Anyone know much about Mormon witnessing?

[FallingToFly]

So, yes, I have had visits from the LDS from time to time, but it's been a while. Anyone have more recent commentary to add on their mannerisms and dress, and their witnessing techniques?

Doing some research for this lovely little story I'm working on. ANy help is greatly appreciated.

 

[rgraham666]

They taste great with a Bernaise sauce.

And red wine. This is the one white meat that goes with red wine.

 

[FallingToFly]

They taste great with a Bernaise sauce.

And red wine. This is the one white meat that goes with red wine.

*fwaps with dead trout*

Rob! I really need the help! Have you SEEN their website? Getting much info off that is difficult as hell- I need more than that for this, or it won't be the story you're all going to love!

*pouts and sulks*

 

[rgraham666]

*fwaps with dead trout*

Rob! I really need the help! Have you SEEN their website? Getting much info off that is difficult as hell- I need more than that for this, or it won't be the story you're all going to love!

*pouts and sulks*

Sorry ma'am. (Stands in corner)

 

[OhMissScarlett]

So, yes, I have had visits from the LDS from time to time, but it's been a while. Anyone have more recent commentary to add on their mannerisms and dress, and their witnessing techniques?

Doing some research for this lovely little story I'm working on. ANy help is greatly appreciated.

Well, the guys who always come to my house act like nervous virgins. They wear those short sleeved white dress shirts, little black ties and name tags. Also, when hit on or asked to make out, they tend to panic and leave.

 

[Aurora Black]

Mmm, nervous virgins.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

The Mormon tradition is sort of screwy.

1. Build a massive, ostentasious TEMPLE for $millions$ of Dollars.

2. Send teenagers out to "witness" to the community. (No big deal. The ain't too damn smart and most of them can't even read. These guys usually ride bicycles, wear white shirts, black 1" wide neck tie their grand fathers bought in the 60's, Dark Blue or Black trousers and Black Shoes.

3. The run around and harrass the neighborhood telling them the bullshit about how Smith stuck his head in a hat and spoke to God and expect you to believe it and show up at their church on Sunday.

4. After they've witnessed to the community for a month, they then get to go for the ONE AND ONLY TIME IN THEIR MISERABLE LIVES to the Temple (remember the Temple in #1?) where some large, hair german person with a long criminal record tries to drown them in a pool.

5. The emerge from the pool not only "Saved" but also thankful they escaped the "baptizer".

 

[Antfarmer77]

So, yes, I have had visits from the LDS from time to time, but it's been a while. Anyone have more recent commentary to add on their mannerisms and dress, and their witnessing techniques?

Doing some research for this lovely little story I'm working on. ANy help is greatly appreciated.

My wifes best friend is Mormon, and as far as dress goes she looks like anyone else. I attended her dads funeral and everyone was dressed in regular suits and dresses, aside from the pointed tails and horns ( sorry I couldn't resist), I've heard when they go to certain services the women wear long plain white dresses, but I've never seen it myself.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Mmm, nervous virgins.

There's no better kind.
*giddy laughter*

 

[OhMissScarlett]

The Mormon tradition is sort of screwy.

1. Build a massive, ostentasious TEMPLE for $millions$ of Dollars.

2. Send teenagers out to "witness" to the community. (No big deal. The ain't too damn smart and most of them can't even read. These guys usually ride bicycles, wear white shirts, black 1" wide neck tie their grand fathers bought in the 60's, Dark Blue or Black trousers and Black Shoes.

3. The run around and harrass the neighborhood telling them the bullshit about how Smith stuck his head in a hat and spoke to God and expect you to believe it and show up at their church on Sunday.

4. After they've witnessed to the community for a month, they then get to go for the ONE AND ONLY TIME IN THEIR MISERABLE LIVES to the Temple (remember the Temple in #1?) where some large, hair german person with a long criminal record tries to drown them in a pool.

5. The emerge from the pool not only "Saved" but also thankful they escaped the "baptizer".

Isn't it the goal of all the youth to get married in said showy temple at any cost? I'm not sure what the requirements to get married there are, but it's probably something like total purity and a large tithe.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Isn't it the goal of all the youth to get married in said showy temple at any cost? I'm not sure what the requirements to get married there are, but it's probably something like total purity and a large tithe.

No. They are only allowed in the Temple ONE TIME to be baptized. To return there they have to become a Church Elder of some kind. The weddings are held in their "Tabernacels". The difference is rather the same as the biblical hebrews. There were many Synagogs (meeting halls) but only one Temple.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

No. They are only allowed in the Temple ONE TIME to be baptized. To return there they have to become a Church Elder of some kind. The weddings are held in their "Tabernacels". The difference is rather the same as the biblical hebrews. There were many Synagogs (meeting halls) but only one Temple.

Interesting. I had no idea the weddings were held in another location. Thanks for explaining, Jenny.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Interesting. I had no idea the weddings were held in another location. Thanks for explaining, Jenny.

Anytime, Scarlett

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Which branch of Mormonism do you mean? There's a half dozen branches, not counting the Utah branch and the Fundamentalists. I'm not kidding. I don't know about the synagogue thing, but this is what I've read up (Handbook of Denominations being my primary source here):

1. Mormon men are expected to volunteer for 2 years of unpaid missionary work during their lifetimes, wherever the Church sends them.

2. Mormon couples CAN marry in the Temple, but it's not easy and it's considered a sign of extra devotion. The couple that does is "sealed for time and eternity" and can expect to enter the Celestial Kingdom, the highest ultimate fate in the End of Days. That is, provided that they have children. Children are believed to be incarnations of "spirit children", so procreation is extremely important to Mormon theology. The best of these men can expect to become Gods (note that I said MEN- I have read NOTHING about women becoming Goddesses).

3. Mormon polity is organized along the lines of stakes and wards, run by laymen and bishops. There is more than one Temple, by the way. Two of them are in my former home state of Arizona. I used to live in walking distance to the one in Mesa, Arizona (a city FOUNDED by Mormons).

4. Polygamy grew out of the theological issues mentioned in the 2nd point, and while discontinued, is still officially in the Doctrines and Covenants as an ordinance. Historically, the Mormon Church (Utah branch) has taught that polygamy was an institution practiced by Adam, Jesus, and many others. Oddly enough, the LDS has no quibble with the central theme of the Da Vinci Code- that Jesus married Mary Magdalene: it has taught that she was one of his wives for over a century. I should note that, aside from the Utah branch and the Fundamentalists, none of the other Mormon sects have ever approved of polygamy. This is particularly true of the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, based in Kirtland, Ohio.

By the way, I wrote a story (I know, shameless plug, but it might help Falling a bit) called Door 2 Door, which featured not a Mormon but a Jehovah's Witness being seduced by a disenchanted Catholic widow. He was a nervous virgin too, of course.

 

[Samandiriel]

Will this help?

WITNESSING TIPS

Witnessing to Mormons - Some First Principles


by Marian Bodine


When witnessing to the Mormon it is vital to select and concentrate on an isolated topic for discussion. Otherwise you will likely find yourself being taken down "rabbit trails" which rarely lead to anything productive. You will find that you cannot satisfactorily respond to one statement before another is made. Make every effort to avoid this pitfall as the discussion can become meaningless unless you can stay "on track" long enough to make your point.

Not infrequently the Mormon will interrupt your presentation with a questions prefaced with, "Well, what about...?" Usually this leads to an entire change of subject. Calmly remind the Mormon that for clarity's sake it is important that he or she allow you to finish your point. Likewise, be courteous and allow him or her to respond without interruption.

Sometimes the Mormon will interrupt you with his/her testimony, which is: "I testify to you that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God, the Mormon church is true, Jesus is the Christ, Ezra Taft Benson is a prophet on the earth today, and I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen." You might reply: "Your personal testimony is actually invalid because I testify to you that Joseph Smith was a false prophet, the Mormon church is not true, Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and Ezra Taft Benson is not a prophet on the earth today, and I say this is the name of Jesus Christ, amen." With the force of the Mormon's testimony effectively neutralized, chances are that you will not be interrupted with that tactic again.

Mormon missionaries urge the non-Mormon to pray about the Book of Mormon and ask God if it is true. When the Christian refuses to do this, the missionaries can become insistent, even trying to lay a "guilt trip" on those who are reluctant to agree to their challenge.

It is important to give some reasons why you will not pray about the Book of Mormon. The following illustrates how such a dialogue might proceed:

Mormon: I'd like you to read and pray about the Book of Mormon, asking God if it's true.

Christian: Can you show me in the Bible where we are told to pray about a book or a prophet to find out the truth?

Mormon: James 1:5 says, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him."

Christian: That passage is not speaking about praying about a book, or a prophet. The context is testings and trials and temptations. (vv. 2,3, 12).

Mormon: That is your interpretation!

Christian: That is what the passage says in context. It is up to you to demonstrate that the passage applies to praying about a book in order to discover whether it is true or not.

Mormon: I know the Book of Mormon is true because I prayed about it.

Christian: Acts 17:11-12 gives us an example of how to test a teaching or a doctrine, which would include a religious book. Paul and Silas went to the synagogue of the Jews in Berea and preached the gospel of Jesus Christ. The passage states that the Bereans received the word with all readiness of mind, which means that they were open to accept the word which was preached to them, but they first searched the Scriptures daily to determine if what they were being told was scriptural and therefore true. The Scripture calls them noble for responding in this way. You will notice that it wasn't through prayer that the new teaching was proven but by putting it to the test of Scripture. When they saw that the teaching accorded with Scripture, then many of them believed.

Mormon: But I prayed and I have a burning in my bosom that confirms my belief in the Book of Mormon. Don't you believe in prayer? Do you think our Heavenly Father would allow me to be deceived when I prayed to Him?

Christian: Let me ask you a question: Where did you get the idea to pray about the Book of Mormon?

Mormon: Well, we are exhorted to pray with a sincere heart and receive a testimony from the Holy Ghost in Moroni 10:4-5.

Christian: So the idea to pray about the Book of Mormon came from the Book of Mormon itself, right? Suppose for a moment that the Book of Mormon is not true. Now, I know that you believe that it is, but just for the sake of argument suppose that it is not an historical document, but rather a counterfeit not inspired by the God who inspired the Bible. Who then would be the real inspiration behind a counterfeit book that claims to be from God?

Mormon: Satan?

Christian: Right! Now, since the admonition to read and pray about the Book of Mormon comes from the Book of Mormon itself, if its author is in reality Satan, who do you think would give the answer that the Book of Mormon is true?

Mormon: Well, if Satan were the author, which he isn't, he would have to be the one who gives you the answer that the Book of Mormon is true.

Christian: That is correct, and that is why it is a spiritually dangerous thing to pray about whether the Book of Mormon is true. The Bible makes it clear that the Book of Mormon is false (e.g., Gal. 1:8-9). To pray for an answer about it is to ignore what God has already said, which is to dishonor Him. We have only ourselves to blame, then, if Satan comes and answers such an irresponsible prayer instead. You must rely on the authority of the Bible to prove all things.

 

[JamesSD]

Well, the guys who always come to my house act like nervous virgins. They wear those short sleeved white dress shirts, little black ties and name tags. Also, when hit on or asked to make out, they tend to panic and leave.

Hehe nice.

I feel kinda bad for Mormons. Short sleeve + tie looks good on no one.

 

[English Lady]

I sometimes get caught out by the mormons because the blokes they send out (and it's always the blokes) have lovely American accents.

Apparently they have to wear regulation white underwear, but I can't remember my source on that one, though if you find a Mormon you could ask him

Otherwise i have nothing helpful to add, except they always come in pairs (oooh my) you never see a Mormon guy on his own, and honestly, I've never met a Mormon woman.

 

[cantdog]

I met a Mormon woman, many of them. One of them was marrying outside the faith, marrying a gentile, which is to say, a Christian. Mormon weddings do some neat things with light, and the bride's family had done some archways with lights which were very nice. The family was in shock to contemplate their daughter's ill-advised union, though, and there were several last-minute exhortations to her to give up the idea. Also, a lot of the Mormon folk on the brides' side were crying bitterly.

The idea is, it is through the husband that womankind is 'saved.' Women can't do this on their own, I guess; no one wanted to talk to me much about the finer points, but since the putative husband in the case was not a Mormon, their child was sealing her eternal doom. The family was there to watch their girl become hellbound!

Needless to say, there was no LDS preacher there to do this heinous deed. That's why they called on me. I can perform marriages in my State. I got some cold shoulders on the bride's side of the room, let me tell you. And if looks could kill, I'd have never survived the gig.

 

[cantdog]

As to witnessing, it's a duty of the faith. Mormons are not the only ones who require some witnessing to others. What they offer is like the leading thin edge of the wedge. A demonstration of real interest and a desire to know more can precipitate visits from elders and a rather extensive course of study.

The doctrine about mormon men evolving into gods, along with some other bizarre esoterica, doesn't get explained to you until quite late in that course of study, but so long as you can put up with it, there seems to be no end to the wells of weirdness from which they can draw. (These gods get their own planets.)

People's prurience leads them to focus on the polygamy, but that's just to make sure that these poor women can be saved. They need Mormon husbands to do that. There are plenty of oddities to spare, even if you ignore the polygamy ideas.

 

[English Lady]

I met a Mormon woman, many of them. One of them was marrying outside the faith, marrying a gentile, which is to say, a Christian. Mormon weddings do some neat things with light, and the bride's family had done some archways with lights which were very nice. The family was in shock to contemplate their daughter's ill-advised union, though, and there were several last-minute exhortations to her to give up the idea. Also, a lot of the Mormon folk on the brides' side were crying bitterly.

The idea is, it is through the husband that womankind is 'saved.' Women can't do this on their own, I guess; no one wanted to talk to me much about the finer points, but since the putative husband in the case was not a Mormon, their child was sealing her eternal doom. The family was there to watch their girl become hellbound!

Needless to say, there was no LDS preacher there to do this heinous deed. That's why they called on me. I can perform marriages in my State. I got some cold shoulders on the bride's side of the room, let me tell you. And if looks could kill, I'd have never survived the gig.

That probably explains why I've never met a female mormon!

this is a really interesting thread, thansk for your contribution, cant

 

[Vermilion]

Has anyone seen the Tv programme 'Big Love'?
I've been watching it, but, as a Brit, I don't understand half what is going on being entirely unfamiliar with both Mormonism and the laws governing it.

Did it give a fairly true (as true as TV can ever be, anyway) representation of the situation?
x
V

 

[cantdog]

I have never seen 'Big Love,' Vermilion. One of our friends watches it, she is always involved in the television-- she recommends it, but there's no evidence that she knows, any more than I, the real situation. I have read that there are still polygamist groups among the greater Mormon population. Other than that basic fact, I can't say, though.

Doubtless each household does things as they in particular do them. That is certainly the case universally, about every other thing.

 

[FallingToFly]

Oh wow.

Sam, Cant, everyone else- thank you so much! I'm really, really hoping that this story is well-liked- the premise is hilarious, and the execution of how it all works out is even better.

Thank you guys!

 

[cloudy]

The Mormon tradition is sort of screwy.

1. Build a massive, ostentasious TEMPLE for $millions$ of Dollars.

2. Send teenagers out to "witness" to the community. (No big deal. The ain't too damn smart and most of them can't even read. These guys usually ride bicycles, wear white shirts, black 1" wide neck tie their grand fathers bought in the 60's, Dark Blue or Black trousers and Black Shoes.

3. The run around and harrass the neighborhood telling them the bullshit about how Smith stuck his head in a hat and spoke to God and expect you to believe it and show up at their church on Sunday.

4. After they've witnessed to the community for a month, they then get to go for the ONE AND ONLY TIME IN THEIR MISERABLE LIVES to the Temple (remember the Temple in #1?) where some large, hair german person with a long criminal record tries to drown them in a pool.

5. The emerge from the pool not only "Saved" but also thankful they escaped the "baptizer".

Your post is so fucking wrong as to be ridiculous. You don't know diddly squat.

My sister is a Mormon, thank you very much, and she, her husband, and those of her kids old enough ALL have University degrees.

FTF: if you still need info, let me know. Don't pay any attention to those that would like you to think they know what the hell they're talking about.

 

[cantdog]

Cool, I thought it sounded fishy. How did I do, cloudy?