Any help Guys?

[Feel_The_Burn]

Hey all

For a fair few years now, before I was even 16, let alone 18, I was fascinated with the idea of BDSM. Now I'm 18, and I've got a guy, I'm ready and willing to give it a go (as I am with any erotic fantasies). But my boyfriend seems a little shy to the idea. He will talk about it, but when it comes down to engaging in bondage, he backs out. I an understand he's a little shy to the idea, but I really want to give it a go. Any hints on how to coax him into it?

I'm new, so please make me feel welcome, and I'll make you feel welcome

 

[Lancecastor]

I would think that if you put an ad on adultfriendfinder.com or bondage.com you'll hear from several older, experienced men in your area fairly quickly.

Likewise, if you search Lit's main site for members in your place and the age you want, you'll likely find a Dom or 20 near you to exchange emails with then select one or three to meet.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I would think that if you put an ad on adultfriendfinder.com or bondage.com you'll hear from several older, experienced men in your area fairly quickly.

Likewise, if you search Lit's main site for members in your place and the age you want, you'll likely find a Dom or 20 near you to exchange emails with then select one or three to meet.

You're such a skeptic, Lance.

 

[WriterDom]

Ah, a least give the poor guy a chance. Here is what you do. Tell him you are going to Domme him. If he gets into it, you have serious problem. But, if after five minutes, he flips you over his lap, and spanks your ass, problem solved.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Ah, a least give the poor guy a chance. Here is what you do. Tell him you are going to Domme him. If he gets into it, you have serious problem. But, if after five minutes, he flips you over his lap, and spanks your ass, problem solved.

And you're just Mr. Helpful, WriterDom.

 

[NCShin]

there are many many many threads on this topic....might wanna search a bit and find a few other answers...

I dunno what all other than bondage you're into, but assuming you are into D/s as well, you cuold ask what he'd like to do. Let him know that if he TELLS you to do that, that you'll do it. Of course you'll have to follow through or all is wasted.

him holding you down might be more of a gentle way for him to try restraining you during intercourse. If he can get into that he may be more willing to try other things.

Honestly, i cannot imagine any non-submissive man who could/would pass up an opertunity to be able to tell his GF what to do and have her do it. Just be ready for what he might want

 

[WriterDom]

Honestly, i cannot imagine any non-submissive man who could/would pass up an opertunity to be able to tell his GF what to do and have her do it. Just be ready for what he might want

One would think so, but it is amazing at how many refuse to even consider play. Which forces people to find action outside the relationship, or to leave.

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

Take a gander at a few of my posts I'm working threw the same deal over here. First know what you like.. then talk to him about it.. discuss it.. either in person or over the telephone or even online if it's more comfortable for you. Then comes the hard part after getting 'em to agree to "give it the 'ol college try".. finding a way to impliment it. What do you do during sex that he seems to delight in? for my guy it was giveing my ass a playful slap from time to time.. because that well.. really got me going. .. and thats as far as I've gotten so far...

Oh maybe phone sex? It was a triumph for me. I think he felt more at ease telling me what to do over the phone though he couldn't see me. It wasn't overstimulateing... he knew he could put the phone down at anytime and not listen or respond.. I didn't get to see how turned on or disinterested he was ( though I know he enjoyed it from the sound of his breath quickenings). he still had some forms of privacy..

The next step for me is to talk face to face with him about it and hopefully put it to practice..

That and sorry guys.. but no man I know likes his "woman" to know more about sex then him.. or an area of sex... once I got past the fear of rejection stage it got easier.. and more complicated... less stressful.. just as confused...

But this is also a relationship I've been in for the last 10 monthes. I suppose what I'm saying is.. Know your partner.. learn what they like and impliment it towards what you like.. and if you don't know.. just ask.

 

[Technodivinitas]

Here's a fun starter-game...

My very first play-partner and I had no idea that there actually was such a thing as "The Scene", at least outside of contraband Dutch porn mags, but we were (still are) both what you'd call "gamer-geeks", and the concepts of roleplaying were absolutely second nature to us- more natural even than rough-housing. So when one day my young lover clasped both of my wrists, placed them against the headboard and told me, "I bind your hands," I didn't even question it. Of course, I "escaped", which led to even more fun and games with imaginary knives...

Try seducing him, telling him to close his eyes and use his imagination. That way you're both on completely safe ground, and you're also whetting and warming that all too neglected (by vanillas) erogenous muscle, the mind...

Edited to add:
Of course, other good gateways are tickling and wrestling. Be sure to egg him on with playful phrases like, "Oh, NO you DON'T!" or "You SO couldn't take me..."

~Techno gets all wistful... and horny at the memories~

 

[shy slave]

Honestly, i cannot imagine any non-submissive man who could/would pass up an opertunity to be able to tell his GF what to do and have her do it. Just be ready for what he might want

WD is right, sadly there are far too men who don't want to play.

My ex husband thought that my being on top was slightly perverted, when I asked him to scratch my back while he fucked me, he called me a pervert!!

(Lack of play wasn't the only reason we split, but it played a part in it, and I am so glad that its over )

If I had wanted him to tie me up he probably would have had a heart attack and died!

Then again if that had happened the insurance money would have been useful


Feel_the_Burn ~ sounds like Techno and DarkLady have a few ideas, there may also be links in the library or in the BDSM stories.

Lara and AA are also good with finding links to other threads.

Good luck with finding the way for you both

 

[morninggirl5]

Feel_The_Burn, how old is your boyfriend?

I'm assuming that he's close to your age or in his early twenties. Males at that age aren't really that mature and they're all about their ego.

When you tell him you want to try other things all he hears is "you're not good enough" and "you don't satisfy me". Both of those may be totally untrue in your mind, but it's his mind that matters.


It's definitely time for some ego stroking and subtlety.






Or find someone a little older who has more experience and is more mature.

 

[s'lara]

Hello and welcome to the board Feel.

Please take a look at some of the links below which might help you and your boyfriend in your initial explorations:

Exploration

Links

Safewords

Scenes

Techniques

D/s - No Pain

These links contain discussions, additional links and ideas for those seeking information on engaging in BDSM activities.

As there is a lot to take in initially, please let me know if you need specific information concerning BDSM. Please enjoy your foray into BDSM safely and good luck.

lara

 

[Technodivinitas]

Good point, morninggirl!

Which brings another good point to mind that hasn't been brought up here- You have a desire to play, and specificly, to be Dominated, and you've said you'd like to play with him to do the dominating. But while I'm convinced that virtually everyone has a solid seed of kinky power-exchange in them, have you looked at him objectively, and considered whether or not he might actually be Dom material? (All his inhibitions and personal judgements aside, of course.)

Was there anything in his behavior toward you that led you to desire to be dommed by him, or was your involvement with him incidental?

If he shows a strong streak, or gets even playfully pushy with you now and again, then you're all good, and all you really have to do is encourage him, by letting him know how sexy he is when he does that.

If he's never even a little butch with you, then you might unfortunately find that his underlying kink is a sub, and then you've got an entirely different problem, I suppose.

 

[Netzach]

Am I smoking something, where in this post did she say she wanted to be tied and not tying?

Maybe that's so. In which case I think talking about it is a good step.

Maybe tying him down once and showing him a good time so he has SOME clue what you mean and how you want it to feel....that can work. He may have hardcore images running through his mind and hesitates to do anything remotely like hurting you.

I had a vanilla partner who I did that with in the hopes he'd let me tie him up more often and it backfired, he wanted to tie me up all the time! Maybe it will backfire as well for you, if again, you want to get tied up.

Dom material is not really the issue if you just want to get tied up. Perversity and playfulness will get you there. Just be flexible, honest, and keep it light for starters, and don't expect him to have confidence the first time he does it.

 

[FungiUg]

I've personally found that bondage is an awkward place to start with BDSM. How about you try being his "sex slave" for an afternoon (or vice-versa), no bondage involved, just doing "whatever he wants"?

Most guys that age won't turn down that kind of sex! And you can maybe bring out his urge to control and use you sexually that way. And of course, don't be shy about the trying the reverse. As with most things in life, experimentation is helpful to experience what works and what doesn't for you.

AFTER you've tried control, you can look at physical restraints. Silk scarves or old ties are fun to start with. Also try blindfolding.

Just remember: start small, work up to the big stuff. And for me, I wouldn't consider bondage as starting small.

 

[Feel_The_Burn]

Thanks to you all

Hi all

Thanks for your replies. I've had a look at those links Lara (many thanks ) and I've taken all of your advice in to hand. I think, very slowly, my boyfriend is starting to take it into more consideration, although I do believe he is doing his best to try and hide it. In answer to a few queries that arose, my boyfriend is actually 28, and I am willing to experiment with the dominant side of BDSM as well as submissive side. Many thanks again. I will let you all know if I have any luck.