Are looks really everything?

[sueanninct]

Help me out readers, as I need to get this off my chest. I had been chatting with someone online, and was looking forward to meeting him. I will not give his name, as I don't want to embarass him. However, upon learning that I am overweight, he quickly lost interest.

Now I will be the first to admit that while I may not be a contestant for the Miss America pageant, I'm not exactly a dog either. So I have to know - how important are looks? I have no intention of changing myself just to please someone else, because I believe in remaining true to yourself. I would like to get as much feedback as possible, so your input is greatly appreciated.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

Help me out readers, as I need to get this off my chest. I had been chatting with someone online, and was looking forward to meeting him. I will not give his name, as I don't want to embarass him. However, upon learning that I am overweight, he quickly lost interest.

Now I will be the first to admit that while I may not be a contestant for the Miss America pageant, I'm not exactly a dog either. So I have to know - how important are looks? I have no intention of changing myself just to please someone else, because I believe in remaining true to yourself. I would like to get as much feedback as possible, so your input is greatly appreciated.

Looks important ??? some what...The inside is what we should
be looking at... some one could be Miss America..... so what..
Some one could be a dog. so what.... What is on the inside???
Looks change over time..... The inside does not.......
Never judge a book by it's cover.....
Come and see the BBW picture thread....
We would be happy for you to come over and post with us
And no you do not have to post a picture to post there...
There is a lot of nice people there........ So come see us.....
Have a very nice day

 

[cally32]

Everyone has different tastes in body types from stick thin to the very largest, so really don't cut yourself up over this guy.

I know this sounds like a total cliche, but if you are truly happy with who you are as a person that will shine through, so even if you have twenty heads and are covered from head to foot in - something - you will look attractive.

I personally don't go for the twenty headed type - but hey someone out there does... ... ...

You get what I'm saying though right? I have been at both ends of the size thing and believe me it's just a annoying from each angle. At the end of the day I think you've had a lucky escape... ... the guy sounds soooo materialistic and egotistical, so please don't give his comments a second thought and get out there and enjoy yourself.....

loads of hugz

 

[MissTaken]

Yes, Sueann, I know that feeling of rejection when you think you have connected with someone and then, with a simply photo, the connection is lost.

It happens to all of us.

It isn't about how "shallow" people are or anything necessarily negative. Simply, reiterating cally, we all have different tastes. No, looks are not everything, but some men love heavy women, others prefer slender women and the same goes for women.

In spite of mental connection on line, in order for a meeting to be less than embarrassing or uncomfortable, physical attraction is important too.

We all have different tastes, as I am sure you have some preferences in terms of physical appearance. I wouldn't condemn the "him" in question either.

Dont' sweat it hon.

My best advice, have a photo ready to share as soon as you are connecting with someone and remember, it isn't you, the person who is being rejected.

Many hugs, hon

Miss T

 

[wildone28]

Help me out readers, as I need to get this off my chest. I had been chatting with someone online, and was looking forward to meeting him. I will not give his name, as I don't want to embarass him. However, upon learning that I am overweight, he quickly lost interest.

Now I will be the first to admit that while I may not be a contestant for the Miss America pageant, I'm not exactly a dog either. So I have to know - how important are looks? I have no intention of changing myself just to please someone else, because I believe in remaining true to yourself. I would like to get as much feedback as possible, so your input is greatly appreciated.

Sueanninct...Looks are not important...I am truly sorry this guy did this to you..It hurts and he needs his ass kicked for hurting you. Looks are only skin deep...The heart and mind are what should matter to anyone...Yes remain true to yourself. Don't let anyone make you change yourself because it will not work...You know that you are beautiful and others know you are beautiful so you keep that in mind. And I am with theonlyfunone here..Come to BBW if you would like and post with us. There are a lot of nice people there who do not judge...

*tight hugs* to you...

 

[Bug Eyed Monster]

.

 

[ShiningEyes]

Help me out readers, as I need to get this off my chest. I had been chatting with someone online, and was looking forward to meeting him. I will not give his name, as I don't want to embarass him. However, upon learning that I am overweight, he quickly lost interest.

Now I will be the first to admit that while I may not be a contestant for the Miss America pageant, I'm not exactly a dog either. So I have to know - how important are looks? I have no intention of changing myself just to please someone else, because I believe in remaining true to yourself. I would like to get as much feedback as possible, so your input is greatly appreciated.

Babygirl, don't settle for less than what you deserve! I'm overweight myself, and most of the time have a hard time with it due to past experiences. I'm learning to get over that. I don't consider myself a dog either. Lit has opened meup to a world I never thought exsisted. There are a lot of men that like us BBW!
Where I might disagree with my friends here and in R/L, I won't call them liars. If they say I look beautiful then I must.

If he lost interest because of that then he isn't worth much. And I wouldn't worry to much about it or him. Looks are all that important. Not to me anyway. I value how the person is. If I had to choose between HUNK w/snotty, degrating attitude and ALRIGHT looking w/wonderfully caring supportive...etc attitude, then I'm going to go with Alright looking. I don't wanna have someone that's gonna degrate me just because he doesn't like the way I look. That's a negative setting. And I need all the positive energy and attitude around me I can have! hehe

Hope that helps a lil

 

[wildrose70]

Oh boy...talk about not seeing the beautiful person inside...I'm very thin myself...but my daughter is 5=9 and well over 225 and she has the best personality and a heart of gold and I love her dearly...and her hubby thinks she is the greatest..
don't worry about people that cant see beneath the exterior...
One of my dearest friends and *lovers* was badly burned in a helicopter accident...at first it took a little getting used to....but now I wldnt trade him for anything....most of the men I have know havent been (Mr.Universe) ...and the ones that were ...are too concerned with their looks....
Move on sugar...forget him....advice from Momma Rose

 

[Dr. B Evil]

Wildrose???

Hey Wild, YOUR daughter has the best personality and a heart of gold??? Are you sure she's your daughter??? LOL! Of course she does, just look in the mirror!!!

 

[enjoyingitall]

Looks shouldn't be everything, but there must be the physicality factor. Each of us has our own definition of physical beauty. Sure, there are those super model types that you would be hard pressed to find anyone who won't readily agree that they possess great physical attributes..

Then, there are the rest of us. Some one may find us attractive, others may not. It works both ways. There are some men that other women think are great looking, and I look at them and think, nope..not to me..

A relationship must have a myriad of qualities, but if we are honest with ourselves, I think most of us will admit that we would not be in a relationship that we expect to get physical if we aren't attracted to the other person.

It's a good thing that there are all types of people. That way, we can all choose those whom we find physically attractive and we can be pretty damn sure that there will be those who find us attractive as well.

We may not be something to everyone, but we can all be everything to someone.

 

[Dr. B Evil]

Hmmmmmm

I couldn't have said it any better, Enjoyingitall.

By the way, I am physically attracted to your picture and now possess a myriad of desires of what to do when confronted by such a vision!

 

[enjoyingitall]

Re: Hmmmmmm

I couldn't have said it any better, Enjoyingitall.

By the way, I am physically attracted to your picture and now possess a myriad of desires of what to do when confronted by such a vision!

Thanks Dr B ..now let's not get off topic here..

 

[wildrose70]

Re: Wildrose???

Hey Wild, YOUR daughter has the best personality and a heart of gold??? Are you sure she's your daughter??? LOL! Of course she does, just look in the mirror!!!

lol okk thanks I think???? Any how I'm taking it that way

Nice people may not always have the *fancy* wrappings...but dont neglect to unwrap each person and find the wonderful gift inside!!!!

 

[Dr. B Evil]

You bet those were compliments Wild. Anything less would be high treason!!!

 

[wildrose70]

You bet those were compliments Wild. Anything less would be high treason!!!

Oh thank ye than darlin....that brought a big to my face

 

[KHAN-E]

My 2 Cents

As has been repeated numerous times already, it is the inner person that really counts. Unfortunately many people, both men and women, fail to understand that.

Certainly there should be some physical attraction, but often even that is based upon the sharing of the mind first. After all, the brain is the most important of all our sexual organs (and all other organs, too, for that matter).

Some people have been so programmed by our Madison Avenue society that they believe every woman should be "model" thin, and every man should look like Tom Cruise (or George Clooney, or Brad Pitt, or whoever the flavor the week may be). Real people don't look like that.

Get over the jerk! In the future be open and upfront about your appearance. If a guy is turned off by that alone, he isn't worth worrying about.

That's my 2 cents worth.

(From The Lit. Slut, who happens to have a big butt and an oversized nose, but is beautiful anyway!!!)

 

[1sexylady]

I really hate that.....

and it pisses me off to no end.... We as humans come in all shapes and sizes... If your looking for a Barbie Doll or Ken Doll than fucking say so...but don't waste someones time and then hurt them.... We come here as blind people and I have said this many times to many people...think about it...you see my av but you don't know if it is me or not...but you like what I say and post...well what I say and post is *ME*..the av is not...it represents me....some people do have their faces or parts of their bodies on here and there is nothing wrong with that...But....some people have to *grow up*...Sueanninct...but not to worry because for every *JERK* there is someone that looks at YOU for who you really are...

 

[knightstalker]

Yes looks are important to me I would not want to be with someone I did not find attractive maybe that is the wrong answer to give but I always try to be honest in here ...What you have to understand is some guys are shallow and some women are the same ..I am attracted to women with some meat on there bones and am not attracted to skinny bean poles who need to eat some cheeseburgers...Everyone is attracted to different types I am sure that not everyone you meet is attractive to you and the same will be said about you ..the thing is that there are plenty of men that would find you very attractive ...Of course whats on the inside count's but the outside counts to me also ..Oh well thats my two cents..Have a great day all

 

[sueanninct]

Thank you!

I am very grateful for all of the responses I have gotten. I haven't wasted my time with regret, because I know it wouldn't do anything. Instead, I have spent my time moving on, and haven't given him a second thought. He sent me a letter this afternoon asking why I started this thread. I have chosen to ignore him, and blocked his address from my e-mail, since I consider it a waste of time trying to justify myself to someone who cares more about his pride, image, and ego than how I feel. Not to sound too harsh, but that's how I feel. As the saying goes:
I'm not shaped like a Barbie doll, so don't treat me like one.

Thanks again for all your input.

 

[wildrose70]

Right on...you go girl....

Love yourself first...

worry about the jerks later!!!!

 

[sueanninct]

Thanks!

Thanks for the vote of confidence!

 

[Ebonyfire]

When it comes to beauty,

"One man's asshole is another man's princess."

Everyone has their preferences. I am overweight too, but I have this philosophy: I have found that many times men who are less than pristine themselves will want a beautiful, skinny woman. Good luck. I have dated men who were very handsome. Sometimes I was thin, and other times I was not. It did not seem to matter, so I must conclude that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Many men do not want to date a woman who looks like she has thrown up every meal she has ever eaten. Many women are just thin, it is their genetics; to my mind, it's all good.

I am a hell of a woman, and I am also a good looking one too. However, I realized there were times when I was just not someone's cup of tea. So be it. I lived.

It has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with them.

Do not deal with OPP (other people's problems or prejudices), life is too short.

Ebonyfire

 

[dankei]

Don't take it personally

Help me out readers, as I need to get this off my chest. I had been chatting with someone online, and was looking forward to meeting him. I will not give his name, as I don't want to embarass him. However, upon learning that I am overweight, he quickly lost interest.

Now I will be the first to admit that while I may not be a contestant for the Miss America pageant, I'm not exactly a dog either. So I have to know - how important are looks? I have no intention of changing myself just to please someone else, because I believe in remaining true to yourself. I would like to get as much feedback as possible, so your input is greatly appreciated.

How important are looks to you? Everyone has their likes and dislikes. One key thing here that you MUST remember is that while you can pursue online relationships seriously you can't take them seriously. Until you actually meet someone there is no substance to the relationship. It is only called a relationship due to lack of a better term.

Another thing to remind yourself is that there are many people here who are just looking for easy sex or photos, and some of those people freely admit that fact, but many do not. A good number of the members are teenagers just playing games and some of the women are actually men pretending to be women in order to get photos from the bi women. Then there are the many members, a majority I believe, that never intend to meet anyone, but just like the cyber sex.

When online, never take any rude or insensitive comments or slights personally. If you have never met the person, or at least talked to them on the phone then it can't be personal because they don't now you and you don't know them.

This is something that I have learned from my experiences online:
The odds of actually meeting someone to whom you are attracted go down in direct proportion to the number of e-mails, PMs and IMs, without any plans to meet.

This is primarily true if the person lives within a reasonable distance of you. As soon as you find yourself wanting to meet that person take your "relationship" to the phone and actually hear their voice.

Another important point: Exchange photos as soon as you are interested. We have ways of building people up in our minds to such a level that they couldn't possibly hope to meet our expectations.

 

[beth-n-mike]

Mike here,
I would liek to relate a little story, maybe it will make a point.
ok, 1st, the wife and i are poly, keep in mind before judging , please.

We met a wonderfull person online a few months back , we talked, and really felt we connceted, my wife has concerns about her weight being an issue, so we sent him pictures of ourselves, and he sent us a head and shoulder pic. no problem .
we all were gettign along online, so decided to meet.

when we met, our big shock ,he got out of his car on crutches,
(holdo n, let me finish)
Beth used to work as a nurse , for people with brain injuries, and physical disiblilies,
we were both shocked, because this was never mentioned in any of his chats , or emails (i know, we double checekd when we got home) nor was it ever implied.
our goal , was and always has been the same, to find a partner that we can get along with , and who can help with working on the farm.
we run a goat dairy, and it involves a lot of physical labor, this was explained, repeatedly in emails and chats to him.the only inkling there might be a problem , was , He said , he "didnt like farming" , NO hint that he wouldnt be able to help out ...

after our meeting, which went Swimmingly , we agreed to chat online for a bit, we expressed our concern to him , and he said he had no intenion of working on a farm.
after much sould searching , we decided to meet him again , Beth told him her feelings for him, were more maternal than sexual , and explained her past work history, and the reasons why.
we parted friends, or at least i thought so , i dont know, we havent heard from him since.

so , whats my point,
do looks matter, a little,
Beth herself admits she doesnt find men without facial and chest hair attractive, i am ok with that, as i dont like to shave..

before i met beth , i would have even thought about being with a large woman , now that i know her and love her,<desperately and completely> i wouldnt think i would date looking specificly for a large woman , but , i would definately no longer rule them out either

Yes looks matter, but the guy who you were talking to , and blew you off just because of appearance, has lost out, you'll find a much better man down the road.
Mike,Beth's willing sex toy