Asexuality, BDSM style

[Cirrus]

I was having a conversation with one of my friends the other day, and she pointed out a guy she had suspected was Domme for a while and suggested I meet him.

I responded with a resounding "meh"...I guess I'm at a point in my life where sexuality isn't a priority. My friend then proceeded to grill me, in a friendly but kind of chiding manner. She asked me if I did ANYTHING at all right now, as in *ahem* "spend a quality moment with myself". I said sure, once in a while, who doesn't...but it's nothing like it was. Then she asked if I wouldn't rather have a partner than myself, and at this point in time, no, I really wouldn't.

She then swore there was something wrong with me...like I was depressed or sick or something and maybe didn't know it. While yes, I am clinically depressed, my mood right now is fine, barring the usual day to day hassles and pressures we all sometimes have.

There's just other things going on in my life right now, some good, some not so good, and since there is no one in my life right now I have feelings for, or am even all that sexually attracted to, it doesn't really cross my mind that much. And I have no desire right now to look for or get involved in a relationship right now. Just don't need it right now and don't miss it...and given my last one, I think I'm better off without them for a while.

I guess I'm just not in that mode right now.

She found this surprising because she knows I am a sub, and also knows some of the escapades in which I have engaged...and she thinks those in the lifestyle are somehow more sexual than those who are not. I guess for me though, sex is kind of easy to forget about if I don't really have options or any potential partners at a given time. It's easy for me to refocus and not really care about it that much...I mean, it just doesn't even really sound appealing right now. I'm sure if the right person or right situation appeared it may, but...meh for right now.

So...a few questions. Do you think those in the lifestyle are more inherently sexual than those who are not? Do you ever go through "cycles" like I'm going through, where sexuality or sexual activity really aren't a part of your life? Any other comments?

 

[Netzach]

I'm *in* a relationship, and of course it's all deliriously sexual bliss every day of the year.

Um, not.

"Meh" is a totally TOTALLY valid and viable reaction to sex at certain points in one's life.

That is pretty basic human behavior. You will probably be swinging from the rafters at some point when you are good and ready.

 

[Chicklet]

Do you think those in the lifestyle are more inherently sexual than those who are not? Do you ever go through "cycles" like I'm going through, where sexuality or sexual activity really aren't a part of your life? Any other comments?

I don't think that any one group of individuals is more sexual than others. It is the idividual itself, wouldn't you say? In every group of people there are very, very sexual beings, and there are practically frigid ones.

I think that people would tend to think that those of us in the lifestyle would be more sexual because somehow we let some of our curiosity go, and we started exploring something that others would think of as frightening. That leap of faith would label us as "sexual"

I go through cycles all the time. I get depressed and I get happy and that doesn't seem to have anything to do with my sex life. I go through dry spells, I go through wet, wonderful spells. I go through phases when I want one thing and one thing only, and then the next time I might not want anything to do with it at all.

While yes, I am clinically depressed, my mood right now is fine, barring the usual day to day hassles and pressures we all sometimes have.

Well, personal question, are you on medication? I've had bad luck with sexuality and medication for clinical depression in the past...the meds can totally wipe out your sex drive, if you know what I mean.

 

[incubus_dark]

I go through sexually off periods about every 3 months which last around a fortnight. Seems normal to me, just the cyclical nature of the human animal which, as with all such complex things, differs from person to person. Don't let it bother you.

As for lifestylers being more sexual than vanillas: Bollocks. Perhaps the lifestylers may on average be more sexual than the repressed, anal retentive or guilt ridden vanillas, but I wouldn't think they'd be more so than any group of well adjusted and open minded vanillas. Alot of vanilla peeps I have met think that lifestylers are more sexual than themselves, because lifestylers identify with a community group defined by its sexual behaviour, whereas they just see themselves as normal old boring peeps.

 

[Cirrus]

Yes, I am on medication. I take Remeron, which I have been on for about 5 months. It hasn't affected my libido or sensation or anything like that.

I'm not worried about it in the least...I think it's perfectly normal for humans to "cycle" with a lot of things, not just sex...sleep, appetitie, moods, you name it. The fact that my friend was surprised kind of surprised me. I once went for over 2 years celibate...partly by choice, partly by circumstance...but it was never really a huge deal. I mean sure, there were days I was ready to rape someone , but I didn't as a rule miss it all THAT much.

I just found her conclusion that lifestylers are more sexual a little interesting...

 

[watergirl]

I'm in sort of a "meh" mood myself lately. Too much work, too much on my mind juggling three freelance jobs right now... Fortunately the people I sometimes sleep with understand that!!

 

[Pure]

Anyone experienced an asexualizing from a psychotropic, e.g. those drugs in the prozac group (paxil, zoloft)?

Anyone experienced a heightened sexuality and sex drive through a psychotropic, e.g, wellbutrin?

J.

 

[Azzy]

Out of lurk mode for a moment ...

I take zoloft and have had no averse reactions in regard to libido, but my best friend takes the same drug and has a severe reaction.

She has none whatsoever, except for maybe 2 days a month, and then she can't get enough.

It seems to be individualistic.

back to lurk ...

 

[Netzach]

My sex life was so much an afterthought while I was depressed enough to be on zoloft that I didn't really care one way or the other. The drug allowed me to lift my head off the pillow long enough to smile sometimes, and that was a good enough push along the road to OK.

My fiance takes both lowish dose female hormones (premarin) and anti-depressants. The hormones suppress a libido he saw as problematic, the anti-d's may also do the same.

I definitely have a higher libido and it can be a source of conflict sometimes, but his feelings of security are important to me and he needs to maintain them.

 

[mischeviousmisti]

my libido has gone from every day to once or twice a month over the past two years. i'd like to blame it on pregnancy and baby but i honestly dont know. it coincided with me getting off of zoloft too. there are any number of factors that could be involved with a long, bad dry spell.

 

[Etoile]

I'm *in* a relationship, and of course it's all deliriously sexual bliss every day of the year.

Um, not.

"Meh" is a totally TOTALLY valid and viable reaction to sex at certain points in one's life.

That is pretty basic human behavior. You will probably be swinging from the rafters at some point when you are good and ready.

You rule, Netzach. How'd you get to be so good?!