Ask a Dom

[LadyAria]

*grins*

I try to keep busy and even carve out some ME time. It's not easy lately. Today is a better day than some have been this week!

Fury

I know that. I've had some serious RL needs. I've had no me time in two or three weeks. Which is okay considering the circumstances.

I'm looking forward to April and taking time off.

 

[FurryFury]

I know that. I've had some serious RL needs. I've had no me time in two or three weeks. Which is okay considering the circumstances.

I'm looking forward to April and taking time off.

*hugs*

I hope it's wonderful LadyAria!

I have about a week and a half off right now. The kids have a week off from school for Spring Break too. So that will hopefully bring some relaxing time for us all here except my darling. He has the next week off. Doh!

Fury

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Fury is right on LOVE the AV, I would say its the best one so far I have seen you put up.

 

[LadyAria]

Fury is right on LOVE the AV, I would say its the best one so far I have seen you put up.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Too Good Not To Save

The D/s relationship is a complex one requiring a serious commitment. The practice of learned responsibilities for the care and protection of each person's psychological, physical, sexual, social, and emotional health. There is alot to learn, to develop and to discover in the BDSM lifestyle. The traditions, customs, vocabulary, etiquette and sexual practices. It is recommended that each person learns as much as they can about each other before making such serious commitment to another.

Begin slowly and build trust of each other's responsibilities, knowledge and skills. Spend time communicating before you commit yourself to a Dom. Take the time to experience trial periods of commitment: a day, a weekend, a week, a month, a few months. Always have time when you speak as equals to discuss your relationship experiences and goals.

I can't give you a timeframe in which you will make the decision to give the gift of submission. However, it is yours to give and not the Dom(me)s to assume. When the time comes, let him/her know you are ready to be collared. Your collaring ceremony can be simple (the two of you) or lavious (everyone you know in the BDSM community) depending on personal perferences.

Personally, I believe to give yourself completely to another is one of the most serious commitments you can make in life. It is not a decision to be rushed or taken lightly.

Once again Lady Aria gives an answer so good that it shouldn't be lost somewhere in a thread. People seem not to read anything that is more than a few days old. I, for one, think that many of the answers she has given here would make a wonderful book. Perhaps in time, that could be a reality. I would be the first in line to buy it and recommend it to anyone.

I suppose such a dedicated approach as she has may be too much for those who prefer a less thoughtful and comitted way. As for me, I simply cannot do "drive by" scenes.

A couple of weeks ago, I read on a German site a quote from the British actress, Glenda Jackson. She said, "When I was young I thought that anything was better than nothing. Now I know that sometimes nothing is better."

Thanks again, Lady Aria, for taking our breath away with a beautiful answer.

 

[kayte]

{{{Kayte}}}
Looks like you've been up to no good again

I miss you, frosty nipples. Hope to see you around soon.

My regards to the Good Sir.

Good morning {{{{{{{{{Lady Aria}}}}}}}

I am only up to what He allows me to do.

I will pass your regards on to Him.

You explained so well what people need to look out for when starting a new D/s relationship. You are such a valuable asset to Lit. Thank you again for starting this thread.

 

[papilllon]

Thank you

The D/s relationship is a complex one requiring a serious commitment. The practice of learned responsibilities for the care and protection of each person's psychological, physical, sexual, social, and emotional health. There is alot to learn, to develop and to discover in the BDSM lifestyle. The traditions, customs, vocabulary, etiquette and sexual practices. It is recommended that each person learns as much as they can about each other before making such serious commitment to another.

Begin slowly and build trust of each other's responsibilities, knowledge and skills. Spend time communicating before you commit yourself to a Dom. Take the time to experience trial periods of commitment: a day, a weekend, a week, a month, a few months. Always have time when you speak as equals to discuss your relationship experiences and goals.

I can't give you a timeframe in which you will make the decision to give the gift of submission. However, it is yours to give and not the Dom(me)s to assume. When the time comes, let him/her know you are ready to be collared. Your collaring ceremony can be simple (the two of you) or lavious (everyone you know in the BDSM community) depending on personal perferences.

Personally, I believe to give yourself completely to another is one of the most serious commitments you can make in life. It is not a decision to be rushed or taken lightly.

Thank you for the good advice LadyAria.

The relationship started way too fast and I didn't take enough time to get to know this man. It all started very well and I was mesmerized by it all. After a while though, he started not respecting some of my limits (that I had very clearly talked about) and the last time we met really didn't go well. I then chose to end the relationship. I have no regret doing so because he didn't make me feel good about myself... Besides, not respecting me is a deal breaker for me, in any type of relation.

I'm not sure I'll ever get into a D/S relationship again because it sure was a very disappointing experience. I guess time will tell...

papillon

 

[LadyAria]

Once again Lady Aria gives an answer so good that it shouldn't be lost somewhere in a thread. People seem not to read anything that is more than a few days old. I, for one, think that many of the answers she has given here would make a wonderful book. Perhaps in time, that could be a reality. I would be the first in line to buy it and recommend it to anyone.

I suppose such a dedicated approach as she has may be too much for those who prefer a less thoughtful and comitted way. As for me, I simply cannot do "drive by" scenes.

A couple of weeks ago, I read on a German site a quote from the British actress, Glenda Jackson. She said, "When I was young I thought that anything was better than nothing. Now I know that sometimes nothing is better."

Thanks again, Lady Aria, for taking our breath away with a beautiful answer.

You will make some Goddess very pleased one day, Thorkel! It is a splendid thing to read such a flattering post. It makes me smile all the while I strike the keys to type.

Thank you.

If I wrote a book on the lifestyle, then I think it would be a comedy of errors. My sexual paths has lead me too many psychotic subs, wanna-be-daddy doms, and more late night emergency room visits then anyone would want to admit in public. At times, I've been the paragon of expermentation gone horribly wrong. That said...I rather be have tried and failed, then been vanilla all along

A life half -lived is a life not worth living at all.

 

[LadyAria]

Good morning {{{{{{{{{Lady Aria}}}}}}}

I am only up to what He allows me to do.

I will pass your regards on to Him.

You explained so well what people need to look out for when starting a new D/s relationship. You are such a valuable asset to Lit. Thank you again for starting this thread.

{{{Kayte}}}

I'm sure the things he allows are naughty enough for both of you and we get all the good pictures! April is just around the corner... Please don't forget the film.

Thank you for the compliment. I'm so glad you like the thread. I know I like coming here and reading all the posts too. I wanted a little corner where people could ask and get a thoughtful response.

Many times people are judgemental and vicious because it is the internet. Or worse, they are high handed because they "know" more then you or practiced longer. A subculture needs to be supportive to each other and welcome new interests/members. Without numbers and community cooperation, the vanilla majority will brand us all perverts to be sent to mental hospitals or prisons.

Thorkel sent me a great example of this from the New York Times. I need to see if I can find it and post it on the thread.

 

[LadyAria]

Thank you for the good advice LadyAria.

The relationship started way too fast and I didn't take enough time to get to know this man. It all started very well and I was mesmerized by it all. After a while though, he started not respecting some of my limits (that I had very clearly talked about) and the last time we met really didn't go well. I then chose to end the relationship. I have no regret doing so because he didn't make me feel good about myself... Besides, not respecting me is a deal breaker for me, in any type of relation.

I'm not sure I'll ever get into a D/S relationship again because it sure was a very disappointing experience. I guess time will tell...

papillon

I am so sorry to hear that, papillon.

You made the right decision. Never be in any relationship with a partner that doesn't respect your boundaries.

I do hope the bitter taste will not linger on your tongue too long. Just because you plucked out one grape that was bitter does not me the whole bag has gone bad.

Good luck on your sexual journey. I hope you find what you are seeking.

 

[LadyAria]

:
RED HEAD/DAEMON GIRL

Thorkel, I finally read this and the private part II. Maybe I'm just a twisted romantic at heart, but this struck me as soooo sweet. It rings of victorian denial and courtly love with a wicked sense of control/worship.

Ever seen the age of innocence? It shares all those incredible elements

 

[xxxbob]

Lady Aria ( ), here is my question:

I absolutely love wearing my girlfriends knickers/panties when she's not around, but both her and I want to bring it into our play now and she's made it very clear that I have been a naughty boy and that I should be punished. Now, neither of us are heavily into D/S but I am submissive and the thought of some panty play with her is really arousing. I was just wondering if you have any experience of guys like me wanting to dress in sexy panties, and what kind of activities you would have planned if you were in my girlfriends shoes. I look forward to your answer

 

[papilllon]

some fine people

I am so sorry to hear that, papillon.

You made the right decision. Never be in any relationship with a partner that doesn't respect your boundaries.

I do hope the bitter taste will not linger on your tongue too long. Just because you plucked out one grape that was bitter does not me the whole bag has gone bad.

Good luck on your sexual journey. I hope you find what you are seeking.

All the people in here prove me that there are plenty of good grapes in the bag still.

I'll be more careful in the future and take my time to know someone very well before starting anything.

Thanks again,

papillon

 

[LadyAria]

Justices Pass on Internet Obscenity Case

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Filed at 10:32 a.m. ET
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Supreme Court turned back an appeal on Monday from a photographer who claimed a federal decency law violated her free-speech rights to post pictures of sadomasochistic sexual behavior on the Web.

Justices affirmed a decision last year by a special three-judge federal panel upholding the 1996 law which makes it a crime to send obscenity over the Internet to children.

The court could have used the case to set online obscenity standards. The subject of children and indecency has gotten more attention recently.

Last week the government renewed its crackdown on indecent television by proposing nearly $4 million in fines for controversial broadcasts.

The Supreme Court appeal was brought by photographer Barbara Nitke, whose work is featured in the book ''Kiss of Fire: A Romantic View of Sadomasochism,'' and by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.

Material that is obscene is not protected by the First Amendment, but Nitke's lawyer contends her work is art that is not obscene.

Justices were told by attorney John Wirenius of New York that if they turned down the case, ''many more Internet users will likely face the constitutionally unsupportable choice faced by Ms. Nitke: either to censor her published images or risk prosecution.''

The law requires that those sending obscene communications on the Internet take reasonable actions to keep it away from children, like requiring a credit card, debit account or adult access code as proof of age.

The Bush administration had urged justices to stay out of the case.

The case is Nitke v. Gonzales, 05-526.

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press

 

[leeroy jenkins]

In today's world there is no way to protect you kids from this short of homeschooling and not having a tv or internet access. I am totally not letting kids see adult material but kids are resourceful and if they want to see it they will find a way.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Romance

Thorkel, I finally read this and the private part II. Maybe I'm just a twisted romantic at heart, but this struck me as soooo sweet. It rings of victorian denial and courtly love with a wicked sense of control/worship.

Ever seen the age of innocence? It shares all those incredible elements

Romantics are never twisted. It's the realists who don't know how to live at the bounderies.

A life half -lived is a life not worth living at all.

Truth with a capital T. There was a satirical version of "Desirata" years ago that contained the line: "A walk throught the waters of most men's souls wouldn't get your ankles wet."

Give me the deep end.

The Age Of Innocence? Loved the book and the movie. Just did a poem in "Reading the Classics" by Wharton the other day.

Edith Wharton's potrait of a cramped soul Eathan Fromme
Also: House of Mirth, Madame de Treymes

Romantic? Yes, to suffered the pangs of HELL for the Bitch Goddess who is not only obeyed but worshipped body, mind and soul. How could anyone live on a lesser level?

 

[LadyAria]

In today's world there is no way to protect you kids from this short of homeschooling and not having a tv or internet access. I am totally not letting kids see adult material but kids are resourceful and if they want to see it they will find a way.

I think you missed the point of the article. Under the guise of endangering children, they are calling her prints obscene and her a criminal for posting BDSM art on the internet.

This is a danger to all of us.

1984, anyone?

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I think you missed the point of the article. Under the guise of endangering children, they are calling her prints obscene and her a criminal for posting BDSM art on the internet.

This is a danger to all of us.

1984, anyone?

I got that and their reason is that a child could access it on the computer right?? Like I said though I think it should be kept outta kids hands, but at the same time they will find a way to get it if they want it bad enough. The trouble with this is its the governments attempt at being our parents. Kids have parents and do not have the need for the supreme court to step in like one too.

 

[Keixbra]

Sorry

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Wrong Place

I know this may sound strange, but I am in desperate need for a woman to, cyber or phone, be dom with me. I am a hypnotist and it is very hard for me to be an erotic one if I am sub... So, I wish for a woman to teach me to be Dom. If your interested please post back, if not then... thanks for reading this anyways.

Try the BDSM Personals Thread.

 

[LadyAria]

Hissy fit

Being as I work...a lot...I don't have time to really shop now as I must squeeze things in the narrow hours I call free time. Saturdays spent flipping through books in Barnes and Noble are a thing of my past.

Generally, I order books offline. I've been a member of a number of book clubs who I even from time to time I trusted to make selections for me to save time. Disappointed, I cancel my members three or four month into it. So, I finished my last good book two nights ago to my dismay. Last night, I start looking through the stack on my nightstand, moved to the ones on the armoire, to my bedroom bookshelf, under my bed, then, to the ones in the great room and finally, on to the other bedroom. I pick up a book to read a few paragrahs then put it down to pick up another...already read, crap, crap, read, read, crap, really bad crap, boring, not right for my mood, crap, crap, too sexy, not sexy enough, read, crap. Needless to say, I have nothing to read for pleasure. Mind you, I have plenty of research stuff for work.

*side rant* How do all these freaking people get published? I bought them right? *grumbles* Damn book clubs. I need to box up some of this crap and take it to the traders. Get me some good books.

That said...there is a point in here. I need some reading suggestions. I think I want either a good Victorian romance with lots of tension or a gory contemporary suspense. BDSM fiction suggestions welcome too, but I am picky. Any suggestions? I need to make a want list to save time this Saturday when I do take in the evil stack of crap books I have by my front door.

Not an ask a Dom question...more like Help a Domme with her book addiction. I need a good fix.

 

[LadyAria]

I know this may sound strange, but I am in desperate need for a woman to, cyber or phone, be dom with me. I am a hypnotist and it is very hard for me to be an erotic one if I am sub... So, I wish for a woman to teach me to be Dom. If your interested please post back, if not then... thanks for reading this anyways.

*Hiss*

What the hell!?! You, out!

 

[leeroy jenkins]

My suggestion is read the classics for the first time or reread maybe?? I would suggest Jane Austin's Sense and Sensibilities and so forth from her. I think I started Pride and Prejudice. The other really good classic I liked that might fit your requirements is Wurthering Heights. Maybe not a romance in the straight foreword, but man you have to love to hate Hetcliff and what a bastard he becomes when he returns.

 

[FurryFury]

<snip>That said...there is a point in here. I need some reading suggestions. I think I want either a good Victorian romance with lots of tension or a gory contemporary suspense. BDSM fiction suggestions welcome too, but I am picky. Any suggestions? I need to make a want list to save time this Saturday when I do take in the evil stack of crap books I have by my front door.

Not an ask a Dom question...more like Help a Domme with her book addiction. I need a good fix.

Books and Authors I have loved:

Piers Anthony, On a Pale Horse, it's about death and rather delicious.

Navada Barr, A real life park ranger writes myseries about being one on beautiful National Park lands that I may never see except through her words.

David Baldacci, Absolute Power and other books from this writer

Laurence Block, Burglars Can’t Be Choosers and other “Bernie Rodenbarr” books

Edna Buchanan, the Cuban American reporter series

James Lee Burke, Purple Cane Road and other “Dave Robicheaux” books even some of his Billy Bob Smith books are writen in such beautiful words that I become attached to them, yet there is violence and sex as well.

P.C. Doherty, The Mask Of Ra and other books set in ancient Egypt
My husband also likes the Hugh Corbett books set in Medieval England

P.N. Elrod, the “In the blood” series

Janet Evanovich, One for the Money and other “Stephanie Plum” books funny as hell, and full of action. The only thing I didn't like was NO SEX in the first book or two. Why not? Why are chicks considered "better" if they hold off even when they are not virgins? That so pisses me off.

Anne George, Murder on a Bad Hair Day and other “Southern Sisters” Mysteries

Tess Gerritsen, Life Support and others

Arthur Golden Memoirs of a Geisha

Sue Grafton, A is For Alibi and all the other “Alphabet Series”

Laurell K. Hamilton, Guilty Pleasures and other “Anita Blake” books

Faye Kellerman, The Ritual Bath and other books in this series. I like her better than her husband who writes great books of psychological violence but her books have all that and romance, plus it takes me into an orthodox Jewish society which I would otherwise not know anything about.

Daniel Klein, His Elvis mysteries like Blue Suede Clues and others. These are just fun if you love The King!

Mercedes Lackey, Burning Water and other “Diana Tregarde” books

Kevin McCarthy, Special Effects, The Family Book One and I want more!!! Science fiction in a touchable way.

Phillip Margolin, Gone but not forgotten and other books

James Patterson especially The Jester!

Sara Paretsky, Indemnity Only and other “V.I Warshawski” books

Ann B. Ross, Miss Julia Books

Barbara Riefe, For the Love of Two Eagles it's a romance but also a historical novel of primitive times. It really touched me way back when I read it.

Amy Tan, The Joy Luck Club and others

Paul F. Wilson, The Keep, Sims and his Medical thrillers also are good

I hope this helps. I don't do romance very often but gory yep, those I can do as long as I don't read them before trying to sleep. There are many more favorites. This is my no means a comprehensive list.

Fury

 

[LadyAria]

Books and Authors I have loved:


...

I hope this helps. I don't do romance very often but gory yep, those I can do as long as I don't read them before trying to sleep. There are many more favorites. This is my no means a comprehensive list.

Fury

Thank you, fury. I have some of those. I'll have to pluck out the ones I don't seems we have some similar tastes.