Another Lonely Night

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

She waited... seconds ticking by as he seemed to consider.

She was torn, wanting him to back out now.... before she got too close to him and yet wondering what the hell she would do without him... and then berating her own stupidity.. she'd known him less than an hour for God's sake!

"I am in, Beth. I told you, I can't go on any longer. Not like I have been. I dunno, it's scary but I'm in. Maybe vet school will be waiting down the line. Maybe not. To be honest, I don't care any more. You're the first decision I've ever made. And I'm sticking by you, Beth. Thick and thin."


"I'm sticking by you, Beth. Thick and thin."
Oh my god..no one.. not one person had ever said that to her... or even hinted it... or implied it..or lied about it... she didn't feel so... alone... she smiled.


His arm moved around her and guided her briskly out of the cafe. His car was parked nearby. Wordlessly she slipped into the passenger seat as he held the door open. The journey was short and silent. She glanced at him as he drove, but his eyes were fixed on the road.

Parking he smiled to her as she climbed out of the car waiting whilst he locked the vehicle.

Slowly she followed him into the silent house.
He unlocked and guided her through the front door.

"Welcome to my home," he laughed. "At least until we leave."

She glanced round... and looked back at Darren.

She couldn't tell him.. begin to explain how much she appreciated the faith he seemed to have in her.... how strange it all was..

He closed the door and moved to stand by her side.

Wordlessly she turned and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding onto him, needing to be reassured and give warmth, hoping fleetinglly that he didnt think she was coming onto him.

She squeezed him and stood reluctantly back... embarrassed by her actions...

"..I .. just wanted to say... thank you...for... "
Her voice faded...she couldn't explain. She hoped so much that he understood. She didn't want him to think....

She bit her lip and looked up at him.
They were soulmates.... shared past and future.
He would understand she convinced herself

She smiled widely at him.

"Nice place..." she said softly....

 

[BadForm]

Darren Andrews

When she touched him, he felt a surge of electricity tingle all over his skin. This woman, this beautiful woman, was holding him like she cared. She did. Part of his soul insisted that he was being stupid, that no way would someone like her want someone like him, but for the first time in his life he found he had the power to ignore it. She, if anything, seemed even more nervous than him, though he failed to see how that was possible.

"Nice place," she said.

He smiled softly, trying to blink away the tears of his entire life. "Only now you're in it, Beth. Any place would be nice if you were there."

Kiss her stupid! That was what part of his soul was screaming. Kiss her so she knows you care! But he couldn't, he couldn't let her think he was only after sex. Sure, he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to make love to her. But he wanted more. He wanted to be with her now and forever.

He took her hands in his and raised the fingers to his mouth, gently kissing them while not avoiding her gaze. "Beth, I know this is going to sound stupid, and I'll understand if you want to slap me... but I love you, Beth. I love you."

That was when the tears came. When the dead spirit he'd carried for so many years finally started to come alive. "I love you, Beth."

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

"Nice place," Beth glanced round curious unwilling to invade his personal space. She looked over to him and met his smile.

"Only now you're in it, Beth. Any place would be nice if you were there."
Her mouth fell open. Wow... he was something else. He'd been so nervous when she'd first crossed over and forced her company on him and now an hour later..... she was incredulous... she looked deep into his eyes... warm.. caring... looking at her almost.. tenderly.. no.. she was letting her imagination run riot.

She lowered her eyes shyly afraid he would see her wild thoughts. She stared at her hands unsure what to say. She felt her hands being taken and squeezed. She felt him raise her hands one at a time to his face, she stared in fascination as he kissed each finger gently, sweetly such an intimate gesture. His eyes never wavering, even when he spoke, her hands still in his.

"Beth, I know this is going to sound stupid, and I'll understand if you want to slap me... but I love you, Beth. I love you."

She took an instinctive step backwards. Loved her? No.. no.. it couldn't be.. her mind screamed... what could he possibly see that was "Loveable" in her. Hadn't he heard a word she'd said ... about her life and what she ..was...
She noticed with a start that he was crying.
"I love you, Beth." he whispered through his tears.

She held out a hand and gently touched his cheek. Brushing a tear away and kissing his damp cheek lightly.
So tempting.. to just let him... be with her. She'd be so happy, he was kind..and gentle and caring.... and.. ..

But no. Everything always ended in disaster with her. It wouldnt last.. one way or the other. She knew he didnt *want* anything from her, but emotionally she'd let him down.. she always did... and probably she'd hurt him in lots of other ways she couldnt even imagine yet. She couldn't let that happen...

Abruptly she stepped away... moving across the room to sit on the sofa.. legs tucked up protectively. What if she really fell for him.. and that could happen.. then.... what? She could be hurt... used..rejected.... she couldn't do this..close to tears herself and for some reason really scared by the depth and sincerity of his feelings.

"You.. you can't love me.. you don't know me..and.. if you knew me... you'd know that.. I'm no good. I'm not clever or good, not like you... and..I'm a slut.. I told you! Weren't you listening.. I told you what I'd let myself become. "

She curled up on the sofa.. speaking softer.

"No one loves me.. it's not possible... I'mnot worth loving... I don't do love. I'm just .. no good...."

She began to sob quietly ... regretting what she had lost with Darren before she had given it chance to develop... fear holding her back from her chance at happiness. He was just to "good" for her.

 

[BadForm]

Darren Andrews

Darren stared at her in mute horror. Look what he'd done. He was stupid, evil to do this to her. After she'd heart the story of his life and seen what a loser he was, why would he ever think she'd be anything other than appalled by a confession like that. What was he, some kind of sick pervert? He wasn't like her. He was ugly. He was sick... And he was saying the same things internally that she had said aloud. He'd read books on being a survivor, but they only gave the rationality. Seeing himself mirrored in her actions like this, that was something solid. She was going to hate him for this but he had to try.

"You forgot sick, evil and loser, Beth... Leastways that's what I've just been calling myself. Those things aren't true of you, Beth. Your mom, maybe. I dunno. She sounds like she needs to wake up before its too late for her, god knows what could happen to her acting like that. But it's not you! Don't you see that, you're not what they did to you, Beth. You're not. And you're not what they called you. God I can't believe I'm saying this but... maybe I'm not too... Beth, please... look at me... look at me..."

He was trembling as he stepped closer and sat down beside her. "Beth...I'm not asking you to like me or love me or do anything with me... just hear me, please. I hate them for what they did to you. All you did was survive, Beth. And you're strong because of it... even if you feel as weak as I do right now."

He looked away, unable to stop the tears. "Beth, I-I'm sorry, I said too much. I don't know what to say any more. I don't have the answers and if you want to leave right now I won't force you to stay. Wimp like me couldn't anyhow. But..."

His voice cracked, became virtually a hoarse whisper, "please don't, Beth. Please don't abandon me... You're the only person who ever gave a damn enough to really talk. I'm sorry. I'm..."

He couldn't even look at her anymore. He hung his head in his hands, certain he had scared her off, or that she would be pissed or that... anything. He sat there shaking and crying.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

"You forgot sick, evil and loser, Beth... "
That was it. He'd said it. She cried harder, somehow it was so much more painful Darren calling her those vile names.

He carried on speaking to her but she kept curled up turned away from him. His words went on and on.. but she wasn't listening.. couldn't hear anything like that..not anymore.

"Beth, please... look at me... look at me..."
His voice insisted as he moved close to her again.

"Beth...I'm not asking you to like me or love me or do anything with me... just hear me, please."
She turned, listening to his words,
"I hate them for what they did to you. All you did was survive, Beth. And you're strong because of it... even if you feel as weak as I do right now."

So... what was he saying then? She couldn't understand ...

"Beth, I-I'm sorry, I said too much. "
She listened as he apologised for saying those words to her.

So.. he didn't love her then?

His voice hoarse with emotion begged him not to leave.
"please don't, Beth. Please don't abandon me... You're the only person who ever gave a damn enough to really talk. I'm sorry. I'm..."
He broke off very much in the same state as she herself, shaky weepy.. unable to look her in the eye.

She uncurled from her positon and moved on the sofa, pushing past under the shelter of his arm away and resting her head on his chest. She felt his arm around her allowing her to move nearer, but did not expect him to hold her. He had said what he thought of her....
"I wish I wasn't a sick evil loser " she whispered tears falling silently. "How I wish things were different between us."

 

[BadForm]

"You're not!" He bit down on the frustration that was making him raise his voice. "Beth... I should have known not to say it like that, you didn't hear the rest of it did you? I said that stuff and all you said was what I was just calling me... It's the same thing, Beth... Don't you see that? You got hurt and they taught you you're bad... Same here. But if you know its not true about me, then at least try to accept it might not be true about you."

His gaze tracked across the ceiling as he tried desperately to think of a good way to express himself. He had to find some way to make her see about herself what he never could about himself. He could see it about her. She could see it about him.

He shook his head. "Sometimes I wish I smoked or something," he said in frustration, a laugh of sheer desperation struggling to escape. "Seems to let some people think, and I sure can't."

He sighed and tried to slow himself down, tried to control his raging heart. "Beth, I fell in love with you tonight. And maybe I shouldn't say that because I haven't known you long. And maybe I shouldn't say that because I'm a stupid, sick little ugly-assed pervert. And I know you'd be better off without me. But I don't care any more. I'm tired of trying to guess what is the right thing to say to people and what I'm MEANT to do. I'm doing and saying what I want now. Beth, I love you. And god damn it I'm proud of how you survived, cos I've read horror stories of those who haven't!"

He lapsed into silence, looking at her. His tears were gone, but the dry heaving sobs continued. If he'd lost her, and he was sure he had, then at least he'd finally had the balls to speak his mind to a woman.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

"You're not!"
She sat up and wiped her eyes. His voice raised, his face looked angry, but she could see he was frustrated. She didn't flinch. She was used to being shouted at... but he wasn't shouting *at* her. He seemed... upset still...

His eyes on his as if willing her to understand she took a shuddering breath and decided to hear him out. Whatever he thought she wanted to face it before.... she... well before...

"Beth... I should have known not to say it like that, you didn't hear the rest of it did you? I said that stuff and all you said was what I was just calling me... It's the same thing, Beth... Don't you see that? You got hurt and they taught you you're bad... Same here. But if you know its not true about me, then at least try to accept it might not be true about you."

Beth looked at Darren, confused, but hopeful. He didn't seem disgusted with her at least. More upset with himself.... she looked at him quizzically... wanting to understand, her own feeling of unworthiness preventing her from getting his true meaning.

There was silence between them. They sat with eyes on each other until Darren broke his gaze away and looked up at the ceiling. Beth looked down at her lap. He was pulling away from her she thought. That was what she'd wanted wasn't it.. a safe distance... what she'd said she wanted anyhow.

"Sometimes I wish I smoked or something,"
His shaken head and forced laugh made her look up.
"Seems to let some people think, and I sure can't."
Once again they exchanged a wry grin. Mocking themselves and what a mess they both were. She laid a hand on his arm and he sighed heavily.

His eyes locked with hers, he spoke quietly, earnestly...

"Beth, I fell in love with you tonight. And maybe I shouldn't say that because I haven't known you long. And maybe I shouldn't say that because I'm a stupid, sick little ugly-assed pervert. And I know you'd be better off without me. But I don't care any more. I'm tired of trying to guess what is the right thing to say to people and what I'm MEANT to do. I'm doing and saying what I want now. Beth, I love you. And god damn it I'm proud of how you survived, cos I've read horror stories of those who haven't!"

He was saying he loved her, he was proud of her...?? She blushed with pleasure. She was stunned. She didn't know what to say.

Why had he called himself sick and stupid? Out of the two of them she was sure it was she and not he who was perverted.

Had he any idea of how much she ached to be ..loved... really loved.. for herself, but..what was there to love... somehow he had seen ...something.. there....

She looked over at Darren, his body still shuddering with emotion. She was exhausted. So much had happened and so quickly. She'd had to reassess her life and didn't like what she saw. She could either push him away or...at least... try...

She raised a hand to his cheek, turning his face to hers.
"Darren.... please.... don't... " she comforted rubbing his skin gently. Eyes on his she whispered hoarse with emotion;
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.... "
She willed him to understand how much trust she was putting into him, just by being with him now, opening up to him...
"... you're... special... I.. couldn't do this with anyone else....."

She sighed... it was clumsily put. How could she explain that now she had let him close to her, her much she needed him, to get her through this ...

Her eyes on his, vulnerable and imploring.

"Hold me.. please.... help me..... "

 

[BadForm]

Darren Andrews

Special? Yes, he was special. So was a sociopath, a rapist, a murderer. Special? There were times he thought of himself as unique... but not in a good way, never in a good way. Yet, she wasn't seeming to say anything negative about him. She was praising him almost. He tried to fight the negative tapes running through his mind, denying everything good she said, twisting everything that could be turned to an insult or criticism, and blaming her for not seeing what a loser he was. It was the hardest thing he'd ever done, but it was something he'd asked her to do so how could he not?

And then it came. The request he hoped for and dreaded. "Hold me..."

He flushed scarlet with embarrassment. Nobody had ever asked him to hold them before. He'd had a couple of girlfriends, literally a couple, and they'd lasted about a week or less. But they'd never asked him to hold them or kiss them or... anything. He felt his penis stir in his pants, and was appalled. God, please don't let her notice. Please don't let her think he was just some other guy wanting to screw her and use her. No... but maybe he was. No, that was what he'd been called. It wasn't true. He cared about her. He loved her. Besides, it didn't matter if he also felt desire, there was no way a beauty like her would condescend to look at an ugly pig like him that way.

He reached out tentatively and put and arm around her should. His other hand went to cradle her face, shaking slightly in nervousness. He lent in close to her, struggling to make sure his growing erection would not touch her and alarm her, would not show her how sick he could be.

"I'm here, Beth." He whispered, not sure of what else to say.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

She held her breath as he looked at her.

Too clingy... too needy. Like him her thougths were turned in on herself, but she was tired...so tired.. of it all... and like him, tired of pretence.

She saw his blush, his awkwardness. He didn't want to. He didn't feel drawn to her at all. She dropped her gaze looking away. Tears sparked her eyes disappointed.

Then she felt his arm move, almost shyly round her shoulder. She glanced over at him as his hand reached out and held her face. The touch was loving, gentle and obviously an unfamiliar gesture. She smiled. He moved closer to her and whispered;


"I'm here, Beth."

Not thinking, blocking out her thoughts she moved instinctively closer. She knew she should hold back and realised that she was much more "physical" than he, but she needed his warmth and comfort.

She curled her body round his pressing close. Her body now wrapped round his on the sofa. As she moved closer her hand brushed his groin and she became aware of the hardness there.

She glanced down in suprise and back into his eyes. She smiled softly. She knew she was safe and somehow she knew that he wouldn't jump her or force her.

She saw his embarrassment and wrapping her arms round him, she squeezed him to her reassuringly, understanding his awkwardness.

"It's ok Darren..." She whispered...
She looked at him voicing her fears;
"For a minute there, I thought you didn't even want to hold me... I hope this means that you don't ... mind... being close to me..? "

She kissed him on the cheek once more.

".. I'm here for you too..." she murmured softly..

 

[BadForm]

Darren Andrews

Didn't mind being close to her? What could he tell her: That every fibre of his virgin body ached for her touch; or that his soul yearned to spend an eternity just holding her close and telling her it would be ok; or that he had never known anyone like her? And she wanted to be near him, it was baffling, but she did. He held her close and kissed her forehead gently.

"Beth, I want to be close to you. I want to be with you forever."

He knew she'd felt his penis brush against her, and her reaction eventually got through to him that she'd noticed it was erect. He gulped as he saw no point in denying it.

"Beth, I'm sorry I'm so turned on... No that's not right. God I don't know how to say this. I've never felt like this before..."

He took a deep breath before continuing. "Look, Beth, there's no point in denying I'm turned on by you. I think it's pretty obvious. I'm a virgin and I've never held any woman as close as I'm holding you... (oh god, why had he told her that?)... and you're so beautiful I think I'd have to be dead not to be turned on. But I don't want to be like the other guys who just wanted your body. I... I'm not like them..."

He was almost sweating with the fear of his confession, his trembling had taken over his voice. "Beth...I want to be with you, for your mind and soul more than your body... but I won't blame you if you're mad that I'm aroused too."

That had to be the most stupid speech anyone had ever given to anybody. What the hell was he thinking, but he didn't know what else to say. He wanted to reassure her, and he wanted to tell her it was her love, her caring and the shared link of abuse which mattered to her, that he'd not touch her in any way sexually unless she absolutely wanted it. But he didn't want to make her feel unwanted. There was nothing good he could say. And that's what he just had done... He'd said nothing good.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

She sighed contentedly as he kissed her gently on the forehead and whispered to her;
"Beth, I want to be close to you. I want to be with you forever."

She smiled up at him... wanting to say the same to him, but not yet daring too... she just wanted to be with him for now...but.. looking at him... she allowed herself to wonder briefly what it would feel like to be with someone who cared for her and loved her for... well forever...

Again he spoke to her, his voice pained as they held each other.

"Beth, I'm sorry I'm so turned on... No that's not right. God I don't know how to say this. I've never felt like this before..."

This was new for her too... this was... different....
She saw him pause as if bracing himself before continuing.

"Look, Beth, there's no point in denying I'm turned on by you. I think it's pretty obvious. I'm a virgin and I've never held any woman as close as I'm holding you... "
A virgin!... that explained it... his nervousness..his... she squeezed his arm reassuringly... as he finally continued.

" ... and you're so beautiful I think I'd have to be dead not to be turned on. But I don't want to be like the other guys who just wanted your body. I... I'm not like them..."


He was in such a state and her heart went out to him. It must have been so difficult to say all that...

"Beth...I want to be with you, for your mind and soul more than your body... but I won't blame you if you're mad that I'm aroused too."


She paused... long moments.... not sure what to say to him. Wanting to tell him that it was ok.. and for some reason his statements about wanting and needing and loving her no longer scared her as much as they had to start with.

"Darren.... "... she started tentatively, her hand still on his arm.
"I don't mind that you have a hardon... hell.. I'm flattered really... and.. I trust you.... or I wouldn't be here... you make me feel safe.. and... "
She blushed bright crimson but still held his eyes...
"...and... loved.... for the first time in my life. I just hope you can believe that."

There was a silence. She continued.

"As for.. your... virginity... " She spoke softly...
"If I make you nervous, then just tell me. If you can still...love ... me for what I am, despite my past, then your lack of experience is hardly going to change how I feel about you. "
She paused thinking of how "colourful" her past was and wondered briefly if Darren realised or if he would care if, no when she told him.

.... "mind and soul more than body" you said... that's how it's got to be between us."
Smiling at him, she continued...
"..we have a lot to sort out... you and I.... "

 

[BadForm]

Darren Andrews

Darren held her close, almost suppressing the urge to cry more as he hugged her. It was like the floodgates opening and suddenly all his emotions streamed through him, pent up from years past. He felt relief, joy, passion, love, freedom... and strangest of all he felt as though he was forgiven. Forgiven for being a sick pervert. Forgiven for wanting to have sex with women. Forgiven for doing... THAT... with his aunt when he was a kid. It didn't make any sense, but he felt almost cleansed. And that was almost scarier than anything else. He'd had glimpses of it before, but it always went away in seconds... and he did not want to lose this feeling he had right now.

Darren kissed her softly on the lips, hoping against hope that she wouldn't mind such a loving, intimate gesture. His brain screamed that it was the wrong thing to do, but he'd told her he was doing what he wanted and so he did. He loved her and he wanted to show it.

He parted again within seconds, watching for some kind of reaction. Would she hate him for that? Would she be pissed that he'd pushed himself on her like that? He had no idea, and could only hope that she wouldn't object to one kiss too much.

"Beth," he said, "I'm hungry. Why don't I order a pizza while we talk about what we're going to do?"

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

Held close in Darren's arms felt so good. When he moved away and bent to kiss her she returned his light kiss shyly. It seemed so.. right... a bonding between them... a sign of trust.


She could see that he had acted on impulse and was eyeing her with concern, no doubt expecting her to push him away or something.... but she'd enjoyed it.. and though a chaste kiss...much more so than the deep clinches she had experienced in the past... it meant so much more somehow.

She smiled at him shakily, amazed by how deeply he had affected her.


"Beth," he said, "I'm hungry. Why don't I order a pizza while we talk about what we're going to do?"
He spoke hurriedly, breaking the tension... no not tension... depth of feeling rather....

"Mmmm.. I'm starved... sounds great... I'll eat anything 'cept anchovies, so you choose." She spoke matching his light tone.

She grinned at him, kicked off her shoes and tucked her feet under her on the sofa. She watched as he moved round the room a smile playing on her lips.

She thought for a while as he organised pizza.
"Whatever we decide, I don't think we should go this evening, I'll need to get at my savings and get my clothes and... I think I need a good night's rest.."

She paused,

"Darren.... could... could I stay here tonight... with you.... I... I don't want to go home... I could sneak back tomorrow whilst mom's out and... well... I'd feel safer with you tonight... if that's ok...?"

She looked up at him, hoping that he would be as keen to stay together as she was.

"I want to be with you."
She said simply.

 

[BadForm]

Darren Andrews

He picked up the phone to order a delivery and considered what to buy. Extra cheese would seem like he was boring. Meaty would be a double-entendre. Vegetable might not be enough. He realised he was being stupid, but couldn't help wanting to make the right impression on her in every way. In the end he settled for country mushroom and ham.

Then he heard her question and his heart skipped a beat. Could she stay? He had never believed a woman would ask that of him. What did she want? Did she want to make love? He wouldn't say no, but... No, Darren you idiot, he chided himself, she wants to rest. And that felt good too - to know he could provide her with a safe area to rest in. No danger of being attacked in the night. Safety. God how he had longed for emotional safety for himself for years. If he could do that for her he would.

He nodded. "Sure, Beth, that's no problem. You can use my bed and I'll take the couch... or... hang on..."

He picked up the phone again and called his landlord's girlfriend. He had been given the number in case of any emergencies with the house.

"Hi Bill, listen, it's Darren. Look I know I don't have any right to do this to you but... well... could I have the house to myself tonight please?"

There was a pause. "No, I'm not throwing a party. No, it's nothing like that it's just... a friend came round..."

He glanced at Beth with a nervous look on his face. Suddenly she heard the friendly laughter over the phone.

"No, Bill, it's not that... look its... no.... I... well... look, it's a friend ok... please... look..."

More mumbled words followed on the other end of the phone.

"Thanks, Bill," he said, quietly. "I really appreciate it. Tell Celia hi from me."

He hung up and turned back to face Beth. "That's settled, we have the house to ourselves. You can have one of the beds and I'll take the other..."

Not that he wanted to sleep apart, but he didn't want to scare her.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

Beth watched as he ordered pizza... "mmm mushroom and ham" she thought.

She watched his face as she tentatively made her request, wondering if he would let her stay. He paused momentarily, considering, but to her relief she detected no signs that he did not want her to share the place with him that night...

His voice was calm as he agreed.
"Sure, Beth, that's no problem. You can use my bed and I'll take the couch... or... hang on..."
She was about to interrupt, say that she would take the couch, or that perhaps they could share the bed... although whether he slept in a double or single she didn't know.. but.. either way... the thought of having him close, holding her appealed greatly.

Before Beth could voice any of this, he had picked up the phone again and was in a discussion, obviously with his landlord.

"Hi Bill, listen, it's Darren. Look I know I don't have any right to do this to you but... well... could I have the house to myself tonight please?"

She looked away pretending not to overhear the discussion that followed... his insistence that he wanted to be alone with his friend made her smile. Yes that was true, but he could just imagine what the person at the other end of the phone was thinking, what anyone would be thinking.. and was grateful that Darren wasn't like that. She knew somehow he would not misinterpret her request to stay with him. It wasn't just his lack of experience he was a gentleman... no that sounded trite... he just cared too much about her to rush her.

She started, realising that he actually did really care.. and she had just accepted that, deep down rather than just on some, "yeah, so he likes me" level!

Bethlooked over at the phone from where Darren threw her a nervous glance. Beth could hear the laughter and banter at the other end of the phone. She was sorry she had put him in this awkward position, but would be so grateful if they could just spend some time alone.

More laughter and embarrassed explanations followed until Darren finally hung up and turning to her smiling triumphantly told her;
"That's settled, we have the house to ourselves. You can have one of the beds and I'll take the other..."

She smiled her thanks. Torn at the thought of separate beds and rooms, but knowing it was for the best. She could not be unfair to Darren. He desired her, she knew, but did not want to just "screw" her and she wanted him close, but wasn't ready for that sort of intimacy yet... she could hardly ask to sleep with him and not expect him to feel awkward or frustrated or used...

She crossed to kiss him on the cheek.
"Thank you," she said softly. "I didn't mean to put you to all that trouble... I..never thought...." she blushed ...

Moving away she returned to the sofa.
"What time is it? How long do we have to wait for pizza? "
"I don't think I've ever had a "cosy night in," she giggled.
Her mirth stopped abruptly as she remembered the reason she was here with Darren. She was supposed to be planning her... escape... their .. escape..

Looking up at him, now solemn faced.
Shall we start to make our plans now, or after the food's arrived?"

 

[BadForm]

Darren Andrews

Darren heard her questions: How long would it take for the pizza to arrive. The shop he ordered from was local, and quick. It would be here within 20 minutes. Then came the more important one, which interrupted his response. Should they begin planning their escape now? That made it real. He was really going to do this. It was the most obviously stupid thing he had ever done, but he was going to run away with Beth.

He sighed and turned towards the entertainment system in the corner. He considered putting on a movie, and decided against it. That was too much of a distraction - it would make him seem like he was blowing her off. But he needed something, anything to help him relax. He pressed the random button on the cd player, and hoped the landlord didn't have anything too chronically old fashioned in there.

The sounds of Hazel O'Connor flowed through the room, her sax player supporting the haunting uncertainty of "Willy You?"

You drink your coffee
And I sip my tea
And we're sitting here, playnig so cool
Thinking what will be will be
Well it's getting kind of late now
I wonder if you'll stay now, stay now, stay now
Or will you just politely
Say goodnight.

He returned to join her on the sofa as the lyrics continued to describe the uncertain approach of love.

"Beth," he said, clearing his throat as his voice caught there. "Beth... I don't know how to do this. I-I've never dared to runaway before, so I don't know how to plan. I-I feel kind of dumb, but I just don't know what we need to take..."

He stopped for a second as thoughts welled over him.

"I have money..." he said, realising one important aspect. "My loan isn't in yet but my parents put five hundred in my bank account and have lent me a credit card with a two grand limit..."

His voice drifted to a halt on that thought as he realised how pissed they were going to be when they realised he had gone. Well, there was no time to change that now.

"They'll close that just as soon as they know I've gone though. I know them... they won't be sympathetic they'll be mad. So we'll have to use that quickly."

He looked at her closely, noting ever fearful line creasing her beautiful face.

"Beth..." he didn't know how to say this and whether he was going to make her more afraid or not. "Beth... I don't want you sneaking around trying to steal your clothes. I understand if you want to go get them tomorrow. But I'm coming with you, and if your mom is there... I dunno Beth, but I'm still taking you with me. I won't let her, or anyone stop us."

And he knew that was stupid. He was a geek, not a fighter. He was a coward. But he no longer cared. He wanted nothing more than to protect Beth and make her see her own worth.

He blushed deeply as he heard the lyrics of the song.

And then we touch
Much too much
This moment has been waiting for a long, long time
Makes me shiver
Makes me quiver
This moment I am so unsure
This moment I have waited for
Is it something you've been waiting for
Waiting for too...

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

Twenty minutes to wait…mmm.. she was hungry and pleased they could eat soon.
“Great…” she said.

She watched him as he sighed and turned to put some music on. He seemed tense and twitchy. Maybe he was regretting his impulse now. He wanted to be with her at least… or did he… ?

The music droned out filling the silence. She sighed herself and curled her legs under her on the sofa.


Well it's getting kind of late now
I wonder if you'll stay now, stay now, stay now
Or will you just politely
Say goodnight.

Maybe she ought to go… maybe she shouldn’t have involved him… Damn.. she wished she knew what to do.

Darren sat down next to her, seeming to hesitate before he spoke. Here it comes, Beth thought. He’s going to tell her how he’s changed his mind… well she couldn’t blame him.

"Beth," she smiled at him as he stammered. Why make it difficult for him? "Beth... I don't know how to do this. I-I've never dared to runaway before, so I don't know how to plan. I-I feel kind of dumb, but I just don't know what we need to take..."

So… he still wanted to run with her…. ?

"I have money...my loan isn't in yet but my parents put five hundred in my bank account and have lent me a credit card with a two grand limit..."
She looked at him, again taken aback. It hadn’t crossed her mind that he would have funds to contribute, but of course, he must have some money aswell…

His voice continued;
"They'll close that just as soon as they know I've gone though. I know them... they won't be sympathetic they'll be mad. So we'll have to use that quickly."

Oh god.. it was all so real now… she no more knew what to do than he did… She looked deep into his eyes, her expression troubled.

"Beth..." he started, hesitating again, "Beth... I don't want you sneaking around trying to steal your clothes. I understand if you want to go get them tomorrow. But I'm coming with you, and if your mom is there... I dunno Beth, but I'm still taking you with me. I won't let her, or anyone stop us."

She stared at him. He would come with her and face her mom. Did he realise she might have some guy there and hat the guy may… well… she didn’t want to involve him in all that.

Still speechless as Darren blushed hearing the song’s lyrics, she was unaware of his confusion.

“Darren..” like him she hesitated, bringing his attention back to the issue in question.
“Darren… tell me honestly… do you want to leave.. do you want to run away?
There may be … other ways of doing this… I don’t want you to give up everything – your parents sound nice… it wouldn’t be fair.”

She looked at him in silence. Her mind was racing: If he were prepared to face her mom, her “uncles”, maybe he would be able to face Matt and maybe.. she would not need to leave. Could they stay round here and be together? She had to leave home that was for sure. She couldn't just say.. Hey Darren - let me move in with you!

She looked at him. He was a nice boy from a nice family. He didn’t want to drag him down. Damn! She still didn’t know what to do!

She opened her mouth to ask him… just how much he wanted to be with him…..

The ring at the door and shout of “PIZZA!” broke the tension…

 

[BadForm]

Darren Andrews

Darren stared at Beth for a few seconds after the doorbell rang. What was she thinking? If she stayed here, she would be in her mother's claws forever. He wanted to protect her and, he realised, that was exactly what she was thinking about him. Could she stay here? It was only a two bedroom house. Bill was easy going, but...

He stood and went to get the pizza, then headed into the kitchen to get plates and cutlery. His mind buzzed with excitement. Did he want to leave this place? Yes! He couldn't be himself here, he was in school not because he wanted to be. He had been persuaded that he wanted to be a vet. He actually wondered whether he had ever chosen anything for himself in his entire life... before now. And yet, how could he look after her if they were homeless? Sure, he had a little cash - it might get them a down payment on an apartment. What then? All his schooling so far would get him was manual labor or counter work maybe. He'd never done either, and doubted he could do manual work easily. What then? No income? Sure, she may be able to find a job, but what if she couldn't? The prospect of starvation nagged at his mind as he returned to the room with plates, cutlery and food.

"Beth..." he said, noting that one of his landlords songs was playnig just now...

Running away together,
Hiding from every danger
Angelo.

"Beth... I don't know what to say. I want to protect you and I don't know the best way to do that. I'm sure Bill wouldn't mind you moving in here, but... I only have a single bed, Beth. I can sleep on the couch, I guess... I mean I don't mind that."

He loaded a slice of pizza onto each of two plates, handing her one.

"I'm just afraid that if we stay here, your mother will pressure you to go back home. I... I don't want that, Beth. You're too good for that."

He sank his teeth into the pizza, waiting for her to respond and letting the song's lyrics play on his mind. Was that what they were doing: Hiding from every danger? Well, he guessed it was what they wanted to do, but either option was frought with danger. The only thing he knew was he had to protect her. Nothing else mattered.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

Darren was silent . Beth felt his gaze on her. Wordlessly he went to the door for the pizza and returned with food and plates and cutlery. His mind seemed miles away and she was firmly shut out of his thoughts.
Finally as he sat down he turned and spoke to her.

"Beth... I don't know what to say. I want to protect you and I don't know the best way to do that. I'm sure Bill wouldn't mind you moving in here, but... I only have a single bed, Beth. I can sleep on the couch, I guess... I mean I don't mind that."

She looked at the pizza on her plate. She hadn’t been asking to move in here. She just wanted to be sure of what he wanted… and she wasn’t any clearer.

"I'm just afraid that if we stay here, your mother will pressure you to go back home. I... I don't want that, Beth. You're too good for that."

He started eating. Her appetite had left her. She toyed and nibbled wordlessly with the food on her plate.
Too good to live with her mom, but what was she good for?
His silence had proved to her that he really didn’t want to leave his course, his home, his parents.

She put her plate with one part-eaten piece of pizza cooling on it.
She walked over and picked up her jacket. Looking at Darren sadly she spoke, emotion making her voice tremble.
“You don’t have to protect me Darren. I can’t pull you away from everything like this. It’s gonna be tough… there’s dangers to face… and maybe it will be easier on my own.”

She gave a bitter laugh.
“Afterall, a girl on her own can always find work… “

She crossed the room slowly.
“Maybe someday I’ll be able to have something good in my life.. like you.. someone who cares… But.. it’s too complicated right now…
I guess I just have to get free first and then maybe someone will see some good in me.. like you have… but for now… I don’t have many choices….”

She stood her hand on the door handle. Nothing was “right” and she knew she was throwing away a real opportunity for… love…? No..companionship… but.. if he got hurt…. No… this was the right thing to do….
She had to get out ..quickly.. before she changed her mind...

 

[BadForm]

Darren Andrews

With a tear in his eye, Darren looked down. He couldn't swallow the morsel of food in his mouth, his throat was knotted too tightly. He couldn't hold the pizza in his hand, which drooped weakly. He had tried to do what she wanted. He had tried to make her see that he would do anything for her. But he should have known she wouldn't want to be with him. Now she was leaving, and he was impotent to stop it. And that's where it ended. The cd spun on barely heard.


We are the chosen ones
We are painted ladies
We are of moon and sun
We are painted boys
We are lots of fun
We are liberators
We are the only ones
We are the golden ones


Toyah. We Are. It had been one of his favorite songs of all time. He had always wanted to dare to glow like the people of that song, dare to burn with a brilliance unimaginable. But she was leaving. And that's where it ended.


We move, we dance, we sing
You touch, we burst into flames


He couldn't suppress the sob which broke through his depression. His slack jawed mouth dropped his food onto the plate. If this was what happened when he was touched, he had been right in his poem. He had burst into flames and the flames were his funeral pyre, for she was leaving, and that's where it ended.


You know the time has come
To call a romance
Take a chance
Take a leap
Make a modern classic dream


Take a chance. Take a leap. She would hate him for this, she would despise him and she would push him away. But what had he said? He was tired of doing what he guessed others wanted instead of what he wanted. And that's where it ended: his giving in to fear. She was not leaving him. Not if he could help it. He stood boldly and strode towards her. He took her firmly by the shoulders and embraced her. Before she could respond, he kissed her with all the love he felt, soft, but sensuous. It might seem like just a sexual thing, but he had lost her anyway if he did nothing. When they parted, he looked into her eyes through the tears in his.

"We're waiting until tomorrow before we leave, Beth. Before we leave together."

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

Behind her the room was silent.... silent that was apart from Darren's sobs. In that moment she hated herself. Hated herself for hurting him, for pushing him away... but she had the best intentions. He would thank her for it eventually.. and even though he didn't realise, it was Beth who would miss out on this one....

She was imagining how rosy his life would be without her and didn't hear him stand up and cross the room. She felt his hands on her shoulders and felt him turned round, not roughly, but with a determination that took her by surprise. Before she could speak or react he had moved to kiss her.

His lips touched hers lightly at first, but within moments the kiss deepened. She moved her lips under his, responding instinctively to the love and warmth she felt. Her body quivered as a tremor ran through. His arms were wrapped tightly around her, his hands resting lightly on her body drawing her to him. She was drowning in the unexpected sensuality of the embrace.

As they drew slowly apart, she let out an audible sigh, dazed by what had just happened. She could see that he felt as emotional as she did herself. As she looked wonderingly up at him he spoke firmly.

"We're waiting until tomorrow before we leave, Beth. Before we leave together."

"OK," she breathed ...

 

[BadForm]

Darren Andrews

Darren kissed her again, softly and tenderly savoring the feel of her lips against his. There was no forced passion in his kiss, but all the love he held for her. When he broke the kiss he led her back to the sofa and handed her the plate of pizza.

"I don't think either of us want to eat right now, Beth," he said with a smile. "But we're leaving tomorrow and we're going to need food inside us. I know that probably sounds stupid, but tomorrow is going to be a tough day."

He heard a snippet of the next CD playing as he picked up his own food. One of the old crooners singing My Way. He shook his head at the irony - the music center was playing his changing life. Yes, now he was doing things his way... No, they were doing things their way. If that meant there would be trouble, they could handle it, together. Could and would.

There was a peace in the knowledge that tomorrow he was going to face a fear unlike any other in his life. Even when he was being abused, though the terror was great, it was beyond his control. Tomorrow, every thing that happened would be within his control, and hers. If they were going to make it, they would have to work as a team.

He looked at her lovingly. Now to stop running and start planning.

"Beth," he said. "What is the best time for us to pick up your stuff?"


OOC: Is the avatar you are using the one you think of as Beth?

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

She stood, almost shyly as Darren kissed her again. The kiss so gentle, lingering. As he moved away from her she gave a little sigh, her cheeks pleasantly pinked.

Moving back to the sofa with him she took the offered plate.

"I don't think either of us want to eat right now, Beth," he said with a smile. "But we're leaving tomorrow and we're going to need food inside us. I know that probably sounds stupid, but tomorrow is going to be a tough day."
He was right, they had to eat. She sat down and discarding her somewhat mutiplated first piece, took a second slice and began to much slowly. The pizza now cooler, still tasted good and although not really hungry she managed to eat steadily through two pieces before she could face no more.

The silence between them was companionable. Somehow his kiss and his quiet determination had stilled her fears. He was doing what he wanted to do – what he had to do and she was just lucky that he wanted to share his escape with her. It was a strange feeling, a feeling of …togetherness… of no longer being…alone.

She looked up and caught him looking at her as she licked her fingers and grinned.


"Beth," he said. "What is the best time for us to pick up your stuff?"

She gave him a considering look.

“Well … it’s Saturday tomorrow, so I would imagine mom’ll be crashed out pretty much ‘til lunch time, but… I doubt she’ll be alone. If I… we could get there pretty early there’ll be little chance of any movement in the house. 8 am should be plenty, but…. 7 am would be safest…”

She paused and considered.
“Matt should be pretty much out of it until 10 ish, so, maybe if we could get away before then…..?”

She sat mentally going through what she would need to take and paused.
“Darren, are we taking your car, or …. I don’t even know where to go… do you have any relatives in another state maybe… oh no… perhaps that’s not a good idea either….”
Her voice trailed off.. undecided….

 

[BadForm]

Darren Andrews

Darren listened to her plan for tomorrow. 7am till 10, then. That should be plenty of time to pick up her stuff. His could be thrown into a couple of suitcases tonight. Not the comics, books, cds or videos, but his clothes and toileteries at least. Then a thought struck him. When they were done picking her stuff up, it would be simple to go to Fantasia, the comic and music shop he bought from and sell off what he had quickly. That would probably bring them another hundred or two.

He hadn't considered using anything other than his car, though it was only a 97 dodge spirit given him by his dad. It was signed into his name now, so there was no chance of him losing that. "And yeah, my car will do unless you have one. It's not much, and its got nearly a hundred on the clock, but it'll get us by."

And where should they go? It was a good question, and one he had not even let himself think about. Until now, his drive had been only in getting Beth to go with him, and deciding that he himself was ready to leave. But now what?

"No, Beth, I don't have any family anywhere else. My mom's family all lives near home. My dad was an only child. So, I'm afraid I can't offer a safe haven with family..."

It was crazy, the whole thing, but it felt so right. He gave her a quirky smile as he thought about the future together.

"So if we have nowhere we can go easily, we might as well go wherever we want. Any ideas?"

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Bethany (Beth)

beth listened as Darren told her the timing seemed fine and that they could use his car to make the first part of their journey in. He had no family further afield and she had never been out of the state.

"So if we have nowhere we can go easily, we might as well go wherever we want. Any ideas?"
He grinned at her.

Beth smiled in return;
“Maybe we just get outta here, hit the highway and take it from there? We can sort the rest out as we go?”

Her upturned lips were almost mischievous as if this were a great adventure, though they both new that the choices they made tomorrow would change their lives.

There was a pause and Beth looked around self-consciously.

“Darren....it’s getting late. Maybe we should.. turn in..?”
She paused as he seemed to blush.
“We’ve got an early start tomorrow and could be on the road ‘til late. We need to rest, don’t you think?”
She added, feeling it a good idea to clarify what she had in mind before making her next request.

Looking round and smoothing her skirt.. self consciously, she toyed with the hem…as she spoke without looking at him.
“Err…Darren.. do you think.. that you could lend me something to sleep in… “
She suddenly realised how coy she sounded and what a big deal she was making over asking for a loan of some clothes.

She broke the tension by looking up and grinning widely at him.
“…unless you want me to sleep in the nude…?”
Her eyes twinkled playfully.