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Are you proactive or reactive?

This was an interesting few pages.. thanks everyone.

to the question about messaging friends - I've made some lovely friends here and I don't even wait to see them posting before I reach out..
it's like sending a card in the mail.. I assume it will be a nice surprise.

When it comes to making new friends, however, this has shifted over the years. I used to have time to visit here more frequently and could keep up with the social undercurrent. That's shifted for a variety of reasons and so it can sometimes feel awkward to message someone out of the blue.
That being said, I have almost never ignored a message that read like a sincere hello.. I don't tend to attract the riff-raff, either here or IRL.
 
SugarSpiceAndLace said:
I always say that I'm extremely shy in real life but a lot less so here... except when it comes to initiating contact. I still tend to feel like I'm bothering someone if I PM them, so I'm hesitant to do so even with people I consider friends or have previously chatted with.
Click to expand...

You're always welcome in my box :D:D

In real life, I'm very proactive. I want the most out of life, and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit around and wait for chance etc to deliver what I want.

Here, not as much. But only because I learned my lesson first time around when I kept biting off more than I could chew. I often found myself overwhelmed with the amount of messages I had waiting for replies. There are lots of interesting people here, but time is limited so now I'm more cautious in approaching others first.
 
My time here has drastically decreased. There are friends I still communicate with, but the need to be here has dropped. Life happens. The world outside has gotten more demanding. Interests change. People change. Responsibilities increase. What I once came here for has changed. It had to.

Time is a valuable thing. How one’s time is used makes a difference. There are different levels of friendship and kinship. That foundation has to already be established for pro-activity and reactivity. What once was there may have dropped off due to the level of activity in real life. There are those kept up with in real life due to availability. Some may not be available. Don’t take it personal.

Reaching out to others takes but a few moments of time. If you want to...do it. If one doesn’t do it first, never assume. Ask. Not everyone has the same answer. Sometimes real life get complicated. People respond when they can, how they can.
 
Loving how this thread has developed... Thanks everyone!

Interesting to read about the contrast between RL and virtual.
 
Interesting question. I am definitely passive when it comes to "first contact." I dislike being a bother and assume that any woman that I find stimulating and interesting is also found to be that way by 1,000 other guys. So, I always assume the woman is in some sort of e-romance (or three). So, until I sense that the woman really IS seeming to be interested in me, I'll refrain from writing her.

If a woman seems to follow my thread exploits and posts after me a few times on different days and threads, I'll write then. Otherwise, it would be the exception, rather than the rule, for me to just spuriously PM a woman.
 
I can be proactive but it is nice to get messaged from the ladies now and then. Good conversation, sexual or not is always intriguing
 
In life, I am more likely to be proactive.

Here, infinitely less likely and it is probably, historically, to my detriment. In the past I have looked through historic posts, out in the effort to make it clear that I’ve out in thought and effort to make it obvious it’s not the much maligned cut and paste jobs but the results of my endeavours have been mixed.

As as a result, I leave it and wait to be approached. Daft in many ways as I perceive the famous of Lit’s to be swamped with messages so the chances that they’re looking to add to their pile is unlikely!

Interesting subject and food for thought.
 
Little_Tease said:
Well nothing happened so to say to him he is fine, he just needs to take a break from lit and stuff and concentrate more on RL.
Click to expand...

Hmm, wiser man than I am

Being an old goat, I just over stay my welcome and end up with a barren field
Better to let it grow (fonder)

Proactive vs Reactive

I am proactive in an overly reactive way that leads only to retroactive results
 
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OxfordJack said:
I have been here off and on for many years and made some wonderful friends. They are the ones who will message me if they see me on, asking after me and start a conversation.

I have also made friends who will chat if I message them first, replying "its good to see you Jack, how are things?" etc - but stay silent if I don't make the first move.

Do you message a friend if you see them on and posting?

Or do you wait until they message you?
Click to expand...
I am proactive, I message people and I am reactive, and I will respond. :)
 
So whatever happened to ol'Jack anyway? Has he reincarnated yet again?? :rolleyes: Come on, darling, come on back, your harem awaits....... :kiss::)
 
Just remembered this.... and it still holds true!:rolleyes::D

If you message them... they may reply


If you don't... they'll forget you:)
 
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I'm inspired now...

to try some pro activity and message some folks. Problem there is I tend to procrastinate... so there's that with me.
In general, whether I'm proactive or reactive depends on my mood, my state of mind, my typing ability, are my reading glasses handy, stuff like that, at the time. I go both ways, I suppose you can say. Lately, I've been trying to reply to new messages right away... so they don't end up dissolving into misty, hollow abyss of "I'll do it later".
 
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pfflyerhot said:
to try some pro activity and message some folks. Problem there is I tend to procrastinate... so there's that with me.
In general, whether I'm proactive or reactive depends on my mood, my state of mind, my typing ability, are my reading glasses handy, stuff like that, at the time. I go both ways, I suppose you can say. Lately, I've been trying to reply to new messages right away... so they end up dissolving into misty, hollow abyss of "I'll do it later".
Click to expand...

So good to see you again honey!:heart:
 
I rarely message someone when I see them come online. But sometimes I do.
If someone messages me, I will always respond, whether I know them or not.
I guess that makes me primarily reactive, with occasional bursts of proactivity.

And so, I have been labeled.


Ben
 
OxfordJack said:
I have been here off and on for many years and made some wonderful friends. They are the ones who will message me if they see me on, asking after me and start a conversation.

I have also made friends who will chat if I message them first, replying "its good to see you Jack, how are things?" etc - but stay silent if I don't make the first move.

Do you message a friend if you see them on and posting?

Or do you wait until they message you?
Click to expand...

Interesting thread idea , kudos

On topic , I have a system that is working just fine for me. So just like when a man finds a good fishing spot , a man knows when to be a braggart and when to be silent. :D it’s all about what he caught as to how much of a braggart he is.
 
Good morning, or afternoon Jack!
I like to do a little of both, and find most people who interact with me know I get chatty in PM, then can go silent. I do appreciate those who say hi when they see me, too. :)
 
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