Ask a Dom

[wynnie]

thank you

Thank you for the suggestions. As far as my spelling and grammar (??)... I am sure I will anger alot of Librarians and Teachers. I am not the best speller nor do I have the best grammar. LOL . Feel free to correct me at will.. I don't mind. I take it in stride with everything else in life. Again I wanted to thank you both for the suggestions. I guess i will just have to do more reading... good thing I love to read. LOL take care all.

 

[Betticus]

Thank you for the suggestions. As far as my spelling and grammar (??)... I am sure I will anger alot of Librarians and Teachers. I am not the best speller nor do I have the best grammar. LOL . Feel free to correct me at will.. I don't mind. I take it in stride with everything else in life. Again I wanted to thank you both for the suggestions. I guess i will just have to do more reading... good thing I love to read. LOL take care all.

Have fun with the reading. DVS as always managed to see his way through to some very good advice.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I am new to Lit. As I came accross the subject of dom/sub (yes i have heard of them before and understand to a degree what they are) I found myself becoming more interested. My question would be how do you know if you are a dom or a sub? I personally find both situations exciting. In my life I am the more aggressive on in bed with my husband. Does that mean i would be the dominate one? How would i get him to become more dominate? I tried telling him what i wanted... but i found that was a little hard because i wasn't really sure what it was that i wanted. He did try ... but i felt he wasn't sure what i was asking. (sorry rambling) Anyways, any advice on this or where I can find out the answers would be welcome.

Thanks again.

IMO, the best thing that you can do is to talk to your husband about it, and try different things...

This lifestyle is a journey, and by takeing the first steps you start to blaze your won trail.

 

[Weenieschnitzel]

What is the best to find out, if u r a switsch or a Dom?

 

[Clairebutterfly]

here's my question.

What the heck, man? LOL ya'll are a weird bunch of cats.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

here's my question.

What the heck, man? LOL ya'll are a weird bunch of cats.

well duh? of course we are weird, but what makes you say that?

 

[MasterPhoenix]

here's my question.

What the heck, man? LOL ya'll are a weird bunch of cats.

Yeah well, I have always taken pride in being a bit off.

 

[FurryFury]

here's my question.

What the heck, man? LOL ya'll are a weird bunch of cats.

Meeeeeooooow,

So how is that whole, "Happy, content....looking to make friends...." thing working out for ya, good?

Fury

 

[leeroy jenkins]

here's my question.

What the heck, man? LOL ya'll are a weird bunch of cats.

Conformity sucks, why be a sheep when you can be a wolf instead or for some a kitty cat.

 

[DVS]

What is the best to find out, if u r a switsch or a Dom?

I don't understand your question, Weenieschnitzel. Are you asking how do you know if you are a switch or if you're a Dom?

Or are you asking which is better...being a switch or being a Dom?

Or, if I have it completely wrong, maybe yoiu could rephrase your question. Sorry for the confusion,Weenieschnitzel.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I don't understand your question, Weenieschnitzel. Are you asking how do you know if you are a switch or if you're a Dom?

Or are you asking which is better...being a switch or being a Dom?

Or, if I have it completely wrong, maybe yoiu could rephrase your question. Sorry for the confusion,Weenieschnitzel.

I think the first choice DVS is what he is asking about.

 

[Weenieschnitzel]

I think the first choice DVS is what he is asking about.

jj gets the point, always better to ask about my postings in English, I hope I must never read the re-translations!

 

[leeroy jenkins]

lj gets the point, always better to ask about my postings in English, I hope I must never read the re-translations!

Weenieschnitzel if you have looked at some of the post about how someones SO wants them to be more dominate, you would might have seen the standard answer that that seems to be an inner quality that we either have or don't.

For me being a switch means that for the time being I just want to be hurt, less the a year in the lifestyle so still got exploring some things. But in the future I know I want to Top someone. As for knowing if your a dom, again this is something either you have to some extent or don't. If you have it then it could be a practice makes perfect situation, meaning if you get to dominate a person then you will become better at it.

To sum up I think the best way to find out is to get some hands on experience to help you decide.

 

[DVS]

Weenieschnitzel if you have looked at some of the post about how someones SO wants them to be more dominate, you would might have seen the standard answer that that seems to be an inner quality that we either have or don't.

For me being a switch means that for the time being I just want to be hurt, less the a year in the lifestyle so still got exploring some things. But in the future I know I want to Top someone. As for knowing if your a dom, again this is something either you have to some extent or don't. If you have it then it could be a practice makes perfect situation, meaning if you get to dominate a person then you will become better at it.

To sum up I think the best way to find out is to get some hands on experience to help you decide.

Yes, I agree with Leroy about being a Dom. Sure, you can go through the motions, but if you don't have that inner drive to be a Dom...if you aren't sexually driven by that sexual desire, you probably won't be that good at it. I guess it can be a learned thing...learning to do the right things and say the right things, etc., but I'd go with the Dom who has that inner sexual desire long before I'd go with someone who just learned how to do things. You really have to enjoy controlling others sexually, to be a good Dom. If you enjoy tormenting and humiliating your submissive, enjoy inflicting pain (in a controlled sense) with spanking, floggers, etc., controlling mentally and physically, in some cases, you could be a good Dom.

Now, a switch enjoys being submissive, too. The word "enjoy" is key here, too, because that is how you know if you are submissive or not. If you enjoy being dominated, if you enjoy receiving pain, if you enjoy servicing someone at their command...then you could be submissive. And not everybody can or will submit to any Dom or Domme. In fact, some people can only submit to certain people, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just how they are.

So, if you don't enjoy submitting to a certain person, that doesn't mean you won't enjoy submitting to someone else. Keep that in mind when you are deciding if you have any submissive thoughts.

If you enjoy both being Dom and sub, you are considered a switch. If you only feel secure in dominating one person or submitting to one person, you are still a switch, as long as you enjoy both sides of the whip.

Some people can switch with more ease, and they are considered more the pure switch, but if you can only switch with a minimum of people, you are still a switch.

 

[LadyAria]

here's my question.

What the heck, man? LOL ya'll are a weird bunch of cats.

To quote you, "why do "friends" deem it necessary to diss your life? some people suck I swear".

Judging is fun when your the one pointing, I see?

 

[Weenieschnitzel]

Yes, I agree with Leroy about being a Dom. Sure, you can go through the motions, but if you don't have that inner drive to be a Dom...if you aren't sexually driven by that sexual desire, you probably won't be that good at it. I guess it can be a learned thing...learning to do the right things and say the right things, etc., but I'd go with the Dom who has that inner sexual desire long before I'd go with someone who just learned how to do things. You really have to enjoy controlling others sexually, to be a good Dom. If you enjoy tormenting and humiliating your submissive, enjoy inflicting pain (in a controlled sense) with spanking, floggers, etc., controlling mentally and physically, in some cases, you could be a good Dom.

Now, a switch enjoys being submissive, too. The word "enjoy" is key here, too, because that is how you know if you are submissive or not. If you enjoy being dominated, if you enjoy receiving pain, if you enjoy servicing someone at their command...then you could be submissive. And not everybody can or will submit to any Dom or Domme. In fact, some people can only submit to certain people, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just how they are.

So, if you don't enjoy submitting to a certain person, that doesn't mean you won't enjoy submitting to someone else. Keep that in mind when you are deciding if you have any submissive thoughts.

If you enjoy both being Dom and sub, you are considered a switch. If you only feel secure in dominating one person or submitting to one person, you are still a switch, as long as you enjoy both sides of the whip.

Some people can switch with more ease, and they are considered more the pure switch, but if you can only switch with a minimum of people, you are still a switch.

Thank your your information. The reason why I asked: My interest is for a special way of D/s and I got told so many bad things in the Internet about, that I started to be careful to talk about. Esp. in this branch are tons of wannabes to scare newbies.

 

[Weenieschnitzel]

To sum up I think the best way to find out is to get some hands on experience to help you decide.[/B][/COLOR]

True, I stillreply on an information from a sslave in Québec: She named me a Master in training. And I think this fits very well for me in the moment.

 

[LadyAria]

Thank your your information. The reason why I asked: My interest is for a special way of D/s and I got told so many bad things in the Internet about, that I started to be careful to talk about. Esp. in this branch are tons of wannabes to scare newbies.

The internet can be a wealth of bad information. The best site I know of in German for information (because I get english mailings from them) is datenschlag. Non-fiction books can be good reference for methods and safety measures.

Lucky for you, you live in one of the few country were consenual BDSM is legal. I know that is important to you considering your studies Switching IMHO is a good way to learn how to be a better dominant. Best of Luck, my friend.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Lucky for you, you live in one of the few country were consenual BDSM is legal. I know that is important to you considering your studies Switching IMHO is a good way to learn how to be a better dominant. Best of Luck, my friend.

Lady Aria are you saying all this fun I have been having being beat by assorted woman and men is illegal??

 

[Weenieschnitzel]

The internet can be a wealth of bad information. The best site I know of in German for information (because I get english mailings from them) is datenschlag. Non-fiction books can be good reference for methods and safety measures.

Lucky for you, you live in one of the few country were consenual BDSM is legal. I know that is important to you considering your studies Switching IMHO is a good way to learn how to be a better dominant. Best of Luck, my friend.

Thank you for the site, I bookmarked.

Well, the german crime-law has also limits in that way.

 

[LadyAria]

Lady Aria are you saying all this fun I have been having being beat by assorted woman and men is illegal??

Only if you get caught

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Only if you get caught

I guess its like I said last night going home from the party, we (Americans) are as a society are very prudish still. Where as our cousins across the pond aren't.

 

[Weenieschnitzel]

I guess its like I said last night going home from the party, we (Americans) are as a society are very prudish still. Where as our cousins across the pond aren't.

It seems that our prudish ancestors emmigrated to US entirely.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

It seems that our prudish ancestors emmigrated to US entirely.

Or at least enough that your more liberated then us.

 

[LadyAria]

I guess its like I said last night going home from the party, we (Americans) are as a society are very prudish still. Where as our cousins across the pond aren't.

*shrug*

Every culture has its thing. Give the US time. Europe has been working at their society a lot longer. For a country founded by prisoners, the improvished and religious zealots, America isn't doing too bad.