Another first story - feedback appreciated

Please, when describing breasts, stay away from using bra sizes. It is so unnecessary.

I'd like to see this story fleshed out a bit more. Besides the sex scene at the end, I thought everything seemed too briefly described and rushed.

I don't get a sense of who Peter and Karen really are, what they're like. I think adding dialog would greatly help in that regard. There's a line in the story that reads "He loved how she said exactly what was on her mind," but there are no examples of her saying anything. Adding bits about what Karen is thinking and feeling would also help with character development. If you're having trouble thinking up good dialog, start by first creating a character profile. Lots of good info in the Writers Resources section of Lit.

All in all, I liked the general story outline, and putting the locale in London gave it a nice romantic flair. Just add some more detail and give some depth to your characters.
 
I really liked this story, but I agree with alot of what hotcappucino said.

The story itself seemed a little short, and we didn't get a feel for who the characters were. There was basically no conversing between the two characters, only a couple lines while they were having sex. Giving your characters a sense of personality and individuality really takes a good story up a level or two, and your story had a really good premise. Just work on developing your characters more and you'll be fine.

I don't know if this is acurate or not, but it seemed like you were a bit worried about the length of your story. I know I was worried when I was typing up my first story. it was over 10 pages in word, but it ended up being only two pages of story in the actual site. Don't be afraid to really develop your story and let it flow.

Keep at it!
 
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