Are looks really everything?

[Wolf_Song]

Help me out readers, as I need to get this off my chest. I had been chatting with someone online, and was looking forward to meeting him. I will not give his name, as I don't want to embarass him. However, upon learning that I am overweight, he quickly lost interest.

Now I will be the first to admit that while I may not be a contestant for the Miss America pageant, I'm not exactly a dog either. So I have to know - how important are looks? I have no intention of changing myself just to please someone else, because I believe in remaining true to yourself. I would like to get as much feedback as possible, so your input is greatly appreciated.

Compliments to great advice posted in this thread with adding my own opinion in brief.

Truest beauty and measure of a person is in the heart.. thats the real you. If some one cant see and appreciate that then they arent worth it. Always be what your most comfortable being and those that really matter will accept with loving you sincerely.

Other than that, hearts blessings to all

 

[CatEyes]

At one time I would have said that looks were important, not anymore.

I've gone out with guys that I was instantly attracted to because they were gorgeous but after a while they bored me to tears. I've been friends with guys that I didn't think were very good looking but after being around them for a time became attracted to them.

I know unconsciously looks are important to me. If I don't know someone and I see their picture I do judge them by their looks. Because I know this I usually don't ask for pictures. I'd rather get to know the person inside. If I love who they are then the looks don't matter anymore. Of course getting to know someone that well takes time and alot of people don't want to take the time.

I had an experience 5 years ago where I met this guy online. He just had the greatest personality, was very caring, made me laugh. We talked online and the phone for about 5 months before we met in person. I hadn't seen his picture until a week or two before our meeting. When I did see his picture I was afraid that it would change the way I felt but I was so into him by that time that to my surprise and pleasure it didn't make a difference. He was over six feet, skinny as can be and wore glasses. As soon as he opened his mouth though he was the same person I'd grown to love and the looks didn't mean a thing.

People who judge by looks are really missing out.

CatEyes

 

[Ukin]

Are looks everything? To some, they are, to others they aren't.

I have been out with a few really drop dead gorgeous (DDG)ladies, lived with two of them..I have also been out with not so DDG..personally, I have NO particular preference. To me, it's what's INSIDE the body..not the body. It's what's inside the head, the mind..NOT how she looks. Some of the best times were with the "not so DDG" type..they were kind, considerate and knew how to look after someone.

To stop myself from rambling....Lass? Tell him to shove his life up his ass and always remember, there is someone out there who will fall at your feet and worship the very ground you walk on.
However, it is always best to be honest with an on-line "romance" too. I have heard horrendous stories about meetings..and one not so long ago with a very good female friend of mine mine on the Lit boards. It does work both ways though..we all should be totally honest and be upfront..just as I think it was the delightful MissT said...have a photo ready to send...it can save 'heartache' and it will show if he..or in fact she as the case may be..is real or a shallow bast**d.

Okayyyy..I have said enough...you have had plenty of advice from friends and well wishers.....and I wish you all the happiness that you undoubtably deserve my dear.

 

[Guest]

My 2 cents...

I think everyone tries to be well intentioned, I guess thats why people won't admit not liking the ugly, obese, etc. fearing they will be ostracized as being totally superficial. But I think we all have to admit we have standards of some kind, whether they are physical or of the personality. I personally don't have a problem for the ppl than tend to look on the outside, but obviously those are not the best of friends to have. Society teaches tolerance and thats why we all get along (well obviously not always peacefully), but I think we all respect one another's desires and peferences. So I guess the point is if they don't make their intentions known, you should just ask them before anything gets beyond a friendship to avoid issues about looks (they might be offended that you think they are superficial, but I think it benefits all at the end).

 

[Jaded1]

Good morning, friend................

Well, Sueanninct I really believe you know your answer. I don't know one person that is all that. I believe you recently witnessed that The two of you may not have fallen madly in love. But, the fool lost the opportunity to meet a truely great person. I feel I'm authority on that subject as I had the great opportunity to meet you. Hang in there friend

Jaded1, CT

 

[Angelofsex]

Sueaninct you are a good person........I was very happy to meet you at the CT get together..........This guys lost is another mans gain.

A picture only shows a image.........not the person themselves........The inside is a much better beauty,that it shines...That is why I don't take pictures to send.......People see me as being like that and don't really know me on the inside.

Sue you are a beautiful person on the outside and the inside...I am very glad we met..........So I do agreed with Jaded too on what he said.

Hugs and kisses my friend.

 

[takingchances42]

Different Standards

As I read this thread, I couldn't help contrasting it with one that was going yesterday morning, I believe started by "lilminx"? Where she was somewhat outraged that some guy had represented himself as attractive on-line, when he turned out to have a double chin and comb-over hair. Why is it that when women only want good-looking guys they are just being natural and following their chemistry, and when guys only want good looking women they are just being shallow jerks?

(a strictly rhetorical question, I'm not expecting an answer... )

I totally agree with Khan-e, the primary sex organ is the brain. When it comes to lust and desire, intelligence, wit, pherenomes, and a certain soul to soul connection or "je ne sais quoi" are more important to me than model looks. Personally I prefer petite women with a real woman's figure, not anorexic, long legged models. Don't know why, but the chances of a mutual connection are greater there. If someone's desires don't meet with your own body -- why waste time worrying about it? They are not the right one for you, no need to make value judgments or run them down, just move on and find the right one...

Just my opinion...

 

[driver775]

Are looks everything?

Men and women are both guilty on this one. Although not
part of the question, a lot of women also drop guys , because
they don't make a gazillion dollars . But myself what is inside is
the beauty that is what appeals to me. I have turned down
a date with a woman who was extremely physically attractive
because she wasn't a nice person, very selfish, and dark inside,
while on the other hand I have found attraction to women that
were a bit overweight attractive, because of their inner beauty.
Key word- Attitude.

 

[Freya]

Good for you SueAnn.....although, unless he was rude about the whole deal you might not need to be so harsh. Like people said, there has to be an element of physical attraction between people....not having the attraction may disqualify you from a relationship with this person, but is there any sort of friendsip that you might want to hang onto?

 

[literoter]

I guess that there all all kinds of men..

and I am a dog man.

If she smells right
and she doesnt bite me too hard
and I am tall enough to get it in
then I will try.
Its like my duty isnt it?
Why I have this thing?

Lit

No cats though....almost never

 

[wordsmithe]

Help me out readers, as I need to get this off my chest. I had been chatting with someone online, and was looking forward to meeting him. I will not give his name, as I don't want to embarass him. However, upon learning that I am overweight, he quickly lost interest.

So I have to know - how important are looks?

There are some people who really focus on looks, and then there are people with a brain.

I am attracted by intelligence, humor, wit, flashing eyes and a friendly smile... and if those things are present I have found that the owner might be attractive to me whether they are thin, curvy, or green.

But as my sig points out, different people are attracted to different characteristics; that just means not everyone is a candidate, not that there are NO candidates.

Wait for the good match... it will be worth it.

 

[ReBeLBeLLe]

it is not the eyes that feel love...it is felt in the heart

 

[wordsmithe]

I was told when I was younger that they only way I would score is if I met a blind nymphomaniac... fortunately, that was not the case... but come to think of it, she did wear glasses.

But I digress; looks fade, but most people eventually figure that out and then seek out people for the right reasons...

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Through the years, I have discovered that good looks may be enjoyable to the eye, but it does not always reflect the goodness of the person.

I thought looks really did matter, but then I fell in love with someone online without a clue as to what he looked like! As soon as I did see one picture of Oman, I recognized him right away! This feeling was clinched the second I was able to actually look into his eyes.

I have met other people through my life that I didn't like initially, but once their true character opened up and came through, they all look beautiful to me.

 

[sueanninct]

I'm bumping up this thread for a friend of mine. While she hasn't posted on the boards (despite my begging her to), she does read them. I told her about this thread I started last year. She seemed interested, so here it is. Remember my advice to you. You are a great friend, and I'm here for you. Somewhere out there is a guy who will treat you like the lady you are.

And thanks again to everyone who posted.

 

[Neftoon_Zamora]

.

 

[funseeker1954]

It's like a very famous ice-cream store, the one with many flavors. you may OCCASIONALY try someting new, but you're normally going to get the same old thing.

 

[MsSpellChecker]

I too am not rail thin and have problems getting guys. My philosophy is: I cannot demand what I cannot offer. If I am not perfect then I cannot demand perfection in a date.

 

[RetroGrounder]

bumpitty bump

 

[WaywardWanderer]

I try not to think they are, but sometimes, I can't help but think people have their priorities messed up -- have definitely had more than a few blows to my self esteem....makes it hard sometimes to remember that ultimately, looks shouldn't matter.