Answer an email with sarcasm...

[VeronicaSexie]

I need the King or Queen of sarcasm to help me write a reply to someone who sent me an email today, to "help" me "Learn how to "Find contentment". From her church's Sunday sermon. This was just after a few days ago when she put a nasty, nasty note on my Facebook page about how I had No excuse whatsoever for missing a family birthday party, (even when I had to go to the emergency room that day) no excuses whatsoever!

I need it to be So sarcastic that she might even believe it is true, not the obvious kind of sarcasm. I am good at being sarcastic, but I am not the master of it. I like the kind that hits you later...lol

I know, I am so bad...

 

[MisterSir]

Give me the subject, a good rhyming dictionary and the first season of the X-Files.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

Try here!

 

[VeronicaSexie]

Please hurry...I am ready to pop!

I did not read all that post on GB, but I know we have at least one king or queen of sarcasm on this board. I have experienced.

No anti-organized religious people, or just real smart asses??

 

[Eilan]

You could suggest that perhaps she needs to take her pastor's sermons to heart before she passes along his or her "advice" to others.

 

[CherryBomb24]

do you believe in god?
If not - i can help ya out lol But if they know you believe in god, and you go to church regularly, then i probably would be of no use.

 

[VeronicaSexie]

You could suggest that perhaps she needs to take her pastor's sermons to heart before she passes along his or her "advice" to others.

That would be perfect for a "normal" person, but that would not touch her. She is mean and I really want to go with the sarcasm. Then I may just post this lovely video someone just PM'd me to really piss her off.

It was a good thought though.

Thanks

 

[VeronicaSexie]

do you believe in god?
If not - i can help ya out lol But if they know you believe in god, and you go to church regularly, then i probably would be of no use.

I do believe in God, but I do not attend church and I laugh so hard at these rich and greedy snakes in the grass, like the one that got caught with his male prostitute/drug dealer. Ted something!!!

So I am very open minded, give me your best shot! Please!

Veronica Evil...

 

[SweetErika]

That would be perfect for a "normal" person, but that would not touch her. She is mean and I really want to go with the sarcasm. Then I may just post this lovely video someone just PM'd me to really piss her off.

It was a good thought though.

Thanks

Are you absolutely positive you want to stoop to her level?

If not, you could tell her you briefly considered sending her a scathing reply, but then the Golden Rule came to mind. Therefore, you decided to set a good example by addressing her directly with empathy, maturity and cordiality, and you'd appreciate it if she'd speak to you with the same ideas in mind in the future.

IOW, call her on her behavior, tell her how you need to be treated if she'd like to communicate with you and take the high road.

 

[VeronicaSexie]

Are you absolutely positive you want to stoop to her level?

If not, you could tell her you briefly considered sending her a scathing reply, but then the Golden Rule came to mind. Therefore, you decided to set a good example by addressing her directly with empathy, maturity and cordiality, and you'd appreciate it if she'd speak to you with the same ideas in mind in the future.

IOW, call her on her behavior, tell her how you need to be treated if she'd like to communicate with you and take the high road.

Great answer, I will consider using that. It is kind of complicated because of the whole religion issue. Plus I can through the few words of one email end our relationship forever. However, my son read it and did not perceive it as I did. He is a sarcasm artist, and gave me an idea for a comeback. IDK, maybe no response at all may make a statement.

I may change my mind, but at this point, she kicked me when I was down...and it was not the first time. I wish I could just cut off the whole relationship, but that also means not ever seeing my nephews again. God what a mess.

 

[Username_In_Use]

You could always air out the dirty laundry and show everybody what she wrote you. That should stir the pot.

 

[VeronicaSexie]

You could always air out the dirty laundry and show everybody what she wrote you. That should stir the pot.

To quote the statement that pissed me off the most after her sending the link to the sermon that talked a lot about self pity, comparing yourself to others and many other human weaknesses...She said "PLEASE watch this. You might actually get something out of it."

Is it me or is that not condescending and pompous? Yes I watched the video to have information on how to reply and why she thought I need it so bad. What a bitch she is! Now I am mad that I have wasted so much time being angry.

Everyone in my family already knows she is bitchy, and especially to me.

 

[Username_In_Use]

Jeebus someone needs a shoulder rub. I've have two bitchy sister-in-law myself. Everyone keeps us seperated because they can tell that after about 10 minutes with them, I'm fighting from strangling the both of them.

 

[VeronicaSexie]

Jeebus someone needs a shoulder rub. I've have two bitchy sister-in-law myself. Everyone keeps us seperated because they can tell that after about 10 minutes with them, I'm fighting from strangling the both of them.

Aren't families fun? I am purposefully looking for a job far away, because I cannot deal with it anymore.

Shoulder rub? My whole body is tense. Were you offering?LOL

I think I am going to sleep on it, and by then maybe the best answer will come to me.

Thanks

 

[Username_In_Use]

I'd offer but I think (by your own profile) that I'm a bit too young for you

 

[Ravenwind]

If she actually cares about God, these bits of irony may hit home:

"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." - James 1:26

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." - James 3:9-10

..and then tell her to go to needgod.com and say the exact same words she sent you: "PLEASE watch this. You might actually get something out of it."

 

[fiery_tongue]

I need the King or Queen of sarcasm to help me write a reply to someone who sent me an email today, to "help" me "Learn how to "Find contentment". From her church's Sunday sermon. This was just after a few days ago when she put a nasty, nasty note on my Facebook page about how I had No excuse whatsoever for missing a family birthday party, (even when I had to go to the emergency room that day) no excuses whatsoever!

I need it to be So sarcastic that she might even believe it is true, not the obvious kind of sarcasm. I am good at being sarcastic, but I am not the master of it. I like the kind that hits you later...lol

I know, I am so bad...

Dear xxx,
I'm so sorry I missed the birthday party and there really is no excuse for my selfishness. If I would have been thinking about someone other than my self I wouldn't have gone to the emergency room.. after all I was only (bleeding or WHATEVER) and it would have passed in good time.
I'm really upset with myself and only wish I could be more like you; you really are a beacon of love and acceptance and would never judge me because you emulate Jesus almost as much as you do Socrates. If I were as humble as you I'm afraid my vainglory would get the best of me so I just won't try.. I could never reach the pinnacle of self depracation you have achieved so it really is senseless to try. Can you help me find the inner peace and contentment that so obviously exude in your kind, even if 'tough love', messages. You are my heroine, you know that! Please help me be more like you so I can share God's love with others the way you have shared it with me.
I know we've had our differences but I just want you to know that from now on I will listen to and heed every word you say; knowing you has been a blessing and I don't know what i would ever do without your advice and guidance... I really do feel like a child again when we talk. Thank you!!!

(Might be a li'l over the top but she just might be vain enough to buy into it for an hour or two before she realizes what an idiot she is )

 

[MisterSir]

...seriously, I'm right here.

 

[VeronicaSexie]

Dear xxx,
I'm so sorry I missed the birthday party and there really is no excuse for my selfishness. If I would have been thinking about someone other than my self I wouldn't have gone to the emergency room.. after all I was only (bleeding or WHATEVER) and it would have passed in good time.
I'm really upset with myself and only wish I could be more like you; you really are a beacon of love and acceptance and would never judge me because you emulate Jesus almost as much as you do Socrates. If I were as humble as you I'm afraid my vainglory would get the best of me so I just won't try.. I could never reach the pinnacle of self depracation you have achieved so it really is senseless to try. Can you help me find the inner peace and contentment that so obviously exude in your kind, even if 'tough love', messages. You are my heroine, you know that! Please help me be more like you so I can share God's love with others the way you have shared it with me.
I know we've had our differences but I just want you to know that from now on I will listen to and heed every word you say; knowing you has been a blessing and I don't know what i would ever do without your advice and guidance... I really do feel like a child again when we talk. Thank you!!!

(Might be a li'l over the top but she just might be vain enough to buy into it for an hour or two before she realizes what an idiot she is )

That is awesome fiery tongue, but after just thinking about it, I realize that I forgot that she is definitely a sarcasm queen herself. My son can be so sarcastic that you will never know what hit you until later! lol

Although I loved reading that and I might use it but change the wording as not to be obviously sarcastic. She would know that I was in the first sentence. As my son advised me, from a movie line, one actor advising the other..."You don't want to go total retard" (Tropic Thunder). Silly movie making fun of jaded actors.

It will be near impossible to not let on that I am being sarcastic, but I do love that answer above. Maybe she can get off her pedestal a moment to read an email, but I don't have to hear the reply. I am going to tell her that if she intends to ever have a relationship with me again, she can call to give a full apology, and save her lectures. Oh the family drama!! It sucks...

Btw I like your profile pic! You need to make some more and send them to me asap! Nice legs and butt, yummy! I am the black sheep whore of the family. It is a good thing I am surrounded by saints? LOL

 

[VeronicaSexie]

If she actually cares about God, these bits of irony may hit home:

"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." - James 1:26

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." - James 3:9-10

..and then tell her to go to needgod.com and say the exact same words she sent you: "PLEASE watch this. You might actually get something out of it."

Thank you, thank you and thank you. That website is perfect. If she does take that test, maybe she will become a little more humble. I know I am far from perfect and you know the rest if you took that test!

Perfect bible quotes too!

And then I can truly say to her, See you in hell bitch!

I couldn't help that one. Where is the halo icon?? LOL I guess no need for that one on this site, huh? lol

 

[jenlikes2]

Sarcasm

I think the best sarcasm is short, subtle and to the point.

Write her a note that if she wants you to find true contentment that she should go fuck herself.

 

[VeronicaSexie]

My sentiments exactly. I decided that since she evidently loves to get some reaction out of me, that to give no response was the best way to go. It will bug her to death. Although I think what you said is exactly what she needs to hear from somebody.

As far as I am concerned our relationship is done, after years of her bs. I don't need the pain. Guess what, her birthday is coming up and Monday the family is going to take her out to lunch and blah, blah, blah.

I will not be there. Sad that she has made this choice and she knows it. It is sad because she was my only sister.

 

[Teloz]

Atheism solves so many problems!

 

[VeronicaSexie]

Atheism solves so many problems!

Being an atheist would not solve my problems. I know that for sure.

However, people, who are only human obviously cannot go to church and come out judging everyone because they have been to church and are trying to be act like a Christian. That goes against all that the bible says. Plus it makes them and the rest of of us look bad. People are not supposed to judge others, that is left for God. I may be saying something that will fall on deaf ears here but it is everyone in the world's choice to decide what they choose to believe.

No one person is better than anyone else.

Btw, I still have not responded to her email. I have one all written out and I don't want to make myself look bad, even to myself, by stooping to her level. I still feel like I should make some kind of reply.

Right now I am having troubles with my whole family, and if I do what I plan to do, I will be not only condemned by them in this life, but also will be condemned, cursed and whatever if I take my own life. I really have a strong hatred for them, most of them...and it would take a book to explain it. I have just always been the butt of jokes in my family for some reason and I just have no idea why. I just know I am tired of it and done with them.

Families can be your foundation and strength in life or they can be what drags you down. It should never be the later, but unfortunately it happens.