appearance modification

[Sugar_Spice]

I know it was aimed at SD, but I thought I'd reply

Somethings would be a hard limit, including mega-short hair for me, which he'd respect. Fortunately, we have similar tastes.

Yeah... it's a difficult one for me... I'm absolutely HOOKED on long hair, guys n girls.

Bit of a stumbling block wth the hairdressers!

 

[Keroin]

There are people in this game that don't do this?

Well, okay, Syd has said that she would change her style for no one, but I would bet that if Seb said something like, "Wear the white boots tonight," it would not be a problem.

I think exercising control over another person's presentation to the world is about as fundamental as it can get. Your presentation is core to your identity, and changing it can be a change in identity.

L's very utilitarian. He likes me functional and that's how I naturally tend to dress anyway. He would have no idea how to dress me to go out, lol, though he might say something like, "I really like that red dress." In which case, I will wear the red dress. He will choose bedroom attire now and then, that's cool.

He hates fake and we've both worn enough wigs and played dress up in our time that there's little novelty or sexiness in that.

He would love for me to cut my hair very, very short. I won't do it for a few reasons. #1. I had my hair military short for years, frankly I am so tired of that style...and I do like to be a 'bit' girly now and then #2. Even though my hair doesn't grow quickly, it does grow, and short-short haircuts are far more maintenance (read: time and money) than something a bit longer. With the cut I have, I can get away with a haircut twice a year and that's enough.

So, no, not everyone is big on the appearance control. Hair aside, I would do it if it was important to him but it really isn't.

 

[satindesire]

Ooo- this makes me curious...

I totally get it whilst he wants you to look without the bounds of what you feel to be attractive/ sexy. -That's easy!

-But what if he wanted you to cut your hair really short, or to look in such a style that, even though he liked it; just didn't make you 'feel' sexy/ wasn't the way you wanted him to 'like' you (say, boyish / 'cool', but not 'girly', or whatever) ?

-What if he wanted a new style that you just didn't find sexy? (say cutting off long hair... not that if suffered missing this on my guy at all.... sniff!)

Well, I like dressing in ultra-feminine sexy clothes. He likes modest, covered up and more casual (still feminine, but not "dressed up') so I don't necessarily like dressing the way he wants me to. I do it because it pleases me to please him, but if I wasn't with him, I'd dress MUCH differently. He likes a very 'done' look with matching shoes/purse, manicured nails, I like dresses and heels with tons of makeup and jewelry. California-girl look.

Yeah... it's a difficult one for me... I'm absolutely HOOKED on long hair, guys n girls.

Bit of a stumbling block wth the hairdressers!

I don't mean this in an offensive way, but please hear me out. Usually a hairdresser will only tell you to cut your hair if you need to. Hairdressers don't usually have a problem with long hair, as long as it's HEALTHY undamaged long hair.

A lot of girls who want long hair will resist cutting it even if they really need to, and long damaged hair full of breakage, split ends and weak dull dryness will NEVER look as good as healthy shiny short hair.

 

[Sugar_Spice]

Well, I like dressing in ultra-feminine sexy clothes. He likes modest, covered up and more casual (still feminine, but not "dressed up') so I don't necessarily like dressing the way he wants me to. I do it because it pleases me to please him, but if I wasn't with him, I'd dress MUCH differently. He likes a very 'done' look with matching shoes/purse, manicured nails, I like dresses and heels with tons of makeup and jewelry. California-girl look.

I don't mean this in an offensive way, but please hear me out. Usually a hairdresser will only tell you to cut your hair if you need to. Hairdressers don't usually have a problem with long hair, as long as it's HEALTHY undamaged long hair.

A lot of girls who want long hair will resist cutting it even if they really need to, and long damaged hair full of breakage, split ends and weak dull dryness will NEVER look as good as healthy shiny short hair.

I've done similar and slowly compromised on styles as you have. I think I was more bothered getting used to what he didn't like- and just the implication of that, than with any new look at all. I've no particular issue with it seeing as its all temporary...

But, we're with these people a long time- forever, as we believe it! -and it does seem funny that, if everything goes to plan, we won't ever do things exactly as we'd naturally choose again. -And if we did; up to an extent, we'd probably initially see them through their judgemental eyes anyway!?

-I really don't mean this in the extreme way it sounds- we all have preferences! -I just mean that it's often more permanent a change than we perhaps realise?


Aww, yeh- I don't have any issue with the regular trims- except for the hassle of it! I just minded more dramatic cuts! I wouldn't cut mine very boyish short no matter though!

I know it's not quite like losing a limb.... but it's a part of me/ him/ us!!

...I think I'd be sweeping phantom locks out of my eyes for months afterwards!

 

[ataxia.girl]

my hair is really long just for Daddy.

 

[Black_Bunny]

Reading this I just found out how much trust actually may be necessary for letting someone else chose the design of a tattoo.
The thought kinda horrifies me…

For myself that is.
The thought of leaving this kind of permanent mark on her body is… appealing somehow…

Strange and rather inconsistent, isn’t it?

I can understand that, a lot of the things that are the most exciting for me are also the scariest. We're planning some scarification though, which is harder to remove than a tattoo, so the thought of a tattoo doesn't really scare me that much.

Another thought that just sprung up into my head from reading your reply in the other thread (slut/whore issue):

He doesn't like you to 'dress provocative in public. No skirts as you mentioned.
How does he feel about your pictures over here?
If this question is to intimate please feel free not to answer.

I am asking because for me the thought of other men drooling about my girl is rather appealing. I like to show her off and let them gather like hyenas around a wounded gazelle before walking over and making clear to whom she belongs… (some kind of lion metaphor in here, too )
From what I saw here I got the feeling you would like this kind of show, too. But the ‘dressing thing’ seems to imply that your Dominant isn’t into this kind of fun.
Or did I misinterpret that?

I asked him about the pictures, and he didn't seem to mind. Usually when we go out, we meet at the venue, and he hasn't specified what I should or shouldn't wear and so I dress how I like, fairly provocatively. And usually he expresses appreciation for me looking sexy, and constantly points out all the men ogling me (apparently!) But this time was different, we met at my place and had sex before we got dressed to go out, and as I was getting dressed he said he'd "had his fill" of perving on me, and I didn't need to dress like that unless I was looking for attention from other men (which would be bad in our case).

But still, the jeans were quite tight, and while we were out he whispered in my ear about "all the guys perving on me". I wondered if perhaps that "you're not going out in that skirt" thing was just a test, and doesn't really set a standard for how he always wants me to dress. As per usual, I never quite know what he's thinking, so I just prance along in my blissful ignorance until he tells me to do something

-But what if he wanted you to cut your hair really short, or to look in such a style that, even though he liked it; just didn't make you 'feel' sexy/ wasn't the way you wanted him to 'like' you (say, boyish / 'cool', but not 'girly', or whatever) ?

Hope it's ok I give my opinion on this one too
It's not a hard limit, but I'd need him to explain to me why he wanted it and convince me that he actually did think I was sexy, and he'd have to accept that my self-esteem might change, seeing as I personally didn't think it was sexy. But if he still wanted it, then I'd do it.

 

[Homburg]

Femme drag did NOTHING for her, but high GOTH drag totally made her eyes light up. I made her over for her wife and some photos, it was absurd fun. Not wildly D/s or anything, just one of the most fun times with aesthetics I've ever had.

That actually sounds like a hoot.

I had a goal weight of 125, but he told me it was 135 instead. Both are off in the distance at the moment, but now that I'm feeling good it's back on track.

With your proportions, I would think that 125 is too low as well.

--

He will choose bedroom attire now and then, that's cool.

*snip*

So, no, not everyone is big on the appearance control. Hair aside, I would do it if it was important to him but it really isn't.

By and large, I was being sarcastic in the first line of that post. No, not everyone gets into it. That said, even utilitarian L chooses bedroom attire, as you said.

I don't even consider it a D/s thing. It's just a relationship thing. It's the sexual equivalent of saying, "I want Cherry Garcia ice cream tonight." In a power exchange relationship, it is just more likely to be able to happen.

 

[eastern sun]

Mind me asking how you change body shapes?
Corsets? Or some Ms. Elastic stuff?

I have a couple of corsets I've used for short periods, but mostly I'm talking about weight loss/weight gain/muscle building/posture, etc. And I'm not always asked to move towards an "ideal," which surprised me.

 

[the captians wench]

Jounar is a laid back kind of guy, so he's not overly into this. I love being dressed by some one.

I'm not permited clothes in my apt for the most part. Not really a big change for me. In the winter he'll have me modle sleeping shirts so he can pick one that will be acceptable to wear around for the season, but I usually go with out it because it's usually just a tank top, which is also acceptable. And when I'm sick I'm allowed to wear a set of comfy flannel pajamas.

When I decided to sell my hair, I cut it very short. Nearly 3 feet I cut off. Jounar loved it. He sugested that I keep it short, so I have. Though I really miss my long hair.

Now when I was there, he subtley aproved everything I wore. If he didn't think it was acceptable for the weather or activity of the day, he'd say something along the lines "grab your hoody" or "you're gonna want to wear something warmer than that" or "don't you have boots?" Nothing overly controling, always sugestive.

I like that subtle hint at his influence over me.

 

[satindesire]

With your proportions, I would think that 125 is too low as well.

He's right Netz. 125 and you'd have no ass at all. And that's just not kosher.

 

[eastern sun]

I like that subtle hint at his influence over me.

I showed up for a date with one of my favorite play partners wearing a rather flamboyant coat. I saw the look on his face and took it off. Later that night he told me a long story about a Russian woman who showed up in his life after many years absence with a pink fur coat he couldn't stand. He made it clear he liked the woman, but couldn't stand the coat.

I promptly left my coat on a stair railing and never looked back.

 

[Kojote]

I have a couple of corsets I've used for short periods, but mostly I'm talking about weight loss/weight gain/muscle building/posture, etc. And I'm not always asked to move towards an "ideal," which surprised me.

I showed up for a date with one of my favorite play partners wearing a rather flamboyant coat. I saw the look on his face and took it off. Later that night he told me a long story about a Russian woman who showed up in his life after many years absence with a pink fur coat he couldn't stand. He made it clear he liked the woman, but couldn't stand the coat.

I promptly left my coat on a stair railing and never looked back.

Consistent does not even come close to describing you...
That's... Whew...
Weight loss or worse yet weight gain falls into the same category as a tattoo for me.
But on the contrary to that I would never force a pyl to do this kind of stuff.

That's... uhm... Too much intrusion into the self-determination for me.

Weird. I would decide to mark her with a tattoo but neglect to order her to lose weight?
Again I will have to think through this one...

 

[Kojote]

I can understand that, a lot of the things that are the most exciting for me are also the scariest. We're planning some scarification though, which is harder to remove than a tattoo, so the thought of a tattoo doesn't really scare me that much.



I asked him about the pictures, and he didn't seem to mind. Usually when we go out, we meet at the venue, and he hasn't specified what I should or shouldn't wear and so I dress how I like, fairly provocatively. And usually he expresses appreciation for me looking sexy, and constantly points out all the men ogling me (apparently!) But this time was different, we met at my place and had sex before we got dressed to go out, and as I was getting dressed he said he'd "had his fill" of perving on me, and I didn't need to dress like that unless I was looking for attention from other men (which would be bad in our case).

But still, the jeans were quite tight, and while we were out he whispered in my ear about "all the guys perving on me". I wondered if perhaps that "you're not going out in that skirt" thing was just a test, and doesn't really set a standard for how he always wants me to dress. As per usual, I never quite know what he's thinking, so I just prance along in my blissful ignorance until he tells me to do something

Seems I misunderstood his general attitude a bit.
Not that it is anything I worried about. Just was interested how my future mentor is ticking...

 

[FloggingMolly]

The whole weight gain/loss thing is a tough area for me. Having always struggled with my weight, and the health conditions tied to it, gaining weight is a hard limit. He's said that he'd prefer if I lost the extra I have, to get back to as I was when we met, but it's not a command. I know he loves me at the weight I am. His desire for it, both from the point of view of being more sexually appealing to him and that less weight means a higher chance of me carrying his baby (a whole 'nother kettle of sub flavoured fish for me) are my primary motivation.

But I would not tolerate a 'lose weight because you're fat/ugly/I don't fancy you like that' attitude, it'd be dealbreaker.

 

[satindesire]

/random/

Mmm...sub flavored fish...

/end random/

 

[Homburg]

He's right Netz. 125 and you'd have no ass at all. And that's just not kosher.

Definitely not kosher.

Also scary to have a flare-up when you're at a low weight, right? Less reserves and all that?

 

[Netzach]

Definitely not kosher.

Also scary to have a flare-up when you're at a low weight, right? Less reserves and all that?

I'm 5'4" and actually tiny of frame.

This is all true, H.

115 would be cutting it too close. 125-130 puts me at a size 6/8 with room to shrink and not die, 135 and I'm a definite 8 almost 10.

We are tiny tiny boned things in my family. You'd be surprised how small my wrist bones are. I wear weight well but more of it is packed onto the frame than ought to be in a big way.

It's true though, I would have a pretty flat white girl ass at 125 or 135 actually. Well, the shoe does fit, in that case.

Either way, I'm ok, I'll use that leather dress he got me as a marker and I don't fit in it now, that's what I know.

 

[satindesire]

I'm 5'4" and actually tiny of frame.

This is all true, H.

115 would be cutting it too close. 125-130 puts me at a size 6/8 with room to shrink and not die, 135 and I'm a definite 8 almost 10.

We are tiny tiny boned things in my family. You'd be surprised how small my wrist bones are. I wear weight well but more of it is packed onto the frame than ought to be in a big way.

It's true though, I would have a pretty flat white girl ass at 125 or 135 actually. Well, the shoe does fit, in that case.

Either way, I'm ok, I'll use that leather dress he got me as a marker and I don't fit in it now, that's what I know.

I think size 10 is perfect for women, anywhere from size 10-16 is hotness. I like thighs, ass, belly, breasts. Soft curves! Don't get me wrong, thin women can be gorgeous too, but I have a soft spot in my heart for boobs.

Edit: 5'4?! Holy crap I'm a giant next to you! *Weep!*

 

[Homburg]

I'm 5'4" and actually tiny of frame.

This is all true, H.

115 would be cutting it too close. 125-130 puts me at a size 6/8 with room to shrink and not die, 135 and I'm a definite 8 almost 10.

We are tiny tiny boned things in my family. You'd be surprised how small my wrist bones are. I wear weight well but more of it is packed onto the frame than ought to be in a big way.

It's true though, I would have a pretty flat white girl ass at 125 or 135 actually. Well, the shoe does fit, in that case.

Either way, I'm ok, I'll use that leather dress he got me as a marker and I don't fit in it now, that's what I know.

I'm just going by pics you've posted. You look like you've got fairly broad shoulders, and, honestly, look like you would carry some muscle really well too*. viv had really incredible shoulders and lats from years as a swimmer, and it made this great vee shape. She got down to around 188# or so a coupla years after we met (the mono diet, whee), and, wow, it was not a good weight. She didn't look right again til she got back up to about 135# or so.

And back squats and deadlifts with real weight is penicillin for flat white girl ass. Sprints work really damned well for that too. There's nothing in the world like the ass on female sprinters and pole vaulters. Dayum.

That said, using a leather dress for a marker is actually a reeeeally good idea. I've seen people do that before is there is nothing quite like the victory of rocking that dress that you've been working on reaching.




* - Broad shoulders are a plus, speaking from a silhouette perspective. Much easier to make the hourglass figure that works at virtually any weight when you have good shoulders.

 

[Netzach]

I'm just going by pics you've posted. You look like you've got fairly broad shoulders, and, honestly, look like you would carry some muscle really well too*. viv had really incredible shoulders and lats from years as a swimmer, and it made this great vee shape. She got down to around 188# or so a coupla years after we met (the mono diet, whee), and, wow, it was not a good weight. She didn't look right again til she got back up to about 135# or so.

And back squats and deadlifts with real weight is penicillin for flat white girl ass. Sprints work really damned well for that too. There's nothing in the world like the ass on female sprinters and pole vaulters. Dayum.

That said, using a leather dress for a marker is actually a reeeeally good idea. I've seen people do that before is there is nothing quite like the victory of rocking that dress that you've been working on reaching.




* - Broad shoulders are a plus, speaking from a silhouette perspective. Much easier to make the hourglass figure that works at virtually any weight when you have good shoulders.

Yeah, I'm doing some classes that are going to kick my ass into some kind of shape, whether it's yoga ish dancer ish or something else.

I take damn good photos - LOL - I have natural shoulders like a champagne bottle, very sloping, and virtually no upper body strength, it was just never an area that got worked, while my core and bottom bits have.

Now it's another story, it's getting action, even if it's a million excruciating pulses with two pound weights in class. Arghh.

And sd I too love the 10-16 shape, personally. If I get to a perfect size 10 I'd be happy, I just want the moolah that comes with the size 8 body in my case. And to get back in that dress.

This dress, and I'm about 128 I think. I could be misremembering and more like 135, I was eating well in DC. Anyway, this is a dress that slew T, that I'd love to be able to stuff myself back into, and go out on his arm. Anywhere he wants.

 

[FloggingMolly]

I'm 5' 4" too, but experience tells me that on me, anything below 140 looks very odd. Currently about 45 above that
It'll make me a UK12-14 ish again, which I think is 8-10 US?
I dread losing boobs though... and although my bum is big, its quite round. A flat bum would look awful on me.

 

[Netzach]

I'm 5' 4" too, but experience tells me that on me, anything below 140 looks very odd. Currently about 45 above that
It'll make me a UK12-14 ish again, which I think is 8-10 US?
I dread losing boobs though... and although my bum is big, its quite round. A flat bum would look awful on me.

My boobs and my ass are the first to go, it's depressing, but my small rack is a nice small rack.

My flat ass I have no choice but to thrust it into the lens forcefully LOL.

 

[Keroin]

My boobs and my ass are the first to go, it's depressing, but my small rack is a nice small rack.

My flat ass I have no choice but to thrust it into the lens forcefully LOL.

LOL! Great visual.

Love the dress. BTW. Boobs go first on me too, but I'm also happy with my small rack. Ass is last to lose. But I'm OK with it. For a super white girl, nature was kind enough to endow me with a sista's ass. Yay!

I reckon my ideal weight by how the non-stretchy clothes fit, specifically a pair of pants made out of some weird space fabric that neither shrinks, stains or tears. I've had these pants for about five years, worn them everywhere, they still look brand new...and I bought them at a thrift store. It's weird.

Speaking of appearance modifications, I went for my bi-annual haircut today. I tried a new stylist and salon and I think I have found my match. From this day forward, Leanne, and only Leanne, will cut my hair.

ETA: Tongue piercings? My new stylist has one. I thought she had a speech impediment. Why do people do this to themselves??

 

[satindesire]

*wanders off for a hot Jewish fantasy*

 

[MaskofSand]

I've gotten symbolic tattoos.
That way if its noticed, I don't get 90 questions.
Just "oh, that's interesting". And yes. It is. You have no idea why.

I won't get anything with names.
I believe in the Name Curse.

As for changing my personal style? That's fine.
I'll be whatever is wanted of me.

Change with the tide as it is.