Are reparations possible?

[xxamendsxx]

I have greatly wronged a woman. I presumed I knew certain things about her based on my life experience. I wrote about her for months, and I made assumptions about her that I know now are not true. I hurt her immensely and did things I should not have done. I was correct about her situation, but not about the fact that her situation did not, in fact, make her a bad person. I could not have been more wrong about her and I wish her all the best going forward.

I wanted to confront her and she agreed to a phone call. I prepared myself for her to yell at me and berate me due to what I had done to her. She did none of those things. She asked me about myself and why I made the choices I made with regards to her. She listened, and she reacted with kindness and sage advice. She helped me after all the things I had done to her. What I did not get from her was anger or hate, she did not give me what I deserved from her.

I know she no longer wishes to hear from me, and I do not blame her, but how do I repair what I have done to her? The guilt I feel for what I have done is eating me alive and I want to incorporate the advice she gave me into my life, but the guilt and not being able to make amends is holding me back. How do I move forward?

 

[flyingsnare]

I know she no longer wishes to hear from me, and I do not blame her, but how do I repair what I have done to her? The guilt I feel for what I have done is eating me alive and I want to incorporate the advice she gave me into my life, but the guilt and not being able to make amends is holding me back. How do I move forward?

Words that make questions may not be questions at all. The answers you seek are in your very last sentences.

You needn't repair whatever you've done to her if she no longer wishes to hear from you, since she's already found closure. If you want to move forward, remember her by incorporating her advice into your life. Any guilt you feel since that last phone call is because of choice.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You need to see females as a group and stop seeing them as individuals. They all operate by the same scientific principles.

As a rule females tolerate and suffer anything till something better comes along. If they stand by their man bet the farm they believe they cant do better...for now. If there's 5 cents or 5 millimeters of schlong to be gained from replacing you, youre history.

So stop pining and go find a woman who wants your wares.

My momma usta say YOU CAN ALWAYS GET A WOMAN WHEN YOU GOT NOTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO.

 

[CBM514]

I have greatly wronged a woman. I presumed I knew certain things about her based on my life experience. I wrote about her for months, and I made assumptions about her that I know now are not true. I hurt her immensely and did things I should not have done. I was correct about her situation, but not about the fact that her situation did not, in fact, make her a bad person. I could not have been more wrong about her and I wish her all the best going forward.

I wanted to confront her and she agreed to a phone call. I prepared myself for her to yell at me and berate me due to what I had done to her. She did none of those things. She asked me about myself and why I made the choices I made with regards to her. She listened, and she reacted with kindness and sage advice. She helped me after all the things I had done to her. What I did not get from her was anger or hate, she did not give me what I deserved from her.

I know she no longer wishes to hear from me, and I do not blame her, but how do I repair what I have done to her? The guilt I feel for what I have done is eating me alive and I want to incorporate the advice she gave me into my life, but the guilt and not being able to make amends is holding me back. How do I move forward?

Basically you fucked this one up beyond repair it sounds like...to move on you need to just let it go...maybe in time (years) you may be able to go back and have a conversation but for now just walk away...

 

[GrrlFriday]

A way that you could begin to move forward is to use the experience to inspire you. You could strive to be a better person and to be kinder to those around you, like she was to you. Use your memory of her to spur you on. In that way, you are 'paying her kindness forward' by spreading it.

 

[luvnmyboys]

You've had your phone call and I think she has closure. Leave it alone and do better with the next woman. You can't expect her to help you get rid of your guilt after you wronged her.

 

[NightL]

You have certainly milked this one for all its worth. You were nearly hounded out of other areas in Lit for incessantly going on about it. Does not matter that you now have a new twist on this over the last month or so, your motives appear none other than total attention seeking. I doubt there is any sincerity in your not so new found remorse.

Perhaps try to yet again create a new username and don't bring any attention to it by not talking or referring to this incident EVER again.

 

[xxamendsxx]

NightL - You could not be more wrong. I will take the advice of the people who have replied to me. I will pay it forward and live a better life.

 

[njlauren]

Without knowing more about the details of what happened, it would be impossible to give specifics (though I encourage you not to put those details on here). First of all, she may not want to talk to you, but you could always send her an e-mail or snail mail note and tell her how grateful you are that she took the time to listen to you and give you advice, that that above everything else proved how wrong you were about her, and that you plan on moving forward using her advice in ways that hopefully would honor the person she really is. Putting things into writing has a different impact then talking over the phone, and it is a sign that you got what she said.

I think the best way to make amends is to maybe put what is special to her into action. Is there a charity or charities she believes in? Make it a point to try and help them. You said you were mistaken about her circumstances and that those didn't make her a bad person, is there something you can do to help in that regards? (I am obviously in the dark).

I think one of the biggest things you can do is look inside yourself and figure out why you treated her the way you did. Repentance is a term were associate with gnashing of teeth and yelling "Lord forgive me", but what it really is is looking inside yourself and finding what is broken, and fixing it. For example, if she was a professional escort, and you assumed she was a slut because of what she does, because of your background, then maybe you have to work on not being so judgmental or trying to understand why someone would do it, to not be so quick to judge, to try and understand. If you can figure out why you treated her like that, you can try and clear what caused it out, which in turn will allow you to forgive yourself. Once you can do that, months or years down the road, then you can send her a note and tell her what you have done, that you understand what you did and why, and that she started you on the road to doing that because of the way she treated you on that phone call..hearing that from you,hearing you did the work and tried to change, will probably let her know you tried to make amends because you respected her enough to listen to her and tried to follow through. It is possible, but not likely, that she could get over the hurt and you could at least be friends, but at the very least, it will give her the satisfaction of knowing that the way she handled the situation was the right thing to do.

 

[MrSkin]

I have greatly wronged a woman. I presumed I knew certain things about her based on my life experience. I wrote about her for months, and I made assumptions about her that I know now are not true. I hurt her immensely and did things I should not have done. I was correct about her situation, but not about the fact that her situation did not, in fact, make her a bad person. I could not have been more wrong about her and I wish her all the best going forward.

I wanted to confront her and she agreed to a phone call. I prepared myself for her to yell at me and berate me due to what I had done to her. She did none of those things. She asked me about myself and why I made the choices I made with regards to her. She listened, and she reacted with kindness and sage advice. She helped me after all the things I had done to her. What I did not get from her was anger or hate, she did not give me what I deserved from her.

I know she no longer wishes to hear from me, and I do not blame her, but how do I repair what I have done to her? The guilt I feel for what I have done is eating me alive and I want to incorporate the advice she gave me into my life, but the guilt and not being able to make amends is holding me back. How do I move forward?

Was she a real life or virtual relationship?

 

[MaineFemale]

I have greatly wronged a woman. I presumed I knew certain things about her based on my life experience. I wrote about her for months, and I made assumptions about her that I know now are not true. I hurt her immensely and did things I should not have done. I was correct about her situation, but not about the fact that her situation did not, in fact, make her a bad person. I could not have been more wrong about her and I wish her all the best going forward.

I wanted to confront her and she agreed to a phone call. I prepared myself for her to yell at me and berate me due to what I had done to her. She did none of those things. She asked me about myself and why I made the choices I made with regards to her. She listened, and she reacted with kindness and sage advice. She helped me after all the things I had done to her. What I did not get from her was anger or hate, she did not give me what I deserved from her.

I know she no longer wishes to hear from me, and I do not blame her, but how do I repair what I have done to her? The guilt I feel for what I have done is eating me alive and I want to incorporate the advice she gave me into my life, but the guilt and not being able to make amends is holding me back. How do I move forward?

Hmmm... It's tough to say without knowing what actually happened. Regardless, just because she seems to have found closure doesn't mean you shouldn't try once more.

I have actually forgiven and accepted people back in my life when I had no intentions of doing so prior. If she's that important to you and you are truly remorseful, try once more. DONT stalk her and pursue her endlessly, just give it one more earnest effort and then walk away if she still tells you to.

Best of luck.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Never do 2nd chances with females. its wasted life. And its really sweet when they hunt you down later crying that CHRIS CUT HIS PEEPEE OFF AND WANTS TO BE MY BEST FRIEND! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH sniff sniff ARE YOU INVOLVED WITH ANYONE?

Gee, that's a shame, and it was such a beauty NOT like my 9 inch toy you hated so much.

True story. I FEEL THAT CHRIS HAS SO MUCH MORE TO OFFER ME, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND. Then a year later, the call. Cried when I told her I was married.

CAN YOU GET IT ANNULLED?

You know me, hon.

YOURE SO IMPULSIVE!

 

[Lord Pmann]

Further details required!

Fo shizzle!!!!

 

[SkylarFalling]

Walk away. If she doesn't want it you can't repair it. Move on and live better.

 

[Aphro]

Never do 2nd chances with females. its wasted life. And its really sweet when they hunt you down later crying that CHRIS CUT HIS PEEPEE OFF AND WANTS TO BE MY BEST FRIEND! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH sniff sniff ARE YOU INVOLVED WITH ANYONE?

Gee, that's a shame, and it was such a beauty NOT like my 9 inch toy you hated so much.

True story. I FEEL THAT CHRIS HAS SO MUCH MORE TO OFFER ME, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND. Then a year later, the call. Cried when I told her I was married.

CAN YOU GET IT ANNULLED?

You know me, hon.

YOURE SO IMPULSIVE!

WTF?

Is this for real? Or are you drunk or stoned? A woman left you for a guy who cut his dick off???

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

WTF?

Is this for real? Or are you drunk or stoned? A woman left you for a guy who cut his dick off???

I don't drink or do drugs. And I never lie unless you have spinach stuck between your teeth or youre a lousy cook. Maybe I told you the story about the blueberry muffins.

I met a college girl when I was 19. I chased her for 4 years, and she dumped me for a guy she met in grad school. His name was Chris. He had more of what she wanted than I did. So I went away, met a girl, and married her several months later.

Then about one year after I was dumped my old love tracks me down (I had moved) and offered herself to me for marriage cuz her Chris was changing teams to play with the girls. She was very upset about it. And her family liked me a lot. So I was good to go for several reasons, especially the fond of girls part.

Ten tears later she tracks me down again, to see if I was still married.

 

[Aphro]

I don't drink or do drugs. And I never lie unless you have spinach stuck between your teeth or youre a lousy cook. Maybe I told you the story about the blueberry muffins.

I met a college girl when I was 19. I chased her for 4 years, and she dumped me for a guy she met in grad school. His name was Chris. He had more of what she wanted than I did. So I went away, met a girl, and married her several months later.

Then about one year after I was dumped my old love tracks me down (I had moved) and offered herself to me for marriage cuz her Chris was changing teams to play with the girls. She was very upset about it. And her family liked me a lot. So I was good to go for several reasons, especially the fond of girls part.

Ten tears later she tracks me down again, to see if I was still married.

I'm assuming when you say Chris was switching teams, you meant to say he was playing with guys, not girls.

Well, que sera, sera. You pays your money, you takes your chances, right?

I can't believe you chased any woman for 4 years...I thought the women just dropped, prostrate, at your feet ...

 

[NightL]

I thought the women just dropped, prostrate, at your feet ...

apparently he hits them for that

Never say never Old Hoss.

I think I'd been married 2 months when a guy at work damned near cut my thumb off when he accidentally pushed a piece of stainless steel thru it. Lotsa stitches. Hurt like a Mo Fo. So my wife gets pissed at me for whatever and pushes my thumb back to my wrist. Oh My!

I can see it now. My left comes up and nails her so hard she went flying, landed on the bed, and it collapsed. I can still feel the pain in my thumb 40 years later. It was like the Disney ride, WORLD OF SHIT.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm assuming when you say Chris was switching teams, you meant to say he was playing with guys, not girls.

Well, que sera, sera. You pays your money, you takes your chances, right?

I can't believe you chased any woman for 4 years...I thought the women just dropped, prostrate, at your feet ...

Chris was a gender-bender. I got the clear idea that Chris wanted to be Donna's best friend and double-date with her. More popular now than back then.


You roll the dice for your dreams, some times. Donna grew up in Dog Patch on the Kentucky/West Virginia line. All the men she knew were coal miners. So she went to college, to escape Dog Patch, and the state put her right back in her hometown the minute she got her diploma. So she fled to grad school, to flee DP once more, and met her urbane, sophisticate.

I was in the military when we met. And I planned to be a sheet metal worker afterwards. I love sheet metal work. But tin knockers are common. And I got dumped.

She was my idea of what I wanted in a woman, then.

I get my share of female company. I know my niche and what the galz want from a man. I can write poetry and fix a car. But I don't appeal to all. I had a cat once, his name was Calvin. Totally black. Anyway I treated him good but he fled to the home of an old woman who was feeding him good shit. Well, one day he returned with a sleek coat, no balls, and a pretty collar. I said to Calvin, WAS IT WORTH IT?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

apparently he hits them for that

And you wouldn't know, of course.

 

[akatrex]

Click Here!

 

[subwannabe]

I didn't read the other responses but don't forget the possibility that "The guilt I feel for what I have done is eating me alive" is all she needs for you to make amends, along with never talking to you again. Maybe she considers this your justified payback.