Are homosexual relationships more stable than heterosexual relationships?

[John Doe]

Generally or on average. For example, if gay marriage were legalized nationwide, would the divorce rate drop as a result?

Discuss, or at least vote. Oh and if you view but don't vote...I'll know. BWAHAHAHAH...!

Ahem.

 

[sexy-girl]

i believe the stats show that gay male relationships aren't more stable but lesbian relationships are

i could be wrong though i think that's just something i read on lit ... so actually it wont be me who's wrong but whoever said it

 

[Raimondin]

Most of my straight friends are either divorced or in their second marriage.

Most of my gay partnered friends have been together 8-10 years, one couple I know almost 25 years.

In fact all of my straight friends' marriages didn't even make it to 5!

Maybe we should keep things as they are.

 

[Equinoxe]

i believe the stats show that gay male relationships aren't more stable but lesbian relationships are

i could be wrong though i think that's just something i read on lit ... so actually it wont be me who's wrong but whoever said it

That's generally the way I've heard it as well. Although, I've seen some statistics (there are lies, there are damn lies, and then there are statistics) that suggest that gay relationships in general are less stable (they were put forth by the Heritage Foundation which makes them even more suspect).

Ultimately, I believe it's going to vary by the individuals. It depends upon what they want out of a relationship and out of each other. Some individuals are just not very good at long-term relationships, especially not considering the added socio-psychological pressures of a same-sex relationship.

It all has to do with the alignment of the planets though, obviously.

 

[Queersetti]

That's a really hard question to answer.

We don't have any way to determine the rate at which long term gay relationships break up, precisely because there are no legal records. We don't even know how many there are. We might even speculate that the more stable the relationship, the more invisible it is likely to be.

In addition, he have to consider the effects of social and legal stigmatization on gay reltionships. I would have to say, unfortunately, that my own feeling is that gay relationships tend to be less stable than straight relationships, but that the difference is largely an effect of social bias.

If I had to predict, I would guess that an across the board legalization of same sex marriage would lead to a temporarily higher divorce rate after a few years, as many gay and lesbian couples take advantage of legalization when perhaps they shouldn't, and then a leveling off.

 

[sexy-girl]

That's generally the way I've heard it as well. Although, I've seen some statistics (there are lies, there are damn lies, and then there are statistics) that suggest that gay relationships in general are less stable (they were put forth by the Heritage Foundation which makes them even more suspect).

Ultimately, I believe it's going to vary by the individuals. It depends upon what they want out of a relationship and out of each other. Some individuals are just not very good at long-term relationships, especially not considering the added socio-psychological pressures of a same-sex relationship.

It all has to do with the alignment of the planets though, obviously.

i wonder though if it's just based on the stereotype that gay men are supposidly only after short term relationships

which i suppose would prove that we're all prone to stereotyping even when we don't mean too

 

[John Doe]

Dammit, I said "and really, how doesn't?" in the poll, when I meant who doesn't. afternoon brainfart.

Anyway, I voted for porn so as not to skew the serious results.

 

[sexy-girl]

Dammit, I said "and really, how doesn't?" in the poll, when I meant who doesn't. afternoon brainfart.

Anyway, I voted for porn so as not to skew the serious results.

i voted for other to be annoying

but it's true i don't really know

 

[Equinoxe]

In addition, he have to consider the effects of social and legal stigmatization on gay reltionships. I would have to say, unfortunately, that my own feeling is that gay relationships tend to be less stable than straight relationships, but that the difference is largely an effect of social bias.

Exactly. Of course that extends beyond the question of duration of same-sex relationships. The hatred and marginalisation of all that is not straight is (in my opinion) responsible for a lot of negative aspects of the GLBT community.

Originally posted by Queersetti
If I had to predict, I would guess that an across the board legalization of same sex marriage would lead to a temporarily higher divorce rate after a few years, as many gay and lesbian couples take advantage of legalization when perhaps they shouldn't, and then a leveling off.

Which would of course lead to many complaints from the right wing that they were right all along and this just "proves" it.

Originally posted by sexy-girl
i wonder though if it's just based on the stereotype that gay men are supposidly only after short term relationships

which i suppose would prove that we're all prone to stereotyping even when we don't mean too

Perhaps that is the case. From what I understand gay and bi men (statistically speaking) have the most sexual partners of any sexual orientation (and I believe lesbians generally have the least). But again, this is all suspect as statistics are never accurate. Depending on how you ask the question you'll get a different answer. For instance a gay man is going to consider oral sex as sex in determining how many partners he's had, whereas with a straight man or straight woman there is a good chance he or she won't.

 

[kbate]

help, my browser's back button is not working and I am stuck in a stuponfucious thread..... please,... desperate... fading fast....

 

[Equinoxe]

help, my browser's back button is not working and I am stuck in a stuponfucious thread..... please,... desperate... fading fast....

I think you'll just have to learn to live with it.

 

[Never]

Poor, poor kbate.

Yes, I think that homosexual relationships are less stable than heterosexual ones. I also think that a large percent of lesbians abuse their partners than straight women do.

These are opinions I tend to keep to myself in most crowds.

 

[Equinoxe]

Yes, I think that homosexual relationships are less stable than heterosexual ones. I also think that a large percent of lesbians abuse their partners than straight women do.

The question I would have is whether or not that is inherent. Personally, I don't believe that it is. This is probably not going to be particularly popular, but I think a lot of gay people have many psychological problems (just as I would say basically all BDSM fetishists do, but that's different). However, I would say that most of that arises from the fact that they are largely taught from birth that they are less valid because of factors the have no control over. Not that anyone is actually well-adjusted in this world, but I think that many times gay people have deep seated issues with themselves and their ability to relate with other people.

Originally posted by Never
These are opinions I tend to keep to myself in most crowds.

This is true, the GLBT community can actually be very intolerant to those who don't tow the line sometimes (which is very disappointing).

 

[ravenmx]

I voted that I thought it was about even.

I think lesbian relationships tend to last longer then most because women tend to talk more about their feelings then men, therein opening up a more communicative relationship.

However as with all relationships people grow and change and no matter how much communication you have between two people change and growth may and can cause a void in a relationship, causing a breakup.

The issue lies in there is not alot of statistics on gay or lesbian relationships to decide if they do or do not last longer, there are no records to derive static's from, where as heterosexual divorces generally have to go through the courts and on record, providing the statistics needed.

 

[Never]

Equinoxe:
"The question I would have is whether or not that is inherent."

I think that having a stable relationship is overemphasized in our society. Clarification, I think that having a long relationship is overemphasized by certain elements in our society for the wrong reasons. I don't think the devoice rate is too high; I think the marriage rate is too high.

As for the wife beating, who cares it being inherent or not? The fact that society makes being a lesbian difficult is no excuse. I can sympathize with members of minority groups that deal drugs or steal because they were born into poverty. (I can sympathize with anyone who was born into poverty) But there's no excuse for violence and certainly not against someone you're supposed to love.

 

[Never]

ravenmx
"I think lesbian relationships tend to last longer then most because women tend to talk more about their feelings then men, therein opening up a more communicative relationship."

I think a good many number of lesbians leap into a 'serious' relationship too quickly. (I like the u-haul joke, though) I also think they tend to stay in a relationship that's soured much longer than they should.

However, I consider that more of a gender issue than a orientation one.

 

[Equinoxe]

Equinoxe:
"The question I would have is whether or not that is inherent."

I think that having a stable relationship is overemphasized in our society. Clarification, I think that having a long relationship is overemphasized by certain elements in our society for the wrong reasons. I don't think the devoice rate is too high; I think the marriage rate is too high.

As for the wife beating, who cares it being inherent or not? The fact that society makes being a lesbian difficult is no excuse. I can sympathize with members of minority groups that deal drugs or steal because they were born into poverty. (I can sympathize with anyone who was born into poverty) But there's no excuse for violence and certainly not against someone you're supposed to love.

I agree on both counts.

As to the first, there is such a pressure on individuals to enter into a long-term relationship (especially women, constantly with the "when are you getting married?" and the wanting grandchildren). As such, many people marry when it is something that does not suit them at all or at a time when they do not understand what they are looking for in a relationship. Of course, as to the latter there, I think many trends society in general tends delay any sense of self-actualisation on the part of the individual. People go to school for years, get a job, do what is expected of themselves and wind up in their mid-40s with several kids, a string of failed relationships, and no idea who they are (now we're talking about my mother). Society cannot be blamed entirely for that though, as the individual chooses the course of their life to some extent.

To the second point, I would agree as well. I wasn't attempting to justify anything (especially something like domestic violence which is utterly unjustifiable), I was simply point out that many gay people have deep seated emotional and psychological problems because of the nature of society's treatment of homosexuality. I wasn't even intending for the inherent comment to be directed at the question of violence, it was more an explanation of one of the root causes of problems in gay relationships.

 

[ravenmx]

Never

I think a good many number of lesbians leap into a 'serious' relationship too quickly. (I like the u-haul joke, though) I also think they tend to stay in a relationship that's soured much longer than they should.

I tend to agree that a good number do leap into 'serious' relationships with minimal 'dating' time. Maybe this is due to the feeling of as a woman I know you already so we can skip the niceties so to speak.

However, a good many stay in those relationships. I think age has something to do with that. It seems to me most 'older' lesbians stay in the long term happy relationships then the young lesbians do. Although I do not think this is much different as a heterosexual.

As for staying in soured relationships, much longer then needed. Yes. I am just as guilty on this as the next person is.

Why, I don't know. For me it was always I can change things or she/I will change and then finally months, years later you realize change is not enough or not going to happen. This I think as well is more a gender issue.

 

[Equinoxe]

As for staying in soured relationships, much longer then needed. Yes. I am just as guilty on this as the next person is.

Why, I don't know. For me it was always I can change things or she/I will change and then finally months, years later you realize change is not enough or not going to happen. This I think as well is more a gender issue.

To phrase it as unromantically as possible, it's like refusing to give up an investment. You've put so much time and effort and emotion into it that it's hard to admit that the feeling is gone and the effort seems a waste.

 

[Meat Whistler]

I actually come from the mind that it is dependant on the people in the situation. I believe that people determine how stable the relationship will be, not gender. I’m curious as to the intent of the question…how do you feel?

 

[Etoile]

Dammit, I said "and really, how doesn't?" in the poll, when I meant who doesn't. afternoon brainfart.

*whistles innocently*

 

[Equinoxe]

*whistles innocently*

No fair, that's cheating.

 

[Etoile]

I think a good many number of lesbians leap into a 'serious' relationship too quickly. (I like the u-haul joke, though) I also think they tend to stay in a relationship that's soured much longer than they should.

I definitely agree with that. Granted my only experience with this has resulted in a 7-year relationship that is still very loving, but I could definitely see women having a greater potential to do this than men, and therefore it's only going to happen in lesbian (or same-sex bi) relationships.

 

[John Doe]

I think lesbian relationships tend to last longer then most because women tend to talk more about their feelings then men, therein opening up a more communicative relationship.

I keep hearing that, but I have yet to see it in evidence.

 

[John Doe]

I’m curious as to the intent of the question…how do you feel?

Other than scoffing at the idea that homosexual relationships are necessarily more stable, I haven't really formed an opinion, which is one of the reasons I asked.

Though I am starting to lean towards the opinion that it depends largely on the individuals involved.