outlets. They were about 75% of the way through the scheduled agenda when the Fahrenheit/Celsius issue came up again. But, unexpectedly, self-proclaimed "Lord of the Galaxy" Larry Hinkleman stood up and shouted out that the Kelvin measuring system was a better choice. While most were taken aback by this unscheduled outburst, the more seasoned attendees decided to wait a few minutes to see if LOG would say his peace and disappear via his transporter as he had done many times before. But, when he yelled out "Kelvin is the one true way to measure temperature", well, all hell broke loose. Some Gorean folks pounced upon him, the small group of M2F submissives in the back corner started screaming, and, everything from floggers to violet wands went flying through the air. After about 10 minutes, order was restored, but, only after some 28 people had to be restrained. ( Later, the restrained submissives politely refused to be released, but, several of the dominants were seen sobbing and heard yelling "I AM OMNIPOTENT - RELEASE ME!". ) The moderator decided to adjourn the consortium so that they could all go to the hotel bar cus someone said that Carmen Electra was there giving away body shots.

Well, maybe just that last part about Carmen Electra made its way to the major media outlets.
 
subbie_333 said:
Actually, the Fahrenheit/Celsius issue is part of the debate that i referenced above. The yearly consortium to review the formula is a really interesting get together for the more geeky BDSMers. Originally the use of Fahrenheit was part of the concession to use kilos as opposed to American pounds for the weight of the toy bag. But, the yearly debate involves the inconsistency of not being completely metric.

i am surprised that you did not mention the events of the consortium held this past Spring, cus, i am pretty sure that it hit the major media outlets. They were about 75% of the way through the scheduled agenda when the Fahrenheit/Celsius issue came up again. But, unexpectedly, self-proclaimed "Lord of the Galaxy" Larry Hinkleman stood up and shouted out that the Kelvin measuring system was a better choice. While most were taken aback by this unscheduled outburst, the more seasoned attendees decided to wait a few minutes to see if LOG would say his peace and disappear via his transporter as he had done many times before. But, when he yelled out "Kelvin is the one true way to measure temperature", well, all hell broke loose. Some Gorean folks pounced upon him, the small group of M2F submissives in the back corner started screaming, and, everything from floggers to violet wands went flying through the air. After about 10 minutes, order was restored, but, only after some 28 people had to be restrained. ( Later, the restrained submissives politely refused to be released, but, several of the dominants were seen sobbing and heard yelling "I AM OMNIPOTENT - RELEASE ME!". ) The moderator decided to adjourn the consortium so that they could all go to the hotel bar cus someone said that Carmen Electra was there giving away body shots.

Well, maybe just that last part about Carmen Electra made its way to the major media outlets.
Click to expand...

I was really hoping you would not bring out the whole Kelvin thing ... but since you did, let's get all the worms out of the can, shall we?

First, it is true that Kelvin is the only way to go if you want to speak in absolutes. But if we do that, than we cannot use the weight measurement anymore for the toy bag and we need to introduce a more absolute measure that is its mass. Because, I'm sure you know, the same toy back does not weight the same on Gor as it does on hearth. (ask any real true Gor Master and he'll tell you that it weights more on Gor).

As for "Lord of the Galaxy" and Carmen Electra ... we all know that the first is just a HNG and that the second is not a true sub as she makes money and a true sub does not own anything.

But all that aside (news are biased so better not be trusted), I think it will be helpful to show the formula in a easier format, so if I may:

{F-[U-(C+K)]*S} + KLP(real) stuffed into LTHPVCBD(DesMoines based)
35minutes @ 375F
smokes out the answer

Where:
age that you were at when you had your first real life BDSM scene= C
seconds wasted chatting with HNG= U
number of times that you claimed to be a true sub/slave = K
number of PrincessGoddess-like folks you have met online = S
total weight of your toy bag in metric system kilo = F
Key lime pie with real limes = KLP(real)
left thigh-high PVC boot of a Des Moines based bisexual dominatirx = LTHPVCBD(DesMoines based)

:D

But I think we should stop the highjack ... afteral we are both only subs :rolleyes:
 
clock1 said:
Could we please go back to discussing grammar? I now have a smoke filled kitchen, melted boots and no dessert.
Click to expand...

feel free to pick on mine :D

as for dessert ... you need to find another thread and a better recipe :rose:
 
rida said:
I was really hoping you would not bring out the whole Kelvin thing ... but since you did, let's get all the worms out of the can, shall we?

First, it is true that Kelvin is the only way to go if you want to speak in absolutes. But if we do that, than we cannot use the weight measurement anymore for the toy bag and we need to introduce a more absolute measure that is its mass. Because, I'm sure you know, the same toy back does not weight the same on Gor as it does on hearth. (ask any real true Gor Master and he'll tell you that it weights more on Gor).

As for "Lord of the Galaxy" and Carmen Electra ... we all know that the first is just a HNG and that the second is not a true sub as she makes money and a true sub does not own anything.

But all that aside (news are biased so better not be trusted), I think it will be helpful to show the formula in a easier format, so if I may:

{F-[U-(C+K)]*S} + KLP(real) stuffed into LTHPVCBD(DesMoines based)
35minutes @ 375F
smokes out the answer

Where:
age that you were at when you had your first real life BDSM scene= C
seconds wasted chatting with HNG= U
number of times that you claimed to be a true sub/slave = K
number of PrincessGoddess-like folks you have met online = S
total weight of your toy bag in metric system kilo = F
Key lime pie with real limes = KLP(real)
left thigh-high PVC boot of a Des Moines based bisexual dominatirx = LTHPVCBD(DesMoines based)

:D
Click to expand...

me personally, i couldn't care less about the formula, i was just relaying information. Besides, i'll die at the hands of a jealous husband before i reach that age anyways.


rida said:
But I think we should stop the highjack ... afteral we are both only subs :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Huh? Wha? um, were we talking out loud again?!?!?!?
 
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