Any male subs feel weird because of their desires?

[subbieboy]

I’ve always had submissive desires, and they seem to be growing stronger lately. But I feel that I’m a strange man for wanting this. Men aren’t “supposed” to feel this way.

 

[twister947]

No.
.........

 

[Justplatonic]

I’ve always had submissive desires, and they seem to be growing stronger lately. But I feel that I’m a strange man for wanting this. Men aren’t “supposed” to feel this way.

What you're feeling is very natural. And you're right about your desires growing stronger. Its all a normal progression in to accepting who you're going to be. This happens to all of us when we become self aware.

There are plenty of people here with sub tenancies, myself included. Once you get to terms with that, you'll be absolutely fine.

Just have a good root around, read some threads, you'll see you're not alone.

BTW, welcome to Literotica BSDM subsections.

 

[SissySalina]

I’ve always had submissive desires, and they seem to be growing stronger lately. But I feel that I’m a strange man for wanting this. Men aren’t “supposed” to feel this way.

That term you used "supposed" is all in your head, it all depends when you grew up, what time period, things are constantly moving and evolving.
Then finding one's self is always strange because you never know when you are there. By the way it is not just applied to "men" it happens to all people, just consider yourself lucky if you actually find yourself, most people don't.

 

[Wonderer67]

I guess my sexual and submissive desires are “weird” by most “standards” but it feels normal to me.

 

[77fbird400]

I’ve always had submissive desires, and they seem to be growing stronger lately. But I feel that I’m a strange man for wanting this. Men aren’t “supposed” to feel this way.

Me too.

That's why I like it, b/c it's wrong.

I would only submit to a woman.

My submission desires are not sexual.

Only way I'm kneeling for another guy is if I'm dead. Not joking.

 

[KimGordon67]

The only reason men aren't 'supposed' to feel this way is because of our screwed up ideas of what masculinity 'should' be like ... similarly to why guys aren't 'supposed' to be gay, or guys aren't 'supposed' to stay home and look after the kids. If you just let go of the idea that 'real men' are always in control, it'll make a lot more sense - there's literally no reason why either side of the d/s equation should be particularly gendered. There's definitely women who are happily on the d side ... I'm usually on the s side myself, but I have my moments of being in control, with guys I know will like that.

 

[77fbird400]

The only reason men aren't 'supposed' to feel this way is because of our screwed up ideas of what masculinity 'should' be like ... similarly to why guys aren't 'supposed' to be gay, or guys aren't 'supposed' to stay home and look after the kids. If you just let go of the idea that 'real men' are always in control, it'll make a lot more sense - there's literally no reason why either side of the d/s equation should be particularly gendered. There's definitely women who are happily on the d side ... I'm usually on the s side myself, but I have my moments of being in control, with guys I know will like that.

You are a smart woman Kim, can you understand that if submissiveness in men were universally accepted, it wouldn't be exciting anymore?

 

[KimGordon67]

You are a smart woman Kim, can you understand that if submissiveness in men were universally accepted, it wouldn't be exciting anymore?

Nope. As a woman who's 'meant' to be submissive in social life, that doesn't make one iota of difference to how exciting I find being sexually submissive with the right person.
You're extrapolating from your excitement at 'forbidden' things to everyone's experience. Not everyone finds 'forbidden' things exciting - I certainly don't. The reasons I like things that are not mainstream is not because they aren't mainstream - it's because I like them. Like I also like a lot of mainstream stuff.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I’ve always had submissive desires, and they seem to be growing stronger lately. But I feel that I’m a strange man for wanting this. Men aren’t “supposed” to feel this way.

I think a lot of us are conflicted when it comes to what we are supposed to be and what we really are. Where we fall on the D/s spectrum, gender, culture can have an influence but finding reasons for feeling ”wrong” one way or another, seems to be something many if not most people are good at.

The only reason men aren't 'supposed' to feel this way is because of our screwed up ideas of what masculinity 'should' be like ... similarly to why guys aren't 'supposed' to be gay, or guys aren't 'supposed' to stay home and look after the kids. If you just let go of the idea that 'real men' are always in control, it'll make a lot more sense - there's literally no reason why either side of the d/s equation should be particularly gendered. There's definitely women who are happily on the d side ... I'm usually on the s side myself, but I have my moments of being in control, with guys I know will like that.

I think you are right about masculinity being a complicated concept for many, but to be honest, I think power can be as much of a problem.
A local museum had an installation where you had to choose a gate to pass through, a bit like you do when passing through customs. One gate said person with power and the other said person without power. I found it fascinating to sit and watch the amount of people choosing the without power option.
Listening to people complaining about not having a choice, just because one option is less than ideal is another example, I think.

You are a smart woman Kim, can you understand that if submissiveness in men were universally accepted, it wouldn't be exciting anymore?

I think taboo and a feeling of wrongness makes for hotness for many of us. What taboos and to what extent differs a lot though. You describe that when you make a difference between submitting to a woman sexually and submitting sexually to a man, though you could find just as little universal acceptace for the latter.

ETA: For me it’s not so much about what is universally accepted as wrong, right or taboo as it is about the conflict with myself, if that makes sense?
And it can be both hot and not.

 

[Subguy59]

My sub desires

I always felt a little shame when I was younger but I always seem to work it through in two marriages.
The second one I miss read because she’s dominant and Leeds the relationship, I thought I hit the jackpot but now he says she only did the sexy stuff because I liked it.
But I totally admit my desires it’s, too bad menopause killed her libido. But we’re working on it.
She’ll still smack my ass and pinch my nipples during sex.

 

[tristantrotsky]

Be And Be Happy

Nope. As a woman who's 'meant' to be submissive in social life, that doesn't make one iota of difference to how exciting I find being sexually submissive with the right person.
You're extrapolating from your excitement at 'forbidden' things to everyone's experience. Not everyone finds 'forbidden' things exciting - I certainly don't. The reasons I like things that are not mainstream is not because they aren't mainstream - it's because I like them. Like I also like a lot of mainstream stuff.

All humans have a balance of assertive/submissive tendencies in their genetic make-up.
Social expectations placed upon us emphasise, exaggerate and shape these latent tendencies along gender lines.
It's the social conditioning that is unnatural, not the desire... we should be happy to be as we are...

 

[77fbird400]

Nope. As a woman who's 'meant' to be submissive in social life, that doesn't make one iota of difference to how exciting I find being sexually submissive with the right person.
You're extrapolating from your excitement at 'forbidden' things to everyone's experience. Not everyone finds 'forbidden' things exciting - I certainly don't. The reasons I like things that are not mainstream is not because they aren't mainstream - it's because I like them. Like I also like a lot of mainstream stuff.

Well, it's great that we don't all like the same thing. That wouldn't be very exciting.

 

[KimGordon67]

Well, it's great that we don't all like the same thing. That wouldn't be very exciting.

Interesting comment from the person who seems to think that all sub guys find submission exciting because it's not socially approved of. But sure.

 

[77fbird400]

Interesting comment from the person who seems to think that all sub guys find submission exciting because it's not socially approved of. But sure.

LOL, love it, you're always ready to fire a quick one! I just meant me. Regardless, it's really great to connect with and hear from other men who have these taboo thoughts.

 

[SmokeInMyEyes]

Nope. As a woman who's 'meant' to be submissive in social life, that doesn't make one iota of difference to how exciting I find being sexually submissive with the right person.
You're extrapolating from your excitement at 'forbidden' things to everyone's experience. Not everyone finds 'forbidden' things exciting - I certainly don't. The reasons I like things that are not mainstream is not because they aren't mainstream - it's because I like them. Like I also like a lot of mainstream stuff.

If anything, I find my personal attraction to any activity outside the social norm to be something of a turn-off for no other reason than exercising that attraction can become so bloody inconvenient, if not a damned sight worse . . .

As a man who finds great excitement in submitting sexually to my wife, I still allow myself the pleasure of finding myself on top regardless of how others think "someone like me" should feel about it. I'm excited by things which excite me, and how others think I feel about those things is only important when it impacts upon finding a partner.

Watching my dog asleep at my feet right now, I'm reminded that my canine friend is unburdened by the endless sophistry which accompanies most human sexual activity yet he seems to have zero difficulty getting excited by the possibilities presented by a bitch in heat.

 

[Justplatonic]

I always felt a little shame when I was younger but I always seem to work it through in two marriages.
The second one I miss read because she’s dominant and Leeds the relationship, I thought I hit the jackpot but now he says she only did the sexy stuff because I liked it.
But I totally admit my desires it’s, too bad menopause killed her libido. But we’re working on it.
She’ll still smack my ass and pinch my nipples during sex.

My Wife's on menopause too... But that's one heck of a silver lining from my point of view!...

 

[YoungToy]

100%. I wish I could switch my desires, but sometimes you need to realize that its not feasible to do. The rest is up to what you decide to do with them.

 

[PaxNurgle]

I've talked about this before and yes, I do still struggle with feelings of guilt over it. It is something that just isn't that accepted or understood by most people. You are not alone in having these desires, and certainly not alone in feeling guilty or ashamed of them.

 

[77fbird400]

This thread is helping me understand my submissive desires.

Is it possible to desire female domination but not really be submissive? How would that work? I don't think I'm submissive, I feel no guilt. It's like a new Disney ride, just want to try it.

 

[KimGordon67]

I think you are right about masculinity being a complicated concept for many, but to be honest, I think power can be as much of a problem.
A local museum had an installation where you had to choose a gate to pass through, a bit like you do when passing through customs. One gate said person with power and the other said person without power. I found it fascinating to sit and watch the amount of people choosing the without power option.
Listening to people complaining about not having a choice, just because one option is less than ideal is another example, I think.

If I'm understanding your point correctly, this seems to presuppose that the sub has no power. I don't think that's the case - they might cede power for a defined period of time, but they have to have it in the first instance in order to give it up. I can only really be submissive (inasmuch as I am - it's pretty minimal compared to a lot of people on Lit) when I'm very confident in the relationship, and know that I'm am, and am seen as, an equal to the other person. If I felt like they thought they had more power than me, I wouldn't ... and possibly couldn't ... be submissive to them.

Interesting experiment that you describe though. It would be fascinating to do some demographic break down of the people who made the respective choices.

 

[Justplatonic]

If I'm understanding your point correctly, this seems to presuppose that the sub has no power. I don't think that's the case - they might cede power for a defined period of time, but they have to have it in the first instance in order to give it up. I can only really be submissive (inasmuch as I am - it's pretty minimal compared to a lot of people on Lit) when I'm very confident in the relationship, and know that I'm am, and am seen as, an equal to the other person. If I felt like they thought they had more power than me, I wouldn't ... and possibly couldn't ... be submissive to them.

I'm kind of on the same page as you, KimGordon67. My Wife and I are usually in agreement much of the time, and that works for our dynamic. Sometimes she needs my strength (when she feels vulnerable) to weather the challenges we may face, and that's OK... I don't feel odd about it, because my Wife relies me for very good reasons... Other times, it flips the other way, and she's there for me.

She's Vanilla, I'm not... But recently she's slowly starting to understand me as a whole, including my submissiveness. What's interesting... She's really beginning to appreciate my type of submissiveness is very inclusive to her (and I don't think she truly understood before, as she didn't want to talk about it), and how she's feeling at the time too.

 

[IrisAlthea]

If I'm understanding your point correctly, this seems to presuppose that the sub has no power. I don’t think that’s the case - they might cede power for a defined period of time, but they have to have it in the first instance in order to give it up. I can only really be submissive (inasmuch as I am - it's pretty minimal compared to a lot of people on Lit) when I'm very confident in the relationship, and know that I'm am, and am seen as, an equal to the other person. If I felt like they thought they had more power than me, I wouldn't ... and possibly couldn't ... be submissive to them.

Interesting experiment that you describe though. It would be fascinating to do some demographic break down of the people who made the respective choices.

As to the bolded, neither do I. I think it’s something almost everybody is struggling with at one point or another though.
I don’t think it is all about masculinity or feminity because it does seem to get conflicted at times regardless of the gender or side of the slash. Our ideas about what power is, who should have it, what can I cede and still feel ok about myself are a big part of it and less talked about I think.

 

[KimGordon67]

As to the bolded, neither do I. I think it’s something almost everybody is struggling with at one point or another though.
I don’t think it is all about masculinity or feminity because it does seem to get conflicted at times regardless of the gender or side of the slash. Our ideas about what power is, who should have it, what can I cede and still feel ok about myself are a big part of it and less talked about I think.

Honestly, for me a lot of the ... attraction? pleasure? whatever ... of submission is how difficult it is to do. For the first guy I had any real kind of d/s dynamic with, that was a big part of what he liked about it - he knew this wasn't something I did easily. Not because I felt guilty about, but because giving someone else power over me, even in a very negotiated way, was difficult.
Learning to be able to do that is a big part of the point for me. As someone said in the 'why do we like to be submissive' thread, 'it's cheaper than therapy'.

 

[slutindianwife]

Am sure they do, lol!