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Are you proactive or reactive?

Well i guess it depends on the days and the person... sometimes i make the first move but sometimes i also wait cause i dont want to be to much so to say or get on someones nervs so i wait and let them make the first move....*giggles*
 
Little_Tease said:
Well i guess it depends on the days and the person... sometimes i make the first move but sometimes i also wait cause i dont want to be to much so to say or get on someones nervs so i wait and let them make the first move....*giggles*
Click to expand...

There seems to be a theme developing...

"I don't want to disturb them" or "I don't want to get on their nerves"

I often using a heading "No need to reply but..." then the message. That way hopefully the recipient won't feel guilty about ignoring me!:D
 
A bit of both. I quite often message someone in response to something they've written on a board.

Some days, someone whom I've never spoken to but who makes an effort with everyone on the boards looks like they're having a bad day, I'll message them well wishes from a stranger. I don't expect anything back and quite often don't get anything back, especially if the message goes to another female. There are two or three exceptions to that of course.

Then there's the extra lovely gents who become soooo interesting that the responses become sooooo long it becomes difficult to find the time to respond fully. A week later the moment is lost and it feels awkward to start back.
 
Cherry_Brandy said:
A bit of both. I quite often message someone in response to something they've written on a board.

Some days, someone whom I've never spoken to but who makes an effort with everyone on the boards looks like they're having a bad day, I'll message them well wishes from a stranger. I don't expect anything back and quite often don't get anything back, especially if the message goes to another female. There are two or three exceptions to that of course.

Then there's the extra lovely gents who become soooo interesting that the responses become sooooo long it becomes difficult to find the time to respond fully. A week later the moment is lost and it feels awkward to start back.
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And then there's time differences and covid "restraints" to consider...
 
I’m horribly bad at communicating. I’ve had people complain that I never message first. I often think about people and make mental notes to check on them/message them but never follow through. I’m not trying to be rude or insensitive...I blame RA fog...most times I just don’t have the mental energy.
 
I’m definitely an extrovert who loves people, so I’m far more proactive about initiating a friendly chat. When it comes to a sexual chat, I’m much more reactionary.
 
Hello Jack.

I think I am both. Probably a bit more reactive here. I should change that.

Hugs, Ana
 
Chillygirl said:
I’m horribly bad at communicating. I’ve had people complain that I never message first. I often think about people and make mental notes to check on them/message them but never follow through. I’m not trying to be rude or insensitive...I blame RA fog...most times I just don’t have the mental energy.
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This is kind of where I'm at. I like to talk to so many people, but my emotional energy is constantly empty due to a faulty emotional fuel pump. Got to get that looked at. :rolleyes: I may not answer a query for a couple of weeks and then my anxiety kicks in. "Oh shit, they hate me now!" :(

As Rodney Dangerfield always said: "It ain't easy being me!"
 
For the bulk of my life and in the overwhelming majority of things, I am proactive. Except when it comes to interpersonal...

I can remember when I was just knee-high on a grasshopper being told repeatedly that I was meant to be seen and not heard, and only seen when my presence was requested. Later, when I began venturing out into the cold, cruel world, I was told that if I went to see someone, or even called them, that I would be bothering them.

Ironically, before their deaths, I remember getting into it with my step-mother on behalf of my father about why I never called him. And explained to her that he had trained me to NOT for over forty years.

Over the decades, I've had many, very many, people try to argue with me about it, try to change me. And I understood. I did. They liked, and even loved, me. And, they wanted, needed, to know that they weren't shouting down a well. That I at least felt something for them to be willing to reach out first. To visit them. To call them. To send a letter or an email.

The thing is... I am who and what I am. And I can't change it. I've tried. And for me, it's gotten to the point that to have a problem with the fact that I just don't reach out first, no matter how close we are, is to have a problem with my basic, intrinsic personality. To reject me.

Consent is a very big thing for me. Some have even felt maybe too big a thing. I don't proceed until and unless I have very clearly understood consent. And then, even once I have it, if overtures are rebuffed three times, I don't make a move again until and unless she does.

And then there is the failing memory and mild hallucinations that cause me to forget people if they aren't pretty regularly in my inbox... Or, in some cases, to question whether I talked to them or if I'd just seen them around so much that it felt like I had...
 
Acktion said:
For the bulk of my life and in the overwhelming majority of things, I am proactive. Except when it comes to interpersonal...

I can remember when I was just knee-high on a grasshopper being told repeatedly that I was meant to be seen and not heard, and only seen when my presence was requested. Later, when I began venturing out into the cold, cruel world, I was told that if I went to see someone, or even called them, that I would be bothering them.

Ironically, before their deaths, I remember getting into it with my step-mother on behalf of my father about why I never called him. And explained to her that he had trained me to NOT for over forty years.

Over the decades, I've had many, very many, people try to argue with me about it, try to change me. And I understood. I did. They liked, and even loved, me. And, they wanted, needed, to know that they weren't shouting down a well. That I at least felt something for them to be willing to reach out first. To visit them. To call them. To send a letter or an email.

The thing is... I am who and what I am. And I can't change it. I've tried. And for me, it's gotten to the point that to have a problem with the fact that I just don't reach out first, no matter how close we are, is to have a problem with my basic, intrinsic personality. To reject me.

Consent is a very big thing for me. Some have even felt maybe too big a thing. I don't proceed until and unless I have very clearly understood consent. And then, even once I have it, if overtures are rebuffed three times, I don't make a move again until and unless she does.

And then there is the failing memory and mild hallucinations that cause me to forget people if they aren't pretty regularly in my inbox... Or, in some cases, to question whether I talked to them or if I'd just seen them around so much that it felt like I had...
Click to expand...

thanks for sharing that:)
 
Overall proactive in life, started out that way here and slowly slipped into reactive. I do get tired of contacting first but seems I am slow to recognize disinterest. I do have a few good friends I have made here and I enjoy interacting with many on the various threads.

Very interesting thread with some surprising answers and info.
 
sallycee said:
Overall proactive in life, started out that way here and slowly slipped into reactive. I do get tired of contacting first but seems I am slow to recognize disinterest. I do have a few good friends I have made here and I enjoy interacting with many on the various threads.

Very interesting thread with some surprising answers and info.
Click to expand...

Yes there have been some interesting comments
 
SugarSpiceAndLace said:
I always say that I'm extremely shy in real life but a lot less so here... except when it comes to initiating contact. I still tend to feel like I'm bothering someone if I PM them, so I'm hesitant to do so even with people I consider friends or have previously chatted with.
Click to expand...

100% this - 100%!
 
IRL I tend to be somewhat proactive in that I will talk to anyone. Here, I guess I would be considered reactive. Part of it stems from why a lot of people are here. Because I have no interest in a romantic or sexual relationship, I figure everything I want to say can be said on the boards to avoid any misunderstanding. That being said if there is something that I feel would be too personal, I may reach out in private message. The other part is because I tend to go for long periods of time without coming on here. I hate to just drop out of private conversations so that would be another reason why I tend to not start them.
 
No, but I did send one that struck up good conversation.

Good to see a positive response!
 
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