Another Writing Challenge

[Ray Dario]

Okay with everyone else issueing challenges, I thought of one I'd like to see you wonderfully creative writers try.

Write an oral sex scene (m-F, F-M, M-M, F-F, or any other combination you can dream up), but here is the interesting part of the challenge. Write only the oral sex scene, make it very very hot, and do it in no less than 1500 words.

Thats right, use at least 1500 words, get as flowery and verbose as you like, but keep it moving and make it hot, make the reader hot for the characters involved. Show us some character building during the sex scene. I think it will be interesting to see the contrast between these scenes and those really really short stories.

So, any takers? I'm working on mine right now, hope to have it posted by tomorrow.

Ray

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Okay, brother Ray. Here's a slightly revised, 1800 word, except from a longer story I've been working on. Hope it's up to your standards. RF

--

The First Timer, FF
Rumple Foreskin


They were sitting on the narrow bed in Cindy’s dorm room, feeling no pain thanks to the bourbon her boyfriend Jay had left in her "safe keeping” when he flew home for a long visit. That’d been over two weeks ago and since then he’d only called once. So now the bottle was empty and they were almost breathless with laughter at a very dumb joke.

When Ann toppled over on top of Cindy and began tickling her ribs, the tall, long-legged brunette howled with laughter and tried to escape the tormenting fingers. Instead of showing mercy, Ann suddenly lunged forward and fastened her lips onto Cindy’s neck and began nuzzling and sucking on the tender flesh.

Cindy barely noticed when the Army fatigue shirt she wore as a nightgown became unbuttoned, and she didn’t care. By then Ann was on top, in charge, and gently nibbling on one of her ears; and it felt so good.

Small, delicate brown hands were stroking her full, creamy breasts and tenderly squeezing the hard, pink nipples. Those same hands moved up and cradled her face; then Ann was kissing her on the lips. It was gentle and skillful and oh so incredibly exciting.

Unsure what she should do, Cindy hesitantly placed her arms around Ann, who responded by snuggling closer. As her passion mounted, she found herself almost instinctively hugging Ann tight and returning the kiss. For several minutes, they kissed and clung to one another.

As their tongues darted from mouth to mouth, Ann snaked a hand down Cindy's body and started stroking her belly and thighs. Soon, she was concentrating on the panties and finally on the area over the crotch.

Cindy was almost certain she didn’t want Ann's hand down there. It was one thing to kiss and hug, but this was something else. Still, she felt powerless under that tiny hand’s magical touch. A gentle pressure on the area above her clit forced out an unexpected moan. The unstoppable hand next moved up to the waistband of the panties and then slipped inside.

When the fingertips slid into her pubic hairs, Cindy shuddered. When they began gently stroking the outer lips of her vagina, her entire body jerked uncontrollably.

Breaking their long kiss, Ann moved down slightly and begun sucking on one of her friend’s firm, milky bcreasts. Cindy's breathing quickened as she sucked harder while her fingers moved faster and deeper.

When Ann stopped and said to lift her bottom, Cindy obeyed automatically and felt her panties being yanked off. A steady, insistent pressure kept spreading her long, compliant legs further apart until Ann slipped off the bed and positioned herself between them.

Fingers once again explored the opening to her pussy, but now they were joined by a tongue softly licking her inner thighs. When she felt Ann's tongue enter her pussy, Cindy’s entire body shuddered with pleasure.

Glancing down, she saw the top of a small, brown head framed by a neat Afro, slowly moving up and down between her thighs. She could feel a nimble tongue darting around, teasing and tormenting her clit and sending waves of pleasure washing over her body.

Smooth cheeks caressed her inner thighs while soft, delicate fingers stroked up and down her body. Taking Cindy’s hands in hers, Ann pulled them down until the fingertips made contact with curly brown pubic hair. As her passion mounted and she raced toward an orgasm, Cindy overcame any last vestige of modesty and began digging at her own pussy.

She could feel a huge climax approaching and vaguely knew she was gasping and bucking all over the bed. But just when she reached the brink, Ann pushed her hands away and stopped licking. This kept happening until Cindy was almost hysterical with need and begging for relief.

The next time she was hurtling toward a climax, Ann yielded to those pleas. This time, Cindy’s fingers weren’t pushed away. This time, that talented tongue continued its fantastic work.

When the pent-up passion in her body finally exploded, the orgasm was so hard, so powerful, so all pervasive, it seemed to take possession of her, both body and soul, and had her begging for more of the pleasure that was so agonizingly intense. The climax hammered every fiber of her heaving, writhing being with wave after wave of pure ecstasy. It finally culminated with a giant spasm of erotic pleasure that sent her body arching upward, lifting her hips clear of the bed, and keeping her suspended in mid-air, ridged with passion. Only then, did the orgasm finally release its hold and allow her to collapse back onto the bed.

"So tell me, how do you feel?" There was a pleased expression on Ann’s face as she looked up from her position between Cindy's still trembling thighs.

"Tingly, and relaxed, and… well, I'm not sure. What about you?"

Raising up slightly, Ann re-positioned her hands on top of Cindy’s well-licked pussy. "Horny as hell."

Cindy gazed down at her friend for a long time. There was no doubt Ann had seduced her. But there was also no doubt she’d enjoyed the seduction. Now she was sated while Ann wasn't and somehow that just didn't seem fair.

All this time Ann had been kneeling and waiting down there, with a face still damp from her recent work. “I’ve never done anything, you know, like this before-I just never wanted to. And I sure don’t think I could ever do what you….” She hesitated, and looked at Ann until guilt and a growing excitement overcame reluctance. “But what you did, it felt so incredible, and well, if you really want me to…. I mean I’ve never done it, just, you know, had it done to me, so I won’t be any good, but just for you….” Before she could finish, Ann was beside her.

Although she’d been reluctant, Cindy knew exactly what she wanted to do for starters. Pulling Ann on top, she began slowly licking her own juices off her face. She’d sampled her on juices before and wasn’t surprised to find the taste pleasant and enjoyable. But this time there was the added excitement of knowing she would soon be tasting another woman’s pussy juice for the first time.

After licking Ann's face clean, Cindy began kissing her lips, eyes, ears, and neck, while slowly pulling up her nightgown until her breasts were exposed.

Holding Ann close, Cindy slowly rolled over until she was the one on top. After quickly nibbling her way down to Ann's small, hard breasts, she sucked and fondled them while watching the nipples grow incredibly long and hard.

As nice as the boobs were however, they weren’t her main objective. Rolling over slightly, she let her fingers explore Ann's short, sexy body before finally spreading wide the well-toned legs of her willing friend.

Moving around so that she was positioned between Ann's thighs, she gazed at her target. The mocha colored skin set off a mass of tight, black curls which surrounded Ann's pussy while only partially concealing the pink slit which marked the opening to her vagina.

Softly parting the wiry hairs with the tip of one finger, she moved closer until her face was just inches away. From here she could see and even smell the waiting pussy. The odor was musky, womanly, and exciting. Using both hands, she pushed the hairs further apart and began running her tongue over the slit.

"Oh, shit child, hurry up, I don't think I can take much more of this." Ignoring Ann's plea, she continued to slowly lick the entrance to her friend’s pussy. When there were more pleas for her to hurry, Cindy responded by sliding her tongue between the lips of the vagina.

"Yes, yes, oh yes. More child, more." While Ann was babbling, she was also pulling on Cindy's head, trying to force her in deeper. Resisting the pressure, she gently pulled the lips apart until the clit came into view. While carefully avoided it, she slowly licked and probed and tasted everything else.

Finally, she allowed the panting Ann to pull her face deeper into the hot, wet, pussy. With her lips massaging the entrance, Cindy would swirl the length of her tongue into the smooth vagina, then slowly pull out to briefly suck and tease the clit before plunging back inside. It was a slow, enjoyable process she repeated several times to the rhythm of Ann’s sighs and moans.

But she wasn’t interested in torturing Ann. When her friend began bucking and gasping towards a climax, she concentrated on the super sensitive clit. Moments later, Ann gurgled something, her hips heaved upwards, and Cindy was rewarded with her first ever sensation of pussy juice washing over her face.

But she wasn’t through with Ann, not just yet. Pulling her wet face back slightly, she once again began running the tip of her tongue over the entrance. At first she was gentle, but her pace increased as Ann began building toward another climax.

Sensing that the orgasm was about to erupt, Cindy flicked her tongue over the clit. Ann’s body jerk and become ridged, but she didn't quit come. Cindy had decided it was time for a little revenge.

Again and again she would focus on Ann’s clit, bringing her to the brink of an orgasm, only to move the tip of her tongue to another spot just before Ann could come. The control this gave her was a surprising rush, but being soft hearted, she finally yielded to Ann’s pleas that she finish the job. Softly placing her lips around the clit, she began to suck and lick at the same time.

This time she didn’t stop when Ann approached her climax. This time she felt Ann go out of control, felt her body jerk and hunch, felt her writhe and twist from side to side so hard it was hard to hold on to the sweating, heaving body. Ann’s eyes were closed and her mouth was wide open as she gasped and mumbled to herself. Once again, a flood of pussy juice poured into Cindy’s mouth, then down her chin and neck and finally onto her breasts.

Instead of trying to pull Cindy’s head closer, Ann was now trying to push her away. Knowing from her own recent experience how painfully intense the pleasure could be, this time she yielded to the pressure.

After sitting back and letting Ann catch her breath, Cindy leaned forward and gently licked at the pussy’s moist, fragrant coating. Once again Ann gasped, but it was evident she was finished.

That didn’t mean Cindy wanted to stop, however, and she continued to slowly lick and nibble around the wet, swollen, and inviting labia. Ann, who had first tensed at the feel of Cindy’s lips, let out a contended sigh and began stroking her friend’s long, straight hair, enjoying the feeling of her lips and tongue gently and thoroughly removing the remaining love juice.

Completing her mission, Cindy rested her head against Ann's thigh and thought about what she’d just done. Did this mean she was gay? No, she knew she still loved Jay and was sure she’d always prefer men. So why had she done this? To show Jay? To see what it was like?

Probably for all those reasons and because she was lonely and horny and a little drunk. Would she do it again? Well, she’d enjoyed it, so she might. And if Jay ever asked her to do it, she knew her answer would be yes.

 

[Ray Dario]

RF That was quite good. It drew me in and kept me interested and it took more than two minutes to read.

I'm still working on mine. Went out last night with a buddy and had a kinda weird experience that ending with me being slapped by my girlfriend about an hour ago. Right now I'm sorta confused and just shaking my head over the whole thing. Point is it interrupted my writing and I haven't finished my scene yet, hopefully tomorrow.

Back to the challenge. The idea came to me when the teacher of my creative fiction class assigned us to describe a man sitting under a tree in 1000 to 1200 words. The point of the assignment is to make us visualize and paint a picture with our words. So I thought I would pass it along here. I upped the limit to 1500 words because I thought action would make it easier.

You see not all writers are Poes, some are Leo Tolstoy (hope I spelled his name right), some are Frank Herbert and some are L. Ron Hubberd. It seemed like we were getting caught up in brevity lust here and I wanted to broaden our discussion.

Anyway, thanks, RF, for contributing to this. I enjoyed it and maybe we can all learn a little bit from it.

Ray

 

[Ray Dario]

Okay, here is my submission to challenge. I'd love to hear what people think.

------------

The soft playful touch between her legs excited Anne. There is nothing in this world quite as good as a woman’s tongue to thrill a fiery pussy, and Micha had one of the most wonderfully talented tongues in the world. Anne opened her eyes and looked down between her well-muscled and deeply tanned thighs as Micha once more laved her sex lovingly.

“Mmm, babe, you do me so well.” Anne threw her head back, letting her long black hair flow down her back and into the soft warm water that filled the hot tub behind her.

Micha looked up from where she knelt in front of the low cedar skirt that held the tub. The cool night air felt good after heat of the day. She smiled a soft cute smile with full red lips, her lightly freckled face radiating the passion, desire and love that filled her soul. Blue eyes, as clear and bright as a Texas bluebonnet, sparkled and gleamed at her lovers compliment. There was nowhere else she would rather be just then. Here with Anne, between her legs, smelling the arousing scent of her sex. It was all Micha needed, all she wanted.

“And you taste as sweet as honeysuckle nectar.” Micha’s voice dripped with southern Texas accent. “I just love sucking your juices, lover.” She smiled and extended her tongue, flicking the end up and down playfully.

Anne laughed, a high tinkling laugh like a fairy settling upon a golden leaf. She arched her back, pushing her full soft breasts forward. Her hands slid seductively down her sides, lightly stroking the smooth soft skin as they drew closer and closer to her lover’s beautiful childlike face. Slowly, tenderly, she cupped Micha’s head in her hands and guided her back down to her glistening pussy.

“So get to sucking. You owe me an orgasm anyway.”

“So I do lover, so I do.” Micha looked up at Anne, studying her wide forehead, dark passionate eyes, and long, aristocratic nose.

God, the woman was gorgeous, not even the slight hint of roundness below her chin could detract from her sophisticated beauty. Lowering her head once more, she trailed her soft wet tongue down past a thin line of fine pubic hair to the velvety lips of Anne’s dripping slit.

She allowed her tongue to gently part her lover’s slit, tasting the sweet elixir that coated the inside of Anne’s wonderful hole. Moving her mouth down she circled her tongue around the inside of her lover’s pussy, receiving a soft moan of pleasure for her skilled efforts. Reaching the bottom of Anne’s slit, she continued moving down until her tongue flicked over Anne’s small puckered anus. The rich musky taste mixed with the sweet, almost syrupy, nectar creating a unique contrast of flavors that danced across her buds and filled her mouth with wonder. Micha let her tongue linger there, twisting and flicking it over, across, and around the small opening until she managed to slip just the tip inside.

“Mmm, that is so nice, no one rims me like you do lover.” Anne closed her eyes, enjoying the flush of sensation that flowed up from between her legs, filling her belly with a soft tingling.

Swirling her tongue around her lover’s dark hole, Micha slipped her hands down under the full roundness of Anne’s beautiful ass, holding her up from the cold tile while she concentrated fully on pleasing her lover. She moved one finger over to Anne’s delightfully dark hole. Taking a moment to lick her finger, just to lubricate it, she pressed it against Anne’s puckered ass. Gently, carefully, not wanting to cause any pain, Micha pushed a little harder. Slowly her finger penetrated, sliding in with little resistance. She bent her head forward again, her tongue flicking out to circle her finger, now buried up to the first knuckle in her lover’s ass.

Above her, Anne gasped and trembled as an orgasm began to build deep inside her. Her fingers weaved themselves into Micha’s soft strawberry blonde hair and then clenched tightly into fists as her climax built. Micha slid her other hand lovingly up Anne’s smooth leg until it reached the first strands of dark pubic hair. There she stopped, teasing her lover with her tongue and finger in her puckered ass and her other hand on Anne’s steaming pussy. Gently she began to fuck Anne’s ass with her finger, sliding it in and out slowly as her tongue continued it’s soft flicking. With her other hand she lightly brushed her thumb over Anne’s bulging, engorged clit, feeling the small nub burn with lusty heat. She paused, torturing her lover by making her wait for what she wanted so badly.

Anne’s hips moved, thrusting and writhing, as she desperately tried to get Micha’s hand to touch her again. Micha had other plans. Keeping her finger in Anne’s ass she slid her tongue back up across the small stretch of skin to her lover’s pussy. Anne’s juices were flowing copiously and Micha tasted them again as she slipped her tongue deep into Anne’s gaping hole.

“Oh, God, you are so good. So, so, fucking good.” The raspy sound of Anne’s passion filled voice spurred Micha on and she began to lap energetically at her lover’s nether lips. “Oh yes, yes, baby, keep it up. Oh, umm, fuck my ass. Yes, right there baby, do it, suck me. Yes, oh God, yes.”

Micha’s small hand began to move again, her thumb gently pressing and rubbing Anne’s clit with an increasing pace. One slender finger slipped deep into the burning depths of Anne’s pussy. Letting her tongue follow her finger into the sweet hole, she lovingly lapped up the juices that flowed from her lover’s excited sex.

With soft meaty hips that seemed to want Micha’s mouth everywhere at once, Anne writhed and thrust, forcing Micha’s tongue deeper and deeper. She moaned, a soft keening wail that started low and built slowly into a maelstrom of grunts and panting barks of passion.

“Oh, God, oh, uh, fuck, fuck, yeah.” Anne’s eyes closed tight and her face contorted in an almost pained expression of intense pleasure. She tossed her head back and forth, her jet hair swishing behind her like a pony’s tail.

Micha smiled at her lover’s frenzied gyrations and switched tactics. She moved her hand, slipping another finger into the fiery hole in front of her face and quickly sucked Anne’s burning clit between her lips. Rewarded with a sharp gasp of pleasure and a sudden tensing of Anne’s thighs, Micha knew her lover was close to climax. She gently bit the nub in her mouth, letting her tongue flick over it rapidly. The engorged knob vibrated from her attention and Micha felt Anne’s thighs begin to tremble and shake.

Curling forward Anne’s body tensed. She stayed like that for several moment, her mouth and eyes wide open. She finally gasped, a hoarse raspy inhalation, and exploded, throwing her chest back and screaming incoherently. Her pussy filled Micha’s mouth with rich sweet cum that flowed out between her lips and down over her chin. Clinching her fists around Micha’s hair, she forced her lover’s face harder into her burning pussy. Anne’s hips move sensuously like living serpents, squirming and thrusting against Micha’s mouth, held tight to her by clenched fists, and Anne closed her eyes tightly, squeezing salty tears out onto her cheeks.

“Oh God!” Anne growled in orgasmic ecstasy. “Suck me you bitch. Eat my pussy raw”

Micha was only too happy to give Anne just what she wanted. She didn’t let up. Ragged breaths came only when Anne relaxed enough to permit her to pull her head up slightly. Micha gasped to fill her lungs with air and then dove back to again pleasure her lover. Anne’s juice smeared over her face, dripping down to cover her chin and pool on tile surrounding the hot tub, but Micha was deep in lust now, slurping at Anne’s hole like a woman gone mad. With her head thrashing back and forth she assaulted Anne’s pussy, the object of her lust, again and again.

Anne’s legs wound themselves around Micha’s head, pulling her magnificent mouth into Anne’s burning sex. Her hands clinched into hard fists in Micha’s hair and her eyes lost focus on the world around her. Throwing her head back, she howled in passionate abandon and forced her hips forward, smashing them into Micha’s face.

The orgasm tore through her body, ripping a series of guttural woofs from her throat and sending spasm after spasm of climatic convulsions up and down her torso. Finally Anne felt her body relax and she was able to focus her eyes once more. She looked down at Micha, a broad, tired, and utterly satisfied smile on her lips.

“God lover, you are so good. You wore me out.”

Micha lifted her head and smiled. “I love you. All I want is to make you happy.”

“Mmm, you’ve done that, my lover, you’ve done that.”

-------------

Remember this is just a scene, not a story. Did it manage to keep the pace up? Did it draw you in? I'd love to hear comments.

Ray

 

[Axeltheswede]

oral scene

First, Ray, I wouldn't wish your luck with women on my worst enemy. That sounds like one tough babe you've tied into.

Nice flowing scene. A little heavy on the description maybe.

Then I got to the "Eat my pussy raw" line. As opposed to sauteed pussy, poached pussy, frickaseed (SP?) pussy. Just kidding, but it is interesting how one word can really derail the flow of a scene.

I'm sure most of us have done it. I once used "yabos" to describe a nice pair of breasts. I got seriously reamed for it in the feedback email too. Probably deserved it.

 

[Quint]

Agree 100% with Axel, although the OD of description turned me off more than the "raw pussy" line. Especially for short stories like this, that amount of physical description was gaudy. I don't need to know the character's facial structure, body fat %, and background to enjoy a good oral scene. I also could've done for a little more dialogue...provided you leave raw pussy out of it. o)

 

[Suzi]

Oh My God!!!

Ray:

If I EVER get to have the pleasure of the experience that you described as ONE scene...I swear I would not go back to men again! WHEW! I am really hot and bothered over that!

Suzi

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

First of all, a quick defense of this line, “Oh God!” Anne growled in orgasmic ecstasy. “Suck me you bitch. Eat my pussy raw."

In the instances when I've heard that phrase used, the "raw" didn't refer to how well done the pussy in question might be, but to it's being irritated, as in "raw and inflamed" or a "raw, gaping hole".

Now that I've been nice, here's the rest. Ray, that was fun. It was so over-the-top, at times it almost became funny. I join with the other folks in saying there was an overdose of description.

There were some other mix-ups, such as a sentence which began, "Swirling her tongue around her lover’s dark hole...," and ended with, "...while she concentrated fully on pleasing her lover."

There were also a few sentences with three or four renditions of "her" not to mention numerous variations on "burning", such as: depths, clit, sex, and pussy.

Still, for a guy who just got his face slapped by a gal who I assume is now an ex-girlfriend, you done did good. Let those nattering nabobs of nit-picky negativisim try knocking out their own 1500 word all-erotic epic before taking their feeble shots at we brave few (that's you and me) who've made the noble effort.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Ray Dario]

Thanks to everyone who responded to this thread. The point I was trying to make, successfully or not, was that it is HARD to write a very very descriptive scene well. In my opinion it is harder to do this, Leo Tolstoy style, than to write a short 500 word story.

Both take a great deal of effort to really do it right, but the very descriptive can be as good as the very brief. In the last couple of months, I have seen a real trend here on the boards toward less and less description. The 300 word stories were kind of the culmination of this trend and in my own humble opinion, they failed dramatically. The 500 word stories were better, but still lacked.

Perhaps I pushed a little to get 1500 words in a single scene. And I'll admit that I had to re-edit that scene more than once to get it up to 1505 words. It actually was a better scene at around 1200 words, and if it hadn't been for my "challenge criteria" I would have left it there, but I did get it up to 1505 without making it horrible. ( Or at least Suzi thought so Thanks Suzi )

Well, chime in guys, give me your opinions. None of them are wrong and I'd really like to hear what you have to say.

BTW: Indeed: my insignificant other and I are now parted. Seems I didn't meet her "emotional needs". Don't weep for me though, it really isn't that big of deal and now I have more time for my writing. That being the case, maybe you should weep for the Lit readers

Ray

 

[Quint]

Hey!

Let those nattering nabobs of nit-picky negativisim try knocking out their own 1500 word all-erotic epic before taking their feeble shots at we brave few (that's you and me) who've made the noble effort.

Rumple Foreskin

He asked for comments; I provided! Try the capitalist "supply and demand" thing sometime, Rumple. ::grins cheekily:: He didn't say I had to fulfill his challenge and THEN give him feedback.

Besides, I'm entirely too busy in my non-oral-sex endeavors to take up a challenge at the moment. Maybe two chapters later I'll hone my skills.

 

[Suzi]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Hey Ray!

Fancy a trip up to Maine? Now that you are no longer attached...it would be the perfect opportunity to uuummm...do research for your stories....

Passionate Kisses

Suzi

 

[Ray Dario]

Suzi, you would certainly make it worth the trip, but I'd hate to destroy any illusions you may have about me with a personal appearance.

Thanks for the invite though. It made my day, or night as the case may be.

And Quint, you are quite right, I did ask for comments, and I enjoyed yours. It may not have been positive, but it was, I assume, how you felt. I would say though, what I wrote wasn't a story, it was a scene, intended as a part of a six to ten thousand word story. Perhaps in a story of that length you would feel differently about how much detail should be included.

Ray

 

[Quint]

Yes, but...

[W]hat I wrote wasn't a story, it was a scene, intended as a part of a six to ten thousand word story. Perhaps in a story of that length you would feel differently about how much detail should be included.

Ray

In 6000-10,000 words, that much detail MIGHT have been appropriate (not by my personal taste), but as a "scene" it was condensed tomato soup. Needed strong diluting. I do understand that you were trying to fill up your quota of words, and I'm sorry I didn't mention any of the good parts of your story. It was pretty steamy, though lesbian scenes don't do anything for me as a general rule. You have a good understanding of the description readers get turned on by, and you make good use of it. The downside is, of course, that when you have overdone description, the reader is bogged down and loses the enjoyment of the really juicy stuff.

 

[Ray Dario]

Re: Yes, but...

The downside is, of course, that when you have overdone description, the reader is bogged down and loses the enjoyment of the really juicy stuff.

The other side of this, is when the writer doesn't give enough description and fails to paint an adequate picture. For instance I could have told the same story by saying:

"Micha licked Anne's pussy and ass, using her fingers and tongue to please her. Anne had an orgasm. Anne and Micha were both pleased by the experience."

It is short, concise, and really tells the entire story. But is it really as much fun to read as my first version? I don't think so. But if you had a very good, complex plot with this as a necessary scene and you were trying to fit the entire thing into 300 words ... well this is what you would most likely be left with, maybe not even this much.

Try this sometime (it came from my Creative Writing teacher, by the way, after I broached this same subject in class).

Write a description of something interesting, a person, a room, a wide vista from the top of a mountain for example. Use 200 or more words. Now write a description of the same thing using 20 or less words.

Read the two as objectively as you can and decide for yourself which you like better.

Some people will like the shorter descriptions. They probably like writers like Poe. Some, like me, will like the longer descriptions and they probably prefer writers like Tolstoy.

 

[wildsweetone]

trying part two first...

197 words

She sat, her cuddly body alert but comfortable on the wooden seat, warm brown eyes darting around the busy playground not losing sight of her grandchildren.

The bright pink tracksuit she wore ensured they'd be able to find her easily. At the neckline, nestled between voluptuous breasts, lay a teardrop diamond on its gold necklace; a gift which she absently fingered.

Looking young for her 65 years, some expected features of ageing had arrived. Grey had come through around the front and ears, with hardly any showing amongst the red ones at the back. Being short her hair was easily managed. She didn't mind the greyness creeping in, just took it in her stride.

When smiling, tiny wrinkles around her eyes and mouth became evident. Artfully pencilled-in thin lines replaced her lack of eyebrows. Her makeup was always tastefully applied. Today a small amount of green eyeshadow made her eyes bigger. Lipstick was too bright though, pink to match her outfit. Wiping some off with her hanky she felt less conspicuous.

Always sitting as a lady would, knees together, back straight, today she crossed her legs letting one small spotlessly white running shoe swing as she watched.

***
17 words

She sat comfortably in her bright pink tracksuit with running shoes, watching her grandchildren on the playground.

***

actually, i like both descriptions and i firmly believe that both have their place. i found it fun to write the longer description, putting in specific tiny details made it possible for the character of the person to be shown. now i'm going to have a go at the original longer oral sex scene you talked about Ray.

 

[wildsweetone]

sorry posted twice for some strange reason

 

[Ray Dario]

Re: trying part two first...

actually, i like both descriptions and i firmly believe that both have their place. i found it fun to write the longer description, putting in specific tiny details made it possible for the character of the person to be shown. now i'm going to have a go at the original longer oral sex scene you talked about Ray.

Yes, I think you hit the nail on the head. They do both have their place. I feel like, in all my ranting, I have given the wrong impression about my feeling about description.

First of all I don't like grocery list description. That isn't good writing, IMHO.

Second; I don't like long descriptions of things that are unimportant to the story. That said, things that are important to the story should, again in my humble opinion, be described and the writer shouldn't scrimp on that description.

Third; Descriptions shouldn't be redundant. If you have already described the tree, don't describe it again unless something has changed. Same goes with breasts, bellies, thighs, etc.

I guess the trick is knowing what is important and what isn't and how much description is good and when to give it a rest.

Ray

P.S.

WSO, I'm looking forward to seeing your 1500 word scene. I think it will be a lot of fun to read

 

[wildsweetone]

1543 words

The sharp noise of clicking keyboard keys guided me to him. He didn't answer when I called to him from the open doorway. I stood there for a moment watching him. I knew what I desperately wanted to do, but I didn't know if I could go through with it. Should I try?

It was obvious he didn't hear my heels tap lightly as I softly walked across the forest green carpet to stand behind him.

The rhythm of the keys clicking changed though as I lent forward and my warm breath caressed his tanned neck. My tongue licked his throbbing pulse point. He didn’t wear after-shave, the warm muskyness was all his own. I smiled as my slow deep breath matched his. Letting my palms move down his chest, he squirmed as I found his nipples and slowly rubbed them. His typing continued.

Moving around his height adjustable chair, I knelt beside him. I wasn't sure I'd be able to finish what I started, but I desperately wanted to try. His typing speed increased, but he didn't take his eyes from the screen. He was wearing only black satin boxers and within moments I made the move to slip down under his desk and kneel at his feet.

His bare feet invited attention. My tongue laved his big toe, lifting it with my hand, I sucked it hard. I was rewarded with a gentle distinct groan from above. The typing continued.

My hot mouth placed wet delicious kisses all over his foot, paying particular interest to his instep on his right foot. My tongue made tiny circles over his anklebone too. I felt him squirm in the chair. Kissing and nibbling my way up, the blond hairs on his legs were soft against my cheek. I stopped on the inside of his calf muscle. I let my teeth graze gently against his skin. I sucked against his leg leaving a tiny reddish mark and moved upwards.

When I reached the inside of his knee, I let my tongue brush roughly against him, feeling his whole body shiver in response. Ensuring my tongue was dripping wet; I licked the inside of his knee. He was beginning to tremble.

My desire for him increased as my mouth moved upwards. I kissed him wetly on his inside thigh. I heard his sharp intake of breath as I stopped for a moment to enjoy his thigh muscle.

Moving upwards I smelt his heightened arousal. I closed my eyes. Could I keep going? The hesitation was only momentary as with a trembling fully aroused body myself, I decided to go on. I listened to his consistent typing and I let my tongue make a wet trail upwards.

His black satin boxers felt smooth against my tongue. My mouth moved up inside his right leg, the material gathering against my face.

His sex smell was strong now. My face nuzzled against his erect cock leaving a wet sticky patch on my cheek. I turned my head a little. My tongue flicked out very lightly touching his throbbing veins. There was no thought of turning back now. I wanted him badly. I wanted to taste him. I wanted to feel him cum where I’d never let him cum before.

With care, I pulled back the ample leg of his boxers using my fingertips. His hard cock was directly aimed at my waiting mouth. I let my long tongue circle his wet tip. Very slow, very deliberate circles. When he moaned, I let my tongue stroke his dripping slit. I move down his shaft, and licked him like I would lick an ice cream from base to tip. I took his balls into my mouth, massaged them with my tongue. I sucked on them gently. I felt them filling, hardening. When I thought he could bear no more, I took him into my mouth placing my lips around him. I licked him all over with my tongue, tasting his pre-cum. I moved off a little swallowing cautiously. It wasn’t too bad. His taste was bitter, but not unpalatable.

I placed him a little deeper into my mouth this time suckling him lightly. Taking him as deep as I could, I sucked him hard and noisily. His encouragement was loud and vocal. I sucked him harder and faster not stopping or slowing, until finally he spurted hot cum into my mouth. It was too much to swallow in one mouthful; some dribbled down my chin and onto my blouse. I kept sucking him until eventually he softened in my mouth. With little noises emanating from my throat, I licked him clean.

I moved out from under the desk and stood straightening my clothes. I walked behind him kissing his tanned neck gently. As I stood, I watched his strong fingers flying over the keyboard. I knew he wasn't as unaffected as he made me believe. The screen was covered in trash typing. Smiling to myself, I walked with pride from the darkening room. I’d done it. Achieved my goal.

The kitchen in contrast was warm, light and inviting. I put the kettle on for a cup of coffee, but before it had boiled a pair of strong hairy arms held, turned and placed me gently on the bench top. I looked down deeply into a pair of soft brown eyes. Those long fingers that had tapped erratically non-stop on the keyboard were now busy rolling down my black stockings. Feather light kisses were placed on the top of my legs, over my kneecap and down the front of my legs as he followed the path my stockings went down.

He held the high heel of one black shoe in his mouth with skill and dexterity, pulling it gently off with his teeth. The same action on the other foot had the shoe landing on the floor. The black lacy top stockings slipped quickly off and were thrown haphazardly away. His eagerness for loving made him hurry.

Then my sensuous pleasure increased further as his very masculine experienced mouth moved over my foot, tongue slipping between my toes. He captured my big toe in his wet warm mouth and sucked slowly and steadily. Tingling ran up my leg. I wanted more. I whimpered begging him for more. Only time would tell if he would return the favour.

His rough tongue tickled my soft skin as he licked the sole of my foot. I could feel my nipples hardening in response. Moaning aloud, I lay back on the bench trying to relax, trying to enjoy the pleasure he was intent on giving me. I closed my eyes letting my own sensory system tell me where his mouth was. He moved up the inside of my leg so slowly that I was aching excruciatingly by the time his hot mouth reached my thigh. He nuzzled his cheek against the firm muscle. Then he bit me hard. As I cried out in pain he licked and kissed the bruised flesh until I begged him to carry on.

I smelt my own arousal, my face flushing with embarrassment at the realisation of whose scent it was. It only seemed to spur him on as his wet kisses moved ever upwards. His mouth touched the material of my black skirt; he skimmed lightly over it, up to my breast. He sucked on my hard nipples through the blouse soaking both that and my lace bra. His hand opened the buttons on the blouse, fingertips unclasping the front opening of my bra.

I gasped as his mouth closed over the skin of my breast. He suckled deeply taking my breast deep, the nipple scraping against the roof of his mouth. My hips arched off the bench top. He lifted my skirt so it gathered around my waist. I couldn't believe what I saw he intended to do in his eyes.

His head moved down and he nuzzled against my pussy. His tongue slipped between my pussy lips. He encouraged my legs to spread wide for him. I felt as hot as the kettle, my head swinging from side to side uncontrollably.

He teased me with his tongue, sliding it very slowly up the sides of my pussy. Long licks from the base up one side at a time. His whispered 'Mmmmm' drove me crazy. His tongue searched for my clitty. She grew with his soft persistent stroking. He suckled her then swooped down and slipped his tongue inside me.

Unable to help myself I pushed my hips against his onslaught. My juices dripped from my body. He took his tongue out and lapped at me, sucking up the initial flow. His tongue moved lower. He licked provocatively around my arsehole. The nerves tingled as he slipped his tongue a little way inside.

Noisy panting brought him upwards again; he licked, stroked and suckled my pussy. His nose pressing gently against my clitty, his tongue fucking my pussy felt so good. I screamed as I came hard against his face. His tongue thrust in again and again until my body shuddered no more and I lay still.

In one hour I had gone from uncertainty to surety. We would assuredly be giving each other oral sex again very soon.

 

[Ray Dario]

WildSweetOne ... WOW!

I loved reading your scene. It was well done and I could only pick out a few places where you really stretched the description to make your word count.

Awesome job. You really rose to the challenge. So you tell me, which do you think you would like reading more, a "description rich" story, written like your scene or the shorter stories like you wrote for the 300 word challenge? Or are they both equally enjoyable, just different?

Ray

 

[wildsweetone]

thank you dear

i know that what i wrote doesn't meet your exact requirements; i couldn't get that free enough feeling to write a specific single scene as you did.

basically i needed to write something close to 'complete' in itself. i think what i wrote is fairly close to the mark, but i realise it needs work.

personally, i enjoy reading the description rich writing, but it's dependent on the entire story. in my humble opinion, what you have written here would need a huge book written around it. the flowery stuff needs to be consistent throughout.

it's the tuning in to explicit detail that's the key, not how many adjectives one can include. when i draw, i see the tiniest detail and transfer it to my picture. i could do that with my writing, but i haven't yet learnt that a story can take more than a couple of hours to write. i haven't picked up the skills i need, to be able to feel confident enough to sit and write on the same story for weeks on end. the nearest i am coming to it is with this mixed relationship/incest story, and i have to say i'm not getting that buzzy feeling about it so what i have done isn't right yet.

i adore sitting and looking at scenery and if i can find an author who writes such scenes in extremely rich description then i linger there as long as i can.

i like being taking out of the 'real world' for long lengths of time. but so far my skills haven't stretched to transposing my short story skills into my longer work. i'll get there though, i'm determined to try and see if it's achievable for me.

to be honest, i also enjoy reading a well written short piece of work with a twist. the unexpectedness of the way the endings are written gives me that little grin that i can live on for hours.

i had to work to get the writing up past your word count. too many practices with the 300 and 500 ones had honed me to skimping on descriptions.

i loved the 200 word description exercise. i'm going to play around with that again.

in answer to your question. both kinds of reading are enjoyable. both kinds of writing can be enjoyable also.

i read what i prefer in each moment... if i want to read an encyclopaedia then i will, if i want to read romance i will. each will give me what i need at the time.

grief i waffle on. maybe i should edit this right back to it's bare essentials - i'm good at that at least.
*wicked wink*

ps thank you for your comments ray, a lovely boost for me today *hug*

this editing i put in 'in my humble opinion' it sounded way too arrogant for my liking.

 

[DVS]

Whew!

I rose to her challenge, too. If I smoked, I would now light a cigarette.

 

[wildsweetone]

ohmygolly i'm driving you to bad habits now DVS!!!!

just wanted to tell you Ray, i've added a little bit to that scene and i've submitted it to lit.

 

[Ray Dario]

WildSweetOne, Please let me know when it is posted and give me the title. I think I'd like to keep an eye on it and see how it is received.


Ray

 

[wildsweetone]

an unusual request...

but one for several reasons i've no gualms about, in fact i'm downright honoured you asked. thank you. *hug*

i've called it Tonight's the Night. i'll post a link here for your ease if it's accepted and if it reaches me before my weekend.
excuse me for being presumptuous, but i will pm you with a little info.

 

[abashed-dreamer]

WSweet1,

That was a nice effort. Well done. It might be interesting if this thread dealt also with what 'works' or doesn't, in the examples posted. And why.

Here are two examples:
RumpleF
"Small delicate brown hands were stroking the full creamy breasts and tenderly squeezing the hard pink nipples."

Ray Dario:
"With her other hand, she lightly brushed her thumb over Anne's bulging engorged clit, feeling the small nub burn with lusty heat."

These writers have talent, but for those sentences. "OUCH!" (My humble opinion)

Jack
abashed-dreamer