Another newbie...where do I start?

[mcveigh]

I've been lurking here and reading a lot but I have a few questions I hope you all could answer.
I think my wife MAY like some BDSM stuff in our sex life. We both have problems opening up about life and sex. She just doesn't like to talk about sex period.

The reason I'd like to try some mild BDSM things are from a few clues. One of the things she would like to due would be have sex outdoors, I mean like wide open, not in public but with the chance of being caught I think. To me that just says she has a wild side. We did fool around on a blanket while dating at night by the water where a guy came and stood a few feet from us and never saw us (i think ) I think she liked that.

She likes it when I talk dirty during sex, for ex: if I tell her I'm going to "fuck her". and she likes it if I spank her.
I don't push these things, I don't get real dirty, I don't call her bitch , slut, whore. Really it's against my nature, I don't think I'm a Dom by nature but I would be for her.

When I spank her I just smack her butt, I get a little sting in there. I don't use any "tools" or even push the pain factor.
Does anyone have some input on where to start? Maybe she would like some pain/bondage in our sex life...maybe not. I want to find out and hopefully get us to open up more to each other.

thanks everyone.

 

[david_42]

Next time you are using the missionary position, do it fundy style: Grab her hands tightly and hold them above her head. Don't let go until you are done and make it clear that is your intent. If she has any BDSM tendencies, she'll finish first.

 

[lne_iii]

If she enjoys a spanking, ask her about implementing something else into it. Like a hairbrush or something. See where that takes you. Be sure not to wail too hard...the first time I did this...I asked her you know...I was testing the waters. I just kept hitting just a bit harder, asking "is this too hard?" ...eventually we found the sweet spot

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

I've been lurking here and reading a lot but I have a few questions I hope you all could answer.
I think my wife MAY like some BDSM stuff in our sex life. We both have problems opening up about life and sex. She just doesn't like to talk about sex period.

The reason I'd like to try some mild BDSM things are from a few clues. One of the things she would like to due would be have sex outdoors, I mean like wide open, not in public but with the chance of being caught I think. To me that just says she has a wild side. We did fool around on a blanket while dating at night by the water where a guy came and stood a few feet from us and never saw us (i think ) I think she liked that.

She likes it when I talk dirty during sex, for ex: if I tell her I'm going to "fuck her". and she likes it if I spank her.
I don't push these things, I don't get real dirty, I don't call her bitch , slut, whore. Really it's against my nature, I don't think I'm a Dom by nature but I would be for her.

When I spank her I just smack her butt, I get a little sting in there. I don't use any "tools" or even push the pain factor.
Does anyone have some input on where to start? Maybe she would like some pain/bondage in our sex life...maybe not. I want to find out and hopefully get us to open up more to each other.

thanks everyone.

I have kinda been on the other end of this. I wanted him to spank, tie me up, say dirty things to me etc. I finally got him to understand it was what I wanted in a big way. We continue to work on it.

 

[ellediablo]

I've been lurking here and reading a lot but I have a few questions I hope you all could answer.
I think my wife MAY like some BDSM stuff in our sex life. We both have problems opening up about life and sex. She just doesn't like to talk about sex period.

The reason I'd like to try some mild BDSM things are from a few clues. One of the things she would like to due would be have sex outdoors, I mean like wide open, not in public but with the chance of being caught I think. To me that just says she has a wild side. We did fool around on a blanket while dating at night by the water where a guy came and stood a few feet from us and never saw us (i think ) I think she liked that.

She likes it when I talk dirty during sex, for ex: if I tell her I'm going to "fuck her". and she likes it if I spank her.
I don't push these things, I don't get real dirty, I don't call her bitch , slut, whore. Really it's against my nature, I don't think I'm a Dom by nature but I would be for her.

When I spank her I just smack her butt, I get a little sting in there. I don't use any "tools" or even push the pain factor.
Does anyone have some input on where to start? Maybe she would like some pain/bondage in our sex life...maybe not. I want to find out and hopefully get us to open up more to each other.

thanks everyone.

WELCOME, mcveigh!
Nice to see you at literotica.

I'll let the experts advise you as I am not all that familiar with the - BDSM ways.

Have Fun!

 

[DVS]

I've been lurking here and reading a lot but I have a few questions I hope you all could answer.
I think my wife MAY like some BDSM stuff in our sex life. We both have problems opening up about life and sex. She just doesn't like to talk about sex period.

The reason I'd like to try some mild BDSM things are from a few clues. One of the things she would like to due would be have sex outdoors, I mean like wide open, not in public but with the chance of being caught I think. To me that just says she has a wild side. We did fool around on a blanket while dating at night by the water where a guy came and stood a few feet from us and never saw us (i think ) I think she liked that.

She likes it when I talk dirty during sex, for ex: if I tell her I'm going to "fuck her". and she likes it if I spank her.
I don't push these things, I don't get real dirty, I don't call her bitch , slut, whore. Really it's against my nature, I don't think I'm a Dom by nature but I would be for her.

When I spank her I just smack her butt, I get a little sting in there. I don't use any "tools" or even push the pain factor.
Does anyone have some input on where to start? Maybe she would like some pain/bondage in our sex life...maybe not. I want to find out and hopefully get us to open up more to each other.

thanks everyone.

Well, everybody is different in this kind of thing. There are no true ways to tell someone to "start" something with their partner. You know her better than anyone else, so it is up to you to find out what she likes and doesn't like.

That's an easy way for me to say "you're on your own, pal" and I'm not saying that. What I am saying is only you can notice if what you try is working. You say she likes when you spank her? How do you know? If you can tell she enjoys it, maybe introduce it more during foreplay. How you do that might be the difficult thing.

Do you think you might be able to pull her over your lap and hold her wrists behind her back and spank her? Maybe when you are alone together and she is in just bra and panties, you could start something with her that allows you to introduce this light punishment to her. And, during this spanking, women find it very exciting to have it start on panties, and then have their panties pulled down and spanked on their naked ass, too.

This allows her to feel in your control, because you are holding her wrists behind her back and it also allows her to feel a little naughty because of the way you take her over your lalp, spank her, and then pull her panties down and spank her more.

During this spanking, push your spanking hand down between her legs and play with her pussy and clit. Then, when she is starting to enjoy that, resume the spanking. Going back and forth with this is being playful, yet you are also watching her reactions to see if she enjoys it, too.

If you think this type of thing is working, as you advance with time, talk dirty to her. If you find her pussy is wet, tell her you know she's enjoying it, and the can expect more of it in the future. I could suggest several different things to say during this, but because I don't know anything about you or your wife, that could be killing her mood rather than helping enhance it. I'm only making suggestions. A lot of this is going to be your call as to when or even IF you try any of this.

See, doing sonething like this could be pretty bold for some people, but for others it could be just the right thing to test the waters, so to speak. But, like I said, only you can be the one to know if this is something you can try and then only you can then watch her reaction and know if it's something she enjoys.

If she enjoys it, maybe you could talk to her about some light bondage during sex, more spanking and maybe some different positions, too. Start off by just being kinky with things, and slowly add more of what you both enjoy.

Yes, I said what you BOTH enjoy. After you break the ice and know if she wants more of this, you need to some how get her to open up to what she likes. I know it's not always easy to get someone to open up and say they like to be tied up and spanked. The fear of rejection to something you have desired all of your life is a strong feeling. And, if she has desired this for a long time, that wall will be very difficult to break.

Go slow, watch her reactions and maybe you can find the right time to get her to talk about this. The worst thing you can do is go too far, too fast, or misunderstand her reactions and do the wrong thing.

Hopefully, she will open up with what she enjoys and your job will become easier. But, some people are quite shy with their inner most desires, so don't get frustrated. Take it slow and easy. This is not a race.

What you're doing might not be an easy task. But, like I said at the beginning of this post, only you can be the one to know what to try. If you have any other questions, all you need to do is to ask on this board. Maybe you could keep this thread open and write back with how she reacts to things you introduce, and maybe it will be easier for some of us to relate. It might also then be eaiser for someone to suggest more things for you.

Good luck in your quest to bring out that kinky woman ihiding withn your wife.

 

[FurryFury]

There is, in my opinion no substitute, for communication. It's even more important when trying out BDSM things.

Sometimes it's easier for a person to write or type their thoughts and feelings than it is to look you in the eye and say them. Often it is easier to talk also when you aren't looking each other in the eye.

I can often only talk out loud in euphemisms myself about sex and fucking but I can write anything...just a few thoughts.

Good luck to you both,

Fury

 

[alice_underneath]

Do you think you might be able to pull her over your lap and hold her wrists behind her back and spank her? Maybe when you are alone together and she is in just bra and panties, you could start something with her that allows you to introduce this light punishment to her. And, during this spanking, women find it very exciting to have it start on panties, and then have their panties pulled down and spanked on their naked ass, too.

This allows her to feel in your control, because you are holding her wrists behind her back and it also allows her to feel a little naughty because of the way you take her over your lalp, spank her, and then pull her panties down and spank her more.

During this spanking, push your spanking hand down between her legs and play with her pussy and clit. Then, when she is starting to enjoy that, resume the spanking. Going back and forth with this is being playful, yet you are also watching her reactions to see if she enjoys it, too.

Gracious!!!

I have no idea if this activity would arouse mcveigh's wife..... but just reading about it was enough for me!

 

[seaturtle50]

Alice,

I have read your posts and must say I am somewhat intrigued by you. I think i have a good understanding of who you are, and of the life position you are in - specifically your loyalty to your marriage, etc.

That sad - I would like to know if I may email with you for a moment? I want to ask you something.

Seaturtle50

 

[mcveigh]

Sure seaturtle.

And thanks everyone for your advice

 

[Ma Petite]

ideas ideas

MMmm so many ideas!

Gracious!!!

I have no idea if this activity would arouse mcveigh's wife..... but just reading about it was enough for me!

Alice Underneath, I must say, I agree.

As for you mcveigh, I do believe, based on what you've said, a little dirty fun is definately acceptable to your wife, the biggest thing is to make sure she feels safe about it. Giving up complete control to you may be a bit out of the question (just of yet perhaps?) to start, safe words and pre agreed upon actions work out great. alternating control works well too. Just because she likes to be spanked doesnt mean she doesnt want control.

 

[DVS]

Gracious!!!

I have no idea if this activity would arouse mcveigh's wife..... but just reading about it was enough for me!

MMmm so many ideas! Alice Underneath, I must say, I agree....

Well, ladies...I am VERY available. Planning on any trips to the mid-west for Christmas? I'll show you a good time...

You might not be able to sit down, but you'll be smiling.

mcveigh, let us know what's happening. I'm curious if she lets you take control and spank her or if she gives you a black eye.

 

[Ma Petite]

Well, ladies...I am VERY available. Planning on any trips to the mid-west for Christmas? I'll show you a good time...

You might not be able to sit down, but you'll be smiling.

mcveigh, let us know what's happening. I'm curious if she lets you take control and spank her or if she gives you a black eye.

Mid west? Nope, portland oregon. But yes, mcveigh, do keep us updated! and DVS, how would you plan on making me not sit down?

-tears

 

[DVS]

Mid west? Nope, portland oregon. But yes, mcveigh, do keep us updated! and DVS, how would you plan on making me not sit down?

-tears

Oh, but that would be taking over this thread. And, that's not nice.

Just let your mind wonder a little. And, if you've read any of my stories, that should give you a little taste, at least. But, I am different with everybody, because I react to how I feel with each woman. One, I might simply spank her at first and watch her ass wiggle with each swat. While, another, I might strip naked right from the beginning and abuse her bound body until I'm satisfied.

Both women would end up being a toy for sex play. But, who's to say how I would react with you?

Sorry for the hijack. It's Ma Petite's fault.

 

[alice_underneath]

Well, ladies...I am VERY available. Planning on any trips to the mid-west for Christmas? I'll show you a good time...

I am picturing my husband's face when I say: "Honey, I know you said we should visit your folks in New England this year, but there's a guy in the mid-west who said he'd pull me over his lap and...."

You might not be able to sit down, but you'll be smiling.

I'm sure I would be smiling.

Thanks anyway, DVS.

Sorry for the hijack. It's Ma Petite's fault.

Hijack?

She was probably thinking that additional details would help mcveigh. (Isn't that right, Ma Petite?)

Please, DVS, do feel free to elaborate...

 

[mrJohnJones]

Oooooo

This should be good.

 

[DVS]

This should be good.

Don't rush me. I'm thinking.

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

I think my wife MAY like some BDSM stuff in our sex life. We both have problems opening up about life and sex. She just doesn't like to talk about sex period.

This is where you should start, coomunication is the key to any type of relationship, and most important to a healthy BDSM experoence. You need to know, and she needs to tell you what she likes, and she needs to hear from you, what you like.

You say you aren't a Dom, but you would be one for her, maybe this is an opportunity to assert yourself, TELL her that you are going to take control of your sex life, TELL her what you want, and expect from her, if she truly has a submissive nature, this will be a relief to her, and you will begin a wonderful journey together.

Good luck, have fun, COMMUNICATE!