Ask A Girl

[Recidiva]

Questions about rape and magical vaginas? Can't figure out how women think?

Ask one!

Ask me!

I might save you getting punched or sued some day!

 

[RobDownSouth]

If I climax inside a woman without using protection, won't my semen drown teh magic womb elves that keep her from unwanted pregnancy?

 

[Soulen]

how come dudes have nipples? how come the fatman in fight club could lactate?

did you like the new haircut blobfish got?

should i be asleep right now?

 

[Recidiva]

If I climax inside a woman without using protection, won't my semen drown teh magic womb elves that keep her from unwanted pregnancy?

Oh, those wacky elves. Don't listen to them. After the recession they lost all their jobs at Keebler and they've been trying to muscle in (I made a joke) on the vagina business.

Remember, ladies, keep your vagina right-to-work and don't give in to promises of elven magic and cookies.

To be fair, it's a hardship and they need jobs. Perhaps we could turn this frown upside down and the elves could work for men and penises upon whom Viagra is a heart attack risk.

 

[RobDownSouth]

Oh, those wacky elves. Don't listen to them. After the recession they lost all their jobs at Keebler and they've been trying to muscle in (I made a joke) on the vagina business.

Remember, ladies, keep your vagina right-to-work and don't give in to promises of elven magic and cookies.

To be fair, it's a hardship and they need jobs. Perhaps we could turn this frown upside down and the elves could work for men and penises upon whom Viagra is a heart attack risk.

So, if I understand you correctly, they wear some sort of magical elf scuba gear to keep from drowning?

 

[1fromawoodpile]

Questions about rape and magical vaginas? Can't figure out how women think?

Ask one!

Ask me!

I might save you getting punched or sued some day!

Fuck off bitch. Who cares what women think

 

[Recidiva]

how come dudes have nipples? how come the fatman in fight club could lactate?

did you like the new haircut blobfish got?

should i be asleep right now?

Jealousy. Fetal jealousy. I know there's penis envy because a dude in Germany told me so. So let a woman clear up the fact that developing male fetuses have psychic powers that intuit the power of boobs and try to grow them, but the mother's system is too selfish and won't allow it ultimately, resulting in only the nipples and tears.

Gynecomastia. It's...did he really? Weird. But he's a man, so I don't know.

I haven't seen it.

Depends on your time zone and social obligations. I'm not Siri!

 

[Recidiva]

So, if I understand you correctly, they wear some sort of magical elf scuba gear to keep from drowning?

Well, we politely let them call it that. Really it's just reeds and an acorn. But they're so proud.

 

[fuckwaffle]

When making out with your husband/boyfriend would you rather listen to

A. Led Zeppelin's Kashmir

B. Ozzy Osborn's Crazy Train

 

[1fromawoodpile]

How far can you open your mouth?

I want to know if I can enjoy the full tea bag...

 

[Soulen]

do vaginas magically snap back into shape after stretchy things happen to them? are they made of elasto-skin?

 

[Recidiva]

When making out with your husband/boyfriend would you rather listen to

A. Led Zeppelin's Kashmir

B. Ozzy Osborn's Crazy Train

*scribbles in none of the above*

Carmina Burana. Wait, no, kbate ruined that for me.

Book of Mormon soundtrack. No. Giggling messes up the mood.

Pandora set to the "Let's Get It On" channel.

 

[CandiCame]

Oh, those wacky elves. Don't listen to them. After the recession they lost all their jobs at Keebler and they've been trying to muscle in (I made a joke) on the vagina business.

Remember, ladies, keep your vagina right-to-work and don't give in to promises of elven magic and cookies.

To be fair, it's a hardship and they need jobs. Perhaps we could turn this frown upside down and the elves could work for men and penises upon whom Viagra is a heart attack risk.

...you went Keebler when my mind went Hylian. Really, which of those would you rather have in your vagina?

 

[Recidiva]

do vaginas magically snap back into shape after stretchy things happen to them? are they made of elasto-skin?

You know those Stretch Armstrong dolls? Kinda like that. We stuck a knife into one when we were kids and crap went EVERYWHERE.

Same with women. Stretchy and messy, particularly when knives are involved.

 

[Recidiva]

...you went Keebler when my mind went Hylian. Really, which of those would you rather have in your vagina?

Well...between chocolate chips and a sword? (real not figurative)

I'lll take the chocolate chips.

 

[CandiCame]

Well...between chocolate chips and a sword? (real not figurative)

I'lll take the chocolate chips.

...
...
.... Can I have the one you didn't want?

 

[flirty_but_nice]

I was raped when I was 16. Magically, I didn't get pregnant. Go figure.

 

[fuckwaffle]

I was raped when I was 16. Magically, I didn't get pregnant. Go figure.

Then it must not have been a "Legitimate Rape".

 

[Recidiva]

...
...
.... Can I have the one you didn't want?

Oh sure. Knock yourself out. We can share. We can! Well, some of can.

You might actually want to knock yourself out, swords hurt.

 

[1fromawoodpile]

Was it legitimate rape, or the other kind?

 

[trysail]

In a random sample of 535 H. sapiens, there are going to be several idiots with uncontrollable logorrhea.


That's fact.

 

[CandiCame]

Oh sure. Knock yourself out. We can share. We can! Well, some of can.

You might actually want to knock yourself out, swords hurt.

It's only a flesh wound.

 

[Recidiva]

I was raped when I was 16. Magically, I didn't get pregnant. Go figure.

Did the elves shake you down for flour?

 

[CandiCame]

I was raped when I was 16. Magically, I didn't get pregnant. Go figure.

Um... that's kinda fucking horrible. I'm sorry. About the rape I mean.

The pregnancy thing I never know how to react to. You either have to say "I'm sorry" or "Congratulations"... and I never know which path to take.

 

[Recidiva]

In a random sample of 535 H. sapiens, there are going to be several idiots with uncontrollable logorrhea.


That's fact.

We should start a charity. They could do speaking engagements.