anyone with funny sex stories?

[collegeteenm19]

Is there anyone who would like to share a funny incident involving them involving a sexual act? Im sure there have to be a few funny ones out there! If you can, try and give details!

 

[HuberKun]

Ummm...I was going down on my boyfriend and he was really into it, and I was really into it. And when he came, he pressed against the top of my throat in the back...and it shot out my nose.

I was blowing my nose all evening to get the spunk out. It was really gross but really funny at the same time. I think I ended up laughing when he was coming and got it everywhere...heh

Fun times...

 

[collegeteenm19]

thats fucking hilarious

 

[Eilan]

Hmmm. . .

The first time I gave a blow job, my eyes started watering and one of my contacts ended up popping out--right onto my ex's pubes!

And then there was the time, after an outdoor sex session, that one of my jealous cats ran off with my hubby's underwear in her mouth.

It's great when the really funny stuff happens and you're comfortable enough with your partner to just laugh it off. And, in some instances, laugh about it for years afterward.

 

[HandFan]

One time my SO and I where really going at it..... and because we didn't want to get pregnant at the time, we were using the withdraw method. Well, we were right in the thick of it when he yells out,"I'm gonna come!", and pulls out to shoot on my stomach. I don't know if it was the angle or what but he shot right over my head and splattered on the wall, but not before a portion of his come hit me right in the eye! I didn't know whether to applaude him or curse him for his aim! We both ended up laughing so hard....but seriously, my eye stung all day after that.

So after that I went and bought these safety goggles and put them right on the nightstand....everytime he was ready to come, I would just reach over and make like I was going to grab them. It made him really laugh and drove him crazy at the same time.

That's the kind of cheeky girl that I am.

 

[stageleft]

oops

i once had sex with a married woman...in her bathroom she gave me the most raunchy bj and i came all over her face..i wiped my cock on her husbands face cloth and the next day she grinned saying..."guess what?..he used that face cloth this morning!

 

[collegeteenm19]

any more stories? theres got to be tons out there!

 

[glynndah]

My husband went to a conference for law enforcement about questioning victims of sexual assaults. The moderator asked (to show how reticient most people are about talking about any sexual encounters, let alone traumatic ones) if anyone who like to tell about a recent sexual event. My husband raised up his hand. The moderator was nonplussed. He had never actually had anyone volunteer to answer that question before. And no, I don't know what he was going to say. Other people with him tackled him before he had the chance to get the the microphone and he didn't remember what it was, only that it was a memorable experience (the sexual event) at that time.

 

[collegeteenm19]

Bump!

 

[cymrocock]

A friend of mine...

is a recently qualified teacher and he was having trouble controlling some of the older girls in his school because he finds them attractive, and they knew they could get away with anything. During a class discussion one of the most attractive girl kept interrupting with "But sir, but, but"etc.

He decided now was the time to put his foot down so reponded with "Be quiet for now, I'll come onto your but later..."

 

[collegeteenm19]

b u m p

 

[-phreak]

My ex was eating my pussy, just as I was getting close she yelled "oh SHIT"... I was like "what the hell??" when she said "my tongue ring came out"

"Did I swallow it, or ....do you *have* it??"

hehe... we laughed like crazy... still amusing when mentioned


oh, and I did *have it there....

 

[Qina]

"Did I swallow it, or ....do you *have* it??"

Did you find it?

We had been driving arround looking for a dark parking lot and thought we'd found one. We parked right near a wooden fece and got out. A guy came out of the house on the other side of the fence and started waving a flashlight arround talking to a friend. We jumped back into the car and went to another part of the parking lot away from the fence... got out again and headed for the hood only to realize we were in my car this time which was a previa... no hood! I had too much junk in the car to lay the seats out flat and we ended up in a couple of really akward positions before vowing to use his car from now on!

 

[AngelicAnguish]

Imagine two teenagers afraid of being caught by his parents. We decide that to hear them or see them come home we will do it near the patio windows, doggy style. So we get going, all hot and heavy. He cums, and when I stand to go to the bathroom it goops out onto the floor. We both panic and try to figure out how we are going to hide the spot. The clear answer would have been to "wipe it up" but for some reason that didn't cross our minds. Instead we poured grape juice on a LIGHT coloured carpet, then realized the grape looked worse so tried to bleach it... which again looked worse! By the end of it we had a clear story that we spilled the grape juice but still... simply wiping it up would have worked SOOOO much better!

 

[collegeteenm19]

that is SO funny! how old were you? any other stories of you that are funny?

 

[Râleclins]

I remember when we were having sex with my ex in her tiny flat, and we heard a kind of loud clicking noise. We stopped to look around, and actually a few leaves of papers had started to burn under her radiator !

 

[ladylust20]

One day in our apt (we live on the 2nd floor).... my bf and I were makin' love on the floor... doggie style Anyways... we were goin' at it for a good 30mins or so, when we heard this loud banging noise coming from beneath us! Apparently, we were a little to rough and noisy, that our bottom neighbor heard us!! and thus, decided to intervene.... lol!

It was soooooooooooo mortifying... but kinda kinky at the same time My bf and I still laugh about it to this day.... hehe.

 

[collegeteenm19]

lol, anyone else?

 

[AlotLikePsyche]

The Tampon Incident

For the record, I was pretty young.

I was embarassed to mention to my partner that I had a tampon in. So, I just didn't mention it. Instead, I decided to have rowdy, sweaty, acrobatic sex with it still in there.

I worried the ENTIRE time he'd notice it. But, he never noticed.

Hours later, I went looking for the thing and it was gone. Vanished. No sight of it anywhere. My best friend Bill helped me look. Bill lovingly refers to down there as "the catfish buffet." He was not amused. Still, he got down between my knees with a flash light and fished around in there looking for my lost tampon. He totally took one for the team; but he couldn't find it.

I did what any girl would do. I called my mom. Mom said what any mom would say. She said, "Why didn't you just take it out first?"

Thanks for that, mom.

I wound up in the ER. It wasn't cute. The doctor asked me how it got up there. (A fine question.) I went with the "I forgot it was in there" story because it seemed a little less lame than the "I'd rather have a tampon rammed up into my abdomen than tell a man I have my period" story.

So, yeah... it was funny-ish.

 

[Munachi]

one guy's cat once stole my underwear while we were at it... didn't find it anywhere... he did a few days later, so when we met in a pub with some friends he handed the underwear back to me, under the table (as these friends didn't know we had sex, and we wanted to keep it athat way...)

 

[collegeteenm19]

lol, anyone else?

 

[HandFan]

Before my SO and I got married we had decided that even though we were not virgins anymore, that we were going to not have penatrative sex before we got married...mostly because we wanted it to be special and not just start taking each other for sexual granted...kind of like we were reclaiming our virginity in a way.....Anyway, one evening instead of going out we decided to stay in, cook pizzas and watch some movies. So, we put the self-rising pizzas in the oven and start making out in the kitchen, which leads us to the bedroom for a quick fooling around session. We figured that the pizzas getting done would keep us from messing around too much...we were wrong! The mutual masturbation got really hot, and we were both so incredibly horny, that when he was rubbing his cock around on my clit I just lost it...grabbed his ass and shoved him to the hilt inside me. We both paused for a moment, realising what had just happened and then just decided..."Fuck it, let just get it on!" We were going at it pretty hard when we both started coughing and blinking....the pizzas that we forgot about where on fire in my kitchen. I jumped out of bed and pulled two black, smoking things out of my oven and dumped them into the sink and ran water over them. We were laughed about it pretty hard, then went back to bed and later ordered some pizzas from some local delivery.

I cannot look at a Degiornio Pizza in the grocery store the same!

 

[Cathleen]

A funny one for me included a Christmas tree, an ornament and a humorless ex.

I had decided to have a Tree Trimming Party one Christmas season and invited some friends, I think there were three couples and my bf at the time. I asked everyone to bring one ornament for the tree. I had the place decorated, made a nice dinner etc.

Well, one of my male friends gave me a lovely ornament and I put it on the tree - apparently too prominently in the front for my ex's taste. He had brought a few for the tree and I added them to the tree but...

So, after everyone was gone he and I were just cleaning up a bit and turned the lights down and relaxed on the sofa - we started 'making out' and it was just so nice. The atmospher and all.

As we're looking at the tree he mentioned the placement of the ornaments. He was upset that his wasn't 'front and center' and it bothered him - he questioned my feelings for him and for my friend (who happens to be gay but that didn't matter). At first I thought he was joking but he wasn't. So I went to the tree and moved the ornaments. This was not the thing to do... he came and took my hand and said no, don't move it... I said I wanted to - back and forth.

He knew how to shut me up - kissing shuts me up. So we're there in front of the tree kissing and I absolutely go weak in the knees and lose a bit of balance which triggered him to do the same. I'm not entirely sure what happened next but the next thing I knew we were on the floor and the tree was on top of us! There were ornaments all over the place and we were laughing like crazy.

We get up, pick the tree up and yup, sure as anything - that other ornament was just about the only one that didn't fall off the tree. I started laughing so hard... he was not amused. It wasn't much longer that we parted ways.

 

[Undomiel]

Hehe I like the pizza story! The only thing that happened to me that was remotly funny was my boyfriend came in my eye once. Except that also stung like hell. You'll have to gimme some time to add a proper story here, lol.

 

[Guest]